40+ single, never married no kid..waiting!

[edrushuk]

No tell me ladies, what are you first impressions of a Woman...no not a man...but a girl like this

That is me..with soo much love to give...just waiting for the right man to come an get her!!


Been positive - up until now! Now I am beginng to think I am going to be on my own forever! Not that bothers me, but I like to share the fun things in life


OK come forth!

Sx

 

[gabulldawg]

I would assume you just haven't met the right guy yet. It's NEVER too late for the right guy to come along. I definitely wouldn't give up hope if I were you, or if I ever end up in your shoes. IMO 40 is still fairly young compared to the grand scheme of things, especially if you are in good shape.

Remain positive. Enjoy your single time!!

I would like to know a few things, though. Have you ever been in a serious relationship? Are you actively looking for someone, or waiting for him to fall in your lap?

 

[Bunny77]

I'd say stop waiting and start looking! What are you "waiting" for?

 

[SugarBaby]

Off the top of my head....

I would change my prospective,

Invest in yourself. Have you done the work on yourself to attract your dream man?

Get out. Be seen.

Give away your time. (There is a biblical principle that you give away what you want most, so if you want love...give it away...find people to pour into. Volunteer your timefor what you are most passionate.

Lastly, Enjoy the process.

 

[Son26]

I know a lot of women 40+ who never married and never had kids. I know that most of them wanted to get married but they just never found "the one". One of my cousins didn't marry until she was in her early forties, and she had her first and only child about a year after she got married.

 

[Ladyhenri]

Would you consider having children now? (ie, while not in a serious relationship)
It may be good because when you meet Mr Right, you wouldn't be as inclined to rush things.


Also, have you tried online dating?

Eta- Just noticed i didn't answer your question!

I'd think the lady should start having kids ASAP. Love can come at any age.
And if you have a lot of love to give, you will surely make a great mum.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

1) You're doing something wrong in the way you find/approach/interact with men.
2) There's something wrong with you as a person (i.e. too introverted, a homebody, etc.) that's inhibiting you from marrying/dating.

 

[nappi]

i would say ur not being proactive enough

 

[TayMac]

I would think:

She hasn't put herself out there (on the social scene) enough.

She has unrealistic standards.

 

[MizAvalon]

Off the top of my head....

I would change my prospective,

Invest in yourself. Have you done the work on yourself to attract your dream man?

Get out. Be seen.

Give away your time. (There is a biblical principle that you give away what you want most, so if you want love...give it away...find people to pour into. Volunteer your timefor what you are most passionate.

Lastly, Enjoy the process.

ITA with this. I have been single for quite some and really don't want to be anymore. So, I am working on myself and my weak areas while being more social at the same time. I make it a point to get out and try new things. Most of the time I have to go alone but that's ok. Meetup.com is where it's at for me right now. I get most of my social activity ideas from the groups that I belong to there.

2 weeks ago I went swing dancing by myself and had the BEST time! Men were approaching me left and right. I can't believe I was so scared about going.

ETA:While I think it's great to cultivate friendships with women, I'm not looking to be in a relationship with one so I steer clear of events that I know will be chock full of women. I would prefer that there be at least 50% men.

 

[Mis007]

Very interesting was having this conversation with a male friend of mine, he insistis if a women is not/never have been married by 30+ there is something wrong with her. He's reasoning any women can / should be able find someone to marry go figure

 

[Bunny77]

Very interesting was having this conversation with a male friend of mine, he insistis if a women is not/never have been married by 30+ there is something wrong with her. He's reasoning any women can / should be able find someone to marry go figure

Men always have some BS to say and some pseudo-theories they like to come up with... they flap their gums too much!

 

[grow_N_Him09]

I read this right on time. Here I am 23 and crying about how "behind" I am. I've gone though high school and college without a relationship. I still kinda think I am behind in a lot of aspects. But I finally realized what the problem is. I need to just "get out and be seen," like one of you said. And....it doesn't hurt to make myself a little more attractive and just develop myself to be more interesting...on my own, before a share myself with a man.

 

[Bunny77]

I read this right on time. Here I am 23 and crying about how "behind" I am. I've gone though high school and college without a relationship. I still kinda think I am behind in a lot of aspects. But I finally realized what the problem is. I need to just "get out and be seen," like one of you said. And....it doesn't hurt to make myself a little more attractive and just develop myself to be more interesting...on my own, before a share myself with a man.

You are soooo not behind!

I like your plan... but don't think that you have to become this ideal person before you enter a relationship. You are a constant work in progress, as is your future husband!

 

[kayte]

just waiting for the right man to come an get her!!

yeah..but you got to meet him halfway...
the first step is opening the door and leaving your house.....


