Would you say something or KIM? (maybe TMI)

[yokoyokogirl]

My gf here, mentioned in some other posts, is a single half japanese/black mom dating a White Puerto rican guy in the navy.

I had lunch with her today. She was crying saying that she found out her bf (who she's living with) is doing pornographic photos for pay in Tokyo.

First of all, I thought that's crazy cause he can get in big trouble if caught and in the navy, but she said it's not head shots. Then she adds, he was offered $5000 to jack off on video...and he considered it. Now he's working part-time at an underwear cafe. NO JOKE. Of course its illegal and she told him "how would you feel if I stripped or worked at kabakura (hostess bar)" and he said "What's wrong with it. It's not cheating"--furthermore, he's doing it not for money for their kid, but for his dream car.

I personally know a lot of those video shoots and such are for gay men, which I highly doubt her bf is--but it's just seedy and dirty all together.

I think she's a good person, just makes bad choices. And they do have a kid together, although he's leaving the navy and basically doesn't care what happens to her as long as she sends "photos of their baby and keeps him in touch with the kid"--and he has said repeatedly he doesn't believe in marriage...

I wanted to tell her so bad, HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOU!!!!!!
But I dunno...in the past when I have gotten involved it has turned sour on me b/c no woman wants to hear the truth about her man.

What do you ladies think?

 

[Aviah]

I would tell her what I honestly feel, but stress that the choice she makes is completely down to her. Maybe when you phrase it tell her what you would do in that situation. I know what you mean about women being funny with the men they love. If he doesn't care about her it may be something she ahs to realize for herself.

 

[MissYocairis]

geez...what a complicated man! who wants to deal with all THAT crap? She can't figure this one out on her own? I mean, what does her ideal life look like? Does it include having a man who makes his dough in the sex industry (and illegally)? That is too much ****. I'm sure she's gorgeous and can replace him easily and with the quickness. Make sure she doesn't get preggo with another kid. One is easier to travel with.

I don't think that he doesn't care about her...but I do think that they may be incompatible. This is a compatibility issue imo. She may not be ride or die enough to handle him risking his enlistment status and toeing the line with the law just to make money and he may have different views about sexuality and being liberated than she has.

 

[newbiemom]

WOW. I think that he is way to comfortable in this arena which would ring some bells for me. You should tell her how you feel but don't be angry if she doesn't take your advice. When this blows up be a good friend to her.

 

[Dominican09]

If I was her friend I would tell her to provide all that info to the Navy so he would get kicked out...I'm dirty like that.lol!!

 

[10WordzOrLess]

Wouldn't want to be you darlin'...


Wait till she asks..Then tell her the truth. Since she might NOT ask you, this move could be considered a Partial KIM. But you ain't lying when you say NO ONE wants to hear the truth about their man....That is SO REAL.

Throw your grenade and run as fast as you can.

 

[ThickHair]

Yokoyokogirl, you know some, umm interesting folks. I say KIM because she knows what the deal is.

Not laughing at you, but you usually, unbeknownst to you, you can sniff out and\or find the Gay Dudes.

 

[Jazala]

What is an underwear cafe?

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Maybe your friend has some attachment issues or could be like I was in the past trying to hold on to a dead horse.When your trying to hold on you can't see the issues going on and thus you deal with ignorance.Mention it to her and let her do the heavy lifting.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Yokoyokogirl, you know some, umm interesting folks. I say KIM because she knows what the deal is.

Not laughing at you, but you usually, unbeknownst to you, you can sniff out and\or find the Gay Dudes.

I know...why do all the gay hip hop dudes in Japan try to holler at me???

I just want a straight man in a land of supreme gayness.

Anyways so far, I haven't said anything.

I told her today "You should get the amount in writing of how much your bf will pay you for child support."

She said that she has it in an email.

She added, she doesn't know why but she loves him unconditionally--even though he NEVER babysits, doesn't clean, and oh, works at an underwear cafe...

I can't talk-my last bf was a bisexual liar/cheater and ex-husband emotionally abusive/porn addicted freeloader..

