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11 Reasons He Dumped You
Been dumped? It's terrible, especially when you didn't see it coming. Here, one of Marie Claire's dating bloggers shares some of the reasons why he's bailed on relationships in the past.
By Rich Santos
I was flipping through a Women's Health recently (I admit it), and I noticed an interesting poll. Women cited the following reasons as the most common breakup reasons: He changed. We weren't compatible. He cheated on me.
When I was little, it drove me crazy when my parents supported "No" with "Because I said so." I always wanted a reason. I'm not sure if knowing why always helps, but perhaps if you know common reasons guys break up with girls, you'll at least be able to see it coming.
So, here are mine:
1. I Got Bored
I've read many different hypotheses on attention span, but my favorite is from Wikipedia:
"Continuous attention span, or the amount of time a human can focus on an object without any lapse at all, is very brief and may be as short as 8 seconds. After this amount of time, it is likely that an individual's eyes will shift focus, or that a stray thought will briefly enter consciousness."
My attention span (unless it's a football game or a song) may be worse. I know a relationship is not supposed to be exciting all the time, so getting through those flatline moments between the sparks is critical. If I start having more fun with other activities, the relationship is doomed.
2. One of Us Was Too Serious
This could be as simple as she wanted to see me three times a week, and I only wanted to see her one time a week. If she's flirting with other guys, flighty, or not as into it as I am, then I'm too serious for her.
3. Burnout
I'm a big believer in pacing and rhythm in dating. A relationship can suffer burnout if certain milestones occur too fast: being exclusive, giving special gifts, sex, meeting parents. When that happens, I get that feeling the colonists must have gotten after they won the Revolutionary War: "Okay, we did it ... so now what?"
4. I Was Tempted to Cheat
I do my best not to cheat, so when I have recurring urges to cheat on my girlfriend, I figure it's time to break up with her. I don't need to go through with the cheating; the constant urge is enough for me to end things.
5. All My Friends Broke Up with Their Girlfriends
This is by far the most immature reason on my list. While my girlfriend and I are curled up on the couch watching The Devil Wears Prada, my newly-single guy friends are out shredding the karaoke waves with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" and tearing up the town. That conflict gives me wanderlust. It's much easier when we are all in for a quiet Saturday night with the significant others.
6. Divergent Lives
If someone moves to another town, or work is taking over, or other life changes are driving you apart, sometimes it's best to end it.
7. Feeling Selfish
Dating is selfless because you're giving your time and your self up to a relationship. "Me time" is necessary at some point to work on career/living situation, travel, or whatever. When I'm in a "selfish period," it's tough to participate in a relationship.
8. I "Misread" My Feelings
This is the most unfair of all the reasons. Both genders make this mistake: You get into a relationship and everything seems so great. Then, a few weeks later, you realize you got wrapped up in something for the wrong reason — you dated for the sake of dating, or whatever, and you need to get out.
9. My Friends or Family Didn't Like Her
I pay close attention to friend/family opinions because they know me best, and they've earned the right to have their say. Also, friends and family may be able to see things inside the relationship that I'm too blinded to see.
10. I Took Her for Granted
Great relationships should be easy, but there needs to be some tension too, especially in the beginning. If it's too easy, there's a lack of challenge. If I feel like I could have her heart any time any place, sometimes I'll let her go. This almost always ends up coming back to haunt me later, though. I never learn.
11. She Was Too Negative
All too often, I end up with the brooding, depressed, uptight type who is constantly complaining. I don't expect someone to be happy all the time, but if she makes me unhappy every time I see her, why stay with her?
Been dumped? It's terrible, especially when you didn't see it coming. Here, one of Marie Claire's dating bloggers shares some of the reasons why he's bailed on relationships in the past.
By Rich Santos
I was flipping through a Women's Health recently (I admit it), and I noticed an interesting poll. Women cited the following reasons as the most common breakup reasons: He changed. We weren't compatible. He cheated on me.
When I was little, it drove me crazy when my parents supported "No" with "Because I said so." I always wanted a reason. I'm not sure if knowing why always helps, but perhaps if you know common reasons guys break up with girls, you'll at least be able to see it coming.
So, here are mine:
1. I Got Bored
I've read many different hypotheses on attention span, but my favorite is from Wikipedia:
"Continuous attention span, or the amount of time a human can focus on an object without any lapse at all, is very brief and may be as short as 8 seconds. After this amount of time, it is likely that an individual's eyes will shift focus, or that a stray thought will briefly enter consciousness."
My attention span (unless it's a football game or a song) may be worse. I know a relationship is not supposed to be exciting all the time, so getting through those flatline moments between the sparks is critical. If I start having more fun with other activities, the relationship is doomed.
2. One of Us Was Too Serious
This could be as simple as she wanted to see me three times a week, and I only wanted to see her one time a week. If she's flirting with other guys, flighty, or not as into it as I am, then I'm too serious for her.
3. Burnout
I'm a big believer in pacing and rhythm in dating. A relationship can suffer burnout if certain milestones occur too fast: being exclusive, giving special gifts, sex, meeting parents. When that happens, I get that feeling the colonists must have gotten after they won the Revolutionary War: "Okay, we did it ... so now what?"
4. I Was Tempted to Cheat
I do my best not to cheat, so when I have recurring urges to cheat on my girlfriend, I figure it's time to break up with her. I don't need to go through with the cheating; the constant urge is enough for me to end things.
5. All My Friends Broke Up with Their Girlfriends
This is by far the most immature reason on my list. While my girlfriend and I are curled up on the couch watching The Devil Wears Prada, my newly-single guy friends are out shredding the karaoke waves with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" and tearing up the town. That conflict gives me wanderlust. It's much easier when we are all in for a quiet Saturday night with the significant others.
6. Divergent Lives
If someone moves to another town, or work is taking over, or other life changes are driving you apart, sometimes it's best to end it.
7. Feeling Selfish
Dating is selfless because you're giving your time and your self up to a relationship. "Me time" is necessary at some point to work on career/living situation, travel, or whatever. When I'm in a "selfish period," it's tough to participate in a relationship.
8. I "Misread" My Feelings
This is the most unfair of all the reasons. Both genders make this mistake: You get into a relationship and everything seems so great. Then, a few weeks later, you realize you got wrapped up in something for the wrong reason — you dated for the sake of dating, or whatever, and you need to get out.
9. My Friends or Family Didn't Like Her
I pay close attention to friend/family opinions because they know me best, and they've earned the right to have their say. Also, friends and family may be able to see things inside the relationship that I'm too blinded to see.
10. I Took Her for Granted
Great relationships should be easy, but there needs to be some tension too, especially in the beginning. If it's too easy, there's a lack of challenge. If I feel like I could have her heart any time any place, sometimes I'll let her go. This almost always ends up coming back to haunt me later, though. I never learn.
11. She Was Too Negative
All too often, I end up with the brooding, depressed, uptight type who is constantly complaining. I don't expect someone to be happy all the time, but if she makes me unhappy every time I see her, why stay with her?
All of my reasons for previously dumping boys were either #1, 2, or 3. 
