Would you/Have you ever told a friend to end their relationship?

[locabouthair]

No not to leave her man, but I lost a friend for telling her she needs to think twice about the new relationship and question the lies.....

We'd been friends since college. She's always been the type to not feel complete with a man in her life and had often made comments about just getting pregnant to feel unconditional love.....

Well she started seeing this guy from the area, he's the same age as my older sister and my husband so I start asking them if they know him. Let him tell it he's from the DC area, a "big time car salesman", lives in this gigantic mansion (which he'd taken my friend to), has no kids and no drama....well after speaking to my husband, my sister and my sister having her bff call me I found out everything he'd told her was a lie. To make matters worse, another one of our bff's who is also from the area meets him and tells our bff that is 'talking' to him that she knows him, she used to hang with his sisters.

Long story short, he's divorced with a child, from the area born and raised here, has no job and the mansion actually belonged to his parents who were out of town when he took my bff there....So instead of telling her to run to the hills I presented it as, take a step back and ask some questions about all the lies. Her response: I guess you call yourself being a friend, or whatever, but I didn't ask for the info so you can keep it.

Due to that and some other issues, we havne't spoken since that convo.

People come into your life seasons and our season ended.

erplexed wow. So she really didnt care that he lied to her.

Yep, but only for people that I am super close with, mainly family. My baby sister moved some broke, no job, emotionally damaged dude in with her and he proceeded to try and destroy her life. She swore me and our other sister to secrecy about it because she knew our parents would hate the idea. He went from grateful just to be with her, to demanding access to her money, calling her names, making her think she was crazy, and destroying her property. Stuff was escalating in a dangerous direction and if something had happened to her, and I didn't do anything to stop, I would never forgive myself. Of course she didn't listen, and eventually it ended after her best friend called the police after the dude trashed her apartment wouldn't let her call for help.

In cases like that where the siutation can get dengerous then the person needs to be told.

I've only told one of my friends to ends her relationship. Everytime we talked about him she would end up in tears and the fact that she had a young boy (not by him) and I knew him pretty well too I didn't think it was a healthy relationship for her or that he was a good influence on her son especially since her son's father was out the picture. Once she made the decision to stay with him I kept my mouth shut about how I felt about their relationship. If I feel that somebody I care for is in an unhealthy relationship and they ask what I think they should do I will give my honest opinion.

When kids are involved it'sa different story. You cant just think about yourself but how the rlp is influencing the child.

 

[locabouthair]

YESSSSSS!!!! I have told my best girl friend of 15 years and she even knows she should. She tells me constantly how she is not happy. I told her everyday for awhile...then I just stopped. He even told her he didn't want her hanging with me, and she told him I'm not just a 'friend' I'm her sister... After her divorce that she is STILL working on getting, she lost ALL of her confidence and settled w/ this @ss to help make ends meet...
now he leaves it alone, but he knows I don't like him... and his ***** monkey son, who constantly beats on her two kids...His baby mama has bee caught driving HER truck and even the son says his dad takes him and his mom out to eat and do fun things together...

Me TOO!!!!!!!

I wish your friend didnt put up with all that drama I hope she leaves him.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Technically no, I did not tell her to leave him. He abused her, raped her and I often saw her with bruises and a black eye.

I once told her that he was cheating, with 2 different women, but this was after he had an outside child about a week apart from their child.

I stopped spending time with her and eventually moved out of state. They got married and have 5 or 6 kids (she had 3 when I knew her).

 

[Lady Esquire]

I dont think I ever have. I always hear people say that you shouldnt tell another person to end their relationship. And I kinda agree.

I had friends who were dealing with guys that I thought were a waste of time but I never said anything. But when they told me they started moving on I was happy.

I know telling someone to end their marriage is a different story.

Well I lost a childhood friend over something like this. After listening to over a decade worth of crying, I told her that she deserved more. That was more than 2 years ago. Recently, she moved backed to Florida to be with him, and as soon as she arrived he dumped her. I was one of the first people she called, even though she hadn't really talked or seen me for the majority of that time.

To answer your question, no.

 

[Lady Esquire]

erplexed In cases like that where the siutation can get dengerous then the person needs to be told.

I did tell a friend who was engaged to leave him because she came over with bruises all over her body. She did leave, and married the next dude she dated. They have been married close to 9 years now. And she thanks me and other loved ones for pulling her out of that. In that circumstance, I'd do it again. But as for the rest of the drama, I probably will not be as vocal...ionno.

