Why is true love so hard to find?
- Thread starter vtoodler
- Start date
intergalacticartist
New Member
Because we have all these social conventions in the way like race, class, and social status in the way
softblackcotton
Well-Known Member
if i knew the answer to that question, I would know how to find my true love.
mischka
shrinkage.
Compatibility is hard to find, especially if you demand nothing short of intense, passionate physical attraction to go with it. Tack on things like tolerance for flaws, emotional maturity, and life stability as well as being at the same place at the same time hell in my opinion the question is how do some people find true love at all. That's not even to mention all the dumb stuff that people exclude each other for like height, weight, "conventional attractiveness" and race - appearance based bullsiht, basically, that people refuse to compromise on even as they get older and their options continue to dwindle. People are stupid and close minded, then have narrow definitions of what they want.
*SkolarStar*
Well-Known Member
Who you tellin? I'd be having book, DVD, CD, and kindle/nook deals out the a$$. And my posts would be titled "I Found Me a Man, Wanna know how? (Click the link inside)".
True love is hard to find because the definition itself is relative to each person.
mischka
shrinkage.
People don't want "true love" because if the love was true, it would exist independently of any surface conditions (i.e. looks). People want the status that they want in someone they can tolerate. That isn't true love. They are blocked by their own intentions yet creepily convince themselves that what they're doing is valid. It is to its own ends, but not for finding "true love."
vtoodler
New Member
Wow, that's deep.
Then complain that they can't find anyone.
Lucie
Dancin' on sunshine!
Because people think it is. Because we are constantly being bombarded with stories of difficulty in finding love. Because deep down in our hearts some do not feel worthy of it. Some of us say we want true love but our words and actions do not match. Because some of us have never seen such a dynamic between our own parents. Because some of us feel it is complicated and that it HAS to take a certain amount of time. Because some of us attract the same men that treated us poorly like our dads and repeat the same loveless cycle.
I hope I did not offend anyone.
I hope I did not offend anyone.
Last edited:
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
Because a lot of people are too guarded and don't want to show their real me to others. And sometimes when people do find true love, they can't believe they have found it - that this person is actually this good - so they dismiss it and walk out on it.
Mis007
New Member
Windsy
New Member
well there's several reasons:
1. Love don't love, people do....stop putting expectations on love
2. Boundaries.....true love requires NO boundaries.....not many are willing to go without boundaries: race, height, financial status, if then scenarios, etc.
3. Conditions....true love is unconditional AND it's forgiving, always.
my SO told me this and I take extra care to reprogram my thoughts....."women find a man they can live with; men find a woman they can't live without." In my quest to find true love I'm looking for a man I can't live without......I can find a man I can live with easy.....but not easy when it comes to one I can't live without.
1. Love don't love, people do....stop putting expectations on love
2. Boundaries.....true love requires NO boundaries.....not many are willing to go without boundaries: race, height, financial status, if then scenarios, etc.
3. Conditions....true love is unconditional AND it's forgiving, always.
my SO told me this and I take extra care to reprogram my thoughts....."women find a man they can live with; men find a woman they can't live without." In my quest to find true love I'm looking for a man I can't live without......I can find a man I can live with easy.....but not easy when it comes to one I can't live without.
So I was reading a romance novel, and the main character said something that kind of resonated with me. She said "getting someone to love you is like trying to coax a bird to perch on your finger....it wouldn't happen until you stop trying so hard."
This makes sense to me because its another way of saying relax and be yourself. As women I think sometimes we turn ourselves into pretzels trying to make something work that just isn't right, but we want to share our love so much, that we try to force it. I think the forcing is what makes it hard.
The journey is hard too because it's uncertain, and when you really really want something and can't be certain that you'll get it....well that can make you crazy.
The other thing is that with love you kind of have to give up some control if it's going to work, and that can be hard.
This makes sense to me because its another way of saying relax and be yourself. As women I think sometimes we turn ourselves into pretzels trying to make something work that just isn't right, but we want to share our love so much, that we try to force it. I think the forcing is what makes it hard.
