Naturals: How do you like it and how do you deal with it?

[blueabyss333]

I may go natural, but I don't want to. It's either that or going back to the salon and who wants to deal with all the woes that comes with that? I'm two months post and I usually stretch 3-4 months. Between my recent breakage and bad henna experience, there are some spots on my head that are down to an inch of new growth.

My hair is so thick that I didn't even notice that much, not even when I straightened it. However, that's the problem for me at least. My hair is naturally dry, 4zzzzzz, and like wire. I'm not sure I want to deal and go through the extra care it considers.

Though, when I look at Poohbear and Naturallady, their hair is . I like naturals on others, not me. Please help.

ETA: Are there any naturals that cosistently wear hard presses. IMO, twists and braids on naturals are a bit childish. Sorry if I offend anyone.

 

[blueabyss333]

Also, I tried texlaxing but when they grew out that hair often felt like the driest, roughest hair that I *had* to trim.

 

[blueabyss333]

Okay, I could be talking to myself but I don't care b/c I'm all confused right now and need to vent. I'm trying to achieve hair like Naturallady and Isis. I guess doing a corrective bone straight in October (before the breakage) didn't help and could be the culprit. For now, I think it'll be best to keep my hair in individuals so I won't have to think about it for awhile and after that, decide what to do.

I'd still love to hear any input. Although, I wouldn't know what to say, myself.

 

[amwcah]

I may go natural, but I don't want to. It's either that or going back to the salon and who wants to deal with all the woes that comes with that? I'm two months post and I usually stretch 3-4 months. Between my recent breakage and bad henna experience, there are some spots on my head that are down to an inch of new growth.

My hair is so thick that I didn't even notice that much, not even when I straightened it. However, that's the problem for me at least. My hair is naturally dry, 4zzzzzz, and like wire. I'm not sure I want to deal and go through the extra care it considers.

Though, when I look at Poohbear and Naturallady, their hair is . I like naturals on others, not me. Please help.

ETA: Are there any naturals that cosistently wear hard presses. IMO, twists and braids on naturals are a bit childish. Sorry if I offend anyone.

I really am not understanding your dilemma. I want to go natural, but I don't want to lose my length I have now. Also, I'm skeptical about dealing with my natural hair on a consistent basis. To me being natural, seems like I would constantly be breaking off my hair.

 

[Choclatcotton]

I love my natural hair and for the 1st time fully appreciate the natural thickness, (big hair) body, and the constant compliments on my decision. I wear a hard a press as I can, In the Winter, in the Summer its back to curly pudding gels and frequent washing, no heat and braidout updo's for a classy look. Not childish. All I can say is COndition, Condition, Conditon and Oil Rinses are your friend. Clarify with ACV and you will be good girl.

 

[zzirvingj]

If you do not want to go natural, then I say don't do it. I feel like it takes a commitment to take care of natural hair.

I was going to suggest protective styling, but I see in your siggy that it looks like that is already what you are pursuing. I say stick to the protective styling, and maybe get some individuals like you mentioned, if you need a break from your hair.

Was it the breakage/bad henna experience that had you contemplating going natural? I am sure that, with all of the knowledge and resources you have here on this site, that you can nurse your hair back to normal (and beyond) Good luck...

 

[blueabyss333]

@Amwcah- I'm beginning to get over the shoulder length hump and my sides are growing out; which is another reason I don't want to go natural. Right now I'm so frustrated, I'm thinking natural is absolutely better for my hair. I don't know how well I would feel like maintaining my natural hair and preventing breakage- I don't trust myself. At least relaxed I can throw it back into a ponytail.

@shalita05- Thank you for your sweet response. I'm glad you love your natural hair. I love the thickness of natural hair and it looks sooo much healthier than relaxed when straighted. I don't think natural hair is childish, just wearing twists and braids.

 

[blueabyss333]

If you do not want to go natural, then I say don't do it. I feel like it takes a commitment to take care of natural hair.

I was going to suggest protective styling, but I see in your siggy that it looks like that is already what you are pursuing. I say stick to the protective styling, and maybe get some individuals like you mentioned, if you need a break from your hair.

