Tired and THISCLOSE to Relaxing!

[hokimomi]

Hi Ladies, (Sorry so long)

I am fairly new around here. There is such a wealth of info but I think I may have hit overload. After transitioning for almost a year (Oct.08 was the last relaxer) I have hit a dry spell.

When I first joined LHCF, I went crazy with reading, researching and buying tons of products. I quickly settled into a routine of baggying, Co-washing 2x/week & DC once a week, due to my schedule and hair 'temperament'. I have had alot going on, I have been BEYOND stressed and neglecting my hair! I am talking @ no washing, no DC, no nothing. Heck, I finally combed it tonight after TWO days of not doing so! I know, save me the lecture!

Anyways, I have tried to look in the older threads, but can't find what I want. I am beyond frusturated and (quite frankly.....BORED) with my hair. I only rock buns and phony ponies. I saw some older pics of my hair relaxed and I missed it. I realize that my lust @ naturals is of those whose hair texture is NOT mine. I am kinky and no that there is no way around that.

My question is.....Do I continue to transition and hope/pray that it will get better? Is telaxing an option, since I am not totally straightening my hair? I tried to look up some pics but in the archive, I didn't see anything. What really is my option at this point?

I hate the thought of going back to braids, my edges are perfect as they are. I was thinking of a weave, but wanted to ask you ladies before I went that route. I really am afraid to admit that I got caught up in seeing if I could transition, when maybe this natural state of hair isn't really for me. Just being honest. Thanks for any feedback. erplexed

 

[Skiggle]

Bumping it for you...

 

[Platinum]

Hang in there with the transition. Don't let frustration be the reason why you choose to relax//texlax. Hopefully, some of the longterm transition veterans can chime in to help you.

 

[ceebee3]

Why don't you hide it for a while longer with a weave or wigs and let it grow out some more. You may find that you like your natural hair with more length.

You can always go back to relaxing but it's a much longer process to transition.

Don't make any permanent decisions in a state of frustration.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Pandora1975]

Personally, as frustrated as I am, I've decided to stick with natural a bit longer. Once I start working and if I can't keep up with my hair, I'm considering liquid keratin. All I know is that with relaxer, my hair was not healthy, no matter what I tried. My shoulder length hair would be nape length in 6 months.

Do what works for you. Just be sure that you give it good thought so you won't resent your decision. Weaves, if done right, can be very liberating. Its the second option I am considering, thought I'm leaning more towards half wigs and phonies. Plus, if you decide you're tired of that, you can just go buy some more!

 

[skegeesmb]

Well when I did a transition when I went natural a few years ago I just got tired at around the same point you did, and I just cut it off. I didn't want to deal with the two textures. You can always flat iron it instead for a change. I know I did roller sets, and braid outs.

Hairlove, I don't know if she is active still or not, had a wonderful album of her transitioning. She would use a really rich butter, cornroll her hair and then use perm rods on the end. When it dried she would wear that out. I've done that a few times on my relaxed hair and it worked out. I even did that when I was transitioning at one point (decided to relax at the 8 month point because I didn't want to cut it).

I hope some more people can give you some advice.

 

[jennboo]

Hi Ladies, (Sorry so long)

I am fairly new around here. There is such a wealth of info but I think I may have hit overload. After transitioning for almost a year (Oct.08 was the last relaxer) I have hit a dry spell.

When I first joined LHCF, I went crazy with reading, researching and buying tons of products. I quickly settled into a routine of baggying, Co-washing 2x/week & DC once a week, due to my schedule and hair 'temperament'. I have had alot going on, I have been BEYOND stressed and neglecting my hair! I am talking @ no washing, no DC, no nothing. Heck, I finally combed it tonight after TWO days of not doing so! I know, save me the lecture!

Anyways, I have tried to look in the older threads, but can't find what I want. I am beyond frusturated and (quite frankly.....BORED) with my hair. I only rock buns and phony ponies. I saw some older pics of my hair relaxed and I missed it. I realize that my lust @ naturals is of those whose hair texture is NOT mine. I am kinky and no that there is no way around that.

