why are most protective hair styles we used considered not having our hair done?

[Ebonygurl00]

Why are we the only women that HAVE to have our hair "DONE" in the first place? My friends of other nationalities do not run to the salon every two weeks like we black women do. I like my buns.

Thank you! On one of the other hair boards I frequent, most of the women are not black. They wear their hair up a lot, and get compliments for it. But us? Nope. My mom actually told me that I needed a perm two weeks after my last touch-up because my hair was in a bun.

 

[B_Phlyy]

I still think that a ponytail is a lazy day hairstyle, but lazy in a good way. I don't think anyone enjoys curling or flat ironing their hair everyday so it can be "done". A ponytails is easy and still looks groomed and clean, IMO.

I always thought buns and chignons were sophisticated hairstyles and can't wait for my hair to get long eneough to wear one.

 

[Victorian]

I was wearing ponytails and buns pretty much every day when I was relaxed. I didn't know anything about "protective" styles, that's just how I wore my hair. Nobody ever said anything negative about it. Wearing hair out or "down long" as my sister and I used to call it when we were little was usually reserved for church or special events. I guess I just sort of carried that over into adulthood.
My hair would kind of get on my nerves when I wore it out, though. I always had to have a headband on or have the front pulled back with clips or something. Actually even now I don't like wearing a wash and go without a headband on. I guess some people may get tired of seeing my puff, though. Luckily I'm not one of those people, so I'll continue to puff on

 

[KiniKakes]

This is a great thread.... a wonderful idea!

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Not sure if this has been said before, but protective styles seem too simple to some , which equates to not having your hair done.

Honestly, I love protective styles, mainly buns, especially the funky ones. By funky I mean where each and every hair is not slicked and intact.

 

[Sweet_Ambrosia]

Good question. Freeze curls and stacked waves that you need a power drill to penetrate are okay, but a neat bun isn't? I guess people have become so conditioned to black women having such complicated hairstyles, that anything less equals undone.

Ain't that the truth!
I like my buns, french rolls and other protective styles, I rock them with confidence baby!

 

[2cute2B4gotten]

No, you are right. But I wear pony tails at the gym or when I workout and run so I am sooo bored with them b/c with all of the sweating that is the only way I can wear my hair since I wet it daily to rinse out the sweat.

I think buns are ultra conservative.

I used to think that buns were conservative too, until I started doing different things with them. I usually wear mine "messy" and I get a lot of compliments.

 

[2cute2B4gotten]

I noticed men really liked it when my hair was freshly styled from the beauty salon. I wear my hair now in mostly afro puffs or twists. I think pony tails can be very sexy. I love a bun. Good question and thread.

I love my ponytail and get lots of compliments on it. Now that my hair is Oriental Black, I think it looks so pretty all pulled back. I usually pile my hair at the top of my head at night and place rollers in it. The next morning, I take it down, shake it and put it in a ponytail. The curls form ringlets and has a lot of body. I love ponytails and buns and will always wear them.

 

[leontyneb]

Wearing your hair in a bun or ponytail does mean your hair is not done. Getting your hair done means wearing it down in a certain style, spirals, pin curls, fingerwaves, etc. These type of hairstyles mean getting it done. Wearing your hair in a bun looks more sophisticated and I like wearing it that way instead of just a ponytail. A ponytail shows that you are just pulling your hair back without giving any thought of style. Men do not like ponytails. They really like it when a woman wears her hair down. Trust me I know. Been there and done that.

I hate to say it but it is a true statement.

 

[LoVeMYLIfe]

ITA Having your hair "done" would be actualy having your hair in some type of certain style(curls, bob). My friends and I always rocked ponytails back in the day, and I remember many saying "I need to get my hair done" at that time, so back then, to us, a ponytail was not having your hair "done".

Now, I will rock a ponytail when my natural oils have weighed my hair down(usually at the end of the week) but I do prefer my hair to be "styled". Don't get me wrong, I like ponytails, I just like for MY hair to be styled most of the time.

 

[leleepop]

I really dont consider the bun as being done for me because my buns are very basic. I just wrap a black scrunchie on my collarbone length hair and voila. I think its decent though and dont mind going in public.....but I have to admit that I chose not to wear my hair like this when my DH is home. He works one week at a time and when he's not home that's when I bun.

 

[Sweet C]

I think when it comes to AA women, there is the misconception that hair being DONE denotes going to the shop and getting either a wrap or some sort of complicated style. I haven't figured how to really upgrade the ponytail yet, but I don't automatically think a ponytail looks childish. As long as it is neat, then it should be fine. Buns, to me, are ultraconservative as well. I recently learned how to do the bun via Sistaslick method with the sock and I loved it and I got many complements on it. Then I made the mistake of letting my husband see me put the sock on, and since then, he has been supposedly tramatized, and now when he sees the bun, he asks me is the sock in there, and if so, can I do it over w/o the sock. I tell him that the sock gives it the full look without the hard work and he really doesn't care. I just think he prefers to be ignorant when it comes to the tricks of styling, and as long as he doesn't know its cool. The funny things is after I told him this, he asked did I want to get my hair DONE at the shop!

