A 3 yr Old's Toddler's Scalp is Based, the Relaxer is mixed, What Would You Do?

[BlackMasterPiece]

I just came up with this scenario from reading another thread called What grade would you give your mother on hair care? And two posts really stuck out to me:

Umm Can I give her a SUPER F MINUS MINUS MINUS
She never used moisturerizer in my hair,
She told my father "Grease don't make your hair grow"
She put a curly kit in my hair when I as 4 but never bought any curl activator.
She use to experiment on my hair with a relaxer or product before she used it in hers
And she didn't see the need to buy Conditioner, and most of the time just washed my hair with a bar of soap.

I didn't have hair for the first 6 years, I had peach fuzz

But I Promise I have recovered for the horror of my hairless childhood.
MOSTLY

I give her a F--- but according to the scale a 1. My mom relaxed my hair when I was 3 my hair never grew past earlength and she always put my hair in one or two pontails. The only time my hair was done nicely was the first day of school. I started doing my own hair in the 3rd grade which looked better than how she did it. I started putting in my own relaxers at 10(yeah sad but true). My older sister occasional did my hair or one of my moms friends would put braids with extensions. My mom is even worse with her own hair don't get me started on that.

After reading posts like these two, I was floored I didn't know that many mothers permed toddler's heads.....then I thought to myself, what would LHCF ladies do?

Let's say its a family member you're close with, and you're over their house and you witness this scene, what would you do?

Who knows, maybe someone will read this thread and be able to use it IRL if they ever run into this situation

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

If it's a family member I'm close with, I'd slap that relaxer right out their hand. And if that didn't work, I'd try to talk them down. You can't put that kind of chemical on a baby.

 

[beans4reezy]

No toddler's hair is that difficult to comb and even if it is, suck it up. These chemicals are way too harsh for children so young.

 

[BeetleBug]

Force it down their throat. J/k. I would try to talk to them to see where their mind is. Nobody needs a relaxer that young. I wish I would have talked to my cousin about this. She's the type that will get insulted if say something right to her. She doesn't want to hear the truth. She slapped a relaxer on both of her daughters' heads before they turned 2. Their hair looks a hot mess. I weep inside every time I visit them.

 

[Ms Kain]

I just came up with this scenario from reading another thread called What grade would you give your mother on hair care? And two posts really stuck out to me:





After reading posts like these two, I was floored I didn't know that many mothers permed toddler's heads.....then I thought to myself, what would LHCF ladies do?

Let's say its a family member you're close with, and you're over their house and you witness this scene, what would you do?

Who knows, maybe someone will read this thread and be able to use it IRL if they ever run into this situation

See, that’s the freakin’ with this generation! We are surrounded by people who love to get super offended and tell you that what they do is their business anytime they are doing something that they know is really, really wrong!

I’m not saying that there’s no such thing as someone’s personal business. Lawd knows I’ve had to tell people to mind their business at times. But I think it’s just as wrong when we see people doing things to children yet we don’t speak up for them because we’ve been scared into “it’s none of our business” mode. It seems that the further and further away we got from the “it takes a village to raise a child” mentality, the worse things get for us.

So with that in mind, I’d be one of the first people who would end up saying something like ,”Uhmmm……you didn’t just tell me that you put a relaxer on a (insert in ridiculously young age here) year old, did you? What in the world would make you pump all of those chemicals into your child’s head and ruin her hair like that? What about that sounded right to you?”

Yeah I know it’s very hard hitting but that’s just me when some ridiculousness goes down! They know something is wrong with that! They are just counting on people NOT saying anything! Maybe if they heard it enough times they’d rethink it or be shamed out of doing it!

No offense to anyone’s mom but when I hear stories like that it pisses me off because it’s almost like these chicks are playing with their kid like they think they're a doll or something – only thing is, that's considered dangerous chemicals for a child to have on their head! I also notice that when I hear something like that, my first thought is “Oh gawd that’s a teenage mom move right there”.

ffrant:

Sorry LOL but you asked!