Was it the breakage/bad henna experience that had you contemplating going natural? I am sure that, with all of the knowledge and resources you have here on this site, that you can nurse your hair back to normal (and beyond) Good luck...

Thanks for your help. Yes, it was just a bad fall-winter for me overall I think. I'm thinking about how I have to start over with these small patches. My hair will look like awkward layers once it grows out. I'm so upset.

ETA: It's only towards the middle of my head.

 

[santwon]

How do I like it? I love it. How do I deal with it? Now that I've learned how to actually take care of it, I deal with it quite well.

But, I do want to try to clarify a few things for myself. Hair is a personal decision. I think that ANY kind of hair requires high maintenance and special care: even a bald head that still produces hair follicles (You still have to shave regularly and make sure you don't cut yourself too badly or you'll look jacked up!).

And on the other hand, I'm still afraid that the wording of your post comes across to people who are natural that they should defend being natural to you, when we don't have to. If you have some more specific questions to help you decide if going natural is right for you, then you can do some more research or pm some of us. Or at least me, I don't want to make anyone feel that they have to be 'out on front street like that'. Because the thread title makes me think "hm, I wonder if I put up a thread that said 'relaxers: how do you like it and how do you deal with it?'" I don't think it'd get very unbiased reception.

So I want you to take this as me giving you the benefit of the doubt, because I'm sure you're frustrated and dealing with breakage and feeling backed against a corner isn't a good thing. Trust me, I've been there.

I don't ever press my hair. And you may believe that about twists or braids, but here in the South where I live I see plenty of relaxed women rocking just those looks, whether or not it be with extension hair. Twisting/braiding the front and letting the back out...stuff like that. Going natural really helped me to evaluate my ideas of what styles could look good. You may even surprise yourself. There are tons of styles that can be worn on natural hair that do not involve twisting or braiding: knots, afros, puffs, roller sets... you get the idea.

And I want you to know that you ALWAYS have options. Whether or not you relax and whether or not you go to the salon. How good are you at styling your own hair?

And I don't suggest you try to achieve hair like someone else. What's worked best for me is working with the hair I've got (because it's the only kind I'm going to get).

Okay, I've tried to be nice so far, and I hope you don't take it as me not being so, but you did say that you were currently wearing your hair in individuals...those are braids right? Do you feel you look childish right now? I'm not asking that to be mean. I'm really trying to get to the heart of this. I hope I've helped.

 

[hopeful]

If you really want lots of advice, I would omit that you think twists and braids are childish, I know you don't mean any harm and are being honest but you are insulting A LOT of naturals with that statement. Not liking them is one thing, but calling them childish?

I love being natural for two reasons:
1. My hair is healthier and it's growing longer than ever.
2. My natural hair suits my face better than relaxed, I look prettier with natural hair.

I don't really know what else to say. Learning how to deal with your natural hair takes a lot of time and patience and you already seem stressed. I think it would probably give your hair a nice rest but I think you really have to want to be natural to do it because of all of the initial work and learning what your hair needs, dealing with the emotional turmoil that some of us deal with initially, etc., so I don't know what to tell you.

 

[poetist]

I enjoy my natural hair and deal with it by showering it with TLC.

As for your dilemma, I think its less about natural vs relaxed and more about how much time and energy you're willing to put into your hair care regimen. Going natural is definitely not the easy way out. Having been relaxed and natural, I think caring for my natural hair has been more difficult and time consuming simply because I have to take ALOT of time to detangle my 4B hair if I want to avoid breakage.