 

[MizAvalon]

I think when it comes to AA women, there is the misconception that hair being DONE denotes going to the shop and getting either a wrap or some sort of complicated style. I haven't figured how to really upgrade the ponytail yet, but I don't automatically think a ponytail looks childish. As long as it is neat, then it should be fine. Buns, to me, are ultraconservative as well. I recently learned how to do the bun via Sistaslick method with the sock and I loved it and I got many complements on it. Then I made the mistake of letting my husband see me put the sock on, and since then, he has been supposedly tramatized, and now when he sees the bun, he asks me is the sock in there, and if so, can I do it over w/o the sock. I tell him that the sock gives it the full look without the hard work and he really doesn't care. I just think he prefers to be ignorant when it comes to the tricks of styling, and as long as he doesn't know its cool. The funny things is after I told him this, he asked did I want to get my hair DONE at the shop!

See? This is exactly why I am a firm believer in not letting men know too much about beauty regimens. It just takes too much of the mystique away. Kind of like when you watch the "Making of" something or listen to the commentary on a DVD. When you find out how they actually did it, it's a little less impressive.

Men DO NOT need to see the parts moving inside of the machine, all they need to know is that it WORKS!!

 

[MissYocairis]

I think buns are fine. Buns for professional settings are chic and polished. I wouldn't do ponytails for an interview ever though. I'd wear my hair in a bun for an interview or wear it down. Never a pony or phony pony.

As for our hair not being considered "done", I have learned not to care what my friends and family think or expect of my hair because under their current logic, I would be still at neck length (as I used to be following behind their advice). Now, I take NOONE'S advice on hair except LHCF. So, to me, having "done" hair, is having healthy, happy hair. My friends are busy frying and laying to the side DAILY. No thanks.

 

[MissYocairis]

I think when it comes to AA women, there is the misconception that hair being DONE denotes going to the shop and getting either a wrap or some sort of complicated style. I haven't figured how to really upgrade the ponytail yet, but I don't automatically think a ponytail looks childish. As long as it is neat, then it should be fine. Buns, to me, are ultraconservative as well. I recently learned how to do the bun via Sistaslick method with the sock and I loved it and I got many complements on it. Then I made the mistake of letting my husband see me put the sock on, and since then, he has been supposedly tramatized, and now when he sees the bun, he asks me is the sock in there, and if so, can I do it over w/o the sock. I tell him that the sock gives it the full look without the hard work and he really doesn't care. I just think he prefers to be ignorant when it comes to the tricks of styling, and as long as he doesn't know its cool. The funny things is after I told him this, he asked did I want to get my hair DONE at the shop!

LAWD! I am sorry this happened. They don't understand it's socially acceptable to fill the bun for effect. Brats!

 

[MizaniMami]

I think buns are fine. Buns for professional settings are chic and polished. I wouldn't do ponytails for an interview ever though. I'd wear my hair in a bun for an interview or wear it down. Never a pony or phony pony.

As for our hair not being considered "done", I have learned not to care what my friends and family think or expect of my hair because under their current logic, I would be still at neck length (as I used to be following behind their advice). Now, I take NOONE'S advice on hair except LHCF. So, to me, having "done" hair, is having healthy, happy hair. My friends are busy frying and laying to the side DAILY. No thanks.

That's how I feel. People be like 'Girl you should wear your hair down.' If I have to wear my hair down at the expence of looking like your hair I would rather be in protective styling for the rest of my life!!

 

[KiniKakes]

Then I made the mistake of letting my husband see me put the sock on, and since then, he has been supposedly tramatized, and now when he sees the bun, he asks me is the sock in there, and if so, can I do it over w/o the sock. I tell him that the sock gives it the full look without the hard work and he really doesn't care. I just think he prefers to be ignorant when it comes to the tricks of styling, and as long as he doesn't know its cool.

That was hysterical!

Yeah, sometimes its best that men just doesnt know *all* the lil' secrets. *smh* They just cant handle it, is all!

 

[KiniKakes]

That's how I feel. People be like 'Girl you should wear your hair down.' If I have to wear my hair down at the expence of looking like your hair I would rather be in protective styling for the rest of my life!!

Hello!!!!!

 

[gymfreak336]

Such a good point. I hate them darn stick n stay hairstyles with all that gel, glue, aqua net and pump it up spray. My mother never let me wear my hair like that growing up. I personally think that fingerwaves in the back with phoney phony pigtails with a red bang on a twenty something year old women looks cheap and very unprofessional. When I worked for a call center last year I was the only one with a rollerset and wrap everyday. Their hair might look more "done" but my hair was always moving, bouncing, and swinging but most of all growing. It was months before I say some of the girls real hair and it was always looking like a raggety carpet. A ponytail might be plain to some and a bun might be too uptight but nothing is more attractive and comfortable than a women wearing ALL of her own hair.

 

[kandegirl]

This is so sad but true! I once ran into a guy I went to college with. I didn't remember him from school but decided to talk to him anyway. He was average looking and kind of nerdy but I said o.k. When he first saw me I had my hair down in a short bob and the next time I had a bun. He kept touching my hair asking what is this. I was like I know you saw girls all over our college campus where these buns just a few years ago. He was acting brand new. Needless to say I didn't hear from him after that. But that was his loss.