 

[monhow]

I would give them an alternative. I have a 2yr and need to be able to better manage her hair. Also, I am determined to keep her hair natural until she is old enough to decide. I searched high and low for a product that would work. I found something that I can use for now, until I find something better. As a mother, I can understand the need for making one's life easier, especially when you have your own hair to do. But, when you have knowledge and alternatives, life becomes easier and richer.

 

[30something]

I learn that people don't change just because you want them too. I'd probably comment, other then that mind my own business. Think about it this way... if you have a 3 year old daughter with natural hair, and someone tells you, good lawd! you need to put a perm in that child's hair.. what are the chances you are going to do it? I would Roll my eyes and keep it moving

 

[lilsparkle825]

I only wish I had known....I would have threw it in the person's face.

My three year old cousin came to my house one day with her previously healthy edges all broken off and a pathetic little ponytail replacing what used to be cute beaded cornrows. I asked her mom WTF happened, did someone put a relaxer in the baby's hair? (BACKGROUND: about a year ago her boyfriend's mom pressed the baby's hair and she was HOTTTT, so there was no way she could be responsible for this shamockery, or so I thought) She looks at me and says "No, you shouldn't put a relaxer on a baby's scalp." Silly me, here I am thinking you're not supposed to put a relaxer on ANYONE'S scalp...idiot...but she was still cheesing like she wanted to say something else. Her next statement was "I just put it on her hair so it's ok!" I just shot fire from my eyes (or tried to) and walked away.

She has a 2 year old sister and I really fear for her follicles, although I heard through the grapevine she is thought to have "good hair" so perhaps they will wait till she is 4 or 5 to relax her hair. (that last part was sarcasm, for those who didn't pick up on that)

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Sometimes you just gotta roll your sleeves up and do whatcha gotta do.

I would volunteer to take over the childs hair care.

Bring her over on the weekend and I'll braid it up for the week. I'm into hair so it's not a big deal.

 

[jamaraa]

Oy vey!!! BMP...where do you come up w/ this stuff? LOL...chances are you won't be around when/if such a thing was to happen, so chances are you'd not get an opportunity to say anything (as if that would stop them).

This scenerio is entirely too hypothethical to give any real thought to, but don't try meddling other people's business in real life. It might seriously backfire on you.

The question is, what will you do w/ your (hypothethical) kid? That's YOUR concern.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Sometimes you just gotta roll your sleeves up and do whatcha gotta do.

I would volunteer to take over the childs hair care.

Bring her over on the weekend and I'll braid it up for the week. I'm into hair so it's not a big deal.

I LOVE that idea, I would tell her not to do it and volunteer to do that childs hair every single solitary week if thats what it took. This is a great answer because its solution oriented

It would make me sooooo sad to see a toddler's little baby hairs already put through a chemical process

 

[Desarae]

^^I agree, I would offer to do the childs hair as an alternative, that way they wouldn't have to worry about "managing" it themselves.

Win-win-win situation.

My DD is 3 I couldn't imagine relaxing her hair, It hasn't even grown all the way in, she's still my baby!

 

[jamaraa]

See, that’s the freakin’ with this generation! We are surrounded by people who love to get super offended and tell you that what they do is their business anytime they are doing something that they know is really, really wrong!

I’m not saying that there’s no such thing as someone’s personal business. Lawd knows I’ve had to tell people to mind their business at times. But I think it’s just as wrong when we see people doing things to children yet we don’t speak up for them because we’ve been scared into “it’s none of our business” mode. It seems that the further and further away we got from the “it takes a village to raise a child” mentality, the worse things get for us.

So with that in mind, I’d be one of the first people who would end up saying something like ,”Uhmmm……you didn’t just tell me that you put a relaxer on a (insert in ridiculously young age here) year old, did you? What in the world would make you pump all of those chemicals into your child’s head and ruin her hair like that? What about that sounded right to you?”

Yeah I know it’s very hard hitting but that’s just me when some ridiculousness goes down! They know something is wrong with that! They are just counting on people NOT saying anything! Maybe if they heard it enough times they’d rethink it or be shamed out of doing it!

