SHE RELAXED HER 5 YR OLD'S BEAUTIFUL CURLS!

[TaurusAngel]

My cousin relaxed her dd's hair at 4. I was so upset and hurt, but now at almost 6, that girl's hair has never been longer. Its so healthy and thick. So, as long as a parent can take care of it, then i see no issues. It is their child and they're gonna do what they feel is best

 

[TaurusAngel]

I think some of US are missing the point. Relaxing a child at 5 and not giving them a choice wether to stay NATURAL OR RELAX. If you relax a child at 5, what message are you telling her? That straight hair is better and that there must be something wrong with their hair so thats why they had to relax. Yes, is the child's mother but it is also ok to dye a child's hair at 5? or something that drastic. Its like i seen mothers bleach their kid's skin at 5, so is thats OK because thats her CHILD, and she can do whatever she pleased...IF DONE CORRECTLY the child will not grow up thinking that his dark skin is ugly and he won't grow up with self steem issues.

What about parents whose children are natural but get their hair pressed? I think its the same. If you teach your children right then they won't feel that way about themselves or their hair.

 

[bgsix]

So I'm walking out to go to work today and I see my neighbor and her daughter (my dd's bff who has BEAUTIFUL 3b/c curls) coming down to the bus stop and I notice the little girl is hiding. So I'm like, HEY, don't...then I saw her and her hair was straight. OK, I figured she pressed it. She seems so self-consious so I was like, "your hair looks pretty, did you straighten it" and her mama (who is Italian and her dad is black) said, "yeah, I relaxed it." Everything just stopped...I said, "you wa?" She was like, "yeah, it was so dry and I got some new products, Minazi (Mizani) and I'm happy about my decision." Clearly a signal to say, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!erplexed So I didn't say anything but I was heartbroken. She's FIVE and her hair was BEAUTIFUL! I always tried to help her and I understand I'm not the one that has to take care of it but DANG! I don't want to be judgmental at all but five? Isn't that a little too early to even CONSIDER putting chemicals on your child's head?

See, my problem with this is the mother relaxed simply because she said the child's head was DRY!!! Relaxing only makes this WORSE!!! Most women do not have the knowledge of how to properly take of their own hair much less a child's relaxed head,thereby creating much greater issues.

I believe the ladies on this board who have relaxed their young daughters hair are the exception to norm we see in everyday life.

 

[Caramela]

My mother relaxed my hair when I was 4.
My hair is a 4a, hers is a 3 something and she just didn't know what to do with my hair.
I hate that she relaxed it so early and now I can't break the cycle, but I know she did what was best for her since she was the one taking care of it.

 

[DayStar]

why dont we relax our male children hair?????

I remember going to the ignant south (Savannah Georgia) at the time to live with my mom when i was young and this little boy told me i needed a "perm" because my hair was nappy.....i told he we should set up an appointment together because his hair was just as nappy as mines.

*waiting on the day we start perming our male children's head.*

 

[Menina Preta]

why dont we relax our male children hair?????

I remember going to the ignant south (Savannah Georgia) at the time to live with my mom when i was young and this little boy told me i needed a "perm" because my hair was nappy.....i told he we should set up an appointment together because his hair was just as nappy as mines.

I wish I was as witty as you when I was young. That's the perfect retort!

 

[Southernbella.]

Yes, 5 is too early. There's not even a question. We wouldn't be "she's doing what she feels is best!" about skin bleaching or chemical peels or botox or hair dye or any other cosmetic procedures, so I'm not sure why relaxers are the exception. Oh well. Such is life for black women and children.

 

[Southernbella.]

I was relaxed at five (for the first day of school)... I don't see any problem with it if that is the mothers choice and she is willing to take care of it. I personally will let my child make that decision herself.

If your child doesn't want a relaxer, but you were frustrated with her hair and wanted to relax it, would you honor her wishes anyway? If so, I think that's great!