But this is a great thread. But I can't wait until the day I have a ponytail hanging down my back again. You won't be able to tell me a thing!

 

[Blu217]

I always thought this was just to do with the fact that black hair takes "doing" in the first place. I don't really hear white girls asking each other why they didn't "do" their hair, but it's so commonplace in the black community.

White women can usually wash, blow and go. If we washed daily and maintenance was simple and down to a 30-minute science, we'd probably be all wearing our hair down most days, too. White women's hair tends to grow longer with less loving care than many black women's hair, as well.

So we go to the salon to get that "carefree" look, to get curls or straight hair. And the salon was where you got your hair "done"--so to me that's where the term comes from. We don't usually come out of the salon pulling our fresh new style back, we wear it and look cute. But after a few days, it's not "done" anymore, so back it goes in the bun or pony until wash day, salon day, whatever.

That's all I ever thought it was about. Black women tend to spend a lot of time on their hair to achieve looks--we relax so that it's straight and sleek in our buns or our wraps. We curl the ends or flatiron straight. Most of us don't have the luxury of just tumbling out the shower with a wet head, running a comb through it, throwing it up with a clip and then shaking it out once we get to the office and looking great. So we "do" our hair--but I know I've got to do my hair just to get my bun or pony to look nice--but if I'm not wearing curls out, it's not "done up" all nice and fab I guess. It's just been washed and the ends smoothed and curled.

 

[natasha]

I never knew this. I wear a bun frequently. I don't care too much for ponys but I have seen some that look very cute. As well, I even see folks coming out of the salon with them. I don't like those 6 am stiff ski jump ponys that some folks wear - that IS not having their hair done but there is a difference between that and a nicely coiffed pony. Why do so many brides wear buns then? Some folks just shouldn't be allowed to speak

LOL, LOL!!! To funny!!!

 

[punchinella]

Wearing your hair in a bun or ponytail does mean your hair is not done. Getting your hair done means wearing it down in a certain style, spirals, pin curls, fingerwaves, etc. These type of hairstyles mean getting it done. Wearing your hair in a bun looks more sophisticated and I like wearing it that way instead of just a ponytail. A ponytail shows that you are just pulling your hair back without giving any thought of style. Men do not like ponytails. They really like it when a woman wears her hair down. Trust me I know. Been there and done that.

I hate to say it but it is a true statement.

I am going to have to respectfully disagree, because I used to go to the salon every week and get my hair "done". And guess what I got - a french roll or a big bun. At the time I did not realize that they were protective styles, but my hair was surely growing. I got lots of compliments from men and women.

 

[silvergirl]

I never knew this. I wear a bun frequently. I don't care too much for ponys but I have seen some that look very cute. As well, I even see folks coming out of the salon with them. I don't like those 6 am stiff ski jump ponys that some folks wear - that IS not having their hair done but there is a difference between that and a nicely coiffed pony. Why do so many brides wear buns then? Some folks just shouldn't be allowed to speak

whats a ski jump pony???

 

[FineChyna]

Wearing your hair in a bun or ponytail does mean your hair is not done. Getting your hair done means wearing it down in a certain style, spirals, pin curls, fingerwaves, etc. These type of hairstyles mean getting it done. Wearing your hair in a bun looks more sophisticated and I like wearing it that way instead of just a ponytail. A ponytail shows that you are just pulling your hair back without giving any thought of style. Men do not like ponytails. They really like it when a woman wears her hair down. Trust me I know. Been there and done that.

I hate to say it but it is a true statement.

i think i disagree with everything you said here, but i respect your response

when you are putting your hair in a protective style you are esentially styling it to make it look that way. your hair doesn't just "fall" into any style. some sort of hands into the hair action is happening. the same goes for the ponytail. i have seen folks style their ponytails by "fanning" out the ends or adding some water and grease to make it wavy or parting the hair a certain way, adding clips, etc. its still a style, just because you are aren't using mounds of gels, dryers, and paying someone to do it doesn't it make it "less" of a style

i think black women are just so conditioned to wear their hair "certain" ways. i have never saw any other race of women get criticized for buns and ponys the way black women are.

as for men not liking pony's if that is true for most men then its a shame that a woman will be judged over something small like that. i fought a male friend of mine tooth and nail over my choice in hair style and he hates it but at the same time its my hair and if he can't see past it then tough. i think his nasty comments have actually out a rift in the friendship too. i don't tell him how to style his dreds so why should he be concerned about my hair?

he told me numerous times to get a "new hair style" or i was a "weak excuse for a woman cause of how i wore my hair and i embarass him. well with friends like that who needs enemies. since he thinks so lowly of me i don't go nowhere with him.

if that is why i don't have a date sometimes then i don't need one then. it just sounds so sissy like to have a man complain about how a woman wears her hair IMO. i'm sorry but i refuse to wear my hair certain ways to gain a man's attention.

 

[sherann]

Great thread!