Tell me why...

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and etc etc. But I have seen so many beautiful pics of natural hair- lovely kinks and coils and curls and waves (I hope mine turns out to be as beautiful as some of the ladies hair I've seen- here or elsewhere) it just makes me wonder, why did you get a relaxer in the first place? I'm just curious, if my hair was as beautiful as some that I've seen, I never would've relaxed- unless I had no choice (my mom relaxed mine at age 10 ) But unless your parents put a relaxer on your hair, why did you get relaxed?


I love curly/wavy/kinky/big hair!

 

[Country gal]

My mom gave me a relaxer in 5th grade. I had no choice. As a child, my hair was always plaited or pressed.

I decided 4 years ago to not get anymore perms anymore. I haven't looked back since. I probably will be natural for a while. It only gets tough when I want to wear straight styles because I get tempted to text.

 

[Mook's hair]

I have had the same thought many times looking through album photos.
It was one of the reasons I started transitioning, I really had no idea of what my natural hair might be like because I got a relaxer when I was a kid, don't remember the exact age but I'd guess it was around 9 or 10. I wondered would I end up thinking...why the heck did I ever get a relaxer in the first place.

Nope...now 11 months into this transition I am very clear on why my hair was relaxed. I'm not a 3c. My hair is very Rudy Huxtable-ish and it is massive and time consuming. It only has those pretty ripple waves when it is wet with shampoo. I am not confused about the decision to relax this hair.

But I do find myself asking that question when I look at many other ladies wavy hair. Especially type 3's.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

If my hair turns out to be Rudy-ish too, I may texlax. I do have memories of my mom putting my hair is two puffs. I recall having extra thick hair. My mom said doing my hair was like driving a trash truck! Not exactly sure what she meant by that Right now if you look at my fotki I have a pic of my new growth. I'm trying to get a clue as to what type my natural hair is or what it will look like. I'm curiously impatient.

 

[bajanplums1]

Natural hair is beautiful. I rather relax because it is less work. Being natural for me requires re-education and time. I can barely manage my new growth or the mini fro I had in college. I know how to care for my hair as a relaxed head and anything new I learn is simply tweaking.

I can see myself going back to the fro when I'm 50.

 

[GoingNatural]

I wanted straight hair like my white friends. Also, I never really saw my true natural state. I would wash my hair and immediately blow dry it into what would turn into a massive fuzzy afro--i thought that was my natural hair, so i begged for a relaxer and finally got it going into my freshman year of high school (14)

 

[Nola Darling]

My hair is very Rudyish too. I told my recent styist that I would bring her my sister. She said in a panic...Is it thick like yours?!!!

There's nothing wrong with Rudy like hair. Plus I can get it super straight if I want anyway....

 

[TaraDyan]

Well for me, my mom relaxed my hair when I was 10 years old, so it was never my idea. I have a twin sister, and my mom was just tired of pressing not one but two heads of thick, long hair. It was double taxing for her, so I guess I can understand that.

But what I can't understand is why I stayed relaxed for so long, even as an adult. I just love big 80's style hair; always have ... always will. I think I just kept relaxing it out of habit.

 

[Cheleigh]

Well, as a type 4, my hair was pressed most of the time. I don't think anyone thought it was an option to wear it in its natural state. I hated getting my hair pressed, so I ended up wanting to relax it, which I did for over 20 years.

 

[chellero]

Once you are relaxed transitioning is hard and most people are relaxed as a child. I also found my natural hair to be really hard to deal with, although I might have stayed natural instead of texlaxing if I'd found this site before I did it.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

I agree ladies... I think Rudy hair is beautiful! When I would watch old epis of the Cosby show and I saw her hair (I was relaxed by then), I always thought, dang, she's got some pretty hair.

GoingNatural, I visited your fotki. You have beautiful natural hair!

I'm not pro or against relaxers or natural. For me it is a matter of curiosity. I don't really remember my natural hair and I have always admired curly/wavy hair over straight. I can't tell you how many roller sets/braidouts/twistouts/texturizer attempts have gone wrong b/c I wanted to wear textured hair.

