WWYD: Ms. Heckle or Ms. Hide..

[hzlcreativity]

I have the "unique" opportunity in front of me... my church is visiting the church of a guy I used to date. Ok no big deal right? Well...

1. Both of the churches are small.
2. Said break up was one of those nasty silent ones
3. The one time that we've seen each other, it was awkward and definitely hostile air
4. I don't want to seem like I'm avoiding him, but I don't want to have to be the bigger person (i.e. he says/does something which puts me in a situation)...

What would you do?

Under the given circumstances (I'm a choir member, he's the pastor of the church my choir is visiting), mild interaction could foreseeably happen. He's a total jerk and this being "his turf" could probably do something to potentially make the situation weird.

He's one of those people, I learned, who uses situations for his benefit. So, I could see this going a certain way, where he would try various things to flaunt.

Or the opposite could happen, nothing. (1% likely )

What would YOU do?

Avoid the situation all together?

 

[lonelysky]

I would walk in with my head held high and keep it classy. Let him look like the arse.

 

[diadall]

I would not put too much energy into "coming up with a plan." I did that once and the guy I was trying to "get back at" or "impress" didn't even show up. I mean new dress and all.

Just be yourself and try to surround youself with the most positive people at the event.

 

[God_Favor]

Go and don't put energy in him. Enjoy yourself! Speak to him and keep it moving!

 

[metro_qt]

I agree... the best revenge is living well, right?

Just go, and immerse yourself into your task, your people, your reason for being there.

 

[NYAmicas]

From the information you've given I'd day dont go. You say he is not only prone to showing out but is also the pastor of the church. If you believe you can ignore him and his BS then go.

 

[Esthi777]

ITA with God_Favor but say it ain't so, I'm really surprised that he would act some kind of way being a pastor and all. That is a shame...

 

[mstrublvr]

I agree... the best revenge is living well, right?

Just go, and immerse yourself into your task, your people, your reason for being there.

Exactly. It's not about him so don't make him a factor. Look good, sound great & KIM.

Sent from my ADR6300 using ADR6300

 

[TrueToHair]

................................

 

[hzlcreativity]

@NYAmicas & Esthi777:
That's the thing that was MOST surprising to me...there are certain characteristics that people have, who are counselors/pastors/psychologists...and listening and being able to be impartial are typically 2 of the higher ones on the list. #fail and #fail.
diadall:
Idk. I'm ... not trying to make a plan, but be wise about the situation. Ya know? Either way, my church will be there...but I don't want to open myself to a pre-planned situation, from his end.

He most certainly will be there. I don't want to be that person who thinks that everything revolves around them, but, this individual...erplexed

metro_qt: Yes, to be the breath of fresh air is typically my style, as it was the one time we saw each other, but those around were clearly made uncomfortable based on this guys demeanor in the situation...

Thanks for the feedback so far :thumbs up:

 

[ladylibra_30]

Jesus, be a 2X4 for when pastor gets out of line. Amen.

Just kidding.

If it were me, I'd totally not go. However, if you want to go and feel that you can have a nice time in spite of his presence, then go. This too shall pass, right. Right.

 

[Theresamonet]

I don't know why this is so funny to me. You got drama with the pastor?!-->

 

[hzlcreativity]

Jesus, be a 2X4 for when pastor gets out of line. Amen.

Just kidding.

If it were me, I'd totally not go. However, if you want to go and feel that you can have a nice time in spite of his presence, then go. This too shall pass, right. Right.

Theresamonet: Girl... he wasn't a pastor when said drama unfolded.. HOWEVER... it's still quite ironic. Only me...lol... I guess this is training for Something down the line!

 

[lonelysky]

You keep mentioning a pre-planned situation. First: What could/would he pre-plan. Secondly: You think that he would really spend THAT much time on you? Third: What do you mean 'get one up' on you. I've not been through that kind of break up before so I don't get what you're saying.

 

[hzlcreativity]

I don't "think" that he would pre-plan anything per se, more less use the situation to make it extremely uncomfortable. I'm not that type of person so I don't know how spiteful people use situations. I am over it, but I still don't want to walk into anything that I should have my eye on in the first place, knowing that he's somewhat of a grudgeholder. To your second question, no I don't think he would spend that much "time" on me, but..well see #1. lol
He's a lil spiteful.. so..

I pray that he's had some growth, which could make this totally smooth. But then again, stress usually brings out the worst in people...

 

[hopeful]

I would not go, especially since he is the pastor -- he will have too much power IMO in this situation. Save yourself the headache and aggravation.

 

[Theresamonet]

Okay I'm done laughing.

Honestly op, I would not step one foot in a church to worship where I felt that the pastor, the head of the church, was emanating negative and "spiteful" energy. Let alone, possibly planning something against me. I wouldn't knowingly open myself up spiritually in that type of environment.

Now if it were a party or somewhere other than a place of worship, I would say go and have the time of your life, and let him watch. But I would not go to his house to pray.

 

[onyxdreams]

Op,
If you don't go then he will definitely think you still have feelings for him,which will fuel his ego. I think you should go,one so you can get over the unknown and two because you can't allow anyone to have that much power over you.

If you are in the choir and that is your commitment to sing to the lord,then that is what you ought to focus on.if he says something to bring attention to you I simply wouldn't reply and wouldn't engage in conversation that isn't Hi and Bye.

Even if he were to call you out on the pulpit,it's you reaction that will either make the situation for him or break it

Bring your car, sing,praise the lord, walk out and go home.

 

[hzlcreativity]

onyxdreams Yeah, you hit the nail on the head!

Thank you Ladies for the advice and I will keep you posted on what happens. I have a few more days before the engagement, so... ::whistles::

Prayfully, any devil that's rising up in him is most assuredly bound up! LOL

 

[ThickHair]

Go to church to worship God and be in fellowship. You are really putting a lot of energy into dude.

IMHO You are really overthinking\overanalyzing\overstressing this whole situation. Is it really that serious? I am almost 99% sure, he isn't doing the same.

 

[hzlcreativity]

I wish that the BB app was working for LHCF! I would be able to read these muuuch quicker!
ThickHair -- Thanks for your opinion. From the outside in, perhaps it *does* look like I'm giving it too much thought. But then again, maybe I'm not. *shrugs*

I appreciate allll of the input, annnd..

::drumroll::

My pastor ended up being sick and the church didn't go. Lol -- problem solved. :]