Since you dont really want to go natural, I'd advise you not to. Just try to increase the moisturization of your relaxed hair. Also since your hair is dry, becoming natural and constantly pressing may do more harm than good. Especially since you arent interested in rocking twists or braids to switch it up and limit the amount of heat, I'd try to perfect a relaxed regimen. As you already know, there are plently of healthy, relaxed heads on the board that you can draw inspiration from. Good luck

 

[Evolving78]

I'm natural and I understand your dilema. You need to do what is best for your hair whether it is going natural or staying relaxed. I think you do need to get a cut. I know that you are happy at the length your hair is right now and that you don't want to lose it, but holding on to it might not be a good idea. It does take a different mindset to become natural and to care for it. i have been natural since the end of Feb, cutting all of my hair off, and now it is very healthy and i will be shoulder length real soon. i haven't had too many challenges with my hair yet, but i don't comb, or use heat and i think that has helped a lot. i have been thinking about using heat one day, but i'm too scared because i like to wear twists and braids and do different things to my hair.

 

[blazingthru]

I love being natural. I thought about it for six months before I actually did the BC and yes there were days I was not sure if it was the right thing to do. My face looked different and I wasn't use to the look but I was determine to get through it. After a while I was able to accept that this is who I am, this is who I am meant to be and it was a go from that point on. I have challenging days and days I am not sure what I am going to do but nothing like when I was relaxed. Bad hair days relaxed were much worst for me then natural. What could I do to my hair it wasn't long enough to wear a ponytail I had to get the curling Iron out and fry it some more especially if I didn't roll it up everynight breakage breakage. I think I have two tons of options now that I am natural. I am going to send you PM. just something to think about.

 

[krissynick]

This is a interesting blog but I do agree that twist and braids look childish. its not to be offensive to anyone . its just a persons opinion. it depends on ur face. I am 23 years old and I am always mistaken for being younger so to put braids or twist in my hair would make it even worst. As far as the natural thing goes. If you feel your not ready dont take the plunge cause I personally feel it takes a lot of work since you are not gonna be use to that texture and styling. I mean you will learn but its not gonna be easy at first. You are going to have to have in mind the types of styles u gonna wear and find out if you like them and if you can manage doing them thats all

 

[tinkat]

I enjoy being natural. You have to want to take that step and its more than just a physical transition, its a mental one two. It took me a long time to actually wear my hair out bc it was something new. But I love it! Any hair type can be difficult, you just have to do trial and error. If you really want to go natural, do protective styling. I did weaves, but that became addictive and it was hard not to wear my own hair bc I did not want to deal with it. This past Nov. I actually wore my hair out and I just fell in love with it. You have to want to go natural. Twists and braids are not childish, they actually are wonderful protective styling.

 

[schipperchow1]

From your post, it sounds as though you are frustrated with your hair and not really interested in going natural, but looking for options. All hair has good days, bad days, strengths & challenges.

I really like my hair now. I didn't start off planning on being natural, it just started with me recognizing that something seriously dried out my hair & I wasn't going to risk more damage by putting a chemical in my hair. I just nurtured & babied it & wore protective styles - 1 or 2 french braids, a bun or a ponytail. I have recently been wearing more flat ironed styles because I am happy with the length & health of my hair. HTH

 

[DreadlockedLady0171]

All I can say is that I love being free from the chemicals, I love being natural . But it is hard work. It ain't easy. I am still learning how to properly care for my hair . And personally, I can't wait for the day when my hair gets long enough to wear braids and twists and what not. They are not childish to me.
IMHO you are in no way ready to transition to natural .

 

[tocktick]

If you do not want to go natural, then I say don't do it. I feel like it takes a commitment to take care of natural hair.

I was going to suggest protective styling, but I see in your siggy that it looks like that is already what you are pursuing. I say stick to the protective styling, and maybe get some individuals like you mentioned, if you need a break from your hair.

Was it the breakage/bad henna experience that had you contemplating going natural? I am sure that, with all of the knowledge and resources you have here on this site, that you can nurse your hair back to normal (and beyond) Good luck...

@ the bolded - that's pretty much it...

but i will add you actually need to be in the right mind-frame to go natural. some women do it because relaxers damaged their hair but they learn to embrace natural hair and actually want to be natural. it's hard but if you don't make that mental transition, i think you'll just end up relaxing once again. that's jmho. cus i mean, it doesn't sound like you're too enthusiastic about it but more like you've reached some dead-end and this is your ultimate last resort. you've said your self you don't actually want to be natural. that's just my interpretation of what you've posted thus far though.