 

[Foxglove]

Once you are relaxed transitioning is hard and most people are relaxed as a child. I also found my natural hair to be really hard to deal with, although I might have stayed natural instead of texlaxing if I'd found this site before I did it.

OT but your siggy has me dying

 

[cmesweet]

I got my first perm at about 10 because I was in a wedding and hairstylists kept telling me and my mom that I couldn't get shirly temple curls, unless my hair was straightened.

Then I never got a perm again.

I waited until highschool and most of the black people I knew had perm. It felt like it was something I was suppose to do. So I went and got one, along with a hair cut.

 

[tatiana]

im a 3c and my mom relaxed my hair I guess 9 or 10 before that she would press and curl. At the time, anything was better than that.

My mom is my hair twin but she hates curly hair unless 3a with mimunum shrinkage and low frizz factor.

My mom believes that a relaxer can cure all hair woes. I know this to be true because she relaxed my cousin's mimunum shrinkage but high frizz factor 3b/3c hair so hair would stop being frizzy. Also just a few weeks ago she told I should get a relaxer because a relaxer would make my hair grow.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Unlike most ladies on here, I was the one that begged my mother for a relaxer. I wanted on so badly because the kids used to make fun of my doodoo braids. Now that I'm newly natural, I've asked myself numerous times why did I stay relaxed for so long. My natural hair has so much more personality...

 

[LynnieB]

@ chellero's siggie







I was the one who relaxed my hair, i guess i was about 15 or so. i was tired (hehe yea at 15 yo) of my big, thick, bushy wildchild hair and the biweekly rituals. little did i know that all i did was exchange one ritual for another

as a baby, my mom would leave it loose, do 3-4 big braids or twists then when we began going to school, that's when the press and candle curls (for special events) started.

during the summers our hair would stay natural and unpressed.

 

[carib_n_curly]

Unlike most ladies on here, I was the one that begged my mother for a relaxer. I wanted on so badly because the kids used to make fun of my doodoo braids. Now that I'm newly natural, I've asked myself numerous times why did I stay relaxed for so long. My natural hair has so much more personality...

i remember this one girl called my hair that when i was 14 and well all i told her was at least i have hair to be doo doo braids. she shut up quick

btw i'm natural never relaxed but a very insightful thread

 

[mscocoface]

OT - Chellero that siggy is scary!

I am tenderheaded, have been all my life. I was the little girl whose Mom would be chasing her around the chair, the house, the living room, the kitchen, out side....you name it.

I am and was a poster child for Rudy hair. I guess Mom could not handle having two girls 13 months apart with similar hair. She got tired of it and took us before we were out of grade school to get our first relaxer.

I had a relaxer for almost 30 years. Never could get it back to shoulder length with the exception of my pregnancy. Finally have it past shoulder and actually can see a possibility of full MBL or WL. Something I never ever thought I would see in my life with this head of hair.

Still tenderheaded but I know how to handle it now and I no longer have to worry about anyone coming near me with a small tooth comb!
OU double Ouch!

 

[loolalooh]

My mom first relaxed my hair when I was about 6 (maybe earlier). I kept on relaxing for the next however-many years because ... it was just a habit. "When you see new growth, relax it or your hair will be hard to comb and break."

I just always assumed natural hair would be hard work and look unkempt most of the time. But since my BC, I am surprised at how simple and beautiful it is. I guess it depends on the person ... looking back on it, relaxing my hair was more work for me.

 

[lovenharmony]

To put it bluntly, I begged my mom to relax my hair to be included by my peers when I was growing up. I lived in a predominantly white, asian and hispanic neighborhood and most of the people I associated with were not black. It would hurt that they would be talking about how they would brush their hair and put it in long ponytails and they could swing around their hair while playing princess or dress up. I remember back in the day, my peers would ask me why won't I let my hair grow long so I could mess around with it like them It was then when I started pleading with my mom to make my hair straight so it could swing and look like theirs. My mom started pressing my hair by age 10 and by 13 I was a relaxed head!

