Your Texture Isn't Becoming (An Unintended Spinoff)

[MonPetite]

What now? This!

I just had an intervention...a texture intervention. I'm not joking...this is from concerned family members.

Apparently my texture (which I admit is more 3c/4a and I fuzz into 4b out of convenience and it's so much easier to get an even look) is not becoming to me now.

Natural hair now is...but my texture isn't.

APPARENTLY, with my looks....I need WAVY or uber CURLY hair, to be natural AND attractive.


Okay...I'm beyond the hurt and irritated state (you know I'm fibbing, right?)....So, now...it is time for thought and reflection:

WTC?!

Okay, natural ladies....I need some wisdom to respond with.

1) Is this a valid argument...do some naturals look better natural...but not "their" natural?

2)Whether you think yes or no...what is a kind, "teachable" response?

3) Is this the normal course for naturals? Keep in mind I have NO natural friends IRL, I have NO other natural family members, and I'm stuck in corn-land with the "Ethnically-curious", NO natural salons, NO natural-geared hair products, and THIS, the cause for this thread and the one I started yesterday is my "support".


I need intelligent (including witty retorts on the nicer side) right now, my response of "I think my texture as it is, the way God meant for it to be, is nice. I like it," is being translated with knowing glances and nods as "You're just young, you'll grow out of that, be more mature and get a texturizer or just wear braid-outs."

 

[AfroKink]

I'm too tired to make much sense, so for now:

Lys

 

[cmesweet]

Yes, this is the course for some naturals. Alot of people do not have the support to be natural and that is why they find hair forums or return to the relaxer in order to not hear the negativity.

This is a learning experience. I said it once and I will say it again, if you can make it transitioning and being fully natural than you can make it through anything. It really is true!

The best way for them to learn is to let them say whatever they want and give them the "What you looking at fool?!" stare. Then continue to grow your hair, love it and care for it. You will find a new you.

 

[JustKiya]

*blinks*

*blinks*

Wow. Firstly. :bighug

Secondly, is your family religious? If so, respond with 'God ain't make no accidents', and walk. away.

If they aren't - *blink* I don't even know how to address such - such - foolishness.

A wide smile, and a sly comment on how the brothas seem to appreciate the look?

A comment on the current fashion styles?

And who the devil are they to determine what 'combinations' of looks look good? Ohmygods!

Okay, I'm denigrating into ranting now, so I'll just wrap it up with and girl, brush ya shoulders off and keep. on. moving.

 

[RegaLady]

I'm too tired to make much sense, so for now:

Lys

I second this!

 

[Pheonixx]

Wow...I never knew natural heads went through all this.

Now there's a 'texture issue'. Lord....
...and all this time I'd been lumping ALL naturals in one group.

I have no suggestions because I'm not natural (yet LOL) and have never dealt with these things--but...I've been in similar situations where I made a life-change and received nothing but flack for it.
Ugh...It did piss me off because it's like...when I made my mind up to go back to school and rejoin the military (natl guard) everyone had something negative to say. "Well how are oyu gonna do that? Why you wanna do that? I don't think it's a good idea..."

I was like, "Wait a minute--I don't even think I asked what ya'll thought. But on that subject you ppl could at least support me. What's to not support? Hell...if I was pregnant with my 3rd child living in the projects off the govt ya'll wouldn't be saying nothing!
"

i'm still fairly young but I've lived. A lot in 27 yrs. LOL.
When the chips fall down most times you're all alone dealing with the problem. Perhaps with the benfit of 1 to 2 supporters (if you're lucky).
You have to find strength within yourself. Few ppl actually know how to be supportive, imo. I mean really support their loved ones. But y'know what---everyone isn't always gonna have your back. Everyone isn't always going to believe in you and your efforts.
Not even fam.
Not even your spouse.
That's just how it is sometimes.
Anytime you fly in the face of convention you'll receive a backlash.

So--just do you and go on about your business. I know it may not seem like the best advice but as far as I'm concerned Ppl will say and think as they will regardless, most times. If ppl are that uncomfortable with Natural Hair they'll find anything wrong with it--or you.

