You Should Date Him...

K

KimPossibli

Supergirl
How do you feel about friends suggesting you go out with men that they would never consider

Not necessarily because she knows your preferences are different than hers

For eg.

Your friend says to you, you should date the garbage collector, (makes a small fraction of your salary, doesn't have the same level of education, doesn't otherwise show any form of compatibility except wanting to get your number)

How would you feel about that ?
 
That's bad. Are you sure they're your friends lol.

I've tried to set up friends with guys I know but will never give the time of day. Mainly because I think that they are way more compatabile than I am.
 
Well the type of men I go for are very different than what my girlfriends go for. So that's not a big deal. I'm an intellectual nerd and my friends know that. My friends aren't so the men I'm attracted to, they probably wouldn't give the time of day. But if we're talking about the example in the OP then hell no and I'd be about to get some new friends. My "friends" should know me better than that, especially the ones who've known me well over a decade.
 
I absolutely hate when people say that and especially when they try to get the guy's attention so that he can come and speak to you.

I have a "friend" that does this sometimes and I really dont get it b/c she's single. No one knows my relationship status; so don't assume that I am looking or not in a relationship
 
Itgirl said:
I kinda wonder what it means of their impression of the friend they are trying to set up..
Click to expand...

Sounds like you have doubts about this friend, and if they're matching only based on availability and not character-based qualities, you should. It appears that they're suggesting that you settle because you can't do any better. If that's the case and they are shading you, I wouldn't hang out with them. How long have you been friends with them anyways?
 
Itgirl said:
How do you feel about friends suggesting you go out with men that they would never consider

Not necessarily because she knows your preferences are different than hers

For eg.

Your friend says to you, you should date the garbage collector, (makes a small fraction of your salary, doesn't have the same level of education, doesn't otherwise show any form of compatibility except wanting to get your number)

How would you feel about that ?
Click to expand...

I wouldn't like it one bit. That speaks volumes about your "friend". I usually don't prefer confrontation, but I hope you called her to the carpet on that one. She's communicating through her actions that she doesn't think you are worthy of the kind of man she would date. Also, she thinks you should take whatever man comes along, so long as he's a man. NOT! I'm sure you have good self esteem, otherwise her comment/actions wouldn't have bothered you. You need to seriously consider this "friendship". You need girlfriends to lift you up, not pull you down. :nono:

ETA: not that I think there's anything wrong with a man who collects garbage. But I get what you're saying in your example above.
 
i'm not super bothered, because it's easy to say no thank you. but it just makes me wonder on how she 'ranks me'


does that sound weird? There is a way in which people rank you and sometimes different things make you aware of how they see your 'place' in the scheme of things.

I'm also not interested in the type of relationships or men that she prefers.... her relationships etc embody a number of principles that I wouldn't be interested in anyway.
 
I'd assume that the reason this woman wouldn't consider dudes out of her preferences is because she doesn't have to. She probably views the other woman, even though she has degrees and money, as not able to be so picky. It's not all about looks either. Could be attraction level, opportunity, environment, background, personality etc..

I think some people get sick of seeing their friends single and lonely, so if a seemingly nice, genuine man/woman approaches they may say "give it a shot" even if the man doesn't match their friends desires completely. It can be a selfish desire to see their friend loved up with a nice dude.

She could alternatively be an evil frenemy trying to put you down, but if she is that way inclined you would know about anyway. I can't tell that through the OP. If she has those tendencies then cut her out IMO.
 
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Sumra said:
From what you describe I'd assume that the reason this woman wouldn't consider dudes out of her preferences is because she doesn't have to. She probably views the other woman, even though she has degrees and money, as not able to be so picky. It's not all about looks either. Could be atraction level, opportunity, environment, background, personality etc.
Click to expand...

This is something I think is very true of the person in question. She is definitely the 'pretty one with the right type of connections etc'.
Our friendship is a little complicated though. I don't think she is intentionally a frenemy.. but I do think she unconsciously believes in maintaining the status quo...
 
LiftedUp said:
I want the best of my friends so if I suggest a guy to them it's because I think he's the quality of man that will add to them.

Maybe they're not thinking about a long term relationship just a short term thing?
Click to expand...

I could see the thing re the short term thing being plausible, except for the fact that I have explicitly indicated that I'm not emotionally built for that type of thing
 
Itgirl said:
This is something I think is very true of the person in question. She is definitely the 'pretty one with the right type of connections etc'.
Our friendship is a little complicated though. I don't think she is intentionally a frenemy.. but I do think she unconsciously believes in maintaining the status quo...
Click to expand...

Hmm.

Do you think she would act funny if you showed up with your perfect dude, or happy for you?
 
Itgirl said:
This is something I think is very true of the person in question. She is definitely the 'pretty one with the right type of connections etc'.
Our friendship is a little complicated though. I don't think she is intentionally a frenemy.. but I do think she unconsciously believes in maintaining the status quo...
Click to expand...

Then she should be trying to set you up with a good quality man. Even if it's just for a casual relationship smh.
 
Godsdaughter001 said:
NOT! I'm sure you have good self esteem, otherwise her comment/actions wouldn't have bothered you. You need to seriously consider this "friendship". You need girlfriends to lift you up, not pull you down. :nono:
Click to expand...

I beg to differ, I think that OP has a fair amount of esteem, because if not, she wouldn't have been bothered, and would have happily gone along with the program, without giving her 'friends' motives a second thought. It's good that she was bothered by this. I agree that OP should stick to friends that encourage and not overtly discourage her relationship goals.

Itgirl said:
i'm not super bothered, because it's easy to say no thank you. but it just makes me wonder on how she 'ranks me'.
Click to expand...

Maybe you should ask. See below.

Itgirl said:
Our friendship is a little complicated though. I don't think she is intentionally a frenemy.. but I do think she unconsciously believes in maintaining the status quo...
Click to expand...

If it is a sub/unconscious issue, then she should be made to think about her actions, as you're probably not the first person that she's done this to.
 
I have tried to set my friend up with a guy that she thought I would never consider and I think she got offended, is offended, and is still looking at me some type of way. The guy is overweight :look: but he is a successful business owner, a public servant, has a legacy that will probably help him go far, and he would treat her like gold (in her defense, I can understand if she didn't want to date an overweight man but in my defense, he had lost a bunch of weight and was looking great and then in the months between the time I suggested him to her and the time she decided to take me up on it, he gained all the weight back). Anyway, when my friend saw him she said "are you kidding!?" And she kept saying, for months, "I can't believe you tried to set me up with a fatty!" She just texted me this randomly the other day so I think it really hurt her feelings. My fiancé is really fit and so I think she assumed I was setting her up with someone like that and that I would never date the other guy but I would, he is a nice guy and would treat her well. Anyway, sometimes people may not be trying to be shady.



When posted something on FB talking about "I deserve more" and something about friends needing to lift each other up and not bring you down after she saw the guy the first time and I was like "is this a subliminal post @ me?" :look: anyway, sometimes ppl just prioritize different things and it leads to one person getting offended. I was trying to find her a man that wasn't bishmade like the dudes she has been dating and months later, my boo is STILL offended bc I think she thinks I was trying to play her :sad:
 
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I think trying to set up ppl is inherently problematic period. I always say no, regardless of who it is.

So I was just saying no out of habit until I noticed the pattern recently....
 
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