My question is.....Do I continue to transition and hope/pray that it will get better? Is telaxing an option, since I am not totally straightening my hair? I tried to look up some pics but in the archive, I didn't see anything. What really is my option at this point?

I hate the thought of going back to braids, my edges are perfect as they are. I was thinking of a weave, but wanted to ask you ladies before I went that route. I really am afraid to admit that I got caught up in seeing if I could transition, when maybe this natural state of hair isn't really for me. Just being honest. Thanks for any feedback. erplexed

I don't recommend relaxing, the chems aren't good for ya. If you really are not pleased wth your hair texture as is, you can start researching ways that you can naturally mimic other textures via wet sets.

I am partial to braids as a way to hide hair until it gets to desired length/health...depending on how you wear your braids, you may not need to even braid your edges at all. A weave with all your natural hair braided underneath is good protection and a way to switch it up.

 

[Long-n-Strong_Naturally]

Hokimomi,

Go back and read your signature...

"Never be afraid to TRY: Remember amateurs built the ARK, professionals built the TITANIC!"

If you don't try you won't know. You've come this far. Be kind to yourself and your hair. You are just experiencing one of many plateaus, ride it out. The ARK wasn't built in a day

CG

 

[SelahOco]

(((HUGS)))

Don't do anything while you're feeling like this. Get some braids or otherwise hide your hair and start to look at natural heads with your texture. Sometimes seeing your options can help you embrace your natural coils.

If you want versatility, you have some options there too. Hang in there, just keep DCing and doing your research. HIDE HIDE HIDE your hair until you know for sure.

 

[blackbarbie]

hokimomi,
It is not uncommon at all to feel like this (especially at about this point). The one thing I would recommend just as someone else posted is not to do anything right now while you are feeling frustrated.

If it will make you feel better while you are trying to get through this rough patch, you can try weaves and 1/2 wigs. Some ladies have done this with great results. Doing this will give you a sense of your "old hair" while transitioning and you won't have to deal with your "new hair" (NG) for a bit while still transitioning. You have come very far and it is much easier to continue than to relax and then realize that you really didn't mean to and then start the transition over again.

Think about the real reasons you decided to transition and see if that leads you back to the decision and place you are right now.

Whatever your final decision is, just make sure it's one that suits you and makes you happy. Good luck in whatever decision you make.

BB

 

[TemiLnd]

Im sorry you feel frustrated. Try and hang in there. If you can't deal with your hair for a while put it away. I know you don't want to go back into braids but why not try cornrows or some form of braiding. Don't give up!!

 

[Demi27]

OMG! I swear you sound like me last week.
After all this time, I came to the realization yesterday that I just have coarse, kinky hair (which I love), but which also means that I cannot do a lot of the same things that other ladies do (wash and go, cowash daily, etc).

I finally realized, yesterday, that my hair needs to be straight. I didn't relax it or anything, but I had to flat iron it and will have to wear it in buns that way.

I haven't read the other responses yet, but have you looked into 1/2 wigs? I just purchased four 1/2 wigs in the past two weeks. I also purchased some cheap track hair so that I can try to make a stocking cap wig. I am determined to NOT relax my hair if I can help it.

Do you think you may be able to do any of those things?

I feel for you because I know EXACTLY how you feel. (((HUGS)))

 

[Carrie A]

Ride it out so you can see what your natural hair is like. You really can't get the full picture when you have relaxed ends. Once you BC it'll be like having a brand new head of hair. It takes time to get used to working with the texture but there are plenty of options and plenty of support. At least give yourself the pleasure of being completely natural since you've invested this much time.

PS. I relaxed after 1.5+ tears of transitioning and I regreted it. I started over right away and completed the transition. Working with my natural hair has been very rewarding. Hang in there!

