Why does this hurt so bad??
- Thread starter Knedgers
- Start date
frostydoll
Well-Known Member
Ironically, I'm going through the same thing right now. I just keep reminding myself that I have to love me more than him.
AllAboutMoi
Active Member
How long have you been together?
Sometimes we just have to deal with the fact that it is just not meant to be. That is what I am having to deal with right now or should I say face right now.
AllAboutMoi
Active Member
I would rather leave after 2 years than 14.
AllAboutMoi
Active Member
Sorry, I guess I won't be much help tonight.
Just give it some time You never know what will happen. You may work it out, if not you may meet someone that makes you happier than you thought possible.
Just give it some time You never know what will happen. You may work it out, if not you may meet someone that makes you happier than you thought possible.
honeybadgirl
New Member
thats true. he may have gotten out the way for the right one to step in. you never know what life has to offer and whats waiting for you around the corner. you may find someone that will show a whole new and different world. that will treat you better and in ways you never expected!! i did! i had standards after i met the new guy.
i know the heart hurts and misses him but you will truly get over it. it may take awhile but if you keep it moving, you'll be happier. even if you do end up with him...eventually. you have to experience life and take what it gives.
i know the heart hurts and misses him but you will truly get over it. it may take awhile but if you keep it moving, you'll be happier. even if you do end up with him...eventually. you have to experience life and take what it gives.
♦K.O♦
New Member
Truer words were never spoken. I'm tired of going back and forth for years. I love him, but when I think back on how much I've let our relationship hold me back, I get pissed off at myself. So many aspects of our relationship are GOLDEN and other are just downright toxic.
I'm not making this thread about me, I just want the OP, and everyone else, to know that you're not alone.
Farida
Well-Known Member
1. Realize the longer you stay, the harder it gets.
2. Think of all the things he does that IRK you! I mean, I love FH to pieces but when I'm mad I could leave because of how I convince myself of all the little things he does to make me angry and how they could all go away FOREVER!
3. Think of all those wonderful men you could end up with. No matter how ridiculous and far-fetched. Prince William I dunno, a billionaire, anyone.
4. If all else fails, move.
2. Think of all the things he does that IRK you! I mean, I love FH to pieces but when I'm mad I could leave because of how I convince myself of all the little things he does to make me angry and how they could all go away FOREVER!
3. Think of all those wonderful men you could end up with. No matter how ridiculous and far-fetched. Prince William I dunno, a billionaire, anyone.
4. If all else fails, move.
misskris816
Well-Known Member
Knedgers-
Oftentimes relationships end with the people still loving one another. Just because you love somebody doesn't mean that they're the right person for you...and sometimes we forget that. I had been with my last boyfriend for 4 1/2 years when we broke up. I loved him dearly, but I knew in my heart that he wasn't the one for me. We had way too many problems that we couldn't overcome and I was not as happy as I deserved to be.
Breakups are hard; you can get through this. You know in your heart whether or not this man is the one for you, don't you? If you know that he's not, stay strong and one day it won't hurt so bad. We've all been there before; "this too shall pass".
Oftentimes relationships end with the people still loving one another. Just because you love somebody doesn't mean that they're the right person for you...and sometimes we forget that. I had been with my last boyfriend for 4 1/2 years when we broke up. I loved him dearly, but I knew in my heart that he wasn't the one for me. We had way too many problems that we couldn't overcome and I was not as happy as I deserved to be.
Breakups are hard; you can get through this. You know in your heart whether or not this man is the one for you, don't you? If you know that he's not, stay strong and one day it won't hurt so bad. We've all been there before; "this too shall pass".
I so agree with this!
lipyt
New Member
knedgers, i totally completely understand what you are feeling. My ex bf and I broke up Nov. 19th. We have been together for 4 1/2 years. He was my first bf out of college. My first REAL bf. We've been through sooo much together. He was a huge HUGE influence on me being 5 years older than me. He followed me from NY to Georgia and we even lived together in Georgia. We work together.
So when we broke up...I was DEVASTATED! I felt soo broken and empty!. I wrote so many break up threads, went to his house crying for him back, was depressed..I mean I was a complete mess!
I think what made it really hard was I missed having my best friend around. I missed being able to share things with him. I missed being able to going in to his claaroom and eating lunch with him during our breaks. And it hurt really bad because he looked like the break up didn't phase him. He acted very well adjusted and happy that we were broken up. That was like twisting the knife in my heart. Why didn't he miss me too?
Well about a week and a half ago. Things in my life (with out my control) started to get really hectic. (I'm a music teacher) My winter concert was fast approaching, I was hearing back from a lot of guys on some internet sites I posted on and my friend needed me to accompany them on certain outings. So I didn't have time to worry about him. Well do you know, he started giving me an attitude one day at work out of no where! He started talking about things he had planned to do to the people who were standing around me. At first i was like why is he acting like that!? Then I realized that YES! he is hurting too and it is hurting him even more now that he sees I have moved on. A lot of the girls here told me that that would happen but I didn't believe them...and it sure did happen.
So now I'm still hurting, yes. I still miss him...but I do feel a tiny bit better. And I don't have the crazy urge to call him any more. It gets better bit by bit.
Now I can decide, if he come back around, if I truly want/need him back or if i want to explore my options and find some one even better.
I know that you can't hear this right now because it just happened...but it really truly does get better and easier.
