Okay...I'm not trying to poo poo relationships, but I'm not sure what there is to be confident in if I have multiple 1-2 or 2-3 year relationships. In the grand scheme of things, a year and a half is a very small length of time. A friendship that only lasted that long wouldn't be used as evidence of one's ability to make solid friendships. And a year and a half-long marriage would be laughable. Basically, no where else do we honor temporary relationships that were "supposed" to reflect love for and commitment to the other person.
I have a friend who was in about four (maybe three, I can't remember) between the ages of 16 and 26. She would date a man briefly, he'd then be her boyfriend, they'd be together for at least two years, he'd act crazy, she'd leave, she'd then find another man three months later and repeat the cycle.
After the last such relationship ended in a dramatic fashion, she took a step back and decided to remain single for a while. None of these men have anything to do with her life now... they were obviously important to her at those times in her life, but the way she's living now, it's like they never existed.
Now, I honestly wondered what was really gained from that 10-year period with four boyfriends, none of whom she speaks to today. Did it "prove" anything about her ability to be in a happy and healthy relationship, or is it more likely that her relationships were the result of an inability to be happy alone and a reluctance to cut the cord much earlier than she did?
In our society that's the way we do things and I would be curious as to why the man had such a sparse dating record. But if he told me that he had multiple serious relationships and still didn't end up proposing or marrying their gfs, I'd be more concerned about that and what that sgnals for our relationship. Only because it would seem to indicate that he's comfortable with pseudo commitment without pressing for the real thing.
At first, I was surprised that FH didn't have multiple long-term relationships to his name, especially as a man in his late 30s. But as I thought about it, I was actually glad... he had one that lasted for about a year, and then when it ended, he admitted that he put more priority on work than on dating... and that's why he didn't have any other long relationships.
But, if he was going to get into a relationship that he saw with long-term potential, he would be seeing her as a future WIFE as well.
My previous boyfriend, however, mentioned that he dated a woman for three years and they broke up (this was in his early 30s). I asked if marriage was considered and he said yes in a kind of mealy-mouthed way. This was a red flag to me, because I wondered why he would spend this much time with this woman with no real sense of intention.
When we were breaking up (after six months), he said he was talking to an "advisor" who said to him that a relationship shouldn't be considered a failure if it doesn't end in marriage, and that one should just value and honor the time spent together, and the growth that resulted.
I smiled and said, "Well, that's a nice sentiment, but let's just say that if I reach age 38 -- like you -- and have had multiple relationships, but have little but "nice memories" to show for it, then yes, THAT'S a failure on my part and not how I want to live my life. I make no apologizes for entering a relationship with the idea that this person is someone I could see myself marrying, and it is a waste of time to be in relationships in which that isn't the case."
Ooh, burn... he took that really personally and was NOT happy.
By the way, we don't speak at all today. I don't even know if this man is alive. (He is, but I'm saying that figuratively.)
)
Glad it was only six months!
That's a different thread!
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So you're a drama queen? PASS!!!
