Selling Out? Not Quite...

[nikolite]

I'm not anti-relaxers, don't believe the nonsense about selling out coz of a hair process, etc., and obviously this is your decision but I guess what I don't understand is why you're doing it to transition. Won't you have to deal with the ssk's again in a year's time if you don't learn to manage them now? I can agree that bkt might be preferable if you plan to go natural again coz I think it would help you train your hair not to knot.

Ok, I was thinking the same thing as the bolded but not sure if I was the only one not understanding something.

OP, do you mind explaining why you want to relax if you plan on going natural again anyway? IME, working with two separate textures was harder than working with one. Is it just that you want a break? If so, maybe you should have your hair pressed for a little while. Or how about weaving/braiding it up and out of your way for a few months?

 

[hothair]

I say do a BKT treatment. I straighten my hair twice a month to prevent SSKs- BKT has been my saviour- seriously I couldn't give up the hair bleach/dye so it keeps my hair in great condition.

Also its helped me for the first time in more years than I can remember NOT CUT MY HAIR out of frustration/boredom. Goodluck!

 

[lana]

Mizani Butter Blend (lye)...I have been using it for 2 years and love it...

I love it too! It's all I'll use going forward to Texlax (underprocess my relaxer on purpose) - best of both worlds. I will use a LYE relaxer on my hair always. You know the difference because you MIX a no-lye relaxer and a LYE relaxer isn't mixed.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

I'm not anti-relaxers, don't believe the nonsense about selling out coz of a hair process, etc., and obviously this is your decision but I guess what I don't understand is why you're doing it to transition. Won't you have to deal with the ssk's again in a year's time if you don't learn to manage them now? I can agree that bkt might be preferable if you plan to go natural again coz I think it would help you train your hair not to knot.

Yes...I, too am confused. I keep reading it over and over, in case I missed something, and I still don't understand. You want to relax again, only to transition....to what? To natural? Or just transition forever??? Or are you experiencing what I call the "do-over" itch?

I'm so confused......

Ok, I was thinking the same thing as the bolded but not sure if I was the only one not understanding something.

OP, do you mind explaining why you want to relax if you plan on going natural again anyway? IME, working with two separate textures was harder than working with one. Is it just that you want a break? If so, maybe you should have your hair pressed for a little while. Or how about weaving/braiding it up and out of your way for a few months?

Haha, sorry to cause so much confusion. The best way to describe what I'm feeling may indeed be a do-over itch. I feel that maybe my lack of complete understanding may be what caused this, and maybe if I start over, I will do it better the next time around. It may be silly, but this is what I was thinking.

I've been trying braids, but each time makes me run away from them more...I think I'm allergic to synthetic hair as my scalp breaks out like crazy and itches and my hair wasn't done too tight..and I don't know the first thing about taking care of a weave. I've never had one, and frankly, I'm afraid I'd do more harm than good if I tried.

I think I can deal better with the knots this time around, but these splits have got to GO! If you picture an s-wave strand of hair laying horizontally, and then draw a straight horizontal line through it, that's how they look. I originally thought I could just go to a stylist, have them straighten it and trim it, but I keep telling myself that won't work because you can barely see them until they start feathering at the ends. I think I'm just afraid I'll go get all this hair chopped off and the stylist miss half of it and I end up right back where I started. I guess, to me, it makes more sense to relax it (my split ends stuck out like a store thumb relaxed..couldn't miss em if I did get them) because I could get them all.

I'm starting to sound crazy(er)...maybe I do just need a break.

Firstly, I just want to echo what others have already said - getting a relaxer is not selling out, not in any way, shape, or form. Good for you for knowing what works and what doesn't work, and it's great that your fiance is so supportive.

Secondly, I just wanted to ask you if you have any ideas as to why you might be getting so many single-strand knots? Do you mind sharing your hair care regimen? I am just curious because I've seen SSKs frustrate many women who wear their hair chemical-free (myself included ) and was just wondering if there was something that could be done to at least diminish how frequently you get them.

I'm not sure, tbh. I've had those moments where I come home tired and pass out w/o a bonnet or braiding my hair, but not enough to where I should have an entire head full of them yanking out my hair left and right. The weather has been funky lately so my regimen has been a bit of a slave to the weather channel atm, so here goes:

Co-wash with AOHSR and grapeseed oil
Follow up with JOICO k-pak reconstructor conditioner for 15 minutes
Clarify every 2 weeks (about how long it takes for stuff to quit working or my hair to feel sticky and like it has build-up) with Olive Oil Shampoo
Deep condition once a week with D&L Relaxed and Natural DC (usually all day...literally)
I use a spritz made of S-Curl, Grapeseed Oil, Castor Oil, Rosewater & Glycerin, Biosilk (silk only), and CHI keratin mist daily if there's a lot of humidity, my hair loves this stuff...if not, I just use the S-Curl, CHI, and smooth grapeseed oil through my hair.

I say do a BKT treatment. I straighten my hair twice a month to prevent SSKs- BKT has been my saviour- seriously I couldn't give up the hair bleach/dye so it keeps my hair in great condition.

Also its helped me for the first time in more years than I can remember NOT CUT MY HAIR out of frustration/boredom. Goodluck!

This is where I'm kind of leaning right now after talking with my DF...but he's adamant about the price, lol.

i did the same thing (I wore weave for a year, but when I take it out, I lose SO much to SSKs and breakage. I texlaxed with phyto 2 (my texture is very kinky (I say 4b, but it might be 4c)

it loosened it but did not straighten it, which is what I want. I love my natual thickness and didnt want to damage it HTH

After reading some posts about Phyto, this is more where my DF is leaning...mostly because of the price, imo...also because he knows I can take care of my relaxed hair and don't have to buy more product.

