-
⏰ Welcome, Guest! You are viewing only 2 out of 27 total forums. Register today to view more, then Subscribe to view all forums, submit posts, reply to posts, create new threads, view photos, access private messages, change your avatar, create a photo album, customize your profile, and possibly be selected as our next Feature of the Month.
3/4a's-have you been dismissed as a natural by other naturals?
- Thread starter Brownie
- Start date
⏳ Limited Access:
Register today to view all forum posts.
If you are natural, you are natural, period. Don't pay those people no nevamind.:Rose:
. Thank you so much 
Tru_Mind
New Member
I get "but my hair is not like yours" far too often when I try to encourage other women to go natural. After being relaxed for so long, and after experiencing problems on top of problems with my relaxed hair I see that those problems are gone, so I don’t even want to look at a relaxer.
A lot of women don't even know what their natural hair looks like. I have a habit of encouraging women not to relax, because those problems that they complain to me about I had them too whether they are type 3 or 4.
Don’t even talk about when I recommend a product to someone that doesn’t love their hair texture, because they have not learned to handle their hair. Oh boy! This is why I don’t recommend products as often I did before…I wait until they ask first. Once, I spent at least 20 mins telling someone what to do (some tips that I learned from this board, something that worked for 3's and 4’s). Then I found out that they didn’t do it and wasn’t going to do it, because their hair wasn’t like mine.
Surely, I never expect what I do to my hair to work exactly the same for every head of hair, because every head of hair is different. I expect them to do just like I do when I log on to this board I find tips from 3’s and 4’s...keep the tips that work for my hair, put them all together, and make them my own.
After seeing the natural heads on this board and the versatility, when someone tells me that their hair is not like mines and that I don’t "need" a relaxer and they do. I then tell them that nobody needs a relaxer…and all I see is
...and hear dead silence. This is the way that I feel about relaxers now, and I do know that some heads of hair are easier to manage than others, but after seeing the LHCF naturals, 3’s and 4’s, I feel that nobody actually needs a relaxer.
Why naturals with certain hair types can’t help other hair types out…so what the hair type is different…what’s wrong with that? As naturals we have a lot in common.
-tru
A lot of women don't even know what their natural hair looks like. I have a habit of encouraging women not to relax, because those problems that they complain to me about I had them too whether they are type 3 or 4.
Don’t even talk about when I recommend a product to someone that doesn’t love their hair texture, because they have not learned to handle their hair. Oh boy! This is why I don’t recommend products as often I did before…I wait until they ask first. Once, I spent at least 20 mins telling someone what to do (some tips that I learned from this board, something that worked for 3's and 4’s). Then I found out that they didn’t do it and wasn’t going to do it, because their hair wasn’t like mine.
Surely, I never expect what I do to my hair to work exactly the same for every head of hair, because every head of hair is different. I expect them to do just like I do when I log on to this board I find tips from 3’s and 4’s...keep the tips that work for my hair, put them all together, and make them my own.
After seeing the natural heads on this board and the versatility, when someone tells me that their hair is not like mines and that I don’t "need" a relaxer and they do. I then tell them that nobody needs a relaxer…and all I see is
...and hear dead silence. This is the way that I feel about relaxers now, and I do know that some heads of hair are easier to manage than others, but after seeing the LHCF naturals, 3’s and 4’s, I feel that nobody actually needs a relaxer. Why naturals with certain hair types can’t help other hair types out…so what the hair type is different…what’s wrong with that? As naturals we have a lot in common.
