"I'm not relaxed" (Huh?)

[motherpopcorn562]

lol

 

[DarkVictory]

DD, I would love to hear more Do you think this would increase profits for the stylists? How would they benefit from this?

Ask Miss Jessie's. Don't they get $300+ for a Silkener(tm)?

 

[PJaye]

THANK YOU SYLVER!!...it is not that serious. Texlax is a hairboard/LHCF exclusive term---you go to the hair stylist, most don't know what "texlax" means. If I used BKT, then I would say it was thermally treated hair, if I texturized/relaxer--i would state that my hair is chemically altered.

When I wear a weave, if I leave some of my natural hair out, I don't say.."oh its my hair, just the bottom four tracks aren't mine"....smh...it is STILL a weave.

aaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!​

 

[brg240]

I never heard of texlaxing before this board but that's what I was actually doing. I just always considered myself relax I just used less and left it on for a shorter time. :/

I don't think relaxing is bad really so I don't know why someone would get offended by you sayng they were.
--
edit: doesn't BKT use chemicals?(I'm actually not sure if it does or not) If so, why isn't that considered relaxed?

 

[LittleLuxe]

Relaxed is the umbrella...(the use of a chemical to relax your curl pattern)
Underneath this umbrella falls the distinctions... texturized, tex-laxed, bone straight, whatever. If you use relaxer in your hair (therefore relaxing your curl pattern), you are relaxed.

"texlaxing" is a term ALMOST exclusively used by hair board ladies like ourselves. like an above poster stated... If you are describing the absence or presence of relaxer in your hair...if you processed...it's relaxed.

then when you talk about texture... bone-straight, texturized, texlaxed are descriptions.

Girl I think you got it perfectly.

For others I don't think we should mistake discussing a topic as viewing others negatively. The OP made it pretty clear this was about women who had knowledge of the proper terminology and were using it incorrectly. When confronted in a non-insulting manner with the fact their hair was chemically altered they acted offended and replied "I'm NOT relaxed" as if they were offended to be lumped in with that. No one is being insulting, rude, or putting down anyone. But the women the OP mentioned acted like there was something insulting about being deemed 'relaxed'. It'd be one thing if they explained it like some of the women here did but when the response is an immediate negative one it's pretty clear they're ashamed of something.

 

[MangaManiac]

I couldn't have said it better LittleLuxe -

The specific women OP dealt with (and those I'VE dealt with) make me think, "Honestly, even if you were natural, why'd you have to respond like that? What's wrong with relaxed hair?"

I'm not relaxed, but I have been (I've been texlaxed too), but it's still disheartening when people respond this way. Someone asked, "Who cares?" Well, if some BW went around hating their skin color, would you still ask that? I didn't think so.

With self-hatred so prevalent in our community (and society at large) it's important to recognize it, understand where it comes from, and acknowledge it's a problem so we can stop it from being passed down to the next generation.


Call me crazy, but I would have thought more relaxed ladies would have been offended by the fact these women GOT MAD!

 

[MangaManiac]

FTA, chemically altered or not - all these ways of wearing and maintaining our hair are a part of our cultural identity. For me, being indignant about one is insulting, whether I'm a part of that group or not.

Viva chemicals! Viva au natural!

 

[belldandy]

ok then, I'm not texlaxed, I'm relaxed?
who the heck cares?
the only reason I personally proclaim I am texlaxed is because when I relaxed, I could not retain. So, when I say texlax I am signifying the fact that I did not relax bone straight so others might know about that same option. Then they could try it to see if it helps them to retain length and thickness like it did for me.

sheesh.

it's not that deep guys.

 

[belldandy]

there are a lot of threads on here like this
o_@
bah...

 

[Hersheygurl]

I know what the OP means. If someone asks, I am more than happy to tell them I deliberately underprocess my hair using Vitale relaxer. I refer to myself as texlaxed on LHCF because I learned the term here.