 

[ghanja]

Oh God I have a similar story. I was young like kindergartden age and I had natural hair...It was long and thick my mother was taking care of it. Then my father behind my mothers back decides to make my hair more manageable and takes me to get a gerri curl. It was pretty but my mother was beyond p'd off. She accepted it though and tried to help but I hated the whole activator thing so When I was about 9 or 10 I got a relaxer on top of the gerri curl and that was the beginning of all my hair drama. I was never happy until I went natural this past year. No one is here to fault a mother or anything but the fact that she is Italian it leads me to believe that she had a hard time taking care of her daughters hair. I have the same issue with my daughter being biracial (I hate that word) anyhow, I really honestly have no idea how to take care of her hair. Ive tried numerous things, I just had to cut off about 4 inches of hair in the mid back because of napps...bad napps. that were deeply tangled. I REFUSE to put any chems in to make it easier for me though. I just hope I can find a regimin that works but should I not when she gets old of enough to take care of her I will support her in finding out what works for her. I wont allow her to put chems in until she fully understands there is no going back.

So again I do not fault the mother, but...I understand what that girl will have to deal with now.

 

[ghanja]

why dont we relax our male children hair?????

I remember going to the ignant south (Savannah Georgia) at the time to live with my mom when i was young and this little boy told me i needed a "perm" because my hair was nappy.....i told he we should set up an appointment together because his hair was just as nappy as mines.

lol Ive had a few "boys" tell me the same b.s but that was way back in the day though

 

[shelli4018]

I remember feeling really sad once at the BSS. A woman brought her young daughter in to purchase a phony pony. I didn't even know they marketed fake hair for kids until then. Anyway, both the girl and her mom had seriously over-processed hair and invisible edges.

There are lots of black women and girls out there who simply don't know how to care for their hair. They really believe it's unmanageable and cover it up as soon as possible with extensions, weaves, phony-tails and/or chemicals.

I just wish we all understood the how many hair choices we truly have. It would be liberating, don't you think?

 

[BostonMaria]

Shelli I love your hair color!!!

I used to take care of a 1 yr old baby a few years ago. Before her 2nd birthday her mom had put a weave in her hair. Her 4 yr old sister always had a weave too. I thought that was a tad too much. Most 1 yr olds don't even have hair. To me its saying to that baby your hair is too ugly so let me slap this thing on your head.

 

[camilla]

Umm if you can't take care of natural hair b/c of moisture issues good luck with relaxed.

I AGREE WITH YOU 100 .........AND THE FACT THAT HER MOM IS WHITE MEANS THAT SHE MAY NOT UNDERSTAND THE MAKE UP OF OUT HAIR DEEP COND. MOISTURIZER LEAVE IN ECT

 

[mamauv2]

After talking with her last night, there are SO many things wrong with her decision and it makes me so sad.

1. She used a lot of products on the little girls hair all the time so the dryness could've honestly just been the need to clarify her hair. Simple solution.
2. She's concerned about letting her daughter "play in her hair" and wear it straight. She seriously said that.
3. She spent all this money on new products that were loaded with mineral oil, parabens, all the bad stuff.
4. She believed that relaxing her hair would make it more manageable but if her father wasn't black, it would've NEVER crossed her mind. She would've found another way to deal with it.
5. The girls hair is destroyed. It's stuck to her head and it hard and brittle and at this point all the mother wants to do is play in it and do new hairstyles. I saw her this morning...straightened and out.

After seeing her this morning, I believe my efforts will be ignored until her hair starts to fall out because it will.

 

[lux10023]

my mom gave me a relaxer at 5 yrs old a sin took me to my aunts salon to do it---no problems---my mom was a mom who didnt know how to do hair---

my hair was long and thick and grew--- ive been going to my aunts salon since i was 5 yrs old so--in my siggy pic thats me at 4 yr sold--i had alotta hair--it was crazy--

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

So I'm walking out to go to work today and I see my neighbor and her daughter (my dd's bff who has BEAUTIFUL 3b/c curls) coming down to the bus stop and I notice the little girl is hiding. So I'm like, HEY, don't...then I saw her and her hair was straight. OK, I figured she pressed it. She seems so self-consious so I was like, "your hair looks pretty, did you straighten it" and her mama (who is Italian and her dad is black) said, "yeah, I relaxed it." Everything just stopped...I said, "you wa?" She was like, "yeah, it was so dry and I got some new products, Minazi (Mizani) and I'm happy about my decision." Clearly a signal to say, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!erplexed So I didn't say anything but I was heartbroken. She's FIVE and her hair was BEAUTIFUL! I always tried to help her and I understand I'm not the one that has to take care of it but DANG! I don't want to be judgmental at all but five? Isn't that a little too early to even CONSIDER putting chemicals on your child's head?