-tru
caligirl
Well-Known Member
I remember admiring this girl's natural hair...she had flat twists in the front with the back in a puff. Her puff was full of coils and corkscrew curls. She told me "anyone's hair can do this." And I was like, yeah right. But now I see what she means. Half the time we don't even know what our natural hair looks like because we never give it a chance.
caligirl said:
You said it. I was natural all my life, and then I got a texturizer because I thought my hair was too hard to handle, and I didn't know what to do with it besides pressing, so I figured, might as well use chemicals (I only texturized for a year or so---then I had to cut my lengthy hair to get back to where I should have stayed---Live & Learn!). But when I did texturize, I ended up washing and pulling my hair back (without heat); that's when I realized that I was having such a hard time with my natural hair because I always combed it out before styling, making it a lot thicker and bulkier. Now, I've learned that I don't need heat. 98% of the time, I just style my hair when it's wet/damp, and it is so easy, and when I do comb it out before styling, I comb in sections with a leave in conditioner. You're right though. When I was a natural before, I was in such a hurry to beat my hair into shape and straighten after washing that I never really paid attention to my texture. I knew it was curly and that's it. I appreciate my hair a lot more now. My aunt told me once that she didn't think anyone needed chemicals (she's mostly a 4b with very, very thick hair). I think you just have to figure out what works.
JamericanGurl
New Member
I always get :
My hair won't do that!
Do you have a texturizer?
Is that an S-curl?
You got good hair, so you can do that!
Naturals have asked :
Why are you trying to define your curl?
Pure Naturals are woolier!
Your hair is not natural, it's curly!
Mind you my hair is as thick as Fredrick Douglas and I can only comb through with the help of Capilo Cinnimon Rinse...But O-Tay!
My hair won't do that!
Do you have a texturizer?
Is that an S-curl?
You got good hair, so you can do that!
Naturals have asked :
Why are you trying to define your curl?
Pure Naturals are woolier!
Your hair is not natural, it's curly!
Mind you my hair is as thick as Fredrick Douglas and I can only comb through with the help of Capilo Cinnimon Rinse...But O-Tay!
I'm only in my 4th month of transitioning and my boyfriend's mother made a comment on saturday about my hair.
I told her that I had not had a perm in 16 weeks and was going natural (long transition) and she was like "well, you can, you have wavy grease and water type hair" I didn't even get it until I really thought about it.
What a shame. I am 3c and 4a and never even thought about it that deeply. But why was I surprised at this comment since last year when she took me to get my first Dominican blowout she told me that I would 'fit in' because of my 'light skin and black hair'. 
whateva...
I told her that I had not had a perm in 16 weeks and was going natural (long transition) and she was like "well, you can, you have wavy grease and water type hair" I didn't even get it until I really thought about it.
What a shame.
I am 3c and 4a and never even thought about it that deeply. But why was I surprised at this comment since last year when she took me to get my first Dominican blowout she told me that I would 'fit in' because of my 'light skin and black hair'. whateva...
Country gal
Well-Known Member
cupcake said:I'm only in my 4th month of transitioning and my boyfriend's mother made a comment on saturday about my hair.
I told her that I had not had a perm in 16 weeks and was going natural (long transition) and she was like "well, you can, you have wavy grease and water type hair" I didn't even get it until I really thought about it.
What a shame.
whateva...
What does she mean by now fitting in?
Country gal
Well-Known Member
mini spin off- Do you get the well you have the face for natural hair or you can get away with natural hair? I here it often from permies. Yesterday we were talking about natural hair and this relaxed hair girl (beautiful black relaxed hair might I add with length) says well you have the face for natural hair. I couldn't wear it. 
Don't we all have the face for natural hair since it is the hair God intended us to have? I don't get that comment.
Don't we all have the face for natural hair since it is the hair God intended us to have? I don't get that comment.
swirl
IG: rhonda_hair
this is a great topic. i don't feel that i've been dismissed by other naturals, but i don't feel that i have as much credibility as a natural as some others. i often try to convince people to embrace their natural hair and get the "you have good hair" response. i don't know how to rebutt comments like that b/c my hair is very versatile; i don't have to decide between being natural, relaxed, or transitioning. i opt not to participate in many interesting threads b/c i don't feel that i will be taken seriously.
honeisos
Well-Known Member
Yeah I get this a lot as well ... from everyone... Because my hair is curly ... people assume it is easy to take care of ...
I tell them my hair takes just as much time and work as anyone else's hair... and I don't wake up looking like this !
My hair is a giant bush that needs a lot of control ...so product is my best friend ... so are co washes .. and wide teeth detangle combs!