No offense to anyone’s mom but when I hear stories like that it pisses me off because it’s almost like rhese chicks are playing with their kid like they think they're a doll or something – only thing is, that's considered dangerous chemicals for a child to have on their head! I also notice that when I hear something like that, my first thought is “Oh gawd that’s a teenage mom move right there”.

ffrant:

Sorry LOL but you asked!

Umm...so are you saying that putting a relaxer on a small child is somehow immoral as opposed to unwise? It's not a decision I'd make and wasn't made for me, but I seriously think there's a big difference between unwise and immoral.

Don't you think they were straightening kid's hair in the "village days"? That's where most of this stuff started, IMHO. They didn't have the chemicals, but they had hot combs (nope all weren't teenaged mothers either). Perhaps you're romanticizing the past a bit too much here.

 

[MangaManiac]

Actually jamaraa, IMHO I think it is immoral to expose a young child to harsh chemicals like that. I'm not even thinking about the hair, but about the skin underneath it and how that's going to affect the child's overall health (since it can be absorbed through the skin). Most hair treatments like relaxers actually tell you it's a health hazard to even use them around young children.

That aside, I probably wouldn't be around if such an event arose, but if I was I would definitely say something. Chances are if I'm with the person I'm close enough to them to warn them against doing something that could potentially hurt their child.

And if it was my child - no way. The only chemicals I want my future kids exposed to are those in books.

 

[Trini_Chutney]

Wow, I didn't get a relaxer until I was 13.

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

my aunt started relaxing my cousins daughters hair when she was 4 or 5 i think. i found out when she was around 6, i got so mad i went off on them. i was like why would you do that? if you would just take care of her hair and use the correct products she would be fine! they just think i'm over reacting and pay me no never mind. they keep saying "mo, she doesnt have hair like you, her hair is hard and nappy" which my reply is "her hair is not hard and 'nappy', her hair is damaged and matted!"

but i'm not around them enough to make a real difference in that poor girls hair life.

i also had a friend, well a friend of my cousin, i wasnt friends with the girl i just knew her. she has a mixed daughter and her daughter would always play in my hair saying "your hair is so pretty, i wish i had hair like yours. my hair is bad" what?! are you serious!!!! her mother didnt know crap about aa hair and had no intention in learning. her idea of managing her childs hair was putting a relaxer in it and having someone put it in braids and then leave the braids in until they was nasty and matted.

i went as far as doing this girls hair, buying the products she needed to start out and walking her step by step what to do. the next summer poor girl was looking the same.

i've gotten to the point that some people honestly dont want to learn how to take care of hair properly, they only want to b@tch about it.

ok, vent over. sorry lol

 

[JayAnn0513]

As someone who was relaxed at 4 yrs old I wouldn't even be able to keep my mouth shut through the baseing. I have an inability to keep my opinion to myself in 99% of situaitons. This one would really get my motor going. They would probably have to put the relaxer down or me out of their house.

ETA: not because I'm anti relaxer, but becasue I'm anti relaxer on children before puberty.

 

[MangaManiac]

Also, I think the "village" comment was only meant to convey that not interfering in such instances is a very modern mentality, which has statistically and historically caused more problems. That's why someone whose seen a crime committed and doesn't do anything preventative (if it's in their power) is considered an accomplice. Not that robbing a bank and relaxing a 3 year old's head is the same thing, but that you're still guilty if you just let people do something you yourself know is wrong.

And hypothetical questions like these are good brain teasers and informational for newbies. That may just be the philosophy major in me, though!

 

[JayAnn0513]

Umm...so are you saying that putting a relaxer on a small child is somehow immoral as opposed to unwise? It's not a decision I'd make and wasn't made for me, but I seriously think there's a big difference between unwise and immoral.

Don't you think they were straightening kid's hair in the "village days"? That's where most of this stuff started, IMHO. They didn't have the chemicals, but they had hot combs (nope all weren't teenaged mothers either). Perhaps you're romanticizing the past a bit too much here.

