10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (long)

[Ivonnovi]

As you all may know I got my “not-so-natural” hair Sisterlocked in February of 2010. Since then I’ve received a myriad of comments regarding “My Hair Journey”. Though most of the comments were positive or encouraging I’m writing this “essay” to address the Negative Natasha's . Not just for myself but to encourage others also.
My pastor gave a oration a few years ago regarding Attitudes & Selling tactics…. Something about understanding that a “NO” might just be a “NO NOT RIGHT NOW” & that in God’s plan you and your “NO” might have been Step-3 in God’s 10-step plan for that persons Yes Process ; he went on to say that you don’t want to leave that person with a bad taste in their mouth just because "you" did not get the “YES”.
This is for e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e. Please understand that the art of transitioning from Re.laxed to Natural is not easy
What “step” are you?

For those of you who are Permed/Natural/Locked or whatever your chosen “state-of-hair” maybe, I’d like to ask you to go easy on those who seem to reject your styling choices.
· Non-Permies: Do not be negative, the permie or CFC head you are addressing may very well embrace natural hair many years from now. Your comments may not immediately influence them to change their way’s; however, you might just be step 1 in the 10-step process of them “converting”. If you are negative in how you convey your natural passion, you might just push them back to step -10 AND by doing so you may be compelling them to continue to harbor the negative feelings that we’ve carried for generations about our natural hair.


· Press’n’Curls/Permies/Texlaxers: Same as above don’t be so damn damming. It takes quite a bit of courage to rock the natural hair texture. You can scar a child for life with just one cutting “nappy-headed” remark; if anything be encouraging; that will go a long way and is a much better attitude to pass on.
I have been surprised to find that in the Black hair communities (Natural, Loc’d, ReLaxed or whateva) strongly biased attitudes are rampant. I sat in a room full of varied hairstyles (who were all there to learn about SLs)…. The following were comments that I receive because “I” chose to alter my SLs by “adding” length to the shorter ones in my crown/bang area (& Yes I did this myself).

· Just cut those “dead” ends off!!!! (Coming from a someone with a lovely head full of someone else’s hair) …(agreement nod, from another fully re.laxed sistah)
· “You can’t do that to SLs they aren’t SLs anymore”. ( My thougth:Ummm, I paid $400+ for this “install” and I’ll damn well do with them what I please, besides if your loc’ snapped off you’d tried to “attach” it back…..)
· “Long-hair is a crutch”, “It’s just hair, it will grow back”
· “You can’t manage two hair textures”
· “Why would you flat-iron your “locs”?
· “Whyyyyy would you do that to your hair?”
· “How long Are you going to keep that style? Strange stares followed by “
· “When are you going to comb you hair.”
· “Loc’s are dirty," ….(this from a SL’er referring to the usual types of Locs)
· “Cultivated loc’s are not real locs, they are a fashion statement... my locs are real” or …”Those are SLs? I have “real” locs’”;
· ** (from permies) “That’s why Madame CJ Walker invented the Straightening Comb”
· **(from wig/weaver)…”I can’t be looking crazy, that’s why I wear my…….. “
· I have been totally amused when on more than one occasion I’ve seen a weaver wearer sit amongst a group of YT women and diss another sister’s hair….talking about “s-t-u-p-i-d”…..remember Natalie from BadGirlsClub4? Child please! Acting like “you” have overcome…..
​

I’m not writing this to invalidate anyone’s point of view on hair maintenance/styling; NOR am I attempting to start a Debate on “Hair Choices” . …..
I am here to share my experience and opinion: IT HAS TAKEN ME 20+ YEARS ON MY JOURNEY BACK TO BEING NATUAL. TRANSTIONING IS NOT EASY, & OFTEN THERE ARE PROFESSIONAL CHALLENGES TO THIS PROCESS AS WELL. WE HAVE GOT TO BE MORE TOLERANT or ENCOURAGING AS WE DISCUSS OUR HAIR AMONGST OURSELVES AND AMONGST OTHERS

My Step 1 came almost 30 years ago when someone told me that I was trying to be white just ‘cause I relaxed my hair. (I was 15ish and that’s prolly why it took me so long to get to the final steps).

The Final Steps: Just 2 years ago not knowing that I was a few steps away from my decision; I watched (quietly) as a Superior of mine was re-gu-lar-ly berated behind her back for her natural hair and style choices; she was a picture of strength despite it all; and when she did “rock” her natural hair in all it’s glory (let it down); all those haters were in awe. I must admit that her strength gave me the encouragement and strength to make the change too.

· During this same time I went from relaxing every 4 weeks, to tex-laxing, to a really long stretch and then to SL’s . So here I am. ….I’ve arrived.
​

Thank you for letting me get this topic off my chest/vent/rant/share.

 

[Kiki0130]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

Thanks for sharing. Truly inspirational and educational.

 

[Ivonnovi]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

Thank you for reading through all of that.