Chalk it up to a bunch of ppl just having 'personal problems'.
MANY people run around with personal issues:
They can't don't like natural hair
they don't like white ppl
they don't like black ppl
they don't like light/dark skin folks
they hate their lives
they hate their jobs
they can't establish quality relationships
They had 'f-ed up' childhood, no social skills and can't relate to ppl

...I could go on and on!
And yeah--I tend to be pretty dismissive when it concerns ppl and situations like these--because lot of ppl are just f-ed up, in general.
But see...no one wants to keep their 'f-ed up-edness' to themselves!
Oh no--everybody wants to project their personal issues onto everyone they come into contact with. Like it affects ALL of us.
"I got problems so you got problem..."
No---that's YOUR ish. And I'll be quick to tell them. "Well...good luck with that ish!" Throw up the duece and go on about my business.

>>sigh<<
Anyway I just don't beleive in wasting unnecessary amts of energy.
Seems like you're constantly being placed on the defensive.
It's not your job to be CONSTANTLY 'educating' anyone on anything. Unless you happen to like doing that.
In any event you've already said everything you needed to express and ppl are still acting as they do...so why keep reiterating?
What more is there to say?

 

[MonPetite]

Wow...I never knew natural heads went through all this.

Now there's a 'texture issue'. Lord....
...and all this time I'd been lumping ALL naturals in one group.

I have no suggestions because I'm not natural (yet LOL) and have never dealt with these things--but...I've been in similar situations where I made a life-change and received nothing but flack for it.
Ugh...It did piss me off because it's like...when I made my mind up to go back to school and rejoin the military (natl guard) everyone had something negative to say. "Well how are oyu gonna do that? Why you wanna do that? I don't think it's a good idea..."

I was like, "Wait a minute--I don't even think I asked what ya'll thought. But on that subject you ppl could at least support me. What's to not support? Hell...if I was pregnant with my 3rd child living in the projects off the govt ya'll wouldn't be saying nothing!
"

i'm still fairly young but I've lived. A lot in 27 yrs. LOL.
When the chips fall down most times you're all alone dealing with the problem. Perhaps with the benfit of 1 to 2 supporters (if you're lucky).
You have to find strength within yourself. Few ppl actually know how to be supportive, imo. I mean really support their loved ones. But y'know what---everyone isn't always gonna have your back. Everyone isn't always going to believe in you and your efforts.
Not even fam.
Not even your spouse.
That's just how it is sometimes.
Anytime you fly in the face of convention you'll receive a backlash.

So--just do you and go on about your business. I know it may not seem like the best advice but as far as I'm concerned Ppl will say and think as they will regardless, most times. If ppl are that uncomfortable with Natural Hair they'll find anything wrong with it--or you.

Chalk it up to a bunch of ppl just having 'personal problems'.
MANY people run around with personal issues:
They can't don't like natural hair;
they don't like white ppl;
they don't like black ppl;
they don't like light/dark skin folks;
they hate their lives;
they hate their jobs;
they can't establish quality relationships,
They had 'f-ed up' childhood

I could go on and on!
And yeah--I tend to be dismissive when it concerns ppl like this beacause lot of ppl are just f-ed up, in general.
But no one wants to keep their 'f-ed up-edness' to themselves!
Oh no--everybody wants to project their personal issues onto everyone they come into contact with. Like it affects ALL of us.

My response? "Well...good luck with that ish!" Throw up the duece and go on about my business.

>>sigh<<
Anyway I just don't beleive in unnecessary amts of energy.
Seems like you're constantly being placed on the defensive.
It's not your job to be CONSTANTLY 'educating' anyone on anything. Unless you happen to like doing that.
In any event you've already said everything you needed to express and ppl are still acting as they do...so why keep reiterating?
What more is there to say?

Thank you for the cyber hugs, ladies. Agreeing with the bolded. I've never been the conventional type...but apparently my "creativity" isn't cute when it comes to hair. Natural hair.

WHY IS THIS SUCH AN ISSUE? We SERIOUSLY need to get over this as a people.

Thank you all for your encouragement...it's about all I'm getting, LOL. Thank God for LHCF! I think I'm just going to have to be a broken record. I can't move away from the issue and I love my family and they love me...just not my hair.

 

[MonPetite]

*blinks*

*blinks*

Wow. Firstly. :bighug

Secondly, is your family religious? If so, respond with 'God ain't make no accidents', and walk. away.