 

[nappystorm]

I know what you mean, OP. I've had plenty of convos with women who say they are "natural" or "not relaxed". Then later in the convo, I find out they are texlaxers, transitioners, long term stretchers, ect.

I never say anything though, I just and K.I.M.

 

[Mystic]

If I see someone with texlax hair and another person who is natural with heat trained hair, I cannot tell the difference between the two hair texture, so I take the person's word for it and keep it moving.

If a natural wear her hair straight, and purposely train her hair to remain straight, the bonds in the hair is permanently changed, right? So what do you call this? And, what's the difference between that change in hair texture and a texlaxer?

To me, its hard to tell the difference so I mind my own business. If a texlaxer is fronting that she is a heat trained natural or vice versa, so what? I leave the person to her conscience, compliment her hair and keep it moving because with all the versatility that natural hair offers as well as texlax, it is impossible for me to know which is what sometimes.

 

[SweetTea]

I've never met anyone like that in real life (I'm the only texlaxed person I know) but I'm sure there are plenty like you described, OP. Unfortunately, I think it will be a long time before we can equate "good hair" with just plain healthy hair, because so many of us are still ignorant of good hair practices. Natural hair may be "in" right now, but I think a lot of black women (outside of hair boards like this) would still rather sport type 3 hair because they think it's prettier or the only way hair can grow long with minimum effort. So women like you mention want people to believe they naturally have a looser hair type.

But I also chalk some of it up to ignorance/misinformation. A lot of black stylists try to pass off texturizers as non-relaxers or even worse, a temporary style. If you've ever heard of RusticBeauty on Youtube, she describes this experience. Her stylist, who was supposed to be the licensed professional, described the texturizer as a temporary treatment that would make her hair more manageable for the evening. It's all the same chemical...I remember when I was little, I wondered if hair removers and relaxers were basically the same because they smelled the same and because the hair you were removing always straightened like head hair in a relaxer process before coming out. It turns out, the two things aren't that different. A lot of people also don't know that a relaxer and perm are two different things because we use the two interchangeably. Some people actually believe that a "perm" is some magical chemical that straightens black people's hair and curls white people's hair!

 

[BostonMaria]

OP, this is nothing new. I remember when I was in high school (we're talking over 20 years ago) and a few girls in my class thought they were all that because they used a mild relaxer. Somehow using a mild relaxer equaled having "good hair" and anything else meant that your hair was not good LMAO It confused me when I was 16 and I'm now 39 and still hella confused LMAO They tried to tell me that their mild relaxer was ONLY to remove the waves or curls. My regular relaxer was for us nappy heads (their opinion not mine LOL)

If anybody is Dominican on this thread, its the difference between an "alisado" and "desrizado" which is ridiculous cuz its the same thing.

 

[ShantWhite]

I couldn't have said it better LittleLuxe -

The specific women OP dealt with (and those I'VE dealt with) make me think, "Honestly, even if you were natural, why'd you have to respond like that? What's wrong with relaxed hair?"

I'm not relaxed, but I have been (I've been texlaxed too), but it's still disheartening when people respond this way. Someone asked, "Who cares?" Well, if some BW went around hating their skin color, would you still ask that? I didn't think so.

With self-hatred so prevalent in our community (and society at large) it's important to recognize it, understand where it comes from, and acknowledge it's a problem so we can stop it from being passed down to the next generation.


Call me crazy, but I would have thought more relaxed ladies would have been offended by the fact these women GOT MAD!

It's easy to get caught up in the hair boards and know that whatever you say about your hair is accepted and you'll get support and understanding for whatever problem you face.

But IRL!! My husband, two teenage sons and step-daughter (from another state) watched the movie "Good Hair" this past weekend. During some scenes, (i.e. the chemical test and beauty shop), the kids were pointing at and teasing me about my relaxer! I found myself defending my position against using the "creamy crack" and trying to explain to them that I only leave it on for 10min. so my hair still looks "nappy"!