I know women who married later and had kids
and they were ALL suprised
first time brides are marrying later..
in the 40's

my sister was one of them...she married at 40...pregnant....
her wedding gown was ..what do you call it? empress or A-line to leave room
her stomach....for the baby that came like two months later

it was the family scandal as she initially refused to go down
the aisle with everyone(except me)clamoring for her to stop dragging her feet
..not just her DH...lol
my mother was the most vocal...

YES! it can happen...but Bunny already said...
you can't be passively waiting for Prince Charming to try on the shoe
Cinderella....
Become proactive...

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I would think:

She hasn't put herself out there (on the social scene) enough.

She has unrealistic standards.

Cosigns on this point.

 

[caligirl]

If it were me, I would stop worrying about having babies at that age and realize that I have my whole life to fall in love.

 

[edrushuk]

Hi ya there...i had forgotten that I had written this message, but interested in what you have to say!
Firstly I am not looking to have children, as I had a hysterectomy 4 years ago due to fibroids. so I know they are out of the equation.
But it is interesting to see that it is looked at in a slightly negative way. I have an active social life, have both male and female friends. I am passionate about live music and go to lots of concerts. Also I am trying internet dating. But I do worry I have unrealistic requirements, and definitely scared of letting go of my personal space.

MMM lots to think about!

Thanks for the answers

Susanna x

 

[Bunny77]

Hi ya there...i had forgotten that I had written this message, but interested in what you have to say!
Firstly I am not looking to have children, as I had a hysterectomy 4 years ago due to fibroids. so I know they are out of the equation.
But it is interesting to see that it is looked at in a slightly negative way. I have an active social life, have both male and female friends. I am passionate about live music and go to lots of concerts. Also I am trying internet dating. But I do worry I have unrealistic requirements, and definitely scared of letting go of my personal space.

MMM lots to think about!

Thanks for the answers

Susanna x

Thanks for responding!

For the record, I don't look at any "older" single person negatively if I don't know anything about them. Some folks choose to be single and are completely happy... and if they're happy, I'm happy for them. I don't think that every person has to be married.

But if a person is over a certain age and never married, but say they want to be married, then I start asking questions. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with them or anything like that, but I do think there's a possibly unaddressed issue if they are "older," never married but say they want to be married.

 

[Chromia]

My impressions of a woman who is 40+, wants to get married, and has never been married are that

1)She has dated the wrong men - maybe "bad boys" or emotionally unavailable men. Or....
2)She should get out and be seen more, like others said. Or......
3)She spends a lot of time around women, maybe taking yoga classes, sewing classes, etc. Or......
4)She might need to be more aware of her body language and facial expressions - she might need to appear more approachable.

You're in London? What's the main hardware store there, Robert Dyas? Maybe you can take a workshop there if they have them. Or just go there and walk around. Maybe you'll meet someone.

 

[Iansan]

I would believe she really in her heart didn't want to be married and have kids no matter what she said...

 

[Kiadodie]

I don't know, to be honest. I think if anyone wants to really marry, they can...whether you end up settling or whatever. I've seen so many do that.

I know for me, my reason for being in my mid-30's and not married is because I have emotional issues which lead me to dealing with the wrong type of men (emotionally unavailable). So now that's what i am working on within myself so that I can marry.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

No tell me ladies, what are you first impressions of a Woman...no not a man...but a girl like this

That is me..with soo much love to give...just waiting for the right man to come an get her!!


Been positive - up until now! Now I am beginng to think I am going to be on my own forever! Not that bothers me, but I like to share the fun things in life


OK come forth!

Sx

It hurts when you've been successful in life: you're smart; you're attractive; you have winning personality and people want to be around you always. You have everything going for you and you did things right, delaying gratification and, for the most part, dealing with yourself and striving to achieve your greatest potential.

But here you are. Alone. Why? And people look at me wondering why I could be approaching 40 in a couple of years, unmarried with no kids.

I know how you feel. Truly I do.

I know a guy, one of my best friends who is so in love with me. This guy would walk on water for me. He'd give his life for me. But I don't love him. I don't feel that same way. And yet, I'm waiting on this other guy who is emotionally unavailable, distant, self absorbed and often cold. And yet I put up with it. Why? There's a tremendous amount of guilt involved, too. I can't explain my feelings. I've tried for 3 years, unsuccessfully to understand why I don't love Guy #1. I just don't. And yet I'm wasting time on Guy #2 who is just there "for the time being." But I complain that I'm single.

Hang in there. This is so very difficult, but hang in there...

 

[Serenity_Peace]

^^^ ETA: I didn't answer the question, but I've been trying Meetup.com. I'm putting myself out there more and more. Getting out and meeting new people. I'm a member of several Meetup groups. Going to events, gatherings---many of them FREE---has helped me to get over Guy #2 and start trying to find Mr. Right.

 

[Bunny77]

It hurts when you've been successful in life: you're smart; you're attractive; you have winning personality and people want to be around you always. You have everything going for you and you did things right, delaying gratification and, for the most part, dealing with yourself and striving to achieve your greatest potential.

