Why Do Others Doubt the Truth??

[ellennicole]

I have written this before... and I'll write it again. Ever since I've been on this site, the health of my hair has been WONDERFUL. It's a "miracle" to quote my aunt. Anyway, I get alot of compliments from co-workers and they always say... "Well you have thick hair" (or it must be genetic), and that's why my hair is so healthy.

When I try to explain that my hair didn't ALWAYS look like this-- especially before I started taking care of it. My hair is "fine". Some would even say it's thin, and I had never been the girl with the kind of hair that people marvel over. Now, it's completely different, but I work very very hard at maintaining my relaxed hair. My family on the other hand believe it's the regimen b/c they knew the "before" me.

Anyway, when I explain the "basics" of hair care, especially when it comes to relaxed hair, I get a blank stare and "that's too much work." So, I'm like forget it. A friend told her hairdresser what I said and her hair dresser told her she'd be bald if she put S-Curl on her relaxed hair. People never believe that it's work... and not all genetic.

Has anyone else experience this????

 

[Radianthealth]

I have...when I tell my friends about scalp massages, protective styles, S-Curl and stretching for dare I say.....14 weeks...they look at me like I am stupid.

I don't even tell them about baggying or Sulfur...they would think I was a wacko...The proof will be in the pudding though.


Congratulations on thickening up your hair and improving your hair health!!!

I hope my hair gets thicker...It is sooo Fine ...I have confidence though...it will happen

 

[myco]

If people actually bought into the "theory" of work - they would have to actually do something about it. No more excuses, i.e., "you got good hair/Indian in your family". For some people it's easier to sit on the sidelines and think it can't be done than to change their behaviors to get what they want. Growing your hair out takes a time commitment and sacrifice. There are a lot of hair trends and styles that you will miss out on while you wait for your hair to grow out. There are going to be some days when you don't look like you stepped straight out of a salon. Everyone doesn't want to go through that.

Also, a lot of people are afraid of failing. They've been told all their lives that there is something wrong with their hair and that they'll never have the hair that they wish for. They might be afraid of getting their hopes up only to come up short.

I've had people look at me sideways or get that blank stare. I try not to take it personally. If people aske me, I give them a super-condensed basic ABC regimen that anyone can start out on. There's no point in wasting your breath and being really explicit if they're not ready to listen.

 

[MizAvalon]

If people actually bought into the "theory" of work - they would have to actually do something about it. No more excuses, i.e., "you got good hair/Indian in your family". For some people it's easier to sit on the sidelines and think it can't be done than to change their behaviors to get what they want. Growing your hair out takes a time commitment and sacrifice. There are a lot of hair trends and styles that you will miss out on while you wait for your hair to grow out. There are going to be some days when you don't look like you stepped straight out of a salon. Everyone doesn't want to go through that.

Also, a lot of people are afraid of failing. They've been told all their lives that there is something wrong with their hair and that they'll never have the hair that they wish for. They might be afraid of getting their hopes up only to come up short.

This is IT right here. Nothing more to say.

 

[caribeandiva]

yep i experience this all the time at work and with my friends. my family members always take my hair advice. my coworkers and friends on the other hand believe my hair is thick because of genetics (true but it's not hard anymore). one of them actually told me it was gonna take her 3 years to grow her hair from ear length to the bottom of her neck. i told her not true but she insisted black people's hair doesn't grow as fast as other races. i saved my breath and dropped it.

 

[Wildchild453]

I think its because they either don't want to believe its that easy or do any work

 

[Catina72]

My best friend is a doubter too . When I "share" certain tidbits like air-drying, or stretching relaxers she says "You've got that soft hair so You can do that, and so forth and so on. I have even showed her beautiful long-haired, healthy relaxed and natural hair ladies on this site, and the best she can say is..."If I saw her in person, I'd say she had fake hair" Like my mama always said..."You can lead a horse to water but you can not make them drink"

 

[gloomgeisha]

If people actually bought into the "theory" of work - they would have to actually do something about it. No more excuses, i.e., "you got good hair/Indian in your family". For some people it's easier to sit on the sidelines and think it can't be done than to change their behaviors to get what they want. Growing your hair out takes a time commitment and sacrifice. There are a lot of hair trends and styles that you will miss out on while you wait for your hair to grow out. There are going to be some days when you don't look like you stepped straight out of a salon. Everyone doesn't want to go through that.

Also, a lot of people are afraid of failing. They've been told all their lives that there is something wrong with their hair and that they'll never have the hair that they wish for. They might be afraid of getting their hopes up only to come up short.

She pretty much said what I would have with greater eloquence. Even working in an environment where I was supposed to be helping women improve their hair health; a lot of them were not up for anything that either didn't happen over night or didn't come in a jar with some mispelled version of "grow" on it. I know a women who's hair has been the same length since I met them 2 1/2 years ago and if you try telling them why, they'll hush you up and say it's because they have that "bad hair."

C'est la vie. C'est la guerre.

 

[sareca]

I've given up. If one more person says my "good hair" is the reason it grows, I'm going show my color. My hair is 4a and it completely negates my hardwork when people say that. They seem to think this just happened and would have happened no matter what I did or didn't do. They don't care that it never happened before.