If they aren't - *blink* I don't even know how to address such - such - foolishness.

A wide smile, and a sly comment on how the brothas seem to appreciate the look?

A comment on the current fashion styles?

And who the devil are they to determine what 'combinations' of looks look good? Ohmygods!

Okay, I'm denigrating into ranting now, so I'll just wrap it up with and girl, brush ya shoulders off and keep. on. moving.

Yes...and that argument was seen as me being "angry", "extreme", and "militant". See also: Ignorant, willful, young.

 

[DreadlockedLady0171]

APPARENTLY, with my looks....I need WAVY or uber CURLY hair, to be natural AND attractive.


Okay...I'm beyond the hurt and irritated state (you know I'm fibbing, right?)....So, now...it is time for thought and reflection:

WTC?!

Okay, natural ladies....I need some wisdom to respond with.

1) Is this a valid argument...do some naturals look better natural...but not "their" natural?
Nope, that is complete BS, again, that is denying the hair that is coming out of your head.

2)Whether you think yes or no...what is a kind, "teachable" response?
Unfortunately, I don't have one, with what I have been reading lately, I don't want to teach anyone anything because unfortunately, unless that person realizes it themself, there is nothing that I could say to convince them otherwise.
3) Is this the normal course for naturals? Keep in mind I have NO natural friends IRL, I have NO other natural family members, and I'm stuck in corn-land with the "Ethnically-curious", NO natural salons, NO natural-geared hair products, and THIS, the cause for this thread and the one I started yesterday is my "support".
I don't have any natural friends IRL either. In AZ, there ain't too many of us out here to begin with and natural...please.
I remember when I was transitioning back in da day, I wore a baa out to the store and I got sooo many looks from relaxed heads, it wasn't even funny. I was young then and didn't care. Now, as a grown *** adult, I still don't care. But I am glad that you are getting support here

 

[SEMO]

It seems like your family is treating natural hair like it's a fad (similar to the jherri curl) that you'll be ashamed about later and move on from.

You can simply tell them natural hair is not a fad, or a temporary hairstyle for you.

On a side note: I've been to your fotki. I think you're pretty and your hair suits you very well.

 

[HappyHairDreams]

What now? This!

I just had an intervention...a texture intervention. I'm not joking...this is from concerned family members.

Apparently my texture (which I admit is more 3c/4a and I fuzz into 4b out of convenience and it's so much easier to get an even look) is not becoming to me now.

Natural hair now is...but my texture isn't.

APPARENTLY, with my looks....I need WAVY or uber CURLY hair, to be natural AND attractive.


Okay...I'm beyond the hurt and irritated state (you know I'm fibbing, right?)....So, now...it is time for thought and reflection:

WTC?!

Okay, natural ladies....I need some wisdom to respond with.

1) Is this a valid argument...do some naturals look better natural...but not "their" natural?

2)Whether you think yes or no...what is a kind, "teachable" response?

3) Is this the normal course for naturals? Keep in mind I have NO natural friends IRL, I have NO other natural family members, and I'm stuck in corn-land with the "Ethnically-curious", NO natural salons, NO natural-geared hair products, and THIS, the cause for this thread and the one I started yesterday is my "support".


I need intelligent (including witty retorts on the nicer side) right now, my response of "I think my texture as it is, the way God meant for it to be, is nice. I like it," is being translated with knowing glances and nods as "You're just young, you'll grow out of that, be more mature and get a texturizer or just wear braid-outs."

tell them it's 2008 and self hating went out in the 60s

 

[sunshinelady]

Of course, they want you to have that video girl hair that most naturals hope their hair will miraculously turn into after 1-2 inches. Right?

Sometimes people say these things because type 4 hair doesn't shine. You may want to look at other ways to style your hair and make sure that you are keeping it fully moisturized.

 

[MonPetite]

It seems like your family is treating natural hair like it's a fad (similar to the jherri curl) that you'll be ashamed about later and move on from.

You can simply tell them natural hair is not a fad, or a temporary hairstyle for you.

On a side note: I've been to your fotki. I think you're pretty and your hair suits you very well.

Awww...thank you! I hadn't thought about though....Well, four years from now when I'm natural and WL we'll see about that "fad" business. LOL!

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

You know what... I don't know. Some folks are afraid of natural hair. But I just wanted to let you know I think you and your hair are both absolutely beautiful!