Right now, I keep my hair texlaxed cause I feel I have the best of both worlds. My hair can keep the curly, coily kinky look and also make it straight with little effort I may transition later on in my life, or after I get the length. For once in my life I want to be able to swang my own long hair! Without length, my natural hair would not move!!

 

[adw425]

I am not saying that I am one of the naturals with beautiful hair you've seen, but I think it is beautiful (smile) but I did want to chime in and tell my story. This (attached pix below) was my hair up until 14.5 years old before my mom finally gave in and allowed me to get a relaxer. I just wanted straight hair and I begged my mom for two years to let me get a relaxer, which I came to regret a few years later. She did not want me to get one -- was vehemently opposed to it. Also, like Mscocoface, I was extremely tenderheaded and my mom also chased me all over the house to comb my hair (before I started doing it myself at 11 and a half years old) and detangling after washing was torturous. As well, I too had a relaxer for almost 30 years -- 29...

I did try to transition several times and it was hellacious because I just didn't know how to do it successfully and my hair growing out of the relaxer did not look like my hair in the picture below. I even transitioned for a whole year once and then got relaxed again because I could not get my hair to look like it did as a child because it was so dry, causing it to be extremely coarse, matted, shrunken and impossible to comb through.

I did not know that the lack of moisture was why I was having the problems I was having. I just knew that my hair was dry and coarse and unmanageable. When I transitioned starting in late 2003, it was hellacious as well, but I stuck to my guns because the chemicals had just destroyed my hair and, as bad as the transition and afterwards was before I found LHCF, I just could not put anymore chemicals in my hair because it was just in too bad a shape. When I realized that moisture, moisture, moisture was the key (getting it into the hair shaft and retaining it) then that is when my hair epiphany came about. My goal was to get my hair back to this and I am just about there. I may be there already, I just haven't flat-ironed since July. The other side to the coin is that, after having discovered LHCF, I know that I could now have beautiful, long, undamaged relaxed hair although I never plan to relax again.

 

[anon123]

OT - Chellero that siggy is scary!

I am tenderheaded, have been all my life. I was the little girl whose Mom would be chasing her around the chair, the house, the living room, the kitchen, out side....you name it.

I am and was a poster child for Rudy hair. I guess Mom could not handle having two girls 13 months apart with similar hair. She got tired of it and took us before we were out of grade school to get our first relaxer.

Yep, yep, soooo tenderheaded. Man, I have never on any occasion in my whole life had someone do my hair and have it not hurt. Why my hair gotta hurt? Like Cheleigh, I thought straightening was just something we had to do, and I was press and curl most of the time. I only had a perm for like 4 or 5 years, and was not religious about touch ups even then. It would just get pressed at the roots if we couldn't get a touch up.

I remember seeing a girl with Rudy-like hair (whose hair, btw, was and still is the most beautiful hair in the world to me) all poofy and I asked my grandmother why I couldn't wear my hair like that and she told me that not all black girls can wear their hair like that. So I just figured my hair was the type that had to be straightened.

I also wonder about the 3's since as a child I really envied them because I thought they got a pass on this whole hair straightening business that I was subjected to. The only people in my neighborhood with natural hair (and I mean nappy hair, not press and curl or braided with extensions or something) were type 3s or 2s, so I just figured, without even really thinking about it, that my hair had to be straightened. When I was 17 in 1996 I went to Zimbabwe for study abroad and met 3 college women from Atlanta who were in the same program. Two had locks but 1 wore her hair nappy and out and this was pretty much a first for me. They told me I didn't have to straighten my hair and I was like "word?" The thought of never having to endure torture at the salon again was wonderful. So, that was when I went back to natural.