And later I felt somewhat ashamed because in one scene there were about 5 young ladies being interviewed and at least 4 were relaxed, but the 1 who was natural had the most beautiful hair (in my opinion). She looked uncomfortable and didn't say a word while the others touted their use of sodium hydroxide and the need to use it...

So although I don't have a problem saying I'm relaxed and explaining the process, I do kinda understand why some women don't want to admit it.

 

[Eluv]

Can we just all get along?

Apparently not, same BS just a different day

 

[LittleLuxe]

Apparently not, same BS just a different day

I'm sorry but I genuinely don't understand how we're not getting along. When I read over the discussion it's polite, full of information and women speaking from different pov's. Sure there's some debate on what tex-laxed means in relation to being relaxed and how you respond when questioned but that is part of the discussion. Nothing offensive has been said and no one has been insulted.

So why are some people taking this as....well frankly I don't know what.

Maybe you could explain it to me.

 

[SmilingElephant]

Okay i get it....then why....for instance...when we have a poll like the LHCF Census...do we have an option for "texlaxed"?

If its just another degree of relaxed hair....why do we put it in its own category then?

I understand that i'm relaxed....i get that part...BUT....why can't i say i'm texlaxed?...when i am.....i only ask this bc ppl ask me if i use a relaxer all the time or if i'm natural and i DO say yes(that i use a relaxer)....but i also tell them i dumb it down to keep a little bit of my texture in....so should i just continue to say that and not say i'm Texlaxed?

 

[Eluv]

I'm sorry but I genuinely don't understand how we're not getting along. When I read over the discussion it's polite, full of information and women speaking from different pov's. Sure there's some debate on what tex-laxed means in relation to being relaxed and how you respond when questioned but that is part of the discussion. Nothing offensive has been said and no one has been insulted.

So why are some people taking this as....well frankly I don't know what.

Maybe you could explain it to me.

It’s called being nice in a nasty kind of way.

I agree texlaxed is relaxed, but why give texlaxed a different name if the usage isn’t allowed, because I learned the term here on LHCF.

I would never deny being relaxed or have and attitude if asked. To me texlaxed is just a clarification not a complete denial. And for the ones that are denying it maybe they do not completely understand they have an under processed relaxer rather intentional or not. However I’ve never encountered this, except for in the reverse.

As a matter of fact just yesterday, I complimented a customer on her hair, I didn’t know she was a Cosmetologist but she told me “I see you don’t relax”. And this is probably the sixth time since relaxing in February that I’ve heard something similar.

They are interchangeable
Under processed relaxer = texlaxed PERIOD

 

[BGT]

Relaxed is all the same to me. If you put that chemical in your hair altering either your hair's natural state what so ever you are relaxed. I don't leave my relaxer in for*the full time suggested either does that mean I am texlaxed? I never even knew this was what texlaxed meant. Nah I don't need the extra confusion. I keep it simple. When I was natural I was just that- no chemicals nothing. And today that I am relaxed I'm not scurred to correct anyone who gets it wrong or even insinuates that 'oh girl u got that nice hair' no boo boo, relaxer and that brown gel.

Denial makes you look like a fool, because believe me half the time
people can tell so why are you playing yourself tellin all these lies.... LOL

Can I just say?, I'm proud to be relaxed. I do what's best for me. All these negative presumptions are not my problem. I'm loving my hair and it's growing everyday. Thank*God amen.**

 

[GulfCoastChica]

I am sure someone has already said this but just incase no one has....we have to realize that every woman of color is not a member of a hairboard like LHCF. Many women, (educated, non-educated and in between) don't really know much about their hair and the proper terminology for certain things etc. Before I joined this board a few years ago, I was TOTALLY ignorant to sooooooo much in relation to my hair. I personally have no problem telling anyone I am relaxed or have a perm (old school). BUT, I have grown up with many people who seen using a "kiddie" perm as better than using a "grown folks" relaxer and I don't blame them because that is how it is marketed. I mostly attribute this to hair ignorance - nothing more or nothing less. For this reason, I don't see the need to correct them or scold them.

