Why Aren't Women Like Men-or Vice Versa?

[Laela]

November 7, 2011
As Written By Mary Whelchel

In the musical My Fair Lady, Henry Higgins discovers that understanding Eliza Doolittle is not easy, and in frustration he sings: Why can't a woman be more like a man? The tongue-in-cheek lyrics make us laugh, as we see once again this universal struggle that men and women have in understanding each other.

While it's absolutely certain that men and women are designed by God quite differently, it is also true that one design is not better than the other. Both men and women were created in the image of God, and Paul wrote to the Galatians that there is neither male nor female in the Body of Christ, for we are all one in Christ Jesus.

Accepting and understanding the differences in how God has created us is the key to enjoying the differences, appreciating them and dealing with them. Before the fall these difficulties in communicating with and understanding the opposite sex did not exist. But sin corrupted God's good creation, so we now deal with the effects that sin has had on all our relationships.

The good news is that Jesus came to set us free from the curse of sin, and as those who confess Jesus as Savior, we have a marvelous opportunity to demonstrate how God intended the two genders to complement and benefit each other. And we have the power to do it because of the Holy Spirit who dwells in us. But we do have to work at it.

Let's consider the different purposes for which God created men and women. Men were created for work:

Genesis 2:15: The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

He was created for a job. From the beginning, Adam's first experiences were without human companions. Adam focused on his work, on the tasks before him. Ask a man to describe himself, and he is likely to do so in terms of his job and his achievements.

Women were created for relationship:

Genesis 2:18: The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

She was created to be a helper suitable for the man.

From the beginning, Eve's first experiences were in human relationship. She was created married, she never went without companionship, and relationships have been the priority for women ever since Eve.

Adam was all about completing tasks and achievements. Eve was all about relating and helping.

This doesn't mean that women never work or men never relate, but it is an insight into the reason we are different. From the very beginning, we were created for different purposes, but we were created for interdependence, not independence. God created us to need each other. We should celebrate the differences, because they are good.

 

[Shimmie]

November 7, 2011
As Written By Mary Whelchel

In the musical My Fair Lady, Henry Higgins discovers that understanding Eliza Doolittle is not easy, and in frustration he sings: Why can't a woman be more like a man? The tongue-in-cheek lyrics make us laugh, as we see once again this universal struggle that men and women have in understanding each other.

While it's absolutely certain that men and women are designed by God quite differently, it is also true that one design is not better than the other. Both men and women were created in the image of God, and Paul wrote to the Galatians that there is neither male nor female in the Body of Christ, for we are all one in Christ Jesus.

Accepting and understanding the differences in how God has created us is the key to enjoying the differences, appreciating them and dealing with them. Before the fall these difficulties in communicating with and understanding the opposite sex did not exist. But sin corrupted God's good creation, so we now deal with the effects that sin has had on all our relationships.

The good news is that Jesus came to set us free from the curse of sin, and as those who confess Jesus as Savior, we have a marvelous opportunity to demonstrate how God intended the two genders to complement and benefit each other. And we have the power to do it because of the Holy Spirit who dwells in us. But we do have to work at it.

Let's consider the different purposes for which God created men and women. Men were created for work:

Genesis 2:15: The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

He was created for a job. From the beginning, Adam's first experiences were without human companions. Adam focused on his work, on the tasks before him. Ask a man to describe himself, and he is likely to do so in terms of his job and his achievements.

Women were created for relationship:

Genesis 2:18: The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

She was created to be a helper suitable for the man.

From the beginning, Eve's first experiences were in human relationship. She was created married, she never went without companionship, and relationships have been the priority for women ever since Eve.

Adam was all about completing tasks and achievements. Eve was all about relating and helping.

This doesn't mean that women never work or men never relate, but it is an insight into the reason we are different. From the very beginning, we were created for different purposes, but we were created for interdependence, not independence. God created us to need each other. We should celebrate the differences, because they are good.

Good message, Laela...

I love being 'Woman'... :reddancer:

 

[LucieLoo12]

I love being a woman...especially a godly woman.!!

It was never meant for a man and women to be one the same level, (speaking on godly terms) but I believe a woman was looked as precious and rare. Society has it backwards when it comes to the female role.