So at this point (thanks to you ladies), I have several options in my arsenal that I feel strongly about, I just don't know which would be the best, lol. I could try and get my ends clipped, then braid it up for the next year...but it'd be human hair only, and I'd have to find a stylist that can do my hair based off my wishes...and no offense to anyone, but we've got a bunch of rude Africans around here that braid too tight. Gotta drive over an hour away to get my hair done.

I could try a BKT, it'd straighten my hair, and loosen the curl (temporarily? I'm still a little confused by this), but it thrives off damage? Does this mean it'd seal my splits shut, or would I still need to get them cut off? I've read so many conflicting articles and reviews...I think I'm all around confused now, lol.

Lastly, I could either bonelax, or texlax using Phyto (I think this is the one I like the most after reading about it). If I bonelax, I'll probably transition for at least a year...unless I somewhere along the way decide I like my hair better straight and keep it that way (doubt it). If I texlax, I've still gotta figure out what to do about these ends.

Either way, thank you all so much for helping me. I know I can be a bit frustrating >.> frustrating myself as we speak.

 

[keelioness]

Your hair being relaxed or natural doesn't make you a better black person , your soul does.

I cast my vote for Mizani.

Well said!

 

[iri9109]

I could try a BKT, it'd straighten my hair, and loosen the curl (temporarily? I'm still a little confused by this), but it thrives off damage? Does this mean it'd seal my splits shut, or would I still need to get them cut off? I've read so many conflicting articles and reviews...I think I'm all around confused now, lol.

Lastly, I could either bonelax, or texlax using Phyto (I think this is the one I like the most after reading about it). If I bonelax, I'll probably transition for at least a year...unless I somewhere along the way decide I like my hair better straight and keep it that way (doubt it). If I texlax, I've still gotta figure out what to do about these ends.

Either way, thank you all so much for helping me. I know I can be a bit frustrating >.> frustrating myself as we speak.

what is bonelax? and also if you relax over the knots, wouldnt they just break off because its already a weak spot? i vote for BKT...never used it but i heard good results, and it isnt permanent like a relaxer, but you do get the straight look for fairly long...i just think relaxing in order to transition is kind of backwards when you already have a full head of natural hair, plus idk how long you transitioned the last time, but 1year's worth of new growth and 2 different textures is probably more of a pain to deal with than the knots

 

[PinkPebbles]

I'm fine 4a/b and Mizani was too strong for my hair.

I've used Affirm (no-lye and lye) for several years and realized that this relaxer was the culprit of drying out my hair.

The best relaxer I've used is Design Essentials Creme Relaxer (lye). My hair gets straight but has strength, body, shine, and doesn't lose its moisture.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

what is bonelax? and also if you relax over the knots, wouldnt they just break off because its already a weak spot? i vote for BKT...never used it but i heard good results, and it isnt permanent like a relaxer, but you do get the straight look for fairly long...i just think relaxing in order to transition is kind of backwards when you already have a full head of natural hair, plus idk how long you transitioned the last time, but 1year's worth of new growth and 2 different textures is probably more of a pain to deal with than the knots

Bonelax is completely straight relaxing...like a bone. I'm not sure about what would happen to knots if I relaxed over them because I've never done it before. I didn't transition when I went natural, I went bald and grew it from there.

 

[foxee]

OP, your hair sounds like mine. SSK wreaked havoc on my hair until I started to BKT. Please consider BKT first. I'm not against relaxers but if you say you want to transition anyway, you'll still end up with SSK AND two textures of hair.

If you haven't already, please check out this thread. I realize it's long, but there's a wealth of information there and you can always get your BKT related questions answered quickly. Good luck!

 

[ConstantlyDynamic]

AAAH IS that what OP said? Please OP and bkprincess explain why you would want to do this? Let's switch heads!

i'm down for switching heads! lol but yeah everyone thinks it's a crazy idea but i feel like i've damaged some parts of my hair from not knowing how to take care of it. i JUST realized that my hair is porous plus i have a steamer so finally my hair is retaining moisture instead of drying out at the end of the day (and when i say dry, i mean dry). i have weird splits down the strands that i shouldn't have and my hair knots up so easily at the ends (though it's getting better). i just want to start fresh- i'm pretty sure that the OP was thinking that too. it'd be nice to see her journey through it and to see if she thinks that it was a good decision to make

 

[Junebug D]

As for knots, the relaxer won't magically untie them, they'll still be there. I still occassionally see a SSK down the shaft of my hair, no doubt left over from my natural days since I am bonelaxed.

I still don't understand relaxing with the intention on transitioning though. Why not just BC if you don't think you will enjoy straight hair? Not that I think BC'ing for a do-over is good, because that can become addictive, look but if you have as much damage as you say, it's probably the smarter thing to do. A relaxer will compound any damage you already have.

I doubt BKT will truly fix the damage either, the only thing that fixes damaged hair is a cut.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

I think some of you may be misunderstanding my intentions a teensy bit, and I'm sure that's my fault in terms of wording them improperly. I'm not using a relaxer or bkt to fix my ends, I'm aware they need to be cut. I'm saying I'm frustrated with the SSKs and the resulting split ends from them snagging and pulling. I don't get SSKs while relaxed, and apparently BKT'd hair does it less.

Either way, I'm going with the BKT and seeing if I like that. I love the versatility of natural hair, and I like the look of it, but I still don't see a point to it if I can't keep any of my hair due to breakage and whatnot. If this doesn't help, I'll probably just relax permanently and anyone around me that has a problem with it can just have one on their own. I appreciate the support many of you have taken the time to come in here and give me, and you're right...it's my hair, and what I choose to do with it is my decision.

*NOTE* @ Junebug D, sorry never got a sub notice on your reply or I would have responded sooner.