 

[dinaaike]

1) Is this a valid argument...do some naturals look better natural...but not "their" natural?

This is a narrow-minded view to have. It is right in line with the boring idea that everyone should be a certain height, color, have only a certain color eye for their skin tone, or should have hair on "this" part of the body only, etc.

People are made to look differently. That's what makes us interesting. To have a confined view that only "this" type of curl is pretty, is to miss out on appreciating all the other varieties.


2)Whether you think yes or no...what is a kind, "teachable" response?

This might seem unrelated, so bear with me. When someone establishes themselves in a life, it's like a puzzle fitting together. Every person that's a part of that life is a puzzle piece. When that person decides to make a change, they morph into a new shape, making all the other pieces uncomfortable. The change in you might require a change in them, so the easiest thing for them to do is to convince you to change back.

If they are allowed to like what they like, then they should offer you the same courtesy. Tell them that you simply...disagree. Smile and keep moving.
3) Is this the normal course for naturals? Keep in mind I have NO natural friends...this thread and the one I started yesterday is my "support".

If you're asking if the "normal course" is to encounter naysayers and lots of commentary about how bad an idea it is...the answer is yes. In college I cut my hair to about three or four inches long. I was sick of relaxing and everything related to it. EVERYONE told me how stupid, how crazy the act of cutting was and how ugly, how "toh up" I looked. EVERYONE.

Luckily I was in that wonderful rebellious stage where I just didn't care. But at the time I knew NOTHING about hair care, the forum, or anything else.

You have knowledge and the will to do better than those of us that started with nothing. For those who were relaxed since childhood, learning a new head of hair is beyond challenging--especially if they aren't doing it for the right reasons. In your position, most of these types will just start relaxing again. If you want you hair natural "just because", you probably won't be as moved by offensive comments, or willing to return to relaxing. The best advice I can offer is to enjoy your hair to the fullest, however you choose to. It makes a lot of insults seem so much less substantial.

(If it helps, this mindset has taken me through soooooooooooooo many things besides natural hair, that now they just call me "different" .)

 

[ladylibra]

1) Is this a valid argument...do some naturals look better natural...but not "their" natural?

hair has become more like an accessory these days. styling is a preference left up to the individual. yes, some white girls look better IMO with a dye job than with their natural "dirty dishwater blonde" color. and some black women might look better with relaxed hair than natural hair. if it makes them feel better about their looks, who am i to argue with them? but i think most people look just fine with their natural hair.

2)Whether you think yes or no...what is a kind, "teachable" response?

they are not being kind to you... i don't see why you are wearing kid gloves with them. but then, i'm a jerk sometimes. mainly i would ask them why they are so fixated on your hair. why does it bother them so much? what's the big deal? make yourself sound genuinely interested and they're more likely to be honest instead of snippy. people like to feel important and to be asked for their opinion. then you can tell them your side of it.

one thing i noticed with my family: they tried to dissuade me from BCing, saying i'd regret cutting my hair. i told them, "yeah, you might be right... guess we'll see." i BC'd and everyone thought i was so cute with short hair. then my family said i'd probably never be able to grow it long again. i said, "yeah, you may be right... guess we'll see." 3 years later and my hair is longer than it's been since i was a little girl. as it was growing out they would sometimes comment that i'd get sick of the natural look soon and go back to relaxing. all i'd say was, "yeah, you may be right... guess we'll see." i have not had the desire to relax my hair since going natural - NOT ONCE. yes i straighten sometimes, or wear fake hair, but i like having the best of both worlds and being natural allows me to do that.

sometimes it's better to just smile and nod. like i've always said, i can SHOW you better than i can TELL you. you can talk until your blue in the face, but all you'll get from them is . just wait until you're where i am now... my family likes to joke about how wrong they were!

