Women with abusive partners

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Ganjababy

Well-Known Member
Involving you in their drama. Getting you are riled up and worried. Then they reconcile and they leave you feeling drained...


I thought a family member was killed by her partner for a few days. No one could get in touch. Said how this was the final straw. She was done. Then we heard nothing. Next thing she is posting pics of her and her man all over tumblr.
 
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Idk. I had a friend who husband kicked in her huge 7 month pregnant belly with steel toed boots. It was black and blue. she got away and hid with our other friend for 3 days. He came and got her. The dd was born a little early :look: and she stayed.

We both dropped her after that. Dumb broad didn't even go to the hospital to ensure the baby was ok hecause she knew he'd be arrested.
 
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This is a sad and touchy subject. I help as much as I can, but at the end of the day it is up to the abused person... I lost a friend/coworker when i was 15 because of a murder suicide. It seemed so unreal :(
 
I've said this here before, but it's impossible for someone like me to be close to someone in an abusive relationship. I don't forgive or forget *ish like that quickly and you can't tell me something like that and I not want to DO something.

I would have to distance myself and lovingly tell her I'm here when she gets tired...for real.
 
You watch them like a movie. Sadly experience has shown you somehow end up the villain with much else.
 
I cut off a friend before because of this, sorta. We reconciled, but I let her know that if she gets back with dude, I won't be there for the drama. I didn't want to cut her off in the first place because I knew she needed a friend, but it was sooo draining. Besides, I cannot give her a spine, sense, or esteem, she will have to get that stuff on her own.

When I bounced, I told her I won't turn her down if she ever needs me in an emergency. Thank god things never went that far.
 
I would have to physically and emotionally distance myself from a friend that continued to go back to an abusive man. Not because I don't love her or care about her but because I love myself more. I don't need the emotional baggage nor do I need to be around if he chooses to point a gun at her, their children, or whoever else is around.
 
Mai Tai said:
I would have to physically and emotionally distance myself from a friend that continued to go back to an abusive man. Not because I don't love her or care about her but because I love myself more. I don't need the emotional baggage nor do I need to be around if he chooses to point a gun at her, their children, or whoever else is around.
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that's another thing. Abusers are not above attacking friends and family who are around. I'm soooo good on this. Being a "friend" can cost you your life. :nono:
 
I was just thinking that keyawarren.
What if they come after me for protecting the friend?
IDK about this. I would have to be in the situation to answer honestly.
The type of person I am, I feel like I'd stick it through and provide support. But I'm also a chicken. The minute that man says anything about coming to find me I'd be in witness protection. So, I can't call it.
 
Fine 4s said:
I was just thinking that keyawarren.
What if they come after me for protecting the friend?
IDK about this. I would have to be in the situation to answer honestly.
The type of person I am, I feel like I'd stick it through and provide support. But I'm also a chicken. The minute that man says anything about coming to find me I'd be in witness protection. So, I can't call it.
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For me it wasn't a hard decision. Once her man hinted that he had it out for me...that was enough. Especially since she knew about it. How she gon' protect me when she can't fend for herself? Aaaand then run back to him after we both get our azzes beat? Can't deal!

It's just unfortunate allll around.
 
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keyawarren said:
For me it wasn't a hard decision. Once her man hinted that he had it out for me...that was enough. Especially since she knew about it. How she gon' protect me when she can't fend for herself? Aaaand then run back to him after we both get our azzes beat? Can't deal!

It's just unfortunate allll around.
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Yes the men will go after their woman's friends particularly if the female friend is single with no male protection

He called and told me to leave her alone. I did but thst wasnt enough of a warning. The next day ...

That pregnant friends husband laid in wait for me as I was coming out the house. I cross the street and he tries to run me down in the road with his car. Shes sitting there screaming in the passenger seat not doing ish.

Never spoke to her again after that. She's still with that maniac 20 years later according to her Facebook. More power to her.
 
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DarkJoy said:
Yes the men will go after their woman's friends particularly if the female friend is single with no male protection

He called and told me to leave her alone. I did but thst wasnt enough of a warning. The next day ...

That pregnant friends husband laid in wait for me as I was coming out the house. I cross the street and he tries to run me down in the road with his car. Shes sitting there screaming in the passenger seat not doing ish.

Never spoke to her again after that. She's still with that maniac 20 years later according to her Facebook. More power to her.
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Wow, just wow.

I think someone on this board mentioned that they were choked when they tried to jump in and help a friend. I don't remember who it was though.
 
I think that abusers and those who dont give a damn about their life and safety are equally dangerous people to be around. I would be there if she needed to get away, but the friendship would be over until she could be a true friend to herself. When people get tired of dealing with things...they stop dealing with them.
 