 

[Americka]

I am sure someone has already said this but just incase no one has....we have to realize that every woman of color is not a member of a hairboard like LHCF. Many women, (educated, non-educated and in between) don't really know much about their hair and the proper terminology for certain things etc. Before I joined this board a few years ago, I was TOTALLY ignorant to sooooooo much in relation to my hair. I personally have no problem telling anyone I am relaxed or have a perm (old school). BUT, I have grown up with many people who seen using a "kiddie" perm as better than using a "grown folks" relaxer and I don't blame them because that is how it is marketed. I mostly attribute this to hair ignorance - nothing more or nothing less. For this reason, I don't see the need to correct them or scold them.

I agree fervently with your post except for the sentence in red. If they truly are ignorant about the difference (or lack there of) between the JFM type kiddie relaxers and those marketed to adults, then I do see it as a teachable moment. About four score and 7 years ago, at the insistence of a friend, I began to relax with a "kiddie perm" because I was under the impression they were not "as strong" as a regular relaxer. I rationalized since they were not as strong, that I can use them more often. My ex's mother, who was a stylist, explained to me that there is no difference and they are just as damaging. But the cute little girls on the box and their placement AWAY from the OTHER relaxers helped to give me the impression that they weren't like the other relaxers. So I believe that educating others about hair care is important, but only if they are open to receiving that knowledge.

 

[goodmorningruby]

As a "texlaxed" head, I'm on the "chemically treated hair is chemically treated hair" team...but we have to remember and understand that the hair section is a guideline to healthy/long hair just like the terms that we use are guidelines.

I refer to myself as texlaxed on the boards, because members here mostly already have an idea of what it means to be "texlaxed"...in the sense that a relaxer has been used but not traditionally or per instructions. It's just like with some members claiming to be "bone laxed"...certain attributes to the circumstances of either denotation are pre-conceived. What does it hurt to mention?

If anyone asks outside of the boards (and no one does), I would just say my hair is chemically treated with a relaxer.

Are folks really getting offended by the terms we use specific to a special interest forum?

 

[Minty]

I posted the original question asking about individual's "in real life" experiences. I had NO idea it would spark such personal emotional responses.

In fact only a small few described their interactions with others regarding this situation.

--- No this is not solely a result of "marketing" "corporate America" "stylists" etc. This type of denial is a result of individual misunderstanding, societal norms/pressures, and internal conflict, but marketing/branding certainly doesn't help.

---No this is not related to a trend of "all things natural" right now. This is a continuation of what is acceptable, and whether this be on an individual level or on a societal level, the end result is still the same.

--- I too am out of trend, (and this is my personal experience) I was natural throughout HS - years before anyone even thought of "natural" in my part of country. I was told it was easier for me to be natural because of my hair type, and because of a lack of "beedy bees" it was assumed I had comb n go hair. But the fact was, I wore twists and twist outs.

I suppose some attribute something greater about themselves when their hair is involved. And this is not a problem as a woman's hair is her adornment.

For those of you who asked - what's the big deal? There is no big deal at all except for the one who becomes visibly offended when I state the obvious - their hair is chemically altered.

Is this something I noticed before LHCF - YES. This is related to some desire to have a better grade of hair than they perceive they have. - It is this belief that fuels "naturals" to deny those that relax and label them as "delusional" Does it apply to me - NO because I make no quams about the reality of my natural texture (4a/b), or my reasons behind relaxing.

Alas, I hope someone was able to learn something, get over some personal issue they may have had regarding their hair (not everyone can texlax to reveal a looser curl pattern - if there is no pattern, only a bigger afro is left), or whatever else that maybe lurking.

 

[Minty]

OP, this is nothing new. I remember when I was in high school (we're talking over 20 years ago) and a few girls in my class thought they were all that because they used a mild relaxer. Somehow using a mild relaxer equaled having "good hair" and anything else meant that your hair was not good LMAO It confused me when I was 16 and I'm now 39 and still hella confused LMAO They tried to tell me that their mild relaxer was ONLY to remove the waves or curls. My regular relaxer was for us nappy heads (their opinion not mine LOL)

If anybody is Dominican on this thread, its the difference between an "alisado" and "desrizado" which is ridiculous cuz its the same thing.