 

[adf23]

Nope, chances are they wont listen anyway. Who am I to tell someone I think they should end their relationship? Lord knows I have wanted to before though. My best friend is talking about getting married to someone who I know beyond a doubt, is not "the one" for her (in her words, but wants to get married (,) but its none of my business, so I can keeping quiet, cause I dont want to rain on this happy time in her life. ........................no comment.

 

[Encore]

I dont tell dem nuttin no damn more.

Until THEY are fed up and WANT TO LEAVE THEMSELVES. It wont happen.


my BF shows up with new bruises every other week and hetr man calls her a *itch and threw a plate of food on her that she made for him. She said hes just strressed out. Her cousins saw and cursed him out and he told them all there they should go and how to get there. She just defended him.

I have no more words for her, I love her but I started to distance myself from her and all that drama. I cant watch that mess no more

 

[NYAmicas]

If she's calling me with the drama and I care about her I will tell her to leave in a flash if it is tearing her apart.

 

[NYAmicas]

Yes, I have.....

The "man" (who she eventually married and they have a son now) cheated on her several times, one of those times in my friend's car. I caught another girl's head popping up out of his lap as I was walking back into the apartment we shared (the girl was his ex of 3 yrs and also our next door neighnor...drama!!!). This same man also burned her w/ an STD on at least 4 seperate occasions (that I know of) and she miscarried twice. Oh yeah, this was also the same "man" ho proposed to someone else a month after taking my friend virginity (she was 21 and saving it until she got married).

So yes I did tell her to end the relationship, I wasn't the only one either. Being with him was unhealthy for her both physically and mentally. I felt that she deserved MUCH better, someone who loved and respected her, but she felt that she had the best. Oh well, it's her life. Our friendship didn't last, but their marriage has seem to. I just wonder how come I saw him holding hands with his girlfriend and had her sitting at home in another city though

Dang, your poor friend has been through a lot. That guy has her hooked! I hope she breaks from whatever hold he has on her before she loses all.

 

[BrownieBrie]

If she calls me EVERYDAY complaining, I have to ask her why she is with him and if she would be happier without.
I have told a friend to leave a cheater alone before she got stuck with him. They now have a baby together.

 

[varaneka]

yes but only because said friend came to ME and said her SO was hitting her

SMH

she didn't listen though

she's still with him =/

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

I never have although I do ask "questions" to make her think. Ie. "is this treatment alright with you? How does such and such make you feel? What could he do to make you reach your breaking point since cheating on you and marrying someone else didn't do the trick?????????

 

[Seraphina]

No. But I did tell one of my friends that if she wasn't going to leave her boyfriend that she needed to stop complaining to me about him all the time if she didn't want me to dislike him. She actually called me and her other friends "haters" for not liking him.

 

[MsOmri]

Yes I nicely dicussed how he wasn't providing her what she really wanted out of a relationship. It didn't change anything since she didn't leave him, got pregnant instead and found out he had moved to a neighboring city with another woman. He came back (after the baby was born) b/c the other woman threw him out once she found out about the baby. I know this b/c yet another woman he was cheating with found out he had 2 girlfriends and she told the other woman. How do I know, b/c my BFF had the password to his email account, so she knew everything he was doing.

My BFF said she was thinking about taking him back (typical hormonal side effect when a woman just had a baby by a dog). At this point I told her I didn't like him, wasn't going to act like it, he was not welcome in my home, there would be no double dates with my husband and I as I refuse to entertain having him in my presense (yes that's how crappy he is)

She was hurt but I didn't care. I told her we've been friends for over 13 yrs and I love her and he doesn't, and as her best friend I refuse to lie and act like he isn't a piece of crap and hasn't treated her poorly. I also told her she has to live her life and I will not judge her if she takes him but I wasn't going to listen any nonsense about him b/c I feel she deserves so much more.

We didn't talk for about 2 month and I honestly was ok with that b/c if she was willing the throw our friendship away b/c I was honest about this loser, then our friendshiop had truly run its course as our beliefs & values were drastically different.

I need like minded friends in my life as I get older. I have a happy marriage and the last thing I need is someone bringing drama into my home (and she has brought drama - like a crazy ex husband trying to bust in my house to start a fight with her and her then boyfriend who had stopped by) She begged him to leave and I called the cops... problem solved.

We're cool now, she said she understood my honesty as she knows I care about her.

That's my 2 cents LOL