"explaining" texture and length...

[femmemuscle]

i was at a facility recently, and there was an AA woman there. Upon seeing her hair the first time, there was a lot of uneven-ness and damage from relaxers. It was very short/permed and "patchy".

2 months later, i walk in and she has straight/1b/asian/blue-black hair down to her mid back. it looked great, and seemed to bring out more confidence in her.

When i was younger, i used to do the "long/shiny" routine when it came to weaves. But i was constantly innundated with "Is that really your hair?" and a smirk.

Even to this day, i recall, the embarrassment, and sometimes trepidation i felt at answering "that" question. especially knowing that my natural hair would never look like this.

I walked up to her, and i saw that look on her face, and said: "Hey! you look good!" you should have seen the relief. she later told me, "I thought you were gonna put your hands in my hair - a lot of females did it this morning.

i told her: "Your hair looks good - why go any further than that?"

Today, i wear a 4b weave, and believe me ladies - no one even asks me "that"question, nor do they venture to "reach" in my general direction.

 

[dlewis]

I was just having a conversation with someone and mentioned how pretty a lady looked. The person I was talking to mention "you know that's not her real hair" I said "yes, I know but she still looks very nice."

I do get a little irritated when a person knows you know its not their real hair and they try to play like it is. Like my old neighbor. Very short hair one week, long hair the next and BSL the next. I would compliment her on her hair and she would say "girl, it grows so fast. I can cut it short and it's back down my back the next week."erplexed

My old hair stylist use to do that to.

 

[LushLox]

I was just having a conversation with someone and mentioned how pretty a lady looked. The person I was talking to mention "you know that's not her real hair" I said "yes, I know but she still looks very nice."

I do get a little irritated when a person knows you know its not their real hair and they try to play like it is. Like my old neighbor. Very short hair one week, long hair the next and BSL the next. I would compliment her on her hair and she would say "girl, it grows so fast. I can cut it short and it's back down my back the next week."erplexed

My old hair stylist use to do that to.

Do folks really think they can get away with crap like that!

 

[femmemuscle]

Do folks really think they can get away with crap like that!

Believe it or not, when weaves weren't mentioned in public, at least in my neck of the woods - i told folks that my beautician had this "growth oil"... and "my hair grew so fast"...man i get embarrassed just thinking about that lie - and that was about 15 years ago.

 

[dlewis]

Believe it or not, when weaves weren't mentioned in public, at least in my neck of the woods - i told folks that my beautician had this "growth oil"... and "my hair grew so fast"...man i get embarrassed just thinking about that lie - and that was about 15 years ago.

 

[LushLox]

Believe it or not, when weaves weren't mentioned in public, at least in my neck of the woods - i told folks that my beautician had this "growth oil"... and "my hair grew so fast"...man i get embarrassed just thinking about that lie - and that was about 15 years ago.

Aww bless, at least you can use your youth as an excuse though. It sounds as if DLewis' neighbour is old enough to know better!

 

[Nonie]

LOL @ this thread. I remember seeing an acquaintance that used to work in my office building. I'd not seen her for a spell and y'all know I'm nuts about long hair. So when I saw her with a type 4 BAA puff pulled back, I couldn't resist running over to her to tell her how beautiful her hair looked. I mean, we talked often about anything, so me saying, "I had no idea you had so much hair" you'd think would've prompted some honesty. (I really did think it was her hair initially. ) She smiled and said thanks. I then told her how good it looks and I wish she'd wear it like that again coz it's very becoming. By now I'd been standing there long enough to notice the difference in texture from her hair and how it just appeared to be put on like a hat...with on band holding the hair down as you would a puff. Even after about 5-10 minutes of hair care talk and my gushing about how much I can't wait to get to her length...she didn't even fess up. I haven't seen her since but I always wondered how our next convo would go. It does make you feel funny indeed.

Then another chick with a wig. OK, she doesn't know me that well; we just say hi when we meet, so maybe she wasn't obligated to tell me it wasn't her hair. But I still felt so funny when I said, "Your hair always looks on point, I don't know how you manage to keep it so well groomed" and she just smile and said thanks. Then as I stood behind her in line at the cafe, I saw the tell-tale non-part seam. And as my wig radar was sharpened where she's concerned, I started to see that all her "styles" are actually wigs. Granted, maybe some people have sensitive issues (eg illness) that make them unable to disclose that they have a wig on coz then they're afraid of 20 questions, but I do feel embarrassed for appearing so clueless with my compliments and then immediately feel awkward that we now both know it's fake.

 

[femmemuscle]

LOL @ this thread. I remember seeing an acquaintance that used to work in my office building. I'd not seen her for a spell and y'all know I'm nuts about long hair. So when I saw her with a type 4 BAA puff pulled back, I couldn't resist running over to her to tell her how beautiful her hair looked. I mean, we talked often about anything, so me saying, "I had no idea you had so much hair" you'd think would've prompted some honesty. (I really did think it was her hair initially. ) She smiled and said thanks. I then told her how good it looks and I wish she'd wear it like that again coz it's very becoming. By now I'd been standing there long enough to notice the difference in texture from her hair and how it just appeared to be put on like a hat...with on band holding the hair down as you would a puff. Even after about 5-10 minutes of hair care talk and my gushing about how much I can't wait to get to her length...she didn't even fess up. I haven't seen her since but I always wondered how our next convo would go. It does make you feel funny indeed.