I guess there's a mix of reasons for straightening our hair. It can be time-consuming and difficult, esp. if you don't know what you're doing. It always looks like straight-haired people have it easy, so the idea is to get hair more like theirs. Of course you don't, really, right? Cuz your hair isn't naturally straight and now you have to be extra careful cuz it's more fragile. Well, all that plus standards of beauty that are not Afro-centered.
@Chellero, WHY?!

 

[PinkSkates]

I was thinking the exact same thing missfadu! When I read the Rudy Huxtable comments...Her hair was beautiful as a little girl. It can be big and poofy without frizz or sleek and straight without the use of chemicals.
I love having rudy huxtable type hair!

Originally posted by missfadu
My hair is very Rudyish too. I told my recent styist that I would bring her my sister. She said in a panic...Is it thick like yours?!!!
There's nothing wrong with Rudy like hair. Plus I can get it super straight if I want anyway

 

[Jetblackhair]

I decided on my own to get a relaxer when I was about 16 years old. Most of the girls in high school had relaxed hair and I though it was pretty. I was also active in school, dance, drillteam, etc. and had to worry about my press reverting.

I felt so free from the pressing comb and kept the relaxer for about 3 years and then chopped it off and went natural. But later in my mid 20's I decided once again to relax.

I stayed relaxed until Aug. 2005, well that was when I had my last relaxer and then I started transitioning.

 

[love2praz]

Just like someone else previously said, I had a lot of white friends and wanted my hair straight like theirs. I started to beg my mother for a relaxer at 9 years old and got one. I too have Rudy-ish hair and before my relaxer, I thought pressing was just something that had to be done. Most of the time, my mother plaited my hair but on special occasions, she broke out the hot comb on the stove and I used to hate the feeling of the heat on my tenderheaded scalp!

Throughout the past 8 years, I have tried unsuccessfully to transition and I even BC-ed twice but I just didn't understand how to deal with my natural hair nor was I ready REALLLY deal with it and took the coward's way out by relaxing it only to further damage it.

Now that I see more and more 4s with hair like mine and I am learning how to take care of it properly, I feel more knowledgeable and ready to care for it. No more BCs for me but I'm transitioning now and do not plan on putting another relaxer in my hair. I really do not think that my hair is meant for me to relax (and I am not putting down those that do). I just think for ME, I am meant to be natural!

 

[Poohbear]

My mom gave me a relaxer in 5th grade. I had no choice. As a child, my hair was always plaited or pressed.

Same here. It wasn't like I asked to get a relaxer, I never really knew or remember what my hair texture was like. My mom always plaited it or pressed it too.

May 1st, 2008 will be my 3 year being natural since doing the big chop. I will never go back to letting someone put chemicals on my hair either.

 

[sunnydaze]

My mom permed my hair around age 10/11 (I think). Me and my sister had alot of poofy hair, so I just think she was trying to make it more manageable (although it still frizzed even after the perm).

Also, Rudy had gorgeous hair!!!! I especially loved it when it was in a big, barely blown out poof!!!

 

[love2praz]

Same here. It wasn't like I asked to get a relaxer, I never really knew or remember what my hair texture was like. My mom always plaited it or pressed it too.

May 1st, 2008 will be my 3 year being natural since doing the big chop. I will never go back to letting someone put chemicals on my hair either.

OT--Poohbear, I love your hair!

 

[Kay.Dee]

My mom relaxed my hair when I was in first grade right before we took our school pictures. I think she was young and let other people talk her into relaxing my hair. She didn't really have a problem with dealing with it but people made it seem like since she had relaxed hair, she was being cheap and choosing not to "take care" of mine. She waited a lot longer for my little sister.

 

[Southernbella.]

My hair is very Rudyish too. I told my recent styist that I would bring her my sister. She said in a panic...Is it thick like yours?!!!

There's nothing wrong with Rudy like hair. Plus I can get it super straight if I want anyway....

ITA! I have Rudy like hair, and I was relaxed at a very young age. My mom just didn't know any better. I don't blame her for it, but when you know better, you do better.

I just wish we could stop thinking that certain hair types NEED a relaxer. That just rubs me the wrong way.