feel like a hypocrite

[ebaby]

I transitioned in 07 and went fully natural in 08. Now after slamming relaxers to family and friends I want to go back. I am not happy with my hair. It has grown a lot but the knots will not stop and its breaking. I have an appt for a press today but I know its not going to last because it never does. I really want to change to a relaxer but I said i would never go back and now I want to...

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

What's your routine? What styles do you wear? Do you have heat damage from frequent direct heat use? Maybe if you can find out the cause of the breakage, you can start to like your hair more.

 

[ebaby]

I rarely use heat. I had a bkt done just to loosen texture and it helped a lot but now its worn off. I had knots before the bkt and also my husband and I have been going at it pretty bad about my hair lately. He haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattes it just as much now as my first bc. I wear it in w and gos, twists, and puffs, and wigs

 

[ebonylocs]

This one of the reasons why one shouldn't slam other people's choices.

Anyway, do what suits you. There shouldn't be any guilt attached to the choice of "natural" or "relaxed".

 

[lwilliams1922]

I'm in a rut with my natural hair. I think I need s beak so I decided to wig it for the winter. Hubby likes the styles AND it's so much faster. I thought about relaxing but then I remembered how long it took to grow my hair out. I'd be pretty upset if I hadto start over again.

I'm hoping by the summer i'll have more length body for a fresh look at being natural. I'm getting my straight fix on with the wigs withoutt the worry of heat damage.

 

[PearlyCurly]

This one of the reasons why one shouldn't slam other people's choices.

Anyway, do what suits you. There shouldn't be any guilt attached to the choice of "natural" or "relaxed".

I agree 100%!!! I hate when ppl fight over being relaxed or natural, whats the big deal?? Its your hair do what feels right, but dont hate on others because they choose the opposite!
I love my hair natural but im not going to say i will never relax again because i love relaxed hair just as much! Im not the one to tell any one, "No, No, stay natural!" Because i know in my right mind that some ppl just arent meant to be natural! Sometimes you just have to go with the flow!

What feels right? Was your hair in better shape when you were relaxed? Do you like your hair better when its straight? Have you tried all methods to get rid of the knots and splits??

 

[*CherryPie*]

Sometimes you just have to admit that you were wrong, then go ahead and do what's right for you and your hair.

Don't feel guilty about it.

 

[ebaby]

I have been really sick and one of the main symptoms is fatigue and I have not had the energy to deal with my hair. I am always too tired and thanks for the comments.

 

[Junebug D]

Don't feel bad; I'm a hypocrite too. But it's your hair, you're the only one who has to deal with it, so do what makes you happy. There's a wealth of information here for whatever you decide. You also just may want to try wigging it up or getting braids for a while and see if you still feel the same way in another month or two.

 

[brownbean96]

So sorry to hear about you being sick. That's probably what caused your hair to break - not being able to take care of it. Unfortunately in my opinon, your hair would have broken off if you were relaxed as well - if you didn't have the time to take care of it.

Do you have the time to start taking care of it now? If not, what about getting a protective style - braids or a sew in? I mean you still would have to give it some care but not as much. Meaning you could just work on moisturizing it under the braids, washing it weekly with out it getting tangled.

I have been really sick and one of the main symptoms is fatigue and I have not had the energy to deal with my hair. I am always too tired and thanks for the comments.

 

[4HisGlory]

I agree 100%!!! I hate when ppl fight over being relaxed or natural, whats the big deal?? Its your hair do what feels right, but dont hate on others because they choose the opposite!
I love my hair natural but im not going to say i will never relax again because i love relaxed hair just as much! Im not the one to tell any one, "No, No, stay natural!" Because i know in my right mind that some ppl just arent meant to be natural! Sometimes you just have to go with the flow!

What feels right? Was your hair in better shape when you were relaxed? Do you like your hair better when its straight? Have you tried all methods to get rid of the knots and splits??

@ bolded - Why not?

