Why is he in the "Friend Zone"?

[mallysmommy]

I've been thinking of past relationships, experiences etc and what I hope to receive in the new year as far as men and dating. I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed when one of my friends posted this status update

"Husband material?? none of that is out there. Jus wannabe playas!! Now a days men don’t appreciate a real chic! Oh well!!!"

i was going to "like" her status and give some encouraging words when i saw that someone else...a man posted this in response

"Sorry but I have to post this one. The joke opportunity is too easy:
Ladies, guys are sick of hearing you ask where all of the "nice guys" are. They’re in the friend zone, where you left them."

As simple as his statement was I couldn't help but smh and laugh. I thought about the men that I am usually attracted to and who I usually sought relationships with and the brothers who I’ve left by the wayside but ended up turning to when those relationships didn’t work out or turned sour.

There is one guy in my life who has been my friend for a while now. I've never considered anything with him because one, he lives too far away and two, I don't particularly like where he is in life right now. But with recent events in my life I’ve considered whether or not his situation was really that big of a deal.
For those of you who have men occupying that friend zone space, how did they get there and would they ever have a chance at getting out, and have you ever dated man that you have placed in the friend zone?

 

[Cheekychica]

Guys in my friend zone are guys that I'm not physically attracted to, point blank period. If the spark ain't there, I can't force a relationship, no matter how many great qualities he may have.

 

[meesch]

Guys are in my friend zone when I am not physically attracted to them. Period. They can whine about their personality being overlooked and how they're a good guy, but if they are not sexually attractive to me, I couldn't care less how nice they are; that's what FRIENDS are for. Boyfriends need to have some sexual attraction.

On top of that, guys who get "friendzoned" typically try to guilt a woman into being with him, as if their friendship or kindness is some kind of currency that should be repaid with sex. They don't seem to understand that women can usually tell if you are just hanging around and putting her on a trophy because you think it's the magic code to unlocking physical intimacy

 

[sky_blu]

Guys are in my friend zone when I am not physically attracted to them. Period. They can whine about their personality being overlooked and how they're a good guy, but if they are not sexually attractive to me, I couldn't care less how nice they are; that's what FRIENDS are for. Boyfriends need to have some sexual attraction.

On top of that, guys who get "friendzoned" typically try to guilt a woman into being with him, as if their friendship or kindness is some kind of currency that should be repaid with sex. They don't seem to understand that women can usually tell if you are just hanging around and putting her on a trophy because you think it's the magic code to unlocking physical intimacy

Yesss to the above two posters AND this (bolded) I have a "friend" which Im going to now use loosely who is like this! I told him from the beginning no matter how many times he asked, Im not attracted to him and he's too old for me (which is definitely true). I try to get male advice from him (not that he can relate) and his first advice is always to stop dealing with anybody I don't even know why I ask anymore. Then he tries to tell me as to why I should be with him. Mmmh dood I don't like you like that (as would most women -I leave this part out ) I hate guys who try to wait around for an opening when they have NO chance

 

[Arian]

I am in the midst of letting my guy friend out of the zone. But he's been getting on my last nerve lately, so I may leave him there!

But, we crossed the line once and he hasn't been able to let it go..he is attractive though and really gets any woman that he wants..but he won't allow himself to take other women seriously and he claims it is because of what happened between us. He has always been good at decoding guys for me and even though he did want me for himself, he still tried to "save" other relationships I have been in. I like him a little though..

Sent from my ADR6400L using ADR6400L

 

[sassy2011]

Guys in my friend zone are guys that I'm not physically attracted to, point blank period. If the spark ain't there, I can't force a relationship, no matter how many great qualities he may have.

Exactly what I was about to say...

Sent from my DROIDX using DROIDX

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

The last guy I put in the friend-zone was because I wasn't physically attracted to him and his personality didn't mesh with mine well enough to sustain a relationship other than friendship.

 

[Gemini350z]

Im either just not physically attracted to them...or know that they are dogs and not worth the drama...lol


Also, they might just be emotionally unavailable!

 

[LivingDol1]

Like most posters, the guys in my friend zone are men I'm not physically attracted to.... Those guys are married now. Lol. Good people though. I just don't see them that way, or I've known them for too long and consider them like siblings to me.

Oh, and just a note on the women who married them... One of the wives, I'm friends with (I see her more than I see my friend), and she knew she was going for a good guy. Not the hottest, but someone who treats her well that she got along with. They also have very similar personalities (chill). She laughs at me when I tell her stories about the guys I meet. They are keeping an eye out for men for me. Lol.

 

[southerncitygirl]

most men like to use that "nice guy" excuse when its simply a matter of chemistry and whether we are physically atracted to him. all women don't want a thug or a man that mistreats them. i get tired of men running this excuse in the ground

 

[mallysmommy]

I am in the midst of letting my guy friend out of the zone. But he's been getting on my last nerve lately, so I may leave him there!

