Women in a 3+ yr relationship... What keeps you from leaving / cheating?

silenttullip

silenttullip

Well-Known Member
If you explain to your mate what's bothering you and sometimes you have to cry or even yell to get them to realize and then all they do is admit you're right and do something else dumb along the same lines... For me communication isn't about being "right" it's about being understood and if I can't be understood or I have conversations with no sort of positive sign afterward... Then why talk about it. It makes me not want to communicate at all and when I can't communicate with someone I feel disconnected and when I feel disconnected I feel like I'm on my own and if I feel like I'm on my own I'm going to ACT like I'm on my own...
I guess I'm ranting but it leads me to a huge serious question...
What keeps you from cheating or leaving your mate?
Any motivation or advice is appreciated.

(never cheated but I just really get tempted sometimes... Is it normal or am I just a bad person... Please be honest just not evil lol)
 
Is this your husband? If it's not, why not just move on and find a better match? If you are married, insist on counseling.
 
Idk about your entire situation but i was in something simliar for 3 1/2 yrs (not married), and i had to walk away. Everyday communication seemed to get worse and worse (along with other issues). I couldnt even tell him about anything that i didnt like or it was nagging-even if i only made one comment about something and didnt have an attitude behind it-anyway i started to think about could i live like that for the rest of my life if we were to get married. after i offered counseling and he didnt go but once while i continued going, i called it quits.
 
I've asked about counseling but it costs and he doesn't want to invest any money in someone asking "and how does that make you feel"
 
If you are married then you should get counseling without him. That will help you cope better and help you gather strength to leave if need be. Otherwise I wouldn't be bothered with a boyfriend who was unwilling to get help.
 
hopeful said:
If you are married then you should get counseling without him. That will help you cope better and help you gather strength to leave if need be. Otherwise I wouldn't be bothered with a boyfriend who was unwilling to get help.
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right because that was my problem. he didnt believe he had a problem and felt like if we needed someone else to tell us what to do then we probably wouldnt work out anyway.
 
I was in a live in relationship for several years and we did communicate but something was off and I had to get counseling for myself, he wouldn't go either. In retrospect, I'm happy he didn't go because I think I would have stayed even though I knew it wasn't right for me. I often times got caught up in the history, and the love for the person versus what was right for me.

I wish you well in whatever decision you make because I know it's difficult to make a decision about the relationship when you love someone.
 
Well they say men don't respond to words but to actions. Soo...the crying and yelling only makes both parties frustrated. It's imperative to learn the art of how to get a man to do what you want without having to use words.
 
Depends on your age sometimes but I don't advocate any woman staying in a relationship without a wedding date beyond 18 to 24 months. And depending on your age range, that may be cutting it.

Women waste A LOT of their lives being with the wrong people. And when you are up under someone hoping that things will get better, you have missed out on the one who would give you happiness.

To answer your question, when you feel like you can't do any better or you have "invested" 3+ years in someone, that makes you feel like you don't want to leave/cheat. You feel you have "trained" him..You already gave up so much of yourself to let it go to waste.

It doesn't take 3 years to know. Leave him. I'd be asking you why you haven't left him after 18 months.
 
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