 

[Laela]

November 8, 2011
As Written By Mary Whelchel

Men and women were created for different purposes-men for work, women for relationship. This doesn't mean we have rigid roles from which we can never escape. It just means we often approach life situations quite differently.

Differences in Our Brains
You've probably heard of the right brain/left brain theory. From the right side of our brain we are creative, impulsive, emotional. From the left side we are rational, problem solving, logical.

Men are typically very left brained. Women tend to be more right brained, but we have a bridge between the right and left brain that men do not have. In other words, we have more ability to move over to the rational side than men have to move over to the emotional side.

Men are generally more analytical and spatially astute than women. Women, on the other hand, tend to function with a general capacity for both, affording them the ability to integrate emotions with the rational process of analytical thought. Men, in contrast, can disassociate themselves from their feelings and operate out of the left side of the brain. That's why a man will often say, "Don't take it personally," and we women wonder how else you can take it!

Women recognize emotional nuances in voice, gesture and facial expression. We're far more perceptive. Men don't pick up on non-verbals like women do.

A woman may cry more often because she receives more emotional input, reacts more strongly to it, and expresses it with greater force. Crying women may make men very uncomfortable and helpless. They just want to get out of there! Women encourage tears. It's okay to cry, we tell each other. We almost enjoy crying.

When a woman is crying or upset, a man may ask, "What do you want me to do?" He truly doesn't know what to do. She says, through her tears, "Nothing." So he does nothing. But she didn't mean nothing. She thought he could read her mind, her face, her body language, her tears. He heard her words-"nothing"-and that's what he did.

God created us differently for very good reasons. Sin came into the picture to spoil God's good creation, but we have the power, as sons and daughters of God, to recapture the real harmony and interdependence that God meant when he created men and women. But in order to do that, we do need to understand and accept our differences-and not only accept them, but appreciate them.

 

[Laela]

November 9, 2011
As Written By Mary Whelchel

Because God created us for different purposes with different brain structures and different needs, we can observe some general psychological differences in men and women:

1. Women struggle more with relational issues.

If there is a problem in one of our close relationships, we have difficulty functioning very well in other areas. That relationship struggle is on our mind day and night and we're pretty consumed with wanting to get it resolved. Men are more able to isolate that problem and get on with the job at hand.

2. Women feel excessively responsible for others.

That's our nurture nature, and we have it whether we're single or married. Because of this, we take on guilt very easily. Most women are carrying a backpack full of guilt with them all the time. If something's wrong, we figure it must be our fault. If you'll notice, many women say "I'm sorry" a lot-not just to express sorrow for something unfortunate that happened, but rather in some way, unconsciously or verbally taking blame.

One woman says: "We talked so late last night, I didn't hear my alarm clock this morning and I was late for work."

The other woman says: "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have talked so long. I'm sorry."

Is it her fault that she was late for work? No. Does she take on that guilt? Yes.

Same conversation between men:

One says: "We talked so late last night, I didn't hear my alarm clock this morning and I was late for work."

Second one answers: "Hey, man you better get a better alarm clock. You can't afford to be late for work again."

3. Women put feelings before thoughts.

This has been seen as a weakness in women and men tend to look down on us for it. But this is the way God created us, and it's a good thing some of us are "touchy/feely" people. Otherwise it could be a pretty brutal world. We women have to work through our feelings before we can think about problem solution. Men tend to put their feelings on hold until they can think the thing through.

4. Women are more sensitive than men.

When the men in our lives don't seem to be sensitive like we are, it bothers us. We read things into it that aren't there. Men, of course, think we are far too sensitive and we should learn to let it go and move on.

The truth is, we can both learn from each other, and we can certainly learn to appreciate the differences. Instead of trying to change that man or woman in your life-whether it's your mate or your boss or your family member-ask God to help you understand and appreciate their strengths more.

 

[Leigh]

People have to be careful about non verbals because they are often misread. I do agree that women can integrate the left and right brain a little better but I also believe they are innately smarter. Afterall, tutors help students just like women help men. And the intelligence gene is carried on the x chromosome for a reason. Women have 2 x's and men have 1 x.

 

[Leigh]

Man I sound more like a man. I believe you should find a solution first instead of wasting time crying. And I don't cry often.

 

[Laela]

I appreciate your comments, Leigh!