I had an incident this past week that made me feel compelled to write "just that much"; I'll revisit/update once I put the rest into perspective.

I am JUST so damn frustsrated on how "we" treat "each other" and our hair; it's embarrassing REALLY!

 

[Janet']

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

As a former English teacher, I love your voice and style of writing...

 

[empressri]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

Thank you for reading through all of that.

I had an incident this past week that made me feel compelled to write "just that much"; I'll revisit/update once I put the rest into perspective.

I am JUST so damn frustsrated on how "we" treat "each other" and our hair; it's embarrassing REALLY!

hair is just a small part of the problems in "our" community. there's a lot of deep-rooted stuff there that sadly causes a TON of issues between folks. it's like will we ever learn?

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

This was a very interesting and truthful read, but I don't think I really understand what it's about.
What are the ten steps? And do the steps have to end in someone transitioning to natural? What if they don't ever plan on transitioning? Does that mean that they never get to reach the end of the journey? And is becoming natural the equivalent of "improving hair care attitudes in our communities"?

I'm not trying to fight or be snarky, but I'm really genuinely curious about how this works.

 

[Ivonnovi]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

This was a very interesting and truthful read, but I don't think I really understand what it's about.
What are the ten steps? And do the steps have to end in someone transitioning to natural? What if they don't ever plan on transitioning? Does that mean that they never get to reach the end of the journey? And is becoming natural the equivalent of "improving hair care attitudes in our communities"?

I'm not trying to fight or be snarky, but I'm really genuinely curious about how this works.

As for the 10-Step Title; the point of that story was that: You & your encounter might be step "insert#" in Gods 10-Step plan for "whatever"; Don't be disappointed becasue the person did not "side with you/agree with you/convert" during your encounter". The 10-Step "theory" is applicable to Selling, Religion, Styles, and many more subjects.

In this case I used "Hair Care" and I relayed my "steps" toward returning to being natual

I guess the point would be that just because another's hair care choices is not in "alignment" with yours, does not mean that you should be "judgemental or negative" towards their choice. You dont know where they are in their hair journey, and Negativity is not going to "win them over" "We" have got to treat each other better.

Notice I said "HairCare" not HairColor. LOL

 

[LovingLady]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

hair is just a small part of the problems in "our" community. there's a lot of deep-rooted stuff there that sadly causes a TON of issues between folks. it's like will we ever learn?

That is the problem. People are not being educated or properly educated on the psychological damaged that slavery and segregation has caused to the black community.

 

[SelfStyled]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

Beautiful sis. You broke it ALL the way down. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective. IA there are so many things that ail our "community"- but I don't know there is something about hair that is so deep rooted, for not only women, but men too.

"You can scar a child for life with just one cutting “nappy-headed” remark; if anything be encouraging; that will go a long way and is a much better attitude to pass on."
I will say as a mom to both sons and daughter I am ever so careful about how we talk about hair in our house. I feel it is just as important to have discussions with my boys, because they will be someone's husband one day.

 

[Ivonnovi]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

Thanks, I'm glad you get it. And I'm especially encouraged to hear that you are planting the seeds of "tolerance" and self-appreciation with your sons.

Beautiful sis. You broke it ALL the way down. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective. IA there are so many things that ail our "community"- but I don't know there is something about hair that is so deep rooted, for not only women, but men too.

"You can scar a child for life with just one cutting “nappy-headed” remark; if anything be encouraging; that will go a long way and is a much better attitude to pass on."
I will say as a mom to both sons and daughter I am ever so careful about how we talk about hair in our house. I feel it is just as important to have discussions with my boys, because they will be someone's husband one day.

 

[Yoshi3329]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

Bump! Bump!

 

[jennboo]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

This was a very interesting and truthful read, but I don't think I really understand what it's about.
What are the ten steps? And do the steps have to end in someone transitioning to natural? What if they don't ever plan on transitioning? Does that mean that they never get to reach the end of the journey? And is becoming natural the equivalent of "improving hair care attitudes in our communities"?

I'm not trying to fight or be snarky, but I'm really genuinely curious about how this works.

.....Yes.....

 

[empressri]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

That is the problem. People are not being educated or properly educated on the psychological damaged that slavery and segregation has caused to the black community.

you hit the nail on the head.

and...some folks don't WANT to know. vicious cycle.

 

[Ivonnovi]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

'ing my old vent.

 

[Hibiscus30]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

Thanks for bumping!

I just had a conversation with my sister about hair. You would think someone with a master's degree in education, survived breast cancer with reconstruction, and has lost over 50lbs (intentionally because of high cholesterol/blood pressure) would NOT call her hair "bad and nappy" especially when compared to her co-worker's hair (who just happens to be white)

Your "rant" is saying so much.

Although, this only one scenario, I can't tell you how tired I am of "us" beating ourselves up OVER HAIR! I know others have"hair issues" but I just can't imagine any can compare to "our" struggle...and ALL the negativity that is associated with hair...our hair.