 

[blueabyss333]

And on the other hand, I'm still afraid that the wording of your post comes across to people who are natural that they should defend being natural to you, when we don't have to. If you have some more specific questions to help you decide if going natural is right for you, then you can do some more research or pm some of us.

And I want you to know that you ALWAYS have options. Whether or not you relax and whether or not you go to the salon. How good are you at styling your own hair?

Okay, I've tried to be nice so far, and I hope you don't take it as me not being so, but you did say that you were currently wearing your hair in individuals...those are braids right? Do you feel you look childish right now? I'm not asking that to be mean. I'm really trying to get to the heart of this. I hope I've helped.

I think my frustration led it out to be that way. Although, I kind of was looking for some convincing arguments; like all of you have said, if I don't have the mindset then don't do it. No matter how many opinions I get, it's not going to matter if I don't want it for myself.

I pretty much wear buns, unless I have a fresh relaxer I'll rollerset. I'll flat iron my hair once a month (but not always) beit for a change, special event.

I think individual extensions and natural braids/twists are two different looks. This is the 5th time in my life to get extentions and it's always been every three years usually for the summer (not intentionally, just happens that way). That pretty much sums it up. No, I don't think you were being mean, just real and I can appreciate that.
~~~~~~~~~~~

If you really want lots of advice, I would omit that you think twists and braids are childish, I know you don't mean any harm and are being honest but you are insulting A LOT of naturals with that statement. Not liking them is one thing, but calling them childish?

I love being natural for two reasons:
1. My hair is healthier and it's growing longer than ever.
2. My natural hair suits my face better than relaxed, I look prettier with natural hair.

@hopeful- I *can't* omit that statement b/c it's one of the reasons I'm hesitant to go natural. It was important to me to state that because they're a great ps for naturals yet something I don't consider an option. I just wanted to express that so readers knew where I came from; no harm meant. Also, you're two reasons, are my two reasons.

@poetist- The biggest factor for me is that going natural is the healthiest option, definately not an easy way out.

@shortdub78- I feel a cut coming on as well.

@Trudy- you already know...thank you for the kind PM. (((hugs)))

This is a interesting blog but I do agree that twist and braids look childish. its not to be offensive to anyone . its just a persons opinion. it depends on ur face. I am 23 years old and I am always mistaken for being younger so to put braids or twist in my hair would make it even worst.

If I was ever hesitant going natural, you just sent me back 10x.No, but seriously, thanks for relating. People already try to hide the surprise look when I tell them my age- not that I'm complaining b/c I'm thankful for who I am. ::

 

[Bigghair]

I may go natural, but I don't want to. It's either that or going back to the salon and who wants to deal with all the woes that comes with that? I'm two months post and I usually stretch 3-4 months. Between my recent breakage and bad henna experience, there are some spots on my head that are down to an inch of new growth.

My hair is so thick that I didn't even notice that much, not even when I straightened it. However, that's the problem for me at least. My hair is naturally dry, 4zzzzzz, and like wire. I'm not sure I want to deal and go through the extra care it considers.

Though, when I look at Poohbear and Naturallady, their hair is . I like naturals on others, not me. Please help.

ETA: Are there any naturals that cosistently wear hard presses. IMO, twists and braids on naturals are a bit childish. Sorry if I offend anyone.

Wow! Well if you are considering going natural that is wonderful. You do have to learn how to care for you hair in a different way though. I suggest you do some reading and research on natural hair care and styling and this will help you in your decision.

I love being natural and I wish I had done it sooner. My hair is not hard to care for because I read, researched, and learned the dos and don'ts for my hair.

 

[glamazon386]

If you don't want to go natural then don't. I don't see what the dilemma is. I agree with the other ladies who mentioned that going natural is a commitment. And if you're going to wear your hair pressed straight the majority of the time you might as well stay relaxed.