I tell them my hair takes just as much time and work as anyone else's hair... and I don't wake up looking like this !
My hair is a giant bush that needs a lot of control ...so product is my best friend ... so are co washes .. and wide teeth detangle combs!
honeisos
Well-Known Member
caligirl said:Cichelle said:
I think that that is a misconception..... Everyone stuggles .. until they get to know and understand what their hair can do...
what might look easy to you or me .. might have taken that person an hour + to do...
My younger sister has a 3a -b hair ... and it looks easy and pretty .. but her hair knots up like crazy and gets dry and fizzy ...
I think if you know your hair , then it's easy to do ...from 2a to 4zzzzzz
SweetNic_JA
Well-Known Member
While I believe that every well groomed head of hair is BEAUTIFUL, I have to say that I do strongly believe that those with a curlier pattern have it easier. I come from a household with varying hair types and I was the stylist of 3 little girls heads, each of which had a different texture. IT was MUCHHHHH easier to wash, comb & braid the curlier hair than it was for the 4b/4c sister's hair... The difference was night and day. Her hair would have to be recombed more often. When braiding it, her hair was rough and sometimes hurt my hands...the list goes on. I don't only notice that with my sisters but, with ladies on this board. There are some naturals here who can simply blow dry their hair and it comes out looking like a fresh relaxer - so, even if they choose to never relax, it's MUCH easier and healthier for them to achieve the straight look (should they opt for that style one day).
Someone said they know a natural 4a/4b that washes and goes...Show me him or her because I would have to see it for myself. Most 4a/4bs who wash and go end up with a bundle of tangles in addition to a head of hair that looks like the person is doing mini locks. So I guess I'm saying that the wash n' go is really not practical for most 4a/4b's.
On the flip side, 4a/4b's have a easier time with locking their hair than do 3a/3b/3c people normally do. However, not everyone wants to lock their hair - I know I don't. Another way I believe the curlier ladies have it a tad easier is with work. I believe the people in our work place (primarily whites) have a easier time identifying with a curly head of hair than do a straight up 4a/4b head of hair. Therefore, there are less "furry eyes" (stares) etc.
I hope this post didn't offend anyone as it wasn't intended to. It's just my observation.
**I've been transitioning for 1 year under my sew-ins. I will continue transitioning for another year b/f the chop**
Someone said they know a natural 4a/4b that washes and goes...Show me him or her because I would have to see it for myself. Most 4a/4bs who wash and go end up with a bundle of tangles in addition to a head of hair that looks like the person is doing mini locks. So I guess I'm saying that the wash n' go is really not practical for most 4a/4b's.
On the flip side, 4a/4b's have a easier time with locking their hair than do 3a/3b/3c people normally do. However, not everyone wants to lock their hair - I know I don't. Another way I believe the curlier ladies have it a tad easier is with work. I believe the people in our work place (primarily whites) have a easier time identifying with a curly head of hair than do a straight up 4a/4b head of hair. Therefore, there are less "furry eyes" (stares) etc.
I hope this post didn't offend anyone as it wasn't intended to. It's just my observation.
**I've been transitioning for 1 year under my sew-ins. I will continue transitioning for another year b/f the chop**
caligirl
Well-Known Member
@SweetNic:
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that softer/curlier hair is easier to manage. I think people tend to get hostile when this subject comes up because they feel like we're dissing them as naturals. You're still natural but our battles are not the same. If a curly haired person chooses to spend hours on their hair going for a certain look, that's them. I personally HAVE to spend a lot of time just doing the basics--washing, conditioning, combing out. You show me a long haired type 4 who washes and goes and looks presentable, then I'll eat my words.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that softer/curlier hair is easier to manage. I think people tend to get hostile when this subject comes up because they feel like we're dissing them as naturals. You're still natural but our battles are not the same. If a curly haired person chooses to spend hours on their hair going for a certain look, that's them. I personally HAVE to spend a lot of time just doing the basics--washing, conditioning, combing out. You show me a long haired type 4 who washes and goes and looks presentable, then I'll eat my words.