I hate to say it but it's very common with white women and mixed children. They should seek help from a salon first. Her hair was dry...cracking, damaged??? So, she relaxed it. OY! I hope I don't spit up. I mean, what, they expected smooth long caucasian hair with a Black man? I'm sorry, you have the child, learn to love him/her by taking care of the child IN THE NATURAL. Dayum. Relax, smelax!@ whoof.

This leads to a question I've seen asked by a child online who was being interviewed by a hair expert and scientist, Dr. Willie Morrow. The kid asked if these people who make these chemicals (and the child knew that most of the companies are not Black-owned/Black science) use them on themselves and their families. Chemicals can be a healthy part of haircare if used properly. A 5-year old child whose mother has probably never seen a relaxer given, let alone given one, and is most likely is not aware of the dangers to her child, should NEVER have had that done to her. You are right in feeling bad about it. I certainly do.

 

[MochaEyeCandy]

My mom didn't know how to manage my hair (she's 3a/b, I'm 4a) so instead of learning or leaving it to someone who was familiar with my texture she cut it...repeatedly. I hate it when parents make decisions (especially poorly informed decisions) because the end result makes their life easier. Yeah cause that's what parenting is all about, what's best for you.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

This is something I will NEVER EVER agree with or understand. 5 years old is a BABY. What's next? Dying her hair because you always wanted a blonde child? Children's scalps are much more sensitive than ours. The thought of putting something in my child's head that could burn them, blind them, destroy their hair is darn right abusive to me.

And this has nothing to do with my social beliefs about relaxers and black children.


*waiting on the day we start perming our male children's head.*

I actually know of folks that happened to. They didn't want folks to know their, ahem, ethnicity.

 

[JustKiya]

As long as grown black women believe they need to perm their hair (for whatever reason), babies will be getting perms. Don't make it right, by any stretch of imagination, but I don't understand the shock and surprise.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

My mom didn't know how to manage my hair (she's 3a/b, I'm 4a) so instead of learning or leaving it to someone who was familiar with my texture she cut it...repeatedly. I hate it when parents make decisions (especially poorly informed decisions) because the end result makes their life easier. Yeah cause that's what parenting is all about, what's best for you.

Well, as a parent of four, I can certainly tell you that being responsible for them, working and taking care of them, sometimes choices must be made. We parents are not perfect. And future parents will not be perfect. At least, she should have made an educated choice. Maybe someone suggested it to her. And I'm thinking about her dry and limp hair now...and touchups. Poor mother, poor child.

 

[NikStarrr]

I do think 5 years old is too young for any chemical process. But we live in a "quick fix" society. So I'm not surprised that the mother chose that first before trying to research products or learning how to do her daughter's hair. oh well.

 

[GOD]

Why does it seem like the people that are most "shocked" or "stunned" have a certain agenda against perms?

 

[BeetleBug]

After talking with her last night, there are SO many things wrong with her decision and it makes me so sad.

1. She used a lot of products on the little girls hair all the time so the dryness could've honestly just been the need to clarify her hair. Simple solution.
2. She's concerned about letting her daughter "play in her hair" and wear it straight. She seriously said that.
3. She spent all this money on new products that were loaded with mineral oil, parabens, all the bad stuff.
4. She believed that relaxing her hair would make it more manageable but if her father wasn't black, it would've NEVER crossed her mind. She would've found another way to deal with it.
5. The girls hair is destroyed. It's stuck to her head and it hard and brittle and at this point all the mother wants to do is play in it and do new hairstyles. I saw her this morning...straightened and out.

After seeing her this morning, I believe my efforts will be ignored until her hair starts to fall out because it will.

Can you blame her? That's what most black women say about relaxers.

 

[Ramya]

Why does it seem like the people that are most "shocked" or "stunned" have a certain agenda against perms?

Hey there I'm one of the shocked and stunned. This seems a bit extreme to me. I'm not from a background of young children's hair being relaxed so this is very new and odd to me. That along with the comments the mother has been making are really sad. That has shocked and stunned me more than anything. A 5-year-old needs straight hair? For what! Relaxers solve moisture imbalance? Since when! erplexed

 

[SparklingFlame]

Hey there I'm one of the shocked and stunned. This seems a bit extreme to me. I'm not from a background of young children's hair being relaxed so this is very new and odd to me. That along with the comments the mother has been making are really sad. That has shocked and stunned me more than anything. A 5-year-old needs straight hair? For what! Relaxers solve moisture imbalance? Since when! erplexed

The lady we are speaking of in the OP is just ignorant. Ignorant of haircare that is, as most of our women are.

