Husband and I fought over airdrying hair

[Nice & Wavy]

I just got a semi-relaxer.




Do I have to compromise -ith him? I could roller set or lightly blo-dry. Only to make him happy though. Is that -hat marriage is?

No, that's not what marriage is....kathryn, just give him a kiss, tell him you love him, and continue on with your hair the way you have been doing it. He will see in the end that you are doing the best thing.

 

[Momstar]

I compromise in my marriage on just about everything. But not my hair. I just don't see why you have to compromise about YOUR hairerplexed

I kno- right! I'm just going to do my thing. My hair is coming along okay right no-, it's just short but if I do -hat he -ants it's never going to get any-here.

 

[knt1229]

To be honest I think my husband is upset that I don't do anything to my hair to make it look nice. Because if I did he ouldn't say anything. But I am not going to flat iron my hair everytime I shampoo just to sit in the house caring for the baby.[/quote]

Kathryn,

Based on your comment above maybe it's not airdrying your hair that is the problem. Maybe your husband is tired of you not looking nice for him. Maybe you should put your hair in a really nice style, put on makeup, a sexy outfit that you know he likes, make his favorite dinner, put the baby to bed and just enjoy each other.

Just because you are married with kids doesn't mean your husband doesn't need to be turned on by the beautiful woman he married.

Girl, bring out that pretty lady he married and set it off up in the house a few nights a week. Shoot at this point he'd probably be happy with just one night a week.

 

[C@ssandr@]

My live-in BF fights me about coming on this website I just don't do my hair hobbies around him anymore. Then I realized he was upset because my hair would look a mess when he came home and sometimes when we went out. I was a newbie at the time and creating a regimen. Now I keep my hobby to myself and pull it together when he's home. And I fix it up when we go out

 

[mscocoface]

Unfortunately, there is no way to make both of you happy. Someone is not going to get get their way. I get the feeling your inlaws and husband have discussed the matter of your hair at least on one or two occasions.

When some people have long hair and you are trying to obtain that goal they are PERCEIVED as the expert but just because they have grown their hair to those lengths does not mean that what they did to get long fairy tale mythical hair is good for the growth of your hair.

You are going to have to determine what is right for you and chnge up the way it is discussed, if at all.

You know what to do, let us know what happens.

 

[MissNina]

How long have you been here?


Just wondering cos i was about to give advice thinking you are a newbie then i saw your join date

Slightly OT: But your join date is just the date you signed up to be a member, free or paid. It isn't really an indication of your hair journey. I joined in 03 but I was new in undergrad and NOT thinking about my hair. I didn't really visit here/start my journey until close to this time last year.

And OP - your husband and MIL apparently don't know any better.

 

[Southern Belle]

Aside from the fact that my husband would rather hang himself than to talk about hair, if he TRIED to argue with me about MY hair, I'd laugh in his face. Seriously.

 

[Urban]

To be honest I think my husband is upset that I don't do anything to my hair to make it look nice. Because if I did he ouldn't say anything. But I am not going to flat iron my hair everytime I shampoo just to sit in the house caring for the baby.

Kathryn,

Based on your comment above maybe it's not airdrying your hair that is the problem. Maybe your husband is tired of you not looking nice for him. Maybe you should put your hair in a really nice style, put on makeup, a sexy outfit that you know he likes, make his favorite dinner, put the baby to bed and just enjoy each other.

Just because you are married with kids doesn't mean your husband doesn't need to be turned on by the beautiful woman he married.

Girl, bring out that pretty lady he married and set it off up in the house a few nights a week. Shoot at this point he'd probably be happy with just one night a week.

Thank you!! As soon as I read the first post, I was going to post that this is NOT about the airdrying!!

 

[silenttullip]

I'm pretty upset but I am trying to see the forum's thoughts on airdrying verses using a plug in blo-dryer. I have hair problems that come and go. I'm not sure the reason. I currently shampoo and deep condition 4 times per month and I let my hair air dry and at this time I use the 3/4 falls. It's pretty short so it doesn't take long- see avatar. Anyhoo, he seemed really passionate about not airdrying and that I should use the plug in dryer or else my hair is going to get mold and fall out. I thought heat drying should be avoided. I can avoid it because I stay at home. So my question is, Is that true? Should I blo dry my hair everytime it gets cleaned or moist? Oh yeah, his mother says the same thing about blo drying and his sister has really long natural hair, to her aist.

The closest I can come to him making sense is (sleeping on wet hair or wet hair under a wig or something for hours) now that has been said to cause fungus or dermatitus but not technically "mold" so if you wash your hair in the day and let it air dry you are fine. I'm new here but I've been natural for years and usually air dry.

 

[Anew]

I have never heard of this one, lol... No your hair won't mold from air drying. I air dry and sometimes throw a scarf on top and the only thing that happens is the obvious, air dried hair...

