Would you continue dating him?

[moda]

My friend went out on a date and after the date he wanted to take her to his uncle's house because they were having a family get together. Kids were at the house and they were playing cards, video games etc.... so it was supposed to be a "family" event. Well they were also passing and smoking marijuana while kids are walking all around the house as if it was normal

She really likes this guy and they have been talking marriage and now she is not sure she wants to continue seeing him.

What would you do?

 

[mscocoface]

No way in the world.

 

[PPGbubbles]

As long as the guy wasn't smoking.

You cant completely judge a guy by the way his uncle runs his household. It would be different if we were talking the mother and father's home.

 

[hopeful]

How long have they been dating and what was his response? I mean was he embarrassed, appalled, or just like what's the big deal? Were his parents there? To me that kind of behavior is low life and I wouldn't want any part of it.

 

[moda]

Forgot to add the guy smokes he says it rare.

To answer my own question Her main concern is that no one but her seemed to have a problem with it. She cannot blame him for the way someone else runs their household, however, this was not the first nor the last time they got down like that. Him taking her there was a bit of a test IMO. Maybe I am reaching but he knew what the heck would be going on over there and he wanted to see what her reaction would be.

 

[hopeful]

moda, welp sounds like you have your answer. So he know she doesn't like that kind of behavior and still brought her around it?

 

[moda]

How long have they been dating and what was his response? I mean was he embarrassed, appalled, or just like what's the big deal? Were his parents there? To me that kind of behavior is low life and I wouldn't want any part of it.

About 6 months. He was not appalled at all, he walked and in greeted everyone like that mess was normal and they were just passing around kool-aid. Yes his mother was there, parents are divorced and his mother was smoking too

I told her if they get married don't be surprised to look up and they are having a smoke out at their house

 

[MzLady78]

The guy smoking isn't a deal-break for me.

But I would have serious reservations about getting to serious with a guy if he and his family actually think that doing grown folks things in front of children is acceptable. That is hood-like behavior, and I don't do hood.

 

[hopeful]

Yep, she gon' have to throw this one back into the sea. He and his family are not the business .

 

[moda]

moda, welp sounds like you have your answer. So he know she doesn't like that kind of behavior and still brought her around it?

I had my answer she is still wondering though, she is riding the fence and I am trying to get her to jump off of it in my direction

 

[hopeful]

The guy smoking isn't a deal-break for me.

But I would have serious reservations about getting to serious with a guy if he and his family actually think that doing grown folks things in front of children is acceptable. That is hood-like behavior, and I don't do hood.

Yep, that's a good way to put it, very hood-like.

 

[moda]

The guy smoking isn't a deal-break for me.

But I would have serious reservations about getting to serious with a guy if he and his family actually think that doing grown folks things in front of children is acceptable. That is hood-like behavior, and I don't do hood.

So would it have been ok with you if they were in a locked room and did it without kids "seeing" what was going on?

 

[hopeful]

I had my answer she is still wondering though, she is riding the fence and I am trying to get her to jump off of it in my direction

She better listen to you. Can you imagine raising a child around these people. Grandma babysitting, a bottle & diaper in one hand and smoking weed with the other. Poor baby come back home smelling like weed. Ain't no way in he-- I'd marry him.

 

[PPGbubbles]

Forgot to add the guy smokes he says it rare.

To answer my own question Her main concern is that no one but her seemed to have a problem with it. She cannot blame him for the way someone else runs their household, however, this was not the first nor the last time they got down like that. Him taking her there was a bit of a test IMO. Maybe I am reaching but he knew what the heck would be going on over there and he wanted to see what her reaction would be.

Oh see, now we have a problem! I couldn't marry him

 

[meesch]

Eh, I don't think weed is a big deal. And I certainly would not extrapolate the behavior of his family members into assumptions about him, his character, or his life. I think it's called "getting to know someone" for a reason...

A lot of members of my family exhibit "hood like" behavior that I do not, and if a guy judged me because of it that would show me how close minded and judgmental he was and I would probably be the one to end up dumping him, tbh.

 

[ladylibra_30]

IME, people who confess to smoking weed and say they "only do it rarely" are lying through his/her black weed puffing lips They smoke like a damn chimney!

I would be disturbed if I saw an SO's family doing drugs in front of minor kids like it's all good. No. I would side-eye my SO if he knew that's not my thing and still exposed me to it. Respect me.

I would probably continue to date him (moreso casually) but we would definitely have a heart-to-heart before we discuss tying the knot. I really believe in vetting the family as well as potential SO's.

 

[MzLady78]

So would it have been ok with you if they were in a locked room and did it without kids "seeing" what was going on?

There's a time and a place for everything. If you're having a family gathering where there are children, that's not the time or the place, IMO.

Eh, I don't think weed is a big deal. And I certainly would not extrapolate the behavior of his family members into assumptions about him, his character, or his life. I think it's called "getting to know someone" for a reason...

A lot of members of my family exhibit "hood like" behavior that I do not, and if a guy judged me because of it that would show me how close minded and judgmental he was and I would probably be the one to end up dumping him, tbh.

It's not a big deal to me either and I agree with you for the most part.

However, anyone who thinks it's ok to subject children to second-hand smoke gets the thumbs down from me.

 

[moda]

Actually weed is not that big of a deal to me either for other people although I would never smoke.