 

[Tee]

I think its because they either don't want to believe its that easy or do any work

Yes, ITA. Most people dont want to put in the work.

 

[poetist]

a lot of them were not up for anything that didn't come in a jar with some mispelled version of "grow" on it.

You speak the truth!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Victorian]

What myco said is so true, and not just about hair. A lot of people limit their own success at many things like work, school, etc. for the same reasons. Learning to work for what you want is something that usually has to be "inspired" by another's success or just learned through life experiences. Telling someone to do it directly is often met by stubborn or defeatist attitudes.

 

[naturallylovely]

to tell the truth, that's the same way I used to look at people.....and the majority of time, if I see a girl with long hair now I'll automatically assume its due to genetics (indian, or just genetically capable if growing hair fast)....the difference with me now is that if someone actually told me it was because of hardwork, i would believe them now...but before the forums, i would not have....

 

[gymfreak336]

I've said to before and I will say it again, Everyone wants to float gracefully across the pond like the swan but few see how hard his feet are kicking to keep him afloat. Alot of people would rather believe that only a "miracle" could save their hair but really the miracle is now frying and dying it to death all the time. Just keep growing and the next time they ask you, how did it get so long, I mean your practically sitting on it now, just say "Its a miracle, remember". Don't waste the advice on those you don't want to do the work.

 

[determined_to_grow]

She'll see in three years when your hair is BSL or MBL

yep i experience this all the time at work and with my friends. my family members always take my hair advice. my coworkers and friends on the other hand believe my hair is thick because of genetics (true but it's not hard anymore). one of them actually told me it was gonna take her 3 years to grow her hair from ear length to the bottom of her neck. i told her not true but she insisted black people's hair doesn't grow as fast as other races. i saved my breath and dropped it.

 

[Shea]

My cousin told me that her friend wants thicker hair and her hair is thin snd I told her to stretch her relaxers and deep condition to soften up NG her friend replied she cant go more than 6 weeks without relaxing???Oh well I was the same too. People look at me I am 5 weeks post and they say I need a realxer or I need my hair done when I have it in my protective style but just wait..... I will sacrifice now and rejoice later

 

[Shea]

determine to grow nice hair growth girlfriend

 

[FAMUDva]

If people actually bought into the "theory" of work - they would have to actually do something about it. No more excuses, i.e., "you got good hair/Indian in your family". For some people it's easier to sit on the sidelines and think it can't be done than to change their behaviors to get what they want. Growing your hair out takes a time commitment and sacrifice. There are a lot of hair trends and styles that you will miss out on while you wait for your hair to grow out. There are going to be some days when you don't look like you stepped straight out of a salon. Everyone doesn't want to go through that.

Also, a lot of people are afraid of failing. They've been told all their lives that there is something wrong with their hair and that they'll never have the hair that they wish for. They might be afraid of getting their hopes up only to come up short.

I've had people look at me sideways or get that blank stare. I try not to take it personally. If people aske me, I give them a super-condensed basic ABC regimen that anyone can start out on. There's no point in wasting your breath and being really explicit if they're not ready to listen.

ITA! I don't waste my breathe beyond the general... because I have friends who ask, then say, "dang, I can't give up heat", or "I can't be having greasy/oil hair". In my mind, I'm like "whatever... You asked how did I get my hair to grow from a halle berry cut/ short bob to past my shoulders. I told you and you discounted it. So, carry on and next time you ask again I'll be BSL and I'll give you the same answer."

I feel like folks want a magic pill or an overnight answer that will allow them to keep the same heat, relaxer, etc cycle.

 

[Ladyhenri]

My best friend is a doubter too . When I "share" certain tidbits like air-drying, or stretching relaxers she says "You've got that soft hair so You can do that, and so forth and so on.

Girl, we must secretly have the same best friend! She always gives me that line about my hair being soft...silly girl ( bless er) has loads of new growth naturally...like an inch a month...but always manages to break her hair by relaxing....hear this...TWICE A MONTH!! She claims this is to soften her hair!!

I've given up trying to tell her what is best for her hair cos she aint hearing it. I just hope that when i achieve my goals she will be influenced.

Ignorance is quite sad... Would you believe my hairdresser told me not to bother trying to grow my hair because no black girl can get it beyond shoulder length unless they are mixed race and have more other (white, asian etc) than black blood in them?

I actually let her depress me...untill i stumbled across LHCF. Now, i will just try and grow my hair so that i can go there for a touch up and swing my hair in her face. nuff said!!!

 

[tld723]

Girl, we must secretly have the same best friend! She always gives me that line about my hair being soft...silly girl ( bless er) has loads of new growth naturally...like an inch a month...but always manages to break her hair by relaxing....hear this...TWICE A MONTH!! She claims this is to soften her hair!!

I've given up trying to tell her what is best for her hair cos she aint hearing it. I just hope that when i achieve my goals she will be influenced.