 

[newflowers]

Thank you!! As soon as I read the first post, I was going to post that this is NOT about the airdrying!!

Staying home with a baby, especially new baby, is tiring, time consuming, and hard work. I remember when I was nursing my youngest two - I felt as if I got to brush my teeth I was doing damn good for the day and that's not even talking about the emotional post partum roller coaster. This is a difficult time for you.

I agree the point is less about the mold even up there is the PNW - you may choose not to compromise about your hair, but perhaps you'll consider talking to your dh about the reasons - as pointed out, he may be looking for the pre-baby you and sees the casual air-dried style as a sign that you don't care to be pretty for him. Men can be a little funny sometimes. At any rate, you two need conversation - perhaps you "interested" mil can babysit while you and he go out, even if just for a coffee or tea, and have some conversation, some much needed conversation.

And for your scalp that was burned, I recommend skinbio's copper peptide - hair signals is the new one expressly for the scalp.

 

[Hairsnob]

It's funny that I was thinking the same thing, there's more to it. I agree with what everyone else says, keep your hair hobby to yourself and don't even ask him his opinion about your regimen and I can't imagine him even caring to talk about hair for more than 5 seconds. If I get to talking about hair to my BF I think I suddenly sound like the parents from Charlie Brown and he tunes me out. They really DON'T understand what we go through to look the way we look because they only care about the end result. As far as they're concerned we only have to shampoo and condition and go. The same way we think we just get in the car and turn the key and go and not worry about tuning it up or changing the oil.

But one thing that made me wonder was, do you think he could just be throwing a hint to a smell you might have had in your hair? I say this because I like to fry chicken occasionally and the smell can get in there but I only fry it when I know I'm about to wash it. I'm very sensitive to smells and he just may be the same way. Also, some oils can make your hair smell after a few days. Not saying your hair is smelly but it's something to think about. But air drying alone is not going to cause mold or smells.

Good luck!

 

[lovenharmony]

ahhh, It all started ith a perm, follo ed too soon by a jheri curl and it's been an uphill battle ever since. There have been bad perms, a fire incident and rough combing. I can't get into it too much but it's been a lot. The only time I started to get better is after I joined here in college. I still have breakeage in the back sometimes- here it got burned- don't ask.

I'm assuming your keyboard doesn't have a W, right?

 

[*Muffin*]

I just think this is his way of hinting at you that he wants you to pull of more straight looks, or he doesn't like to feel of wet hair . But he's playing it smart by making it seem like he's concerned about YOU.

 

[tailormade84]

Anyhoo, he seemed really passionate about not airdrying and that I should use the plug in dryer or else my hair is going to get mold and fall out.

i almost pee'd my pants LOL.....your poor DH has been misinformed - don't be mad at him, be mad at the lie that was told to him

i hope ya'll kiss and make up soon because there aint much use in being all upset over lies

 

[Jetblackhair]

To be honest I think my husband is upset that I don't do anything to my hair to make it look nice. Because if I did he ouldn't say anything. But I am not going to flat iron my hair everytime I shampoo just to sit in the house caring for the baby.

Kathryn,

Based on your comment above maybe it's not airdrying your hair that is the problem. Maybe your husband is tired of you not looking nice for him. Maybe you should put your hair in a really nice style, put on makeup, a sexy outfit that you know he likes, make his favorite dinner, put the baby to bed and just enjoy each other.

Just because you are married with kids doesn't mean your husband doesn't need to be turned on by the beautiful woman he married.

Girl, bring out that pretty lady he married and set it off up in the house a few nights a week. Shoot at this point he'd probably be happy with just one night a week. [/quote]

The air drying is just an excuse. Your dh just wants you to look nicer with your styling. He probably figures if you blow dry it, it will look nicer.

Does your dh blow dry his hair after every wash?

 

[tailormade84]

I just think this is his way of hinting at you that .......he doesn't like to feel of wet hair . But he's playing it smart by making it seem like he's concerned about YOU.

LOL!!!! ITA!!! My DH hates when i come around him with wet hair.....

 

[Momstar]

Staying home with a baby, especially new baby, is tiring, time consuming, and hard work. I remember when I was nursing my youngest two - I felt as if I got to brush my teeth I was doing damn good for the day and that's not even talking about the emotional post partum roller coaster. This is a difficult time for you.

perhaps you "interested" mil can babysit while you and he go out, even if just for a coffee or tea, and have some conversation, some much needed conversation.

And for your scalp that was burned, I recommend skinbio's copper peptide - hair signals is the new one expressly for the scalp.

Yes getting the basics done feels like an achievement.

My MIL loves to take the baby but then I have to convince this man to take me someplace besides the grocery store.

I'm going to look for the skinbio stuff,thanks.