Japan, the land of:
http://factsanddetails.com/japan.php?itemid=671&catid=19&subcatid=127
and
http://www.snopes.com/risque/kinky/panties.asp

 

[runwaydream]

I really wish women would stop having kids with men they're not married to. They only make things so much harder on themselves when sh!t like this goes down.

 

[Keen]

If I was her friend I would tell her to provide all that info to the Navy so he would get kicked out...I'm dirty like that.lol!!

But then he's be free to do all that and could probably make way more money doing it in the open.

The point it he accepts that life style. It doesn't sound like he is willing to change. Even if he say he would change, I'd be curious if he does not continue to do it on the DL. Yoko's friend need to decide to either accept it or move on. Once he is done paying for his dream car, he will find another reason to keep doing it now that he knows how to make that money.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

The only thing I think is "messed up" is the fact that he has no plans to financially support the child. On the other hand, the signs were all there.

His hustle, seriously, isn't too much of an issue to me. It's a tight economy, and it's only illegal because the government can't tax it like they want. So... oh well on that. He's not sexing them, he's simply collecting money. Much like someone would have phone sex for pay... and not think anything emotionally or sexually of it.

The bigger problem is she knows who/how he is, but she chose to have his child. There are no guarantees in life, but when someone tells you who they are... with actions and words, listen.

 

[Kerryann]

I think he is GAY and does not care for her at all his actions are out of bounce

 

[NYAmicas]

He sounds like a bum. End of story.

If she cant see that slip some BC pills in her drink.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Everyone has hinted at or told her what she already knows. It's kinda annoying that she's still with him.

FYI, I doubt he's gay but he has no problems taking pics for gay magazines and such. They hardly have sex now, she also said, because "He saves energy to do it for photos." (Honestly I can't even make this nonsense up)

Tonight me and a gf were eating dinner and the this GF called and asked if she and her kid could join. I was like sure, but then her bf called and said "Did you cook?", she said "I'm eating out, come join us" and he came. He was nice and all, but when it came time to pay he said to her "you only invited me cause you wanted me to pay for your meal"

Me and the other girl (a YT girl at that) were both like "Dammmmmmnnnnnn."

And she's still asking to stay with me.

I've already told her:

-my apt is not kid-friendly
-I love your kid, but after working with kids all day, I don't want to come home to one
-my place is too small and messy to have guests, I'm a little embarrassed
-it will ruin our friendship
-I don't live well with others.

Just today she asked me again, "Just for 10 days is it ok if we stay?"

But I know 10 will turn in 15 and then a whole month. Why doesn't she stay with her mom or better yet, let her bf pay for a solution?

Maybe I'm selfish.

 

[Kerryann]

Tell her to stay with her mom and when she happens to spend these days with you what does she plan to do

 

[shenitab]

Well, it looks like she is looking for a way out so I guess she can see the writing is on the wall. I would encourage her to get her plan together for her and that baby's sake. He sounds like a hot mess, and she sounds like she may be a little slow when it comes to men. I really hope her family or somebody can help her until she can get on her feet.
He must be making some GOOD money. He could at least be doing it for money to take care of the baby, for his college fund or something. But dang, for his dream car.

 

[MrsBurns82]

I'd leave it alone unless she ask for my advice especially if you've voiced your opinion b4

 

[Ganjababy]

She sounds like she is in denial so even if you spell it out for her she will not listen. Sounds like the relationship will end when the guys decides- eg leaves Japan/navy

 

[ThickHair]

Maybe I'm selfish.

You are not selfish, that is your personal feelings. She has other alternatives. I have a 3 bedroom house and I don't want anyone in my space.

I had friends over for my class reunion weekend. They stayed Friday-Sunday. I was up at the crack of dawn on Sunday cooking breakfast and wishing them well. They were out of my house by 9a.

Don't let people guilt you into doing things. I agree 10 days would turn into 20 then a month and then I will see you on "Cops in Japan", beating someone down. Don't go there Yoko.