Sent from my ADR6400L using ADR6400L

I am in the same boat! i didn't know that the friend zone was mainly for the ugly dudes you guys lmbo i just been putting men that i didn't feel like dealing with for whatever reason in the friend zone fine and ugly.
my friend is actually attractive but like ive said earlier i am not feeling where he is in life right now. 28 years old in a job that he hates but hasn't made a single effort since ive known him to help the situation. i can't deal with unmotivated men and its very unattractive to me. he gets on my nerves sometimes too but for the most part his very nice and sincere. i was stressed out the other night and he called and we chatted. he read me like a book. at the end of the convo i was like "i hadn't realize that i have told you so much about me"
he was like "no i just listen to everything you say"
i guess. Im not ready for anything right now so he is definately staying in the zone. His birthday is coming up in a few weeks and i may hang with him at the club or something...

 

[mallysmommy]

most men like to use that "nice guy" excuse when its simply a matter of chemistry and whether we are physically atracted to him. all women don't want a thug or a man that mistreats them. i get tired of men running this excuse in the ground

oh gosh tell me about it. i hate hearing this after things go south with a guy that i was dealing with. and that "nice guys finish last" bullcrap lol

 

[Theo]

Umm... I think a lot of my male friends are cute. The ones I wouldn't date are either close friends with my ex, or I'm close friends with their ex, or they live to far away, or I know too much of their dirt so I'd be too scared.

I actually like nice guys... in a different way than I like douchebags. Nice guys are just less stressful. They don't give you any problems, they're very complimentary....

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

When I have a guy friend, usually he's a guy friend in the "friend zone" for a REASON. Don't get me wrong, not ALL of my guy friends are in the "friend zone" lol, but MOST of them are.

And here are the reasons why:

-The MAIN reason a guy is in my "friend zone" is because I'm not attracted to him. Plain and simple. Let's not try to sugar coat things. If I'm ATTRACTED to a guy, I can probably put up w/a bunch of crap lol. But if he and I don't have a "connection", or some type of ATTRACTION, then I'm sorry....but he's just a friend to me. And this doesn't have to mean that the guy looks like a model either. No...I'm talking more than just looks. He has to have SOMETHING that makes me want to spend more time with him and see him as MORE than just a "friend".

-He has issues. If a guy friend of mine has emotional/mental issues, can't keep a stable job, throws temper tantrums, is depressed all the time, is a whiner and complainer, has too much "drama" in his life, etc.... I'm sorry, but he gets thrown into the "friend zone". I can't handle a guy with too much drama in his life being my boyfriend.

-I can't see him as a potential bf/husband. If I can't see my guy friend as a potential serious bf/husband, then he gets thrown into the "friend zone". At this time in my life, I'm not looking for a short-term committment. I'm looking for a serious long-term relationship and husband. If this guy friend of mine treats me wrong, says off-the-wall disrespectful things to me, is IMMATURE, acts like a kid, or does things that let me know that he's not "serious bf material", then...he gets thrown into the "friend zone".

-He's like a brother to me. The last reason why a guy *might* (notice I said might) end up in the "friend zone" is because he knows waaay too much about me or I about him. This doesn't ALWAYS mean however that he will end up in the friend zone, but it is somewhat likely. I don't like feeling like a guy is more like my brother/family member than my friend. If he knows TOO much about me and my previous relationships (especially the BAD parts ) then imo...he knows way too much and I feel a little "exposed". IN fact, if I were interested in a guy friend "like that" to begin with, more than likely I wouldn't tell him too much about my previous relationships....I would like to keep that a little mysterious because I wouldn't want to give him a bad impression of me.

I envy women though who can have a great guy friend, and then end up romantic partners in the end. I would LOVE this to be my experience, but so far I haven't found anything mutual in this regard.

I think most women know (just like most men probably know) when first meeting a guy whether or not she could possibly ever see him as something MORE. Sometimes some women don't know...but I think some can tell.

 

[belleama]

Most of the time I put someone in the friend zone its because *I* am emotionally available. I don't want a serious relationship at the time or I don't feel like they are someone I would want to spend the rest of my life waking up next to. Very rarely is it because I am not physically attracted to them. It is more often that we just do not have good romantic chemistry.

One of my favorite quotes is, "Everything I love is ugly... you would be amazed." I think everyone I know is beautiful but at one time or another some other person would tell me how "*****" so and so is. I just don't see it.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

I am in the same boat! i didn't know that the friend zone was mainly for the ugly dudes you guys lmbo i just been putting men that i didn't feel like dealing with for whatever reason in the friend zone fine and ugly.
my friend is actually attractive but like ive said earlier i am not feeling where he is in life right now. 28 years old in a job that he hates but hasn't made a single effort since ive known him to help the situation. i can't deal with unmotivated men and its very unattractive to me. he gets on my nerves sometimes too but for the most part his very nice and sincere. i was stressed out the other night and he called and we chatted. he read me like a book. at the end of the convo i was like "i hadn't realize that i have told you so much about me"
he was like "no i just listen to everything you say"
i guess. Im not ready for anything right now so he is definately staying in the zone. His birthday is coming up in a few weeks and i may hang with him at the club or something...

Yeeeeah that's me too actually lol! An unmotivated friend who honestly sits around playing the PS3 while I'm doing a 9-5 and working on my masters at school.

He dropped out to 'help his mom' which I respect if he was actually helping her out. Everytime I get a text he's on the ps3...

And don't get me wrong, I'm a gamer myself, but my other (real life) priorities come first.

Also another poster said this too, but as a friend, I know how much of a perv he is so...yeeeeeeeeeah friend Zone, with a locked DOOR