 

[Momstar]

[

But one thing that made me wonder was, do you think he could just be throwing a hint to a smell you might have had in your hair? I say this because I like to fry chicken occasionally and the smell can get in there but I only fry it when I know I'm about to wash it. I'm very sensitive to smells and he just may be the same way. Also, some oils can make your hair smell after a few days. Not saying your hair is smelly but it's something to think about. But air drying alone is not going to cause mold or smells.

Good luck![/QUOTE]

He said it didn't smell, I even let him smell it once it dried and he seemed please. Although he may have caught a hint of something -hen I used the Shapley's MTG. I only use that before I shampoo . But after all his concern I'm certainly not going to tell him I bought and sometimes use horse oil for my hair.

 

[Momstar]

LOL!!!! ITA!!! My DH hates when i come around him with wet hair.....

I'm not to keen on hints. That just leaves too much to guess and I can get creative and completely miss the point.
I'm really glad I posted about this because there have been several valid points that I am going to consider next time I do my hair,like maybe keep going after it dries and do it during his time at the job.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

How can your hair grow mold if there's not bacteria? BTW, is your husband caribbean?

 

[Momstar]

How can your hair grow mold if there's not bacteria? BTW, is your husband caribbean?

By george, ho did you kno- that? Is that a Caribbean thing?

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Well explain to him that a cheap blowdryer is damaging and dries the hair out. But if he gets you an expensive ceramic/tourmaline dryer...this would actually smoothe the cuticles if used properly. Then kindly tell him to give you $150 to go buy you a ceramic blowdryer..... I bet he'll shut his mouth then.

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

mold? lol i wore twists at summer camp in highschool...
wet hair all day, swimming, no products, etc... and my hair was healthier then! LOL
definitely no mold... ever

 

[IDareT'sHair]

Chances are at least 85-95% of us growing up got our hair washed and braided to dry. That was how we did it in the Black Community. (Prior to Relaxing)

When I was growing up (4 Girls) We got our Hair Washed on a Friday, Braided and then Pressed Out on Saturday evenings for Church on Sunday. Our mothers washed our hair, greased our scalps and braided it to dry. Never any issues with air-drying. It was a way of life. Never considered Mold, Mildew, Non-Growth or anything of that nature at the time.erplexed

 

[ellehair]

I compromise in my marriage on just about everything. But not my hair. I just don't see why you have to compromise about YOUR hairerplexed

I agree, my husband wants me to wear my hair out and throw all my half wigs away.. but its my hair, and i'm doing whats best for my hair now.. at this point he has seen such progress with my hair he's been dipping in my MT to fill in his thinning hairline!

 

[Butterfly08]

I'm assuming your keyboard doesn't have a W, right?

I was gonna ask that...

I just think this is his way of hinting at you that he wants you to pull of more straight looks, or he doesn't like to feel of wet hair . But he's playing it smart by making it seem like he's concerned about YOU.

YEAH...men are wisening up now I see...

Well explain to him that a cheap blowdryer is damaging and dries the hair out. But if he gets you an expensive ceramic/tourmaline dryer...this would actually smoothe the cuticles if used properly. Then kindly tell him to give you $150 to go buy you a ceramic blowdryer..... I bet he'll shut his mouth then.

Ha! Better yet, go for the $200 model.

 

[brucebettye]

I have been airdrying my hair for over 2 years and I have no issues with mold. Why does your husband care if you airdry or use a blow dryer. My husband has no say so in what I do with my hair. He can express his opinion, but it is my head, my choice.

 

[Momstar]

Well explain to him that a cheap blowdryer is damaging and dries the hair out. But if he gets you an expensive ceramic/tourmaline dryer...this would actually smoothe the cuticles if used properly. Then kindly tell him to give you $150 to go buy you a ceramic blowdryer..... I bet he'll shut his mouth then.

Yeah, I'm trying to come to some kind of settlement so I can get more hair money from him and he agreed to it. I told him I need $300 2x/month. He got pretty pissed. I don't think he'll actually give me that much but I think he'll give me more than in the past.

Last night I put my game face on. I pulled out my curly hair piece, put on some makeup, a short dress and some heels. He seemed please, and that fight is officially over : ).

So next time, I am just going to make sure he doesn't see my routine and maybe I'll dress up every once in a -hile so he feels special.

 

[mscocoface]

Yeah, I'm trying to come to some kind of settlement so I can get more hair money from him and he agreed to it. I told him I need $300 2x/month. He got pretty pissed. I don't think he'll actually give me that much but I think he'll give me more than in the past.

Last night I put my game face on. I pulled out my curly hair piece, put on some makeup, a short dress and some heels. He seemed please, and that fight is officially over : ).

So next time, I am just going to make sure he doesn't see my routine and maybe I'll dress up every once in a -hile so he feels special.

I am happy it looks like both of you have compromised and come to a mutual agreement.

Now I have to ask is your "w" broken on your keyboard or is it me?

Blessings.