ETA: I went back and read some more of the posts and I think that you need to endure a mental transition first. It seems like it's either deal with the breakage or go natural. And those two things are not your only options. I love my natural hair but it did take some getting used to. I don't think it's necessarily harder than caring for relaxed hair (at least for me anyway) it's just different. It's more like apples and oranges. You have to learn what your hair likes and doesn't like. I didn't wear it out for a few months after I bced. And even then it wasn't on a regular basis. It took maybe a good 8 or 9 months for me to start wearing it out regularly. Also, I don't wear twists or braids with my natural hair either. I only wear them for braid outs and twist outs. They're just not for me. I don't like how they look on me. Depending on how they are done they can look like kiddy styles. Maybe when my hair is longer I might change my mind about box braids and two strand twists but I get what you're saying.

 

[Ms Lala]

I LOVE being natural 90% of the time. I love the versatility and that I don't have to burn my scalp anymore. Then there's the 10% when I get frustrated w/my hair because it takes a while to style. But I am committed to keeping my hair natural so I stick w/it.
If you don't want to go natural I do not think it is a good idea. CAring for natural hair is totally different than relaxed and you will probably be annoyed and frustrated if you aren't dedicated to maintaining it. Also you mention not wanting to go to the salon, one big mistake alot of people make is deciding to style their own natural hair when they didn't style their relaxed hair. THis is not a good idea. If you usually go to a stylist I think it eases the transition and lessens frustration if you have a good stylist. I was natural and used to style my own hair before I stopped relaxing so it was not hard for me. I think if you have a stylist you can learn to care for your hair and try different styles in between visits. It is also hard to say whether or not your hair will take well to pressing. I would not recommend that you stop relaxing if you are only willing to wear your hair straight, you may find that your hair doesn't respond well to heat or doesn't hold a press well and you will be dissappointed.

I love being natural but I am happy w/it curly, kinky, straight and all the in betweens. Until you can say the same I think it will be a hard transition for you.

 

[blueabyss333]

Wow! Well if you are considering going natural that is wonderful. You do have to learn how to care for you hair in a different way though. I suggest you do some reading and research on natural hair care and styling and this will help you in your decision.

I love being natural and I wish I had done it sooner. My hair is not hard to care for because I read, researched, and learned the dos and don'ts for my hair.

You know, not that I don't appreciate other's posts, because I do. You may have chosen to hold your tongue or you might just *naturally* (no pun intended) be a nice person, but your post is so supportive despite everything else I said. It's makes me that much more happy, comforted, and excited about thinking of going natural. And YOUR twists look fabulous, I would rock those any day.

 

[blueabyss333]

I LOVE being natural 90% of the time. I love the versatility and that I don't have to burn my scalp anymore. Then there's the 10% when I get frustrated w/my hair because it takes a while to style. But I am committed to keeping my hair natural so I stick w/it.
If you don't want to go natural I do not think it is a good idea. CAring for natural hair is totally different than relaxed and you will probably be annoyed and frustrated if you aren't dedicated to maintaining it. Also you mention not wanting to go to the salon, one big mistake alot of people make is deciding to style their own natural hair when they didn't style their relaxed hair. THis is not a good idea. If you usually go to a stylist I think it eases the transition and lessens frustration if you have a good stylist. I was natural and used to style my own hair before I stopped relaxing so it was not hard for me. I think if you have a stylist you can learn to care for your hair and try different styles in between visits. It is also hard to say whether or not your hair will take well to pressing. I would not recommend that you stop relaxing if you are only willing to wear your hair straight, you may find that your hair doesn't respond well to heat or doesn't hold a press well and you will be dissappointed.

I love being natural but I am happy w/it curly, kinky, straight and all the in betweens. Until you can say the same I think it will be a hard transition for you.

At least you're honest. Those 10% days are why I'm most hesitant.

I started self-relaxing b/c I don't burn myself or use "coarse" relaxers and yet my hair seemed so much healthier from salon visits. Maybe I could compromise and relax my own hair but go in for weekly visits. Do you think that a stylist will give me a hard time for not relaxing and (s)he won't be as gentle?

 

[Nola Darling]

First off, I don't "deal" with my hair. I just have to style my hair texture differently, ie: combing in the shower and moisturizing more.