Then another chick with a wig. OK, she doesn't know me that well; we just say hi when we meet, so maybe she wasn't obligated to tell me it wasn't her hair. But I still felt so funny when I said, "Your hair always looks on point, I don't know how you manage to keep it so well groomed" and she just smile and said thanks. Then as I stood behind her in line at the cafe, I saw the tell-tale non-part seam. And as my wig radar was sharpened where she's concerned, I started to see that all her "styles" are actually wigs. Granted, maybe some people have sensitive issues (eg illness) that make them unable to disclose that they have a wig on coz then they're afraid of 20 questions, but I do feel embarrassed for appearing so clueless with my compliments and then immediately feel awkward that we now both know it's fake.

I like their responses, though. If they lie, it's even worse. gawd, i still "burn" from that lie..erplexed for some reason, some women get that feeling of "one-upsmanship" when they find out it's not your hair.

There was a cancer patient where i used to work - and she was our receptionist. One AA female used to wear weaves to work, and man, they didn't look very good at all. This white cancer patient comes in wearing a LF wig, and it was so natural looking, you never would have known that it wasn't her hair. the patients starting complimenting miss LF, and miss weave started getting pissed, i guess.

A patient gave miss LF a compliment on her hair, and miss weave just yelled out for EVERYONE IN THE LOBBY TO HEAR: "Ah, girl, that ain't her hair - that's a wig!"

That cancer patient turned every hue under the rainbow. everyone was embarrassed for her.

 

[Nonie]

^^True they didn't lie. But I almost wish I didn't know the truth coz I could hardly look them in the eye after I realized the truth. LOL

As for miss loud mouth at your job... I thought interpersonal skills were a receptionist's forte. Embarrassing someone is so out of order, I don't know if I'd have let it go. It'd have taken so much in me not to say, "At least her fake hair looks natural; I know someone with a weave that's so busted, I can't believe she would leave home looking like that. But I shan't mention names coz it's not polite."

 

[femmemuscle]

^^True they didn't lie. But I almost wish I didn't know the truth coz I could hardly look them in the eye after I realized the truth. LOL

As for miss loud mouth at your job... I thought interpersonal skills were a receptionist's forte. Embarrassing someone is so out of order, I don't know if I'd have let it go. It'd have taken so much in me not to say, "At least her fake hair looks natural; I know someone with a weave that's so busted, I can't believe she would leave home looking like that. But I shan't mention names coz it's not polite."

 

[maginethat]

LOL @ this thread. I remember seeing an acquaintance that used to work in my office building. I'd not seen her for a spell and y'all know I'm nuts about long hair. So when I saw her with a type 4 BAA puff pulled back, I couldn't resist running over to her to tell her how beautiful her hair looked. I mean, we talked often about anything, so me saying, "I had no idea you had so much hair" you'd think would've prompted some honesty. (I really did think it was her hair initially. ) She smiled and said thanks. I then told her how good it looks and I wish she'd wear it like that again coz it's very becoming. By now I'd been standing there long enough to notice the difference in texture from her hair and how it just appeared to be put on like a hat...with on band holding the hair down as you would a puff. Even after about 5-10 minutes of hair care talk and my gushing about how much I can't wait to get to her length...she didn't even fess up. I haven't seen her since but I always wondered how our next convo would go. It does make you feel funny indeed.

Then another chick with a wig. OK, she doesn't know me that well; we just say hi when we meet, so maybe she wasn't obligated to tell me it wasn't her hair. But I still felt so funny when I said, "Your hair always looks on point, I don't know how you manage to keep it so well groomed" and she just smile and said thanks. Then as I stood behind her in line at the cafe, I saw the tell-tale non-part seam. And as my wig radar was sharpened where she's concerned, I started to see that all her "styles" are actually wigs. Granted, maybe some people have sensitive issues (eg illness) that make them unable to disclose that they have a wig on coz then they're afraid of 20 questions, but I do feel embarrassed for appearing so clueless with my compliments and then immediately feel awkward that we now both know it's fake.

Nonie makes an interesting point. But honestly, it's unfortunate that women feel as though other women should disclose their secrets. For example, I would compare your situtations to when I'd receive a compliment about my shirt and I used to respond "Oh please, this old thing?!" or "Thank, you! I got it on sale at ...." My mentor checked me about that. She said if "someone compliments me just respond with a modest 'thank you' and move on. Because it's not their business about the rest, unless they ask." There's no need to feel uncomfortable about receiving compliments and women should feel comfortable giving them. With that being said, I think those women responded appropriately and you shouldn't have unsettled feelings their response after your discovery.

 

[Nonie]

Nonie makes an interesting point. But honestly, it's unfortunate that women feel as though other women should disclose their secrets. For example, I would compare your situtations to when I'd receive a compliment about my shirt and I used to respond "Oh please, this old thing?!" or "Thank, you! I got it on sale at ...." My mentor checked me about that. She said if "someone compliments me just respond with a modest 'thank you' and move on. Because it's not their business about the rest, unless they ask." There's no need to feel uncomfortable about receiving compliments and women should feel comfortable giving them. With that being said, I think those women responded appropriately and you shouldn't have unsettled feelings their response after your discovery.

OK...I know why I felt bad about the one chick with the puff. I totally forgot about it this. She let me touch it. I was just reminding my friend about this (coz you know I had to tell someone) and she reminded me why the embarrassment came about. It wasn't just the apparent difference in texture, but that it was clearly synthetic from its feel. But still, you're right, I shouldn't have unsettled feelings after my discovery. I wonder why I did? Hmm... :scratchch Maybe coz I felt like it was me that just got busted? Maginethat, I love psychology so you have really given me a few things to ponder. Sometimes we do let things deflate us unnecessarily...and I'm thankful to have this to think through__