 

[Damaged but not out]

Give yourself a break.
Do as suggested get some braids, maybe a sew-in with straight hair. I know its the hair on your head but the way we over-obsess about hair, its only natural that u get frustrated and drop off the wagon occasionally. I recently stopped combing my hair for 10 days, because i couldnt face my own bring it 2010 hype!
Why feel like you have to explain or justify such a personal choice to anyone, just maybe next time dont be so militant for one hair state over the next.

Either way ,hope u feel better

 

[shinyblackhair]

Do what you feel is necessary. If you feel you've given natural hair a fair shot, then go ahead and relax it.

I have made sure to not tell friends and family I'll be natural forever. I know I have very thick hair, and I expect at some point it *might* prove to be too much for me, I mean, I know there's a reason why my mom relaxed my hair when I was only 8. However, I know I had to give this a shot and see for myself if I can handle my own God-given texture without chemicals. With that said...I made no promises to any one! LOL.

 

[Solitude]

Don't feel bad; I'm a hypocrite too. But it's your hair, you're the only one who has to deal with it, so do what makes you happy. There's a wealth of information here for whatever you decide. You also just may want to try wigging it up or getting braids for a while and see if you still feel the same way in another month or two.

ITA with this post. Don't feel bad; everyone has changed his or her mind at some point and you are the only one who has to care for your hair.

This haircare thing is a journey; it's hard to tell where it will lead you. Just do what feels right for you.

I truly admire women who wear their hair natural. I saw a woman walking down the street with a huge fro yesterday and I was so jealous...but at the same time, I enjoy wearing my hair relaxed. I love rollersetting my hair and wearing it bouncy/straight. Maybe one day, going natural will be right for me, but not at this point in my life.

ETA: Just remember that healthy, relaxed hair can be a lot of work as well. It seems like the pressure from your hubby may be greatly affecting your decisions, just make sure it's what YOU want to do...growing your hair back out will take a long time.

 

[Eritreladiee]

OP, if it's truly something you wanna do- go for it! Who cares if you come off like a hypocrite. Just take it as a lesson learned not to be so judgmental of other people and their decisions in life (cuz hey, it really could be you)

Anyway, had I been relaxed and part of your family/friends, I'd make sure to give you heeeelll when u relax, so just be ready to hear it, take it easy and laugh at yourself every now and then. And life goes on- so good luck!

@ bolded - Why not?

Natural hair is not for everyone, because some people simply don't like it. I'd rather have them relax than hear them complain all damn day about their hair, but thats just me

 

[ceebee3]

If you don't like your natural hair, just relax it. If it makes you feel wrong, then don't do it.

 

[JinaRicci]

Being natural or relaxed is just a choice. Don't let it get you down. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Eluv]

I'm thinking maybe you feel this way because you did their relaxers and fresh relaxed hair is so silky and pretty. Every time I see my relaxed relatives I love touching their hair. But I also love playing with my sister locs. OK I'm just crazy and I love running my fingers through my relatives locs, natural, or relaxed hair.

Maybe you should try braids for a while and if you still feel like relaxing, just do it. Who cares what anyone else thinks. That's your hair.

 

[ToyToy]

You're human. You're entitled to change your mind. If you want to relax, relax.

 

[HairTreasure]

I looked at your fotki album and I must say that I LOVE the way your natural hair looks. That pony tail is so cute!

I am very sorry to hear that this a problem for you and your husband. I know that it probably puts even more pressure on you to want to relax.

If this is what YOU want to do then you should go for it! After all you know what it is like to deal with both textures, but if you are wanting to do it because of pressure from others , then I suggest you rethink this. Maybe you can really have a heart to heart with DH about hair being difficult sometimes whether it is natural or relaxed. I hope that you find the problem of those pesty little knots and be able to enjoy your natural texture.