The journey is hard too because it's uncertain, and when you really really want something and can't be certain that you'll get it....well that can make you crazy.
The other thing is that with love you kind of have to give up some control if it's going to work, and that can be hard.
My feelings on the issue:
I believe deep admiration for someone is at the root of true love. But I think a lot of people have a hard time feeling that kind of admiration for someone without also feeling that they themselves are lacking in some way (it's hard to be especially admiring of something you possess in equal amount yourself). I think this causes them to unconsciously sabotage the relationship (or perhaps never pursue it to begin with).
Perhaps this is why having confidence, loving yourself, etc always seems to be the most enduring element of relationship advice. It's easy to give the pat explanation of "If you don't love yourself, why would you expect someone else to??", but I think it's deeper than that. If you aren't accepting of yourself as you are today, you'll have a hard time even being able to truly love someone else in a healthy way because you'll always be concerned about being "worthy".
Reaching this point yourself can be difficult enough, but finding a mate who has also reached this point in personal/emotional maturity just makes it even harder.
It's much easier to find someone you are attracted to and just like a lot/is very similar to you, and try to build an ideal-looking relationship from the outside in. It's not that this relationship can't "work" or won't be romantic at all, but I think when some people feel that the "passion" is missing in their relationship even though things are "good", this is why.
ETA: I think sometimes preoccupation with good looks is a result of trying to artificially create passion in a relationship that would otherwise just be a really nice friendship, due to the lack of true admiration. If you are strongly sexually attracted to someone it sort of acts as a placeholder for the passion that results from attraction to someone's character. But if it goes on for too long the relationship starts to break down (even if it lingers for a while because of how strong the sexual attraction is -- people start to feel empty or like they are missing something).
I believe deep admiration for someone is at the root of true love. But I think a lot of people have a hard time feeling that kind of admiration for someone without also feeling that they themselves are lacking in some way (it's hard to be especially admiring of something you possess in equal amount yourself). I think this causes them to unconsciously sabotage the relationship (or perhaps never pursue it to begin with).
Perhaps this is why having confidence, loving yourself, etc always seems to be the most enduring element of relationship advice. It's easy to give the pat explanation of "If you don't love yourself, why would you expect someone else to??", but I think it's deeper than that. If you aren't accepting of yourself as you are today, you'll have a hard time even being able to truly love someone else in a healthy way because you'll always be concerned about being "worthy".
Reaching this point yourself can be difficult enough, but finding a mate who has also reached this point in personal/emotional maturity just makes it even harder.
It's much easier to find someone you are attracted to and just like a lot/is very similar to you, and try to build an ideal-looking relationship from the outside in. It's not that this relationship can't "work" or won't be romantic at all, but I think when some people feel that the "passion" is missing in their relationship even though things are "good", this is why.
ETA: I think sometimes preoccupation with good looks is a result of trying to artificially create passion in a relationship that would otherwise just be a really nice friendship, due to the lack of true admiration. If you are strongly sexually attracted to someone it sort of acts as a placeholder for the passion that results from attraction to someone's character. But if it goes on for too long the relationship starts to break down (even if it lingers for a while because of how strong the sexual attraction is -- people start to feel empty or like they are missing something).
Last edited:
southerncitygirl
Well-Known Member
because people aren't specific about what they want....when you ask the universe-god-creator for someone you'd better be specific. money and good looks shouldn't be the sole determining factors in attracting a love into your life. there's spiritual, ethical, and personality components as well. you can end up with a handsome man that treat you like dirt or a rich man who is emotionally unavailable if you don't dig deeper. i'm not ready for love yet because i have much emotional/spiritual work to do. however i have already compiled a list of what i would want in partner. its very detailed and about 2pgs because most of his traits i want him to have relate to spirituality, ethics and his overall personality. i continue to add stuff as i see ratchet mess/foolishness on this forum.