But here you are. Alone. Why? And people look at me wondering why I could be approaching 40 in a couple of years, unmarried with no kids.

I know how you feel. Truly I do.

I know a guy, one of my best friends who is so in love with me. This guy would walk on water for me. He'd give his life for me. But I don't love him. I don't feel that same way. And yet, I'm waiting on this other guy who is emotionally unavailable, distant, self absorbed and often cold. And yet I put up with it. Why? There's a tremendous amount of guilt involved, too. I can't explain my feelings. I've tried for 3 years, unsuccessfully to understand why I don't love Guy #1. I just don't. And yet I'm wasting time on Guy #2 who is just there "for the time being." But I complain that I'm single.

Hang in there. This is so very difficult, but hang in there...

Okay, so I'm on my "give a man a chance" soapbox today, so hear me out.

What do you mean when you say, you don't "love" Guy #1? What is your definition of love? Are you blocking yourself from having feelings for this guy based on a legitimate reason?

I see you've said you've tried for three years, and I'm not saying you have to be into Guy #1. If you aren't, you aren't.

But the fact that you have such a strong pull to Guy #2 makes me wonder if there's something else going on with the standards you have and what you're looking for in a relationship.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

^^^ Not to hijack the thread, but Guy #2 gives me companionship right now. I don't come away feeling lonely. Guy #1 is a great guy, but he makes me feel lonely and depressed. I think he's really dependent and needy. There are other personality traits that worry me. The situation is very complicated, though. But I guess the bottom line is that I'm not attracted to him at all. I've tried to be, but I'm not. My emotions are simply not there. I could never be with someone that I don't love and am not even attracted to. Guy #2 is not for me though I am attracted to him. I know that, but he gives me what I need for the time being. Not what I want. So I'm out dating and getting out there to fully embrace what I want and need. Both Guy #1 and Guy #2 don't give me what I want in different ways. But they are both good guys. Just not for me.

 

[CurliDiva]

ITA with this. I have been single for quite some and really don't want to be anymore. So, I am working on myself and my weak areas while being more social at the same time. I make it a point to get out and try new things. Most of the time I have to go alone but that's ok. Meetup.com is where it's at for me right now. I get most of my social activity ideas from the groups that I belong to there.

2 weeks ago I went swing dancing by myself and had the BEST time! Men were approaching me left and right. I can't believe I was so scared about going.

ETA:While I think it's great to cultivate friendships with women, I'm not looking to be in a relationship with one so I steer clear of events that I know will be chock full of women. I would prefer that there be at least 50% men.

I really think this is very important - I've limited my "girls’ nights" in favor to attend event (alone) that has a large or blended amount of men in attendance.

The only thing you can learn from spending all your free time with perpetually single women is how to be SINGLE!

 

[Mis007]

Men always have some BS to say and some pseudo-theories they like to come up with... they flap their gums too much!

Yes it's true they do flap their gums too much , but I believe there is some truth in what he is saying hell he had me questioning some of my past realtionships. I think if we are brutally honest with ourselves we can't keep blaming the lack of decent men (because many of us have had at least one decent guy). The question is what prevented us from marrying that guy, just a thought.

 

[FlowerHair]

It hurts when you've been successful in life: you're smart; you're attractive; you have winning personality and people want to be around you always. You have everything going for you and you did things right, delaying gratification and, for the most part, dealing with yourself and striving to achieve your greatest potential.

But here you are. Alone. Why? And people look at me wondering why I could be approaching 40 in a couple of years, unmarried with no kids.

I know how you feel. Truly I do.

I know a guy, one of my best friends who is so in love with me. This guy would walk on water for me. He'd give his life for me. But I don't love him. I don't feel that same way. And yet, I'm waiting on this other guy who is emotionally unavailable, distant, self absorbed and often cold. And yet I put up with it. Why? There's a tremendous amount of guilt involved, too. I can't explain my feelings. I've tried for 3 years, unsuccessfully to understand why I don't love Guy #1. I just don't. And yet I'm wasting time on Guy #2 who is just there "for the time being." But I complain that I'm single.

Hang in there. This is so very difficult, but hang in there...

Please give guy number 1 a chance
That's the type of man that makes a great husband!

Who wants an emotionally unavailable, self absorbed guy? Stop waiting for this loser.
What are you waiting for? That his personality will change?

sorry to hijack the thread...

 

[gabulldawg]

Please give guy number 1 a chance
That's the type of man that makes a great husband!

Who wants an emotionally unavailable, self absorbed guy? Stop waiting for this loser.
What are you waiting for? That his personality will change?

sorry to hijack the thread...

ITA. IMO S_P it sounds like you are self-sabotaging. You have an opportunity to NOT be single and probably have a great life with a great guy, but you aren't giving it a chance. Just my two cents, for whatever it's worth...