We didn't know then what we know about about what a relaxer really was chemically. I say when you know better you do better. In todays world inforamtion is a few keystrokes away some people just arent interested in knowing "better". And yeah I have to agree, I think it is immoral to use harsh chemicals on children. It amazes me how we turn out noses up at YT people for lettng their kids get highlights in elementry school but slapping a relaxer on a 4 yr old is no big deal. Why dont we just let the kids play under the kitchen sink while we are at it.

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Umm...so are you saying that putting a relaxer on a small child is somehow immoral as opposed to unwise? It's not a decision I'd make and wasn't made for me, but I seriously think there's a big difference between unwise and immoral.

Don't you think they were straightening kid's hair in the "village days"? That's where most of this stuff started, IMHO. They didn't have the chemicals, but they had hot combs (nope all weren't teenaged mothers either). Perhaps you're romanticizing the past a bit too much here.

The chemicals in relaxers are dangerous. I'm saying that point blank. If it's strong enough to corrode the tissues of the scalp and dissolve the hair, it. is. dangerous. Yes, I relax my hair, but I'm an adult. But to force that kind of thing on a baby; on someone whose scalp hasn't even fully adhered to their skull...no. That is immoral. I'm sorry if some people are mad about that, but that's what I think. As Manga Maniac said, the condition of the hair isn't even what I'm worried about, it's what those chemicals are doing to the child's scalp.

And as far as straightening hair in the village days goes, I think she was talking more about the mentality itself. In modern times, people are just less likely to do something when they see something wrong. And that doesn't just apply to hair straightening, that applies to most things. But going back to hair straightening, yes, they were using hot combs and all that, but I really don't think they fully understood what they were doing to their children's hair and scalp.

Today, there's more information (readily available, might I add) about the dangers of straightening hair at an early age, especially with chemicals. Since we know that these chemicals are dangerous, there is no excuse to be putting them on a baby's head. None. I don't care how much hair she has, with proper care and patience, all hair can be managed. The problem is that people don't want to try to figure out alternatives, they'd rather take the easy route, slap some relaxer in there, and call it a day.

ETA. And even if relaxers were safe, it's still wrong to put them in a baby's hair. When you permanently alter the texture of someone's hair at that age, it sends her a strong message that the texture she was born with is unacceptable. In fact, it says that at an age where everything else in the world is okay (eating crayons, throwing tantrums, pooping on yourself) your hair is the one thing that is not. In my opinion, that's far more damaging than any scalp burns.

 

[BoaterGirlKim]

I come from a family of women who knew nothing about hair care. Snap your fingers and that's how long my granny's, mom's and aunties hair was (love them all dearly). One of my aunts pressed my hair with a hot comb off the stove...after I had a jheri curl. The damage was terrible and caused the back of my hair to fall out and stay near bald for a period of years (one of many hair disasters I've survived in my lifetime). Right when it started to grow back in, the Anita Baker shaved sides/back came in LOL.

My daughter is biracial and, at 15 years, she has her natural hair. I have taught her that her natural spiral wavy hair is beautiful and straight hair is just a ceramic flat iron away. She really wanted a relaxer as a young child and I had to educate her father on the perils of relaxing. Relaxer on a 3-year-old? That would get me on my soapbox quick!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

You're not over-reacting at all MzMoMo thank you for sharing your real life experience.

At the end of the day, I think you're right there are some people that just dont care about healthy hair care, but I think the vast majority simply dont know any better, those people can be swayed when armed with the right information.

Thank you for sharing your experience as someone who was relaxed at 4 JayAnn. BoaterGirlKim my fave part of your post is snap your fingers and thats how long their hair is first time ever hearing someone say that.

MangaManiac it shows in your posts that you're a philosophy major, very thoughtful posts, I'm Poli-Sci/Pre-Law myself

 

[Raine054]

I just went through the thread that inspired this and I am even more grateful to my mother. It is a bad decision to do something like that to a child. Their scalp is tender and not even fully developed and I imagine that there is NO WAY to perform the relaxer process on someone so young without burning their scalps. Why would a mother do this?