3) Is this the normal course for naturals? Keep in mind I have NO natural friends...this thread and the one I started yesterday is my "support".

girl you already know... anytime you try to swim against the current people don't understand why. i only have ONE friend IRL who is natural and supportive... and she wears locs. my sis is transitioning so i guess really it's more like 2. but i didn't meet my friend until i'd been natural for almost 2.5 years, and my sis just started transitioning 6 months ago. so i was on my own too... only support i had was my SO and these hair boards.

it takes a strong and confident person to be different. and a bit rebellious. you have to have it made up in your mind that you're doing this for YOU and nobody else. sure it's great to have support, but the true test is will you stick with it even if nobody's in your corner. i just peeked in your Fotki too and you are cute as a button... you remind me of one of my cousins. you look lovely with your natural hair. i think it's mainly that your family is so used to you having straight hair. everyone i've met since the BC has said they prefer my natural coils over my flat-ironed hair... but my family still thinks i look better with straight hair. and i think it's because for 16 years they saw me with straight hair, and only 4 i've had natural hair. they're becoming more accustomed to it but at first it was like i went to bed with relaxed APL hair and woke up with 2 inches of coils. that'll shock anybody...

 

[glamazon386]

What now? This!

I just had an intervention...a texture intervention. I'm not joking...this is from concerned family members.

Apparently my texture (which I admit is more 3c/4a and I fuzz into 4b out of convenience and it's so much easier to get an even look) is not becoming to me now.

Natural hair now is...but my texture isn't.

APPARENTLY, with my looks....I need WAVY or uber CURLY hair, to be natural AND attractive.


Okay...I'm beyond the hurt and irritated state (you know I'm fibbing, right?)....So, now...it is time for thought and reflection:

WTC?!

Okay, natural ladies....I need some wisdom to respond with.

1) Is this a valid argument...do some naturals look better natural...but not "their" natural?

2)Whether you think yes or no...what is a kind, "teachable" response?

3) Is this the normal course for naturals? Keep in mind I have NO natural friends IRL, I have NO other natural family members, and I'm stuck in corn-land with the "Ethnically-curious", NO natural salons, NO natural-geared hair products, and THIS, the cause for this thread and the one I started yesterday is my "support".


I need intelligent (including witty retorts on the nicer side) right now, my response of "I think my texture as it is, the way God meant for it to be, is nice. I like it," is being translated with knowing glances and nods as "You're just young, you'll grow out of that, be more mature and get a texturizer or just wear braid-outs."

It's all BS. You're newly natural and it's going to take some time for you to get used to it. Trust me we all went through it. You will get to a point where you're confident and have no qualms about being nappy. But also remember that just as you are getting used to your new look, so is everybody else. The majority of black women still relax their hair. Just hang in there. And don't texturize or relax if being natural is what you truly want to be.

 

[MonPetite]

Thank you so much ladies, for your kind words!

You're right, ladylibra 3 years from now when I hit waist length and
"show" I wasn't joking around I'm sure there'll still be some off comments, but I'll have hair to swang in the face of that.

Good point glam!


I'm so glad I found LHCF! You guys are great! Carry on and Happy Hair Growing!

 

[hopeful]

I just ignore people. No one has directly said anything negative to me about my hair or texture, but people say things like natural isn't for me etc., you can tell they want to get a lecture, I'm just always like "do you boo" lol I just don't care about what folks do to their hair and I am not even interested in "teaching" grown folks about hair. I just focus on taking care of my head and my little one's head and helping my teenager out with her's. I don't have the time to be defending or teaching--and besides the biggest lesson is "showing", when your hair is thicker and longer and healthier than everyone elses, they will all shut up.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

This is amazing to me...do people just not have anything else to do? Is there nothing else happening in their own lives? They have the time to go over your hair texture and find it lacking?!

I don't even know what I would say to them, I'd probably just like at them like they were crazy and then walk away.

 

[StarFish106]

Use Anne Boleyn's motto

"Grumble all you like. This is how it's going to be"


end of discussion

 

[1QTPie]

*sigh*

Please for the sake of sanity, stop entertaining unsolicited advice. People ned to get a life. For real, family or not.

 

[growth2come]

*sigh*

Please for the sake of sanity, stop entertaining unsolicited advice. People ned to get a life. For real, family or not.

I agree....let them talk all they want. I say let your hair do the talking....When I said to my family I was going natural in '05 they looked and laughed. Two weeks ago when I took the braids out washed my hair blow dryed it and had it in these big a## twists there wasnt a single silly comment but admiration....my hair has passed (length and health that is)all of them and all that buzz about me changing my mind sooner or later aint no more!


So let the hair do the talking and soon enough they will know you mean business....