I don't wear twists and braids because I don't know how to do it myself, but when my hair is in it's natural state I wear low buns and french rolls. I LOVE the french roll because it looks very classy. In the summer I wear it half up and half fro in the back. It looks very neat

I wear my hair straight a lot too but you have to be very careful and baby your hair when it's in the pressed state or you will get heat damage.

 

[Ms Lala]

At least you're honest. Those 10% days are why I'm most hesitant.

I started self-relaxing b/c I don't burn myself or use "coarse" relaxers and yet my hair seemed so much healthier from salon visits. Maybe I could compromise and relax my own hair but go in for weekly visits. Do you think that a stylist will give me a hard time for not relaxing and (s)he won't be as gentle?

Girl it's the truth, today is one of the days I Just can't get my ponytail right. But then I remember that I had bad hair days when I was relaxed as well. I can't really give you any tips on how the stylist will handle your relaxed hair. I know people who have transition while visiting the stylist regularly and they would get curly styles (straw set etc...) or get the roots flat ironed.

 

[glamazon386]

Girl it's the truth, today is one of the days I Just can't get my ponytail right. But then I remember that I had bad hair days when I was relaxed as well. I can't really give you any tips on how the stylist will handle your relaxed hair. I know people who have transition while visiting the stylist regularly and they would get curly styles (straw set etc...) or get the roots flat ironed.

I have days like that too. And those are the days I usually end up wigging it.

 

[keluric]

I think my frustration led it out to be that way. Although, I kind of was looking for some convincing arguments; like all of you have said, if I don't have the mindset then don't do it. No matter how many opinions I get, it's not going to matter if I don't want it for myself.

Sorry, hon, I don't think any of us naturals are in the business of making "convincing" arguments as to why anyone should go natural. I agree with everyone else that stated that you're not ready to transition. If you want to go natural as a last resort, do that; though I doubt you will stay that way once the health of your hair is restored. If you don't want to go natural, don't.

I've been natural all my life and I consider my decision to stay natural as significant as a woman's decision to go natural. It's a decision you have to make. The potential pro's and potential con's are very apparent.

 

[Fine 4s]

I may go natural, but I don't want to. It's either that or going back to the salon and who wants to deal with all the woes that comes with that? I'm two months post and I usually stretch 3-4 months. Between my recent breakage and bad henna experience, there are some spots on my head that are down to an inch of new growth.

My hair is so thick that I didn't even notice that much, not even when I straightened it. However, that's the problem for me at least. My hair is naturally dry, 4zzzzzz, and like wire. I'm not sure I want to deal and go through the extra care it considers.

Though, when I look at Poohbear and Naturallady, their hair is . I like naturals on others, not me. Please help.

ETA: Are there any naturals that cosistently wear hard presses. IMO, twists and braids on naturals are a bit childish. Sorry if I offend anyone.

I LOVE my natural hair, I think it gives me a uniqueness/character etc. I feel boring with straight hair. That's why for me, my new straight hair excitement is reaching a certain length. THEN it will be fun fun fun...But the versatility with natural hair ...I just can't pass up.

But before I felt this way, I was pressing every 2 weeks at the salon. Then, I slowly started with afro puffs (while in college-97-98) and only a couple of years ago tried 2 strands...

But the golden rule is to know your hair and know what you are willing to do to consistently care for it. I'm not 100% sure about what I am about to say so take it with a BIG FAT grain of salt but from what I've experienced natural hair requires more CARE.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[lsw29]

When I first BC I was excited but nervous. I transitioned over 2 years because I didn't want to have my hair look ultra short. After my hair was cut I was shocked at the amount of shrinkage I had. It initially made me sad so I had Balisi straighten my hair out and I was so amazed that my hair was actually below my shoulders. I constantly pressed my hair every 2-3 weeks because I did not know how to deal with my hair and was a little afraid to venture out with a wash and go. I have recently began to stop straighten my hair as much and embrace my natural texture and the shrinkage that comes along with it. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I still have not worn twist but I am going to try them this Summer.

Good luck on your decision to become natural, it is an important one that does take time and commitment and a new way of looking at your hair.