Cichelle
Well-Known Member
SweetNic_JA said:
That would be something called small sample. Just because you know some people who have this or that hair type and it is easier than people you know who have another hair type does not mean that is representative of everyone with those hair types. There are some people who have curly hair who have a VERY hard time dealing with their hair. But I must ask, what difference does this make? If someone can detangle easier than the next person, does that mean they should be dismissed? Or are you just making an observation unrelated to that part of the topic?
That was me. And I stand by what I said. What would you like me to do? Fly her over to you so you can check out her hair? She washes, shakes and goes. She loves the fro. She isn't interested in making it look like anything else. I don't know when or how she detangles. But she obviously has learned to work with her hair.
That's true. No argument there.
That is a legitimate point. I happen to agree with you. And if people are saying that some hair types don't have the same struggles in society as others, then that would be a worthwhile discussion. Though I suppose every environment varies. And I really can't tell someone else, especially someone I don't know, what struggles they go through in their work or personal environment just based on the fact they have 3c hair as opposed to 4b.
It was only offensive in the sense that you came close to saying I was making something up. And I don't like that. Otherwise, I hear ya.
JamericanGurl
New Member
Yawl uncombable hair comes in all grades!
I'm working with 3c/4a and my ish is a mother. I go through the same trials and tribulations of a 4F......Naps is Naps! Kinks is Kinks
Although...This is a hijack I found this wonderful detangling comb at Sally that's big and shaped like a K-Cutter......I need to take stock ownership!
I'm working with 3c/4a and my ish is a mother. I go through the same trials and tribulations of a 4F......Naps is Naps! Kinks is Kinks
Although...This is a hijack I found this wonderful detangling comb at Sally that's big and shaped like a K-Cutter......I need to take stock ownership!
lavendarlover
New Member
Well, I personally have tried to untangle "curly" hair, and it was HARD. My cousin's children are half Mexican., and they have big spirals in their hair, and it tangles easily. She tried to tell me that before I started doing their hair, but I just looked at her like "Whatever", as if she didn't know her own kids hair. I thought their hair would be easier. I have to admit, the smaller the curls the tighter the knots (or so it seems) but I wouldn't say that one type has it better than the other. I am of the opposite situation. I have the type of naps that inspire people to ask questions like.. Why don't you get a relaxer/texturizer/dreds,etc...? It seems as if having hair like mine is some kind of curse.
DDTexlaxed
TRANSITION OVER! 11-22-14
I've got to say that I love this site. I was able to better educate myself about natural hair and the trials and joys that you can get by caring for it. This site and the girls here all have hardships and easy ways of styling their hair. I think I have 3c and 4a hair mixed thruout my hair. My hair is very curly and I think it is only easy to care for it while it is wet. I am currently unable to twist my hair and make it stay, but my cuz who has shorter hair and 4b can rock flat twists easy. We can learn from one another here. That's the beauty of being natural. This site is the only site that I've gotten info that actually worked. Thanx guys for all your tips. :notworthy Let's keep em coming.
skegeesmb
New Member
Being a 3 hairtype ain't all that easy. I had a couple of textures going on in my head. People said I haid "crinkly wavy hair". It was tough for me to get my hair looking good. I had to put so much conditioner in my hair to keep my curly hair from frizzing that my hair would still be wet because it never dried in the middle.
And ohmigoodness, I had to wash it everyday if I wanted to wear it curly because yes the curls look good, but in the middle trying to comb through crinkly curly hair ain't NO joke. I can make my hair look like an afro, but when it came down to it, if it got really really hot, my hair would sweat and I would have their fro shrinking in places because the curl pattern was trying to emerge.
I didn't have silky curly hair by myself, it took Fantasia IC gel with sparklites, Sauve Coconut conditioner, wildgrowth hair oil, and a scarf. If I let it out before it was dry and set, oh no, it's not pretty.
Call me lazy, but I wanted to wear my hair straight without reverting in Louisiana heat so I texturized it. When I texturized it again people where like "why" you had such pretty hair. If only they knew. Only my husband, and my immediate family who has seen me wash my hair saw what I had to do with it.