Something that also helped me was that I started writing in my journal again. Do you know the first time I opened up my old journal I fount a letter i was planning to give him back in 2005! I was angry with him over the same issues we broke up over this time! Some things never change!
Good luck sweetie..pm me if you need some one to talk to.
So when we broke up...I was DEVASTATED! I felt soo broken and empty!. I wrote so many break up threads, went to his house crying for him back, was depressed..I mean I was a complete mess!
I think what made it really hard was I missed having my best friend around. I missed being able to share things with him. I missed being able to going in to his claaroom and eating lunch with him during our breaks. And it hurt really bad because he looked like the break up didn't phase him. He acted very well adjusted and happy that we were broken up. That was like twisting the knife in my heart. Why didn't he miss me too?
Well about a week and a half ago. Things in my life (with out my control) started to get really hectic. (I'm a music teacher) My winter concert was fast approaching, I was hearing back from a lot of guys on some internet sites I posted on and my friend needed me to accompany them on certain outings. So I didn't have time to worry about him. Well do you know, he started giving me an attitude one day at work out of no where! He started talking about things he had planned to do to the people who were standing around me. At first i was like why is he acting like that!? Then I realized that YES! he is hurting too and it is hurting him even more now that he sees I have moved on. A lot of the girls here told me that that would happen but I didn't believe them...and it sure did happen.
So now I'm still hurting, yes. I still miss him...but I do feel a tiny bit better. And I don't have the crazy urge to call him any more. It gets better bit by bit.
Now I can decide, if he come back around, if I truly want/need him back or if i want to explore my options and find some one even better.
I know that you can't hear this right now because it just happened...but it really truly does get better and easier.
Something that also helped me was that I started writing in my journal again. Do you know the first time I opened up my old journal I fount a letter i was planning to give him back in 2005! I was angry with him over the same issues we broke up over this time! Some things never change!
Good luck sweetie..pm me if you need some one to talk to.
redbone_412
New Member
I'm going through the same darn thing...what sucks even worse is that its the holidays...but I told myself that I would make some major decisions in regards to him around New Years. I said that in September. Boy is January sneaking up on me rather quickly.
LaShanne
New Member
I'm going through the same thing. I'm in the process of divorcing my husband of nearly 16 yrs. The sad thing is even though I left him for all the right reasons, I still love him. What has worked for me is staying busy. I keep myself involved with my daughters activities, church, my good friends and family. The hurt will eventually subside. I still cry sometimes, but trust me, your days will get better. I find that helping other people helps me to feel better. The holidays is great time to do this. Just try not to dwell on the pain of it all. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
*5+5
New Member
I wish I could understand why it hurts so bad. I've never been in love the way I'm in love now & I know in my heart that it would never work but I hold on b/c the love feels so good.....it's like the gift & the curse. On one hand you love the person & then on the flip side u gotta let go. I hope you can see your way back to happiness soon b/c I know how bad it hurts.
aja1121
Well-Known Member
Make a list of everything you disliked in the relationship and read it everyday for 28 days. I'm in the process of a "break-up" (hasn't quite happened yet, but I can feel it coming). When things got really bad, I kept a journal. I pulled it out today and read some entries and cried. I realized that I am too good for him.
I'm sure most of you have seen "A reason, a season or a lifetime", If not I've posted it on this board before (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?p=3145299#post3145299)
...just some comforting words about why people come in and out of our lives. These words have helped me out through difficult times.
Just an extension of it... the book I took it from goes on to talk about "a reason" or "a season" in more detail. Maybe some of you can relate to the words below.
Break ups are really difficult, especially when you didn't initiate it but when we find out the lessons that we needed to learn, it becomes (a little) easier to move on. At some point down the line, you will be looking back at this situation and thanking God for the lessons you learned and for clearing the path for better things to come your way.
A Reason…
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, the person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. NEXT!
A Season…
“ When people come into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it ! It is real ! But only for a season. In the same way that the leaves must fall from the trees, or the moon becomes full and then disappears, your seasonal relationships will end at the divinely appointed time. When that time comes, there is nothing you can say or do to make it work. There is no one you can blame. You cannot fix it. You cannot explain it. The harder you clutch, the worse it will feel. When the end of a season comes in a loving relationship, the only thing you can do is let go.
...just some comforting words about why people come in and out of our lives. These words have helped me out through difficult times.
Just an extension of it... the book I took it from goes on to talk about "a reason" or "a season" in more detail. Maybe some of you can relate to the words below.
Break ups are really difficult, especially when you didn't initiate it but when we find out the lessons that we needed to learn, it becomes (a little) easier to move on. At some point down the line, you will be looking back at this situation and thanking God for the lessons you learned and for clearing the path for better things to come your way.
A Reason…
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, the person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. NEXT!
A Season…
“ When people come into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it ! It is real ! But only for a season. In the same way that the leaves must fall from the trees, or the moon becomes full and then disappears, your seasonal relationships will end at the divinely appointed time. When that time comes, there is nothing you can say or do to make it work. There is no one you can blame. You cannot fix it. You cannot explain it. The harder you clutch, the worse it will feel. When the end of a season comes in a loving relationship, the only thing you can do is let go.
lipyt
New Member
That's beautiful special K. These are definately inspiring words for me at this point. Knedgers, how are you doing?