 

[Laela]

November 10, 2011
As Written By Mary Whelchel

Men and women communicate quite differently; we use language differently

For example, women use language as primarily a way of establishing connections, interdependence, and negotiating relationship. Conflict is a real threat to connection and therefore to be avoided at all costs. Women typically shun confrontations.

For men, language is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate status. Conflict is the necessary means by which independence and status are negotiated, so it is accepted.

Men are able to confront, disagree, and argue, even in a contentious manner, but when it's all over, they're fine. It usually doesn't affect their relationships. They've used words to negotiate what they want, and once that is done, it's done.

Women take all those words to heart. We hear them and re-hear them, and it takes us awhile to learn to operate in a man's world and learn how they communicate.

Men bond through verbal bantering-by insulting each other. Just listen to a group of men talking and you'll hear insults flying back and forth, amidst laughter. Women are in misery in these settings with men who are bonding in this way if they don't understand what's happening. They see it as vicious and nasty.

Men usually try to figure things out on their own, whereas women ask for help. You have the stereotypical example of a man refusing to ask for directions when he's driving. Women will quickly ask for help.

Men tend to talk more in formal or public situations, but they talk less in intimate relationships. Women are usually vice-versa. That scenario is played out all the time, where a woman wants to talk about what's on her heart, and a man finds that difficult to do.

Now, the object is not to try to change women to be like men, or men to be like women, but simply to understand each other and make concessions and adjustments, as necessary. You men might be a little more sensitive in your use of words, recognizing that we do take them personally. We women need to chill out and not be quite so sensitive to every nuance and every word, recognizing that we're reading a lot that isn't there.

Remember, God created us differently for good reasons, and when we work together interdependently, we have much to gain. When we allow these differences to create friction and conflict, we miss the good things that can be gained as a team.

 

[LoveisYou]

great thread, explains a lot. I love being a woman . I think women are incredibly strong, a softer, nerves of steel kind of strength. I appreciate the differences between women and men, I like men for who they are, sonetimes it can cause frustration but I love a masculine man.

 

[Laela]

November 11, 2011
As Written By Mary Whelchel

As believers in Christ, we are now both new creations, called to live in the world as new people in which the power of Christ by the Spirit overcomes the effects of sin. This means that men and women who have been born again should live together in a way that is different from the world about us, a world that is still dominated by gender conflict.

Since we are all in the process of being transformed into the image of Jesus Christ, this process of harmony between the genders will never be perfect this side of heaven. But both our new life in Christ and our desire to please and honor him, plus our desire to obey his command should call us to grow toward this goal.

Men and women were created to need each other. Man needs woman and vice versa in the fulfillment of God's purpose for human existence. This includes not only procreation, but our overall purpose to glorify God through personal and spiritual maturation and the proclamation of his glory to others. This should be especially evident in our churches today.

What is more important is using the strengths of both men and women together in ministry for the synergism and good that happens when we work in tandem. Contributing to the whole is not done primarily by performing certain distinct gender tasks, but by supplying complementary differences to the various tasks.

When we seek to involve both men and women for various tasks in the church, no doubt there will be some areas where women are prevalent and some where men predominate. Our natural instincts will take us there. We gravitate toward the jobs that are aligned with our natures. But that doesn't mean we draw hard lines.

A healthy marriage and family is not based on strict gender division of labor, but rather it is where both genders are involved in various activities together, each contributing his or her own uniqueness to their mutual benefit and to the service of others. It is not that each gender participates equally in each task, but that both work together with significant participation in various tasks according to their genders and giftedness.

God's creation is good, and we can rejoice in the differences, and learn to live in that interdependence that God intended for us. It works so much better that way

 

[Laela]

Glad you're enjoying this as well LoveisYou. Mary didn't use much Scripture but I loved how she breaks it down. Simple, not too overcritical.

@ the bolded, me, too, chica!

great thread, explains a lot. I love being a woman . I think women are incredibly strong, a softer, nerves of steel kind of strength. I appreciate the differences between women and men, I like men for who they are, sonetimes it can cause frustration but I love a masculine man.

 

[Leigh]

I appreciate your comments, Leigh!

Thanks Laela. I'm glad you posted more.

 

[MonPetite]

Fantastic points! This is a great thread.

 

[Laela]

You're welcome ladies! God bless...

Thanks Laela. I'm glad you posted more.

Fantastic points! This is a great thread.