And ohmigoodness, I had to wash it everyday if I wanted to wear it curly because yes the curls look good, but in the middle trying to comb through crinkly curly hair ain't NO joke. I can make my hair look like an afro, but when it came down to it, if it got really really hot, my hair would sweat and I would have their fro shrinking in places because the curl pattern was trying to emerge.
I didn't have silky curly hair by myself, it took Fantasia IC gel with sparklites, Sauve Coconut conditioner, wildgrowth hair oil, and a scarf. If I let it out before it was dry and set, oh no, it's not pretty.
Call me lazy, but I wanted to wear my hair straight without reverting in Louisiana heat so I texturized it. When I texturized it again people where like "why" you had such pretty hair. If only they knew. Only my husband, and my immediate family who has seen me wash my hair saw what I had to do with it.
skegeesmb said:
I can relate to this! In order to get a decent wash and go afro, I have to comb my curls out because my hair doesn't poof out much in a curly state,
but as the combed out hair dries, the curls come back out on the ends= a pain to detangle; that's why I don't do afro puffs too often. I would think afro puffs would be easier for those without curls. JMO. My spirals also tend to wrap around each other, which can be a lot of fun to detangle. BTW, I don't know who said they couldn't do twists on their hair, but I can and they stay---I think because of my cottony texture.
Blacktresses
New Member
OK...Here is my story.........
I have 3bc/4a hair.....
It have been stated in many websites and magazines that straighter hair takes to hair products better than tightly curly hair (and BTW this DOES NOT MEAN THAT CURLY HAIR IS BAD. It just means that the care regime takes longer to achieve...washing, combing conditioner through...etc.). I tend to believe this because the curlier part of my hair grows at an unbelieveable rate vs. my 4a hair. This just :scratchch amazed me ( and what a journey it is 
). So, I leave my products in longer to be sure that my 4a (parts of my hair) gets the full effect of my products. It really seems to help my hair growth.
For my 4a hair, it take a quarter of a bottle of conditioner ( you know the cheap kind ) to knock out those tangles
. With my 3bc hair it takes a quarter size drop to knockout those tangles 
. Even just plain water will untangle that hair type on my head. I spend more time taming the 4a parts of my hair than I do the 3bc parts of my hair. I hope you all understand where I am coming from with this.
That's why some people dissmiss others with type 2/3 hair types. To me it not so much being dismissive, as the person is thinking that type 2/3abc hair ( when the textures is all over your head ) is much easier to deal with ( with products, combing, general maintanance). Yes...I will put my self out there with what I am about to say.....
I know that are different textures and degrees of hair types. But I also know what I have experience with my own hair and family observations. I have been natural for over 15 years and all of my hair is not shoulder length ...YET!!! Due to looser curl types ...that hair is much easier to handle. Which means the knots are not as choatic, the hair is not has dry, it is pretty easy to style and one does not have to spend as much time ( less than half ) in maintenance.
I love my napptural hair... there are times I wish I could trade it just to have ease of maintance BUT, I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD...
Once again, I will emphasis....I hope I did not offend anyone on this board. What I have stated is just merly my experience and family observations.
I have 3bc/4a hair.....
It have been stated in many websites and magazines that straighter hair takes to hair products better than tightly curly hair (and BTW this DOES NOT MEAN THAT CURLY HAIR IS BAD. It just means that the care regime takes longer to achieve...washing, combing conditioner through...etc.). I tend to believe this because the curlier part of my hair grows at an unbelieveable rate vs. my 4a hair. This just
:scratchch amazed me ( and what a journey it is ). So, I leave my products in longer to be sure that my 4a (parts of my hair) gets the full effect of my products. It really seems to help my hair growth.For my 4a hair, it take a quarter of a bottle of conditioner ( you know the cheap kind ) to knock out those tangles
. With my 3bc hair it takes a quarter size drop to knockout those tangles . Even just plain water will untangle that hair type on my head. I spend more time taming the 4a parts of my hair than I do the 3bc parts of my hair. I hope you all understand where I am coming from with this.That's why some people dissmiss others with type 2/3 hair types. To me it not so much being dismissive, as the person is thinking that type 2/3abc hair ( when the textures is all over your head ) is much easier to deal with ( with products, combing, general maintanance). Yes...I will put my self out there with what I am about to say.....