If you don't want to continue with your natural hair, maybe you can try texlaxing before you fully relax. If you do decide to relax and your friends and family have something smart to say; just admit that you should not have slammed relaxers and from now on you will encourage others to do what is best for THEIR hair. Best of Luck to you!

 

[JJamiah]

I transitioned in 07 and went fully natural in 08. Now after slamming relaxers to family and friends I want to go back. I am not happy with my hair. It has grown a lot but the knots will not stop and its breaking. I have an appt for a press today but I know its not going to last because it never does. I really want to change to a relaxer but I said i would never go back and now I want to...

I agree Laugh it off, it is a life lesson don't say never, or be judgemental towards other peoples choices that don't affect you.

But don't feel like a hypocrite, you CHANGED your mind.

Also from experience don't make rash decisions about your hair based on the husbands. I cut my hair off completely bald to upset my husband, and now I am in growing it back. ONce you relax your hair, it's permanent. Of course until new hair grows back. Just to say do it for you and only you.

Don't worry about people saying, you said you said, do it for you! okay

 

[LiberianGirl]

@ bolded - Why not?

Not to derail the thread but I want to know the answer to that question too. I keep reading similar statements on this board. I don't quite understand how someone's natural hair cannot be for them..maybe I'm just not fully understanding the statement?

 

[4HisGlory]

I'll start a new thread

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

I'll start a new thread

Yes, I would like to read it as well.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Not to derail the thread but I want to know the answer to that question too. I keep reading similar statements on this board. I don't quite understand how someone's natural hair cannot be for them..maybe I'm just not fully understanding the statement?

Me too. Inquiring mind lol.

 

[taz007]

Not to derail the thread but I want to know the answer to that question too. I keep reading similar statements on this board. I don't quite understand how someone's natural hair cannot be for them..maybe I'm just not fully understanding the statement?

Here is the way that I see it. Just like someone who is going gray. They may not like their natural graying hair, so they change it.

God blessed me with naturally bucked teeth. That doesn't mean that I have to go around looking like Black Beauty. I got them fixed. Just my preference.

I do what pleases me and let others do what pleases them as well.

Again, this is just my opinion on this matter.

OP, you are the only one that has to deal with your hair. Do whatever makes you happy whether it be natural or relaxed.

 

[4HisGlory]

New thread started.

OP, I apologize for getting off topic. The other ladies have provided some wonderful options to maintain and change up your natural hair. I wish you the best of luck with your decision!

 

[likewtr4chklit]

I have been really sick and one of the main symptoms is fatigue and I have not had the energy to deal with my hair. I am always too tired and thanks for the comments.

I doubt the texture of your hair will fix anything. Relaxed hair needs just as much if not more TLC as natural hair.

ETA: after going back and reading more, it seems you just don't like your nat. hair. Girl just relax it if it bother you THAT much. But must take care of it or you'll be making a "set back" thread.

 

[TamedTresses]

I transitioned in 07 and went fully natural in 08. Now after slamming relaxers to family and friends I want to go back. I am not happy with my hair. It has grown a lot but the knots will not stop and its breaking. I have an appt for a press today but I know its not going to last because it never does. I really want to change to a relaxer but I said i would never go back and now I want to...

It's your hair so you can do with it as you please. I don't believe in the "natural" vs "relaxed" hype. They both have their pros and cons. I have heard many strong arguments for both, and its like

When I told my boyfriend I was planning to go natural he gave me the sideways glance and told me it wouldnt look good, but when I did it he LOVED it. I had to fight with him to keep his hand out of my hair . I went back to the creamy crack just over a year ago and he is still trying to convince me to go natural again. Ummm...NO. Wear your hair how you want to. It is your hair...not your hubby's, friends, or family members. Just remember to respect their hair choices as well.

 

[supermodelsonya]

New thread started.

OP, I apologize for getting off topic. The other ladies have provided some wonderful options to maintain and change up your natural hair. I wish you the best of luck with your decision!

Was that the quickest a thread has ever been closed? i'm curious.