My family also exhibits a lot of hood behavior as well but I would know better than to take a "straight laced" person to a smoke out at a family members house. It's illegal and for them to think it is ok to do openly in front of children would give me pause. I would never want to expose my own children to that and I could see how that could be an issue for them if they continued their relationship. Part of the dating process involves being cognizant of those your bf/gf are around on a regular basis. Being related does not make one "guilty" but when you hang with them all the time and participate in it, that's a different story.

 

[meesch]

There's a time and a place for everything. If you're having a family gathering where there are children, that's not the time or the place, IMO.



It's not a big deal to me either and I agree with you for the most part.

However, anyone who thinks it's ok to subject children to second-hand smoke gets the thumbs down from me.

I suppose so. But I think it's been recently proven that marijuana smoke doesn't damage the lungs or something like that, so I think it's really going to end up being subjective about how people feel about weed.

Apart from that, we all know LHCF has an obvious tendency to lean toward "DUMP HIM" no matter what the offense or how egregious. It's kind of ironic, really, considering that all one has to do is look around at some of the other threads or the RT threads to see that there are folks out there putting up with a LOT worse than whatever the original question would have been in a thread like this.

 

[moda]

IME, people who confess to smoking weed and say they "only do it rarely" are lying through his/her black weed puffing lips They smoke like a damn chimney!

I would be disturbed if I saw an SO's family doing drugs in front of minor kids like it's all good. No. I would side-eye my SO if he knew that's not my thing and still exposed me to it. Respect me.

I would probably continue to date him (moreso casually) but we would definitely have a heart-to-heart before we discuss tying the knot. I really believe in vetting the family as well as potential SO's.

if you ain't telling the truth right there!!!!!! I dated a guy and when he asked if I smoked and I told him never, he claimed he did so rarely. He was such a liar unless rarely means 5-7 times a week

There's a time and a place for everything. If you're having a family gathering where there are children, that's not the time or the place, IMO.


It's not a big deal to me either and I agree with you for the most part.

However, anyone who thinks it's ok to subject children to second-hand smoke gets the thumbs down from me.

I agree with that, I just know some people who feel it is ok as long as the door is closed. I feel like if you want to do that then just don't have kids at the event.

 

[Mortons]

I hate the smell of marijuana, therefore I have never smoked. I dont mind if my SO does, as long as its elsewhere. That said, its still kinda illegal, ok? Lets not do it around company and especially not kids. He should be respectful of her right not to want to be around the mess.

 

[CurliDiva]

He was showing her what their future has in store - I say RUN!

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I'd run. Smoking is a deal breaker. Cigarettes are bad enough but marijuana? And in front of children? Hayle no. In college one of my suitemates smoke weed all the time I'm so sensitive to it now. I cringe if I think I smell it. Even if he doesn't smoke I'd still run because that is hood-behavior and I don't do that.

 

[shenitab]

I don't think I would stop dating him just because of that. But.. I would address the issue and see how he reacted to what I said. I would tell him that if we got married and had kids it would be a very low chance of our kids ever being "kept" by any adult that was there and that he better not ever allow their kids to be in that type of environment. Now either he would agree with me or he would not agree with me. Not agreeing with me would cause a problem.

Now, maybe he could have given a warning and told her that some of his people are kind of hood and she is liable to see some things that may look a little crazy, but they could talk about it later. That's what I have done - . Now my family is not that crazy, there is no way that would have been going on around children - but some some of them are a little off-putting, special acting, aggressive, loud, curse like sailors, racist, and so on.. I wouldn't want someone to judge me because of the way that they act - that doesn't have anything to do with me.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

I would definitely be worried about what would happen if we got married and had kids. If he's a great guy, treats her well, etc. I might continue dating him and see what happens. How his family acts, and probably more importantly how he handles them - does matter because she will have to be around them and so will her children.

If he is super close to them and will be expecting them to hang out and babysit, then no, that would not work for me.

 

[UrbainChic]

My friend went out on a date and after the date he wanted to take her to his uncle's house because they were having a family get together. Kids were at the house and they were playing cards, video games etc.... so it was supposed to be a "family" event. Well they were also passing and smoking marijuana while kids are walking all around the house as if it was normal

She really likes this guy and they have been talking marriage and now she is not sure she wants to continue seeing him.

What would you do?

Oh hell to the naw

 

[HauteHippie]

As long as the guy wasn't smoking.

You cant completely judge a guy by the way his uncle runs his household. It would be different if we were talking the mother and father's home.

I agree. His reaction (later) may say a lot. Hell, I got some cousins, I gotta issue a warning or something if me and a guy head over to one of their cookouts. But they're my family and I love them! Long as the cops don't show up, we cool. But people know that I don't smoke or even really drink and would never allow it around my (future) children. Geez... If people judgd me by almost any of my cousins, I'd be screwed from one extreme to the other.

 

[HauteHippie]

About 6 months. He was not appalled at all, he walked and in greeted everyone like that mess was normal and they were just passing around kool-aid. Yes his mother was there, parents are divorced and his mother was smoking too

I told her if they get married don't be surprised to look up and they are having a smoke out at their house

Well, damn! My cousins wouldn't smoke around children, but if they were falling down drunk I would still great them with respect and behave normally. They're my elders... and I willingly walked into their place. If I didn't like it, they would kindly show me the door.