Thank you BostonMaria.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

lol Why is everybody (well alot of people) missing the point of the thread? It's not about distinguishing between relaxed, texlaxed, or texturized. It's about having the audacity to be OFFENDED like being relaxed is a dirty thing. Example:

Someone asks me if I go to Michigan State. I turn up my nose and say no (like eew why would u ask me that) I go to Michigan. They say oh do you go to Michigan Dearborn (not the main campus) I say no Ann Arbor and I smile. But inside, I'm thinking....heck no I don't go to state or dearborn because I KNOW my school is better. I did the same when I was in highschool because I went to one of the best schools in the city. My response was basically saying, how dare you ask me if I go to suchandsuch school.

So basically, you asking someone if they're relaxed and they turn up their nose and say "heck no i am texlaxed" sounds like you just insulted them and they are offended. So the purpose of this thread is to say, why are these women trying to act like they didn't slap some chemical in their head to change their texture? Why are they trying to act like one is better than the other?

It's all about tone ladies. If you smile and say "no, I am texlaxed or texturized" then that's fine. But for someone to respond with an attitude is definitely a problem. And THAT, I believe is what OP is trying to get at. And many ladies have explained the purpose, but for some reason, some of ya'll still not gettin it.


But I don't care because I never ask people if they're relaxed or natural lol. It's not going to benefit me. If their hair is pretty, I comment on their hair and KIM. If I want tips, it doesn't really matter whether they're natural or relaxed because they can still help if they have healthy hair.

 

[janeemat]

DAMMM STRAIGHT!

Adora Adora, you just crack me up. But she spoke the TRUTH!

 

[Minty]

nevermind....

 

[DDTexlaxed]

DD, I would love to hear more Do you think this would increase profits for the stylists? How would they benefit from this?

My first experience with natural hair was when I used a relaxer to straiten a jheri curl. Ya'll know what happened. My hair fell out and I ended up with 2 " of natural hair. My mom took me to a stylist and she said oh she can get a texturizer until her hair grows. She convinced my mom that my hair would still be natural and that all a texturizer does is lessen the frizz of the fro. We both had no idea that it was a weak relaxer. Dang, I should write a book about the things I've done to my hair. Thank God, it grew back.

 

[Honey Bee]

lol Why is everybody (well alot of people) missing the point of the thread? It's not about distinguishing between relaxed, texlaxed, or texturized. It's about having the audacity to be OFFENDED like being relaxed is a dirty thing. Example:

Someone asks me if I go to Michigan State. I turn up my nose and say no (like eew why would u ask me that) I go to Michigan. They say oh do you go to Michigan Dearborn (not the main campus) I say no Ann Arbor and I smile. But inside, I'm thinking....heck no I don't go to state or dearborn because I KNOW my school is better. I did the same when I was in highschool because I went to one of the best schools in the city. My response was basically saying, how dare you ask me if I go to suchandsuch school.

So basically, you asking someone if they're relaxed and they turn up their nose and say "heck no i am texlaxed" sounds like you just insulted them and they are offended. So the purpose of this thread is to say, why are these women trying to act like they didn't slap some chemical in their head to change their texture? Why are they trying to act like one is better than the other?

It's all about tone ladies. If you smile and say "no, I am texlaxed or texturized" then that's fine. But for someone to respond with an attitude is definitely a problem. And THAT, I believe is what OP is trying to get at. And many ladies have explained the purpose, but for some reason, some of ya'll still not gettin it.


But I don't care because I never ask people if they're relaxed or natural lol. It's not going to benefit me. If their hair is pretty, I comment on their hair and KIM. If I want tips, it doesn't really matter whether they're natural or relaxed because they can still help if they have healthy hair.

You're absolutely right, it is all about tone.