I know that are different textures and degrees of hair types. But I also know what I have experience with my own hair and family observations. I have been natural for over 15 years and all of my hair is not shoulder length ...YET!!! Due to looser curl types ...that hair is much easier to handle. Which means the knots are not as choatic, the hair is not has dry, it is pretty easy to style and one does not have to spend as much time ( less than half ) in maintenance.
I love my napptural hair... there are times I wish I could trade it just to have ease of maintance BUT, I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD...
Once again, I will emphasis....I hope I did not offend anyone on this board. What I have stated is just merly my experience and family observations.
Country gal
Well-Known Member
Sweet Nic,
I have wash and go hair and I have been typed 4a/4b. I just wash it, put in either IC fantasia, or s curl wave pomade and go. In fact it is very easy to take care of natural hair.
I have wash and go hair and I have been typed 4a/4b. I just wash it, put in either IC fantasia, or s curl wave pomade and go. In fact it is very easy to take care of natural hair.
Blacktresses
New Member
Bump, bump me up
shunemite
New Member
I'm not natural, but I used to be 'til I was 17. I'm a 4b, and I grew up being told I had "bad-hair". Until recently from reading hair boards, I actually believed that. I think the whole reason women tell you you have "good hair" is not knowing any better, maybe a little poor self-esteem, and not knowing how to take care of their own hair. At the same token, some hair types hold styles better, grow faster, and need less day to day care.
aqualung
New Member
I have a friend with type 3, brastrap length hair that washes her hair after workouts and uses a blowdryer with a comb attachement to straighten it. I could rip out half my 4b hair trying to blowdry and comb it damp.SweetNic_JA said:
Her routine is fast and easy compared with the hour+ I spend detangling in sections after I wash my hair and before I style it.
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
Personally, the only place I 'dismiss' the type 3 girls is when I'm looking at hair albums. I can appreciate a pretty head of hair but I'm not really going to pursue hair regimine questions with someone with a different hair type.
Other than that y'all are cool with me!
Other than that y'all are cool with me!
lsubabiedee
New Member
well, i dont know who has it easier b/c i've only combed my hair and no one else's in life, so with the hair care stuff, i'd say that we all probably spend a lot of time washing, conditioning, and detangling. i don't know if i've ever been dismissed, but I do know that all these people walking around saying that certain people have it easier probably would change their minds had they had to take care of a different hair type on a regular basis...I think I'm in the minority here b/c I kinda think that if any hair type is easier to care for, it would be the nappier hair...but im sure that many women would tell me otherwise, so i just say that we all work hard to keep our hair healthy and looking good
Irresistible
New Member
Good Thread!! and Thank you!!! yes yes yes
It was all this thinking that in part promted my lies lies lies album, as well as my "from scratch" album to show what I'm really workin with. as well as latley showing more and more just how much shrinkage I have and even my 'fro pic as a child. Dealing with this hair is far from a walk in the park. Its just alot of misconceptions and lack of understanding. all they see is the waves that I achieve after products and work, and think its all easy heh heh, NOT
It was all this thinking that in part promted my lies lies lies album, as well as my "from scratch" album to show what I'm really workin with. as well as latley showing more and more just how much shrinkage I have and even my 'fro pic as a child. Dealing with this hair is far from a walk in the park. Its just alot of misconceptions and lack of understanding. all they see is the waves that I achieve after products and work, and think its all easy heh heh, NOT
Nay said:I haven't been dismissed, but I know what you mean. I've gotten the "but my hair is not like yours" comments when I try to encourage people to enjoy their natural textures. In those times I wish I had my just washed and dried photo with me to show them that my hair isn't all glorious and easygoing either.
People oftentimes see you looking your best and don't realize what it took to whip your hair into that shape
Last edited:
Similar threads