I honestly do not believe this "going natural" movement has improved much of the negative attitudes regarding hair care and practices in our community. I may be wrong though...but I still get the "you have nice hair" or "I can't do natural because I have 'bad or nappy' hair" or "everybody can't go natural"...I'm like SERIOUSLY...So over the negatives.

 

[almond eyes]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

I thought what you wrote was insightful. Thanks so much. I see this attitude about our natural/virgin hair all over the African diaspora from the shores of Africa, to the US, to the Caribbean and Europe. We in the LHCF are a very enlightened bunch even though we can get on each others nerves at times.

There has been a deep damage inflicted on our people and the damage is so deep that many of us don't get it and don't want to get it. I spend a lot of time between West Africa and the US and it is shocking that in a number of West African countries a majority of the women wear weaves and they aren't ashamed to say that they have terrible hair and bad hair or they are rocking relaxed hair that is so thin, limp and over processed that it looks like over boiled spaghetti. I never wore a weave in my life until I moved to West Africa and at the time I had no idea that I was slowly being conditioned into it. All my friends had weaves on their mid backs and it was fabulous my rite of passage, until my scalp began to burn and crust over.

I am West African but grew up in NYC.

The work is long an arduous to educate our women about the beauty of our hair. And it starts with each and everyone of us being a positive platform when we displace our hair with confidence and patience in discussing it with others. People may not hear the message at first but they may listen in time especially if it is done in the name of love and not being self-righteous which many black women have told me they feel that natural women can be at times.

I think it is also a deep disconnect from God even though we as black people are very religious. God is a genius and knew exactly what was happening when our hair and skin color was created. And to let other races make us feel that God made an accident is such a contradiction to why we were created in the first place. Man is the one that has created these false divisions and social constructs and we must learn to unplug from that if we truly want to be set free from the tyranny of false belief systems. I meditate and pray a lot so I feel so connected to God these days that I won't let anyone tell me about myself worth which I define. I have always had no problems displaying my natural hair in the work place even though some did not always like it.

I have many good friends and relatives who wear weaves and wigs (I am not talking about those who have healthy hair and use that as a protective style because those women aren't many), and their hair really causes them so many emotional ups and downs and mostly because they have not treated their hair well in such a long time that when they do see their real hair they feel incomplete as women. It is not so much having our hair texture that is a problem is it our hair texture when it is in a damaged and neglected state.

I tell my friends and cousins all the time, you have to do the work if you want to have flourishing natural hair, you have to put aside trying to fit into an image. But the ingrained thinking is so deeply rooted that they would rather put on a bad wig or weave and continue to not take proper care of their hair underneath or improperly relax their hair and risk long term scalp and health damage than to take a two year breather and see what the harvest will bring.

It is not my job to fix the planet or messed up thinking, but in being a role model in being true to my own positive beliefs of natural hair, the word can spread. I hope to do a natural hair camp or retreat for women and young girls in West Africa (i.e. several countries) in my future.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[MileHighDiva]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

Ivonnovi

Your OP should be mandatory reading for everyone!

I'm going to put your 10 step-plan in my "tool box", it will come in handy when discussing the sometimes sensitive topic of hair.

 

[Ivonnovi]

Re: 10-Steps to improving hair care attitudes in "our" community; where are you? (lon

A simple "Thanks" was not enough! The bolded and underlined is so, SO, so very true for many women.

I have another question. Recently I learned that in the past (if not presently) school aged girls were made to cut & keep their hair short (boyishly short); I guess because the short length made it easier to handle. This was a sort of aha moment for me because till this statement was made I'd often wondered why so many of the young girls only had short hair (TWA). I can't remember what I was watching but she pointed out that girls of other races attending the same schools did not have to cut their hair; this set a lot of these young girls up to have long term hair issues, including the speaker. Is this still true?

.............

I have many good friends and relatives who wear weaves and wigs (I am not talking about those who have healthy hair and use that as a protective style because those women aren't many), and their hair really causes them so many emotional ups and downs and mostly because they have not treated their hair well in such a long time that when they do see their real hair they feel incomplete as women. It is not so much having our hair texture that is a problem is it our hair texture when it is in a damaged and neglected state.

I tell my friends and cousins all the time, you have to do the work if you want to have flourishing natural hair, you have to put aside trying to fit into an image. But the ingrained thinking is so deeply rooted that they would rather put on a bad wig or weave and continue to not take proper care of their hair underneath or improperly relax their hair and risk long term scalp and health damage than to take a two year breather and see what the harvest will bring.

It is not my job to fix the planet or messed up thinking, but in being a role model in being true to my own positive beliefs of natural hair, the word can spread. I hope to do a natural hair camp or retreat for women and young girls in West Africa (i.e. several countries) in my future.

Best,
Almond Eyes