My mother took very good hair of my sisters' and I hair. I remember I used to squirm during the conrowing process sometimes but I would take that over relaxer at 3 years old any day. I remember my mom washing our hair with oils and conditioners. My sisters and I were given the chance to make our own hair choices once we matured. My mom gave us impeccable hair care up until that point and even after.

I agree with the previous poster. I am relaxed but I am an adult and I would never make that decision for my daughter.

To answer the question, If I saw that, I would offer to the girl's hair myself. I've done it before and my cousin is 9 now and she has past shoulder length hair (natural and unstretched). This is one of those situations where knowledge is power. We need to get healthy hair practices out there!

 

[Leesh]

I would Freak Out! Don't really know what I would say, but I tend to get Over-The-Top, so I would check Myself first then try and talk the Parent out of it, I would use My technical LHCF talk first, and if that didn't work, I would call the Authorities, LOL.

 

[junipertree]

I would certainly try to educate the adult in that situation if I were to witness something like your scenario. My first reaction would be pure anger at someone who would do this to any child. But, you know, some people have real, deep, unhealed scars from their OWN childhood that make them do crazy stuff like this. I think some people were made to feel so badly about themselves and their features because of what they were told when they were children that, in their eyes, they see themselves as trying to save their kids from that same hurt. It's sad to say it continues to this day.

This is why I tell ALL children, regardless of skin tone, hair texture, etc. how beautiful they are.

 

[BoaterGirlKim]

BoaterGirlKim my fave part of your post is snap your fingers and thats how long their hair is first time ever hearing someone say that.

Funniest short hair line I've ever read is in one of Zora Neale Hurston's short stories. One of the male characters describes a woman character saying, "Man, her hair is closer to her head than 99 is to 100".

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Funniest short hair line I've ever read is in one of Zora Neale Hurston's short stories. One of the male characters describes a woman character saying, "Man, her hair is closer to her head than 99 is to 100".

OMG! lmfao!! you're non-stop tonight!

 

[mzsophisticated26]

Wow I see u referenced my post..well last yr I messed up and put the JFM texture softner in my 4yr old daughter from the advice of a stylist. I thought it would loosen the texture not straighten it. I did not have the knowledge back then like I do now. I def can't be a hypocrite. Is hard to say what I would do especially if u are in a salon because at that point a stylist was consulted. But for a close friend or family member I would let them know all the issues I am dealing with my DD after I made the same mistake, but in the end I am not the one who has so comb that childs hair on a daily basis.

 

[Ms Kain]

Umm...so are you saying that putting a relaxer on a small child is somehow immoral as opposed to unwise? It's not a decision I'd make and wasn't made for me, but I seriously think there's a big difference between unwise and immoral.

Don't you think they were straightening kid's hair in the "village days"? That's where most of this stuff started, IMHO. They didn't have the chemicals, but they had hot combs (nope all weren't teenaged mothers either). Perhaps you're romanticizing the past a bit too much here.

There is a big difference between unwise and immoral so if I said immoral somewhere in my text (I'll go back and look in a minute) then what I meant to say is that it is extremely unwise and irresponsible to put these kinds of chemicals in a baby's head.

Also as someone who has had to tame the mess out of her own child's motherland hair and did so with much grace and made her cute as a button, I will also say that it's unnecessary. I mean, I know it wasn't your choice so clearly no one is blaming you, I'm just saying that sometimes I wonder if it's less about what someone feels like they "can't do" (Like I can't do anything else with my child's hair) as it is about ignoring healthier ways because it's too much of an inconvenience. Bottom line is that it's unsafe which makes it wrong because at the end of the day, she is still a babbbbyyyy.

 

[xcuzememiss]

Even though you might want to say something, you really wouldn't have a right to. Some people would take it offensively. They might throw the relaxer in your face. lol. I personally wouldn't relax that young. But I wouldn't over step my boundaries and start preaching to them about why they shouldn't relax their OWN children's hair.