 

[mamauv2]

Why does it seem like the people that are most "shocked" or "stunned" have a certain agenda against perms?

No matter how often I see it, no matter what we know, it still does something to me when I see it. I have nothing against relaxers. I feel, as long as it's a choice, for whatever reason, there's nothing wrong with it. I didn't have a choice and it wasn't until I became an adult that it even OCCURRED to me NOT to have a relaxer. I too was sucked into the "this is the only way" mentality and when the lightbulb finally came on, I was ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY! It's like learning to brush your teeth twice a day. You grow up doing it and it becomes second nature. When you do things to children that young, you're instilling something in them and you have to be careful what the message is you send. This little girl was known for her curls, that was her "thing" and her mother making such a drastic decision to change that, sent that little girl a signal, like something about her was inferior somehow. At that age through teen years, acceptance of self is important. SO, no "agenda" here against relaxers, a personal opinion against giving them to children though.

 

[cutiebe2]

I wanna know more about this scalp formation thingy. Your scalp doesn't really come together til around age 13?

Explain that? That's interesting. I've never heard of it.

Well I have heard that the folicles are not totally formed. Really nothing on a child is set in stone, from their head to toes. That is why there are so many surguries that cannot be performed on children...they grow and mess everything up again!

I believe the relaxer I had at 9 slightly alterned my hair in the front. Its not really bad, but different. And I remember that the relaxer did the most damage to the front...

I am going to find an article on the science of it...

 

[twinkletoes17]

Please excuse my ignorance but what the hell does a 5 year old need straight hair for? She's 5 what's her hair supposed to be doing anyway?

My mom has carpal tunnel because of my hair as well as my two younger sisters' hair. I'm Nigerian so I guess you can say that's one of the reasons, maybe the main reason, my hair is coarse and resistant. I don't blame my mom. My hair was soft, long, and healthy until I started doing it! If the child's hair is healthy, then what's the fuss?

 

[Mis007]

I wonder why she didn't just ask you (OP) for help, since your daughter is natural and her hair is in such great condition. She could have just paid you wkly to keep it up, that would have saved her alot of time and trouble. Other than that, as long as she knows what to do her hair should be fine.

I know of a WW with mixed race girls who gets thier hair washed, cond, moist and cornrowed...​

My daughters hair was permed without my permission by my mom. She is also 5. Hence, I found this site and learned to care for a perm. Our 60 day update is posted in the childrens hair care section. She is not bald, and her hair has not broken off.

There will always be a difference of opinion, but the bottom line is caring for the hair. I learned to care for her permed hair, and her hair is doing lovely.

This also applies to natural hair.
​

I think some of US are missing the point. Relaxing a child at 5 and not giving them a choice wether to stay NATURAL OR RELAX. If you relax a child at 5, what message are you telling her? That straight hair is better and that there must be something wrong with their hair so thats why they had to relax. Yes, is the child's mother but it is also ok to dye a child's hair at 5? or something that drastic. Its like i seen mothers bleach their kid's skin at 5, so is thats OK because thats her CHILD, and she can do whatever she pleased...IF DONE CORRECTLY the child will not grow up thinking that his dark skin is ugly and he won't grow up with self steem issues.

ITA...​

I hate to say it but it's very common with white women and mixed children. They should seek help from a salon first. Her hair was dry...cracking, damaged??? So, she relaxed it. OY! I hope I don't spit up. I mean, what, they expected smooth long caucasian hair with a Black man? I'm sorry, you have the child, learn to love him/her by taking care of the child IN THE NATURAL. Dayum. Relax, smelax!@ whoof.

Yep they pray for caucasian hair....hoping genetics will skip the negro hair gene......​

 

[SignatureBeauty]

Well I have heard that the folicles are not totally formed. Really nothing on a child is set in stone, from their head to toes. That is why there are so many surguries that cannot be performed on children...they grow and mess everything up again!

I believe the relaxer I had at 9 slightly alterned my hair in the front. Its not really bad, but different. And I remember that the relaxer did the most damage to the front...

I am going to find an article on the science of it...

I never heard of that before, Intersting!