I knew a woman who stayed in an abusive marriage for years until he began to beat their son as well. She finally got up the nerve to leave. The local domestic abuse safe house would not allow her to have her son with her as he was 15. So she opted to go stay with her parents, so as not to leave her son unprotected without her. She did everything right, got a restraining order, told everyone to watch out for him, sought out assistance, etc. The husband bided his time, then stole into her parents house in the early hours and killed the woman, her son and her mother, and severely wounded the father before turning the gun on himself. A representative of the safe house was on the news saying it wouldn't have happened if she had stayed with them.:perplexed

This woman loved her son and would not leave him somewhere else without her, like most mothers who love their kids. It's not so easy a decision to leave when kids are involved. I applauded this woman for getting up the nerve to do it, though she, her son and her parents paid the ultimate price for that.:sad:
 
crazytrish75 said:
I knew a woman who stayed in an abusive marriage for years until he began to beat their son as well. She finally got up the nerve to leave. The local domestic abuse safe house would not allow her to have her son with her as he was 15. So she opted to go stay with her parents, so as not to leave her son unprotected without her. She did everything right, got a restraining order, told everyone to watch out for him, sought out assistance, etc. The husband bided his time, then stole into her parents house in the early hours and killed the woman, her son and her mother, and severely wounded the father before turning the gun on himself. A representative of the safe house was on the news saying it wouldn't have happened if she had stayed with them.:perplexed

This woman loved her son and would not leave him somewhere else without her, like most mothers who love their kids. It's not so easy a decision to leave when kids are involved. I applauded this woman for getting up the nerve to do it, though she, her son and her parents paid the ultimate price for that.:sad:
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This is heartbreaking
 
Long story short I had a friend who got beat all the time by her bf. You would never guess he was like that either. I use to try to convince her to leave, offer help, and tell her how her kids seeing it was affecting them etc. One day her other friend went with her to pick up the kids and he was yelling at my friend and threatening to hit her. Her other friend told him to leave her alone and he beat both of them up. When I asked my friend what happened she said that her friend shouldn't have pushed his buttons and was back with the guy. He even beat a baby out of her and she had miscarriage. I obviously stopped hanging out with her cause it was such a draining relationship.
 
Fine 4s said:
I was just thinking that keyawarren. What if they come after me for protecting the friend? IDK about this. I would have to be in the situation to answer honestly. The type of person I am, I feel like I'd stick it through and provide support. But I'm also a chicken. The minute that man says anything about coming to find me I'd be in witness protection. So, I can't call it.
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Getting your tail beat along with your friend doesn't count as saving your friend. Not just that, some of these guys are not above using weapons either. Some of us can go toe to toe with a man, but what if he pulls out a gun? That mess happens. It's not called chickening out, it's about being smart, and you can be a friend while keeping a certain amount of distance.
 
keyawarren said:
that's another thing. Abusers are not above attacking friends and family who are around. I'm soooo good on this. Being a "friend" can cost you your life. :nono:
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So true. A childhood friend of mine got her head blown clean off dealing with her friends boyfriend. She was trying to save her friend and lost her life. It was tragic.
 
Walk away. I have not seen her since I was a teenager when she was sitting in the dark with two black eyes and two of the three kids playing on the floor. She wouldn't leave although he kept beating her, raped her at least once that she mentioned and he kept cheating on her. He had a child about a week apart from one of their kids by a woman who lived across the street.

They ended up getting married and having more kids. They are still married.
 
That's how it goes. But I did stay in an abusive relationship for a bit longer because people got tired of me telling them and I felt I didn't have anybody. My fault, not theirs. I would have gotten tired of dealing with me, too.
 
I had another family members Abusive SO threaten to come and beat me up after she kept telling me her business and going back to him with my opinions.

I recently reminded her about it and she thought it was hilarious! I was not pleased to say the least. I now discourage her from complaining about him to me and she got the hint.
 
I would try to help her any way I could. My mom's first marriage was extremely abusive, literally landing her in the hospital a few times, but it was the early 70s and my mom was a teenager pregnant with my sister with no real support so she stayed for several years. And apparently back then there weren't as many open arms and options for battered women with children. So I am really sensitive to this issue after hearing firsthand from my mom all she went through, and the ways he manipulated and abused her. However, after a while I would have to cut my friend off if she continued to go back to him multiple times.

I understand abuse victims most often go back to their abuser and find it difficult to build up the courage to leave, but as others have said......I care about myself more than to allow my life to be put in danger or have to go through huge drama all of the time. I would just let her know that if she left him for real and needed someone, I would still be there.
 
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