 

[Ronnieaj]

IMO, until you're fully natural, you don't REALLY know your hair type. My hair was, and is, as coarse, thick, and dense as they come. I figured I was a 4a from the little bit of new growth, but I really didn't see any curl definition until the relaxer was gone and not pulling my ends down. Buns and phony ponies are certainly not the only option, as other ladies here have mentioned. As a matter of fact, I did neither during my entire transition. I wore braidouts and flatironed on occasion, and did a full transition after 10 months. I say wait it out, give your hair a chance to really be your hair, in its natural state, before making the determination that you don't like it because it's too kinky, etc. I never thought I would love my hair in its natural state until I really saw it, and now I can't imagine why I didn't do this sooner. Give it and yourself a chance, and then if you don't like it, feel free to texlax or relax again.

 

[DecemberBaby]

The other ladies have given you some really good advice. I just wanted to give you some encouragement too and say hang in there!

 

[1QTPie]

Precisely why I chopped my hair off instead of being ticked all the time at my dry, frizzy, unable to be combed, constantly breaking mess. My "transition" hair was the WORST, I didn't even give it a good try.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

 

[hokimomi]

Personally, as frustrated as I am, I've decided to stick with natural a bit longer. Once I start working and if I can't keep up with my hair, I'm considering liquid keratin. All I know is that with relaxer, my hair was not healthy, no matter what I tried. My shoulder length hair would be nape length in 6 months.

Do what works for you. Just be sure that you give it good thought so you won't resent your decision. Weaves, if done right, can be very liberating. Its the second option I am considering, thought I'm leaning more towards half wigs and phonies. Plus, if you decide you're tired of that, you can just go buy some more!

This may sound funny, but I have NEVER been comfortable with weaves. It may be due to inexperience or just lack of knowledge, but you piqued my interest. Very TRUE @ buying more, I may just need to head to the local BSS and get to work!

Well when I did a transition when I went natural a few years ago I just got tired at around the same point you did, and I just cut it off. I didn't want to deal with the two textures. You can always flat iron it instead for a change. I know I did roller sets, and braid outs.

Hairlove, I don't know if she is active still or not, had a wonderful album of her transitioning. She would use a really rich butter, cornroll her hair and then use perm rods on the end. When it dried she would wear that out. I've done that a few times on my relaxed hair and it worked out. I even did that when I was transitioning at one point (decided to relax at the 8 month point because I didn't want to cut it).

I hope some more people can give you some advice.

Thanks for referring me to Hairlove, I will be stalking it if I can find her....

Hokimomi,

Go back and read your signature...

"Never be afraid to TRY: Remember amateurs built the ARK, professionals built the TITANIC!"

If you don't try you won't know. You've come this far. Be kind to yourself and your hair. You are just experiencing one of many plateaus, ride it out. The ARK wasn't built in a day

CG

Well said...Well Said.

(((HUGS)))

Don't do anything while you're feeling like this. Get some braids or otherwise hide your hair and start to look at natural heads with your texture. Sometimes seeing your options can help you embrace your natural coils.

If you want versatility, you have some options there too. Hang in there, just keep DCing and doing your research. HIDE HIDE HIDE your hair until you know for sure.

I think that is what I need to do, hide it. I have been so 'in' it and trying to fake my happiness at my decision. I was just tired of faking it which is why I finally turned to this board. I even hate to admit that I have fallen off my challenge groups that I joined, I was just soooooo angry with how this transition has played out! erplexed

hokimomi,
It is not uncommon at all to feel like this (especially at about this point). The one thing I would recommend just as someone else posted is not to do anything right now while you are feeling frustrated.

If it will make you feel better while you are trying to get through this rough patch, you can try weaves and 1/2 wigs. Some ladies have done this with great results. Doing this will give you a sense of your "old hair" while transitioning and you won't have to deal with your "new hair" (NG) for a bit while still transitioning. You have come very far and it is much easier to continue than to relax and then realize that you really didn't mean to and then start the transition over again.

Think about the real reasons you decided to transition and see if that leads you back to the decision and place you are right now.

Whatever your final decision is, just make sure it's one that suits you and makes you happy. Good luck in whatever decision you make.

BB

I think the real reason why I first transitioned is because it seemed EASY at the time. Well, well, look how things have changed!