Ignorance is quite sad... Would you believe my hairdresser told me not to bother trying to grow my hair because no black girl can get it beyond shoulder length unless they are mixed race and have more other (white, asian etc) than black blood in them?

I actually let her depress me...untill i stumbled across LHCF. Now, i will just try and grow my hair so that i can go there for a touch up and swing my hair in her face. nuff said!!!

Just make sure she doesn't try to give you a "trim"!!!!!!

 

[bablou00]

Even though I have only started this journey a few months back I have learned not to talk about it w/ anyone. I tried the first few times and would get frustrated because people didnt want to believe. Most people fear change and can not accept it. Maybe thats why their hair is at a stand still....

As much as u can try you cant change someone's opinion unless they are willin to change. I say move ahead from it and continue doing what ur doing. They will soon realize the TRUTH when your hair is touching your behind!!!

 

[Ladyhenri]

Just make sure she doesn't try to give you a "trim"!!!!!!

Think i will be doing my own 'trims'...if i see her coming near my head with a scissor, she'll be lucky to escape with a black eye!!!

 

[natstar]

What myco said is so true, and not just about hair. A lot of people limit their own success at many things like work, school, etc. for the same reasons. Learning to work for what you want is something that usually has to be "inspired" by another's success or just learned through life experiences. Telling someone to do it directly is often met by stubborn or defeatist attitudes.[/QUOTE]

So True!!!!

 

[p31woman]

Even though I have only started this journey a few months back I have learned not to talk about it w/ anyone. I tried the first few times and would get frustrated because people didnt want to believe. Most people fear change and can not accept it. Maybe thats why their hair is at a stand still....

As much as u can try you cant change someone's opinion unless they are willin to change. I say move ahead from it and continue doing what ur doing. They will soon realize the TRUTH when your hair is touching your behind!!!

I could not have said it better myself.

 

[Kimberly]

I think if they believed what you say worked for your hair and has been true for you, it would mean that everything that they were taught and believed before was a lie. And people have a hard time dealing with that.

I remember believing that washing my hair would dry it out. Now, I'm like "I can't believe I ever thought that washing my hair would DRY IT OUT" I only washed my hair every two weeks when I went to the beauty shop. But my beliefs did not change over night. I used to think that I had to grease my scalp and didn't know anything about moisture. My hair grew but I never retained any length because I believed that I had to get it "trimmed" every 6 weeks to make it grow. Looking back now, these all seem assinine to me. None of it even makes sense...but if you had tried to tell me anything different 5 years ago, I would have politely listened, and then went home and greased my scalp.

I would say, for me, my hair care and growth journey has been a culmination of different revelations and the gaining of knowledge for myself. I could no longer just do what I had always beleived to be true, I had to doubt some of those "truths" so that I could find what wsa really true for me.

 

[Ariana4000]

I showed a friend this site some months ago and she was still laughing about it the other day. So I try not to talk about my haircare practices. When they say you and your daughter's hair have grown, I would try to explain haircare practices from this site. But they just say "Oh you got your hair cut last May that must be why it grew back so nicely. Cutting makes it grow better." That doesn't make too much sense to me but whatever. I used to cut it before and it would break again later. It can never be what I learned from here. So I've learned to leave it alone. I'm just teaching my little girl now. I keep LHCF on the hush!

 

[MizaniMami]

I've given up. If one more person says my "good hair" is the reason it grows, I'm going show my color. My hair is 4a and it completely negates my hardwork when people say that. They seem to think this just happened and would have happened no matter what I did or didn't do. They don't care that it never happened before.

That's how it is. I know before this board I used to think this way. I used to think people with long hair JUST had long hair and there was nothing I could do about it.

I am a 4b and I have people telling me " you got naturally 'good' hurr, that's why your hair is nice." And I think to myself "you got 4b hair too, so what's the diff between me and you." I just take it as a compliment and keep moving. I don't have time to re-educate the world.

 

[MizaniMami]

Yes, ITA. Most people dont want to put in the work.

I agree, everyone is looking for a get-quick-scheme. I see it sometimes creaping up in LHCF too. Nothing is like old fashion hair care.

 

[ellennicole]

That's how it is. I know before this board I used to think this way. I used to think people with long hair JUST had long hair and there was nothing I could do about it.

I am a 4b and I have people telling me " you got naturally 'good' hurr, that's why your hair is nice." And I think to myself "you got 4b hair too, so what's the diff between me and you." I just take it as a compliment and keep moving. I don't have time to re-educate the world.

But that's JUST my problem. I want to re-educate the world--- (black women) about proper hair care. I need to stop though. I was at the BBS and this lady was looking at some of the products and I asked her if she ever used the Surge. She gave me the nastiest look and shook her head no and left. That was too bold I know, but her hair was really broken and thin--- I went to the wig shop the other day with my mom and there were really young girls-- no older than 14 who were shopping for wigs... b/c their color treated/relaxed hair was damaged. I am not going to get into the whole chemical/no chemical debate but it is POSSIBLE to have healthy chemically treated hair.

 

[cocoberry10]

People doubt what they can't conceive of...and when you can't conceive it, you can't believe it...

To be continued!