That is what I fear, regretting the decision, but I get so JEALOUS of how much 'fun' it seems to be liberated from the chemicals we as transitioners/naturals avoid. I may just need to really sit still, look at MY LIFE SITUATION and be honest if it is attainable with my hair goals!

OMG! I swear you sound like me last week.
After all this time, I came to the realization yesterday that I just have coarse, kinky hair (which I love), but which also means that I cannot do a lot of the same things that other ladies do (wash and go, cowash daily, etc).

I finally realized, yesterday, that my hair needs to be straight. I didn't relax it or anything, but I had to flat iron it and will have to wear it in buns that way.

I haven't read the other responses yet, but have you looked into 1/2 wigs? I just purchased four 1/2 wigs in the past two weeks. I also purchased some cheap track hair so that I can try to make a stocking cap wig. I am determined to NOT relax my hair if I can help it.

Do you think you may be able to do any of those things?

I feel for you because I know EXACTLY how you feel. (((HUGS)))

Yeah, I really think that I was lusting at people who did NOT have my hair type. I can't sit and daydream at Type 3 peeps when I am a 4B or whatever have you. It sounds crazy but I really was being naive in thinking it. Like I said, I really don't have experience with weaves, and wigs are another diff. animal. I may just need to research how it can be done from you ladies that KNOW what you are doing! Do you have a fotki that shows how to do a stocking cap wig? B/c I have no CLUE how to do that either! erplexed

Ride it out so you can see what your natural hair is like. You really can't get the full picture when you have relaxed ends. Once you BC it'll be like having a brand new head of hair. It takes time to get used to working with the texture but there are plenty of options and plenty of support. At least give yourself the pleasure of being completely natural since you've invested this much time.

PS. I relaxed after 1.5+ tears of transitioning and I regreted it. I started over right away and completed the transition. Working with my natural hair has been very rewarding. Hang in there!

Thanks, and good point. My hair is so ____ right now and I really can't even get a clear pic of what is going on. I THINK it is 4b, but I could be wrong. I want to have that feeling that you have now!

Precisely why I chopped my hair off instead of being ticked all the time at my dry, frizzy, unable to be combed, constantly breaking mess. My "transition" hair was the WORST, I didn't even give it a good try.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

You made me laugh/smile. I feel that way. I just really want to enjoy the process and I guess the hard part is officially underway.

I REALLY appreciate all of the feedback, it gave me a diff. way of thinking and looking at my situation. I can confidently say that I will be visiting the local BSS and trying to find some options to hide my hair. I will keep going and see where I end up. THANKS to you all! This is the best $6 I have spent in a long time!

 

[growth2come]

Dont rush to relaxing when you are just frastrated you might regret it when that feeling passes. Anyway, like some of the ladies said you can try other things, half or full wigs. You can use natural relaxers to soften the hair if thats what you are struggling with, you can try shingling(fantasia gel, kccc,...) twist outs.....there are endless options....goodluck

 

[kinkylyfe]

I now EXACTLY how you feel! It is soooo easy to get a relaxer and call it a day but in reality your transitioning for a reason. As I transitioined, I kept my hair in braids, weave and half wigs, at the same time I was gratually cutting off the permed ends. On day, I decided to cut all the perm off and it was approximatley ear length stretched.

Often times, we see pic of people with 3c hair and it looks nice & we think our hair (4b's) will look like a 3c when it won't. I stalked fotki's with similar hair texture as mine, experiemented with products& techniques they used.

Going NATURAL is a journey and it is challenging! Hold on---

 

[Demi27]

OP, I have absolutely NO idea of how to do a stocking cap weave BUT there are NUMEROUS tutorials on YouTube on how to do them.
I was looking at them last night.
Just do a search on "How to make a quick weave," or "Stocking cap weave," There are so many of them.

One thing I AM going to do when I finally make one, though, is sew wig clips inside instead of just having the stocking cap on my head. I saw someone make a 1/2 wig with a stocking cap and she sewed wig clips inside. I loved it!

 

[dyh080]

I agree with one of the posts....just cut it off and be 100% natural. I never transitioned because I thought it would be a pain and not worth it. I've been natural 20+ years. I would have no tolerance for two textures of hair!