Who is more important to you?

[butterfly_wings]

This may seem a bit of a strange question but a comment someone made to me got me thinking.

Who is more important to you your mother (and possible siblings) or your partner (husband/fiancé/SO)?

 

[hopeful]

Husband, hands down, period. Love my mom to pieces, but dh is a higher priority.

 

[TrueToHair]

.........................

 

[Tylers-mom]

My husband....he's my partner in life, the father of my children, etc.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

My aunt was hot at my cousin for saying this! Something's are better left unsaid.

 

[libertysince05]

My aunt was hot at my cousin for saying this! Something's are better left unsaid.

Agreed 100%.
Also who is more important may change along with your situation, not to mention that they'll be important to you indifferent ways so it may be difficult to make a 'fair' assessment.

 

[awhyley]

My mama gave me life. End of story.

Once you are married though, I believe your husband should be the top priority/deepest intimacy

Seriously? Even though I know that I would want my husband to place me at least on the level of his mother, I would feel weirded out if he placed me over her. (But then again, it does depend on the situation).

 

[LunadeMiel]

I love my mother like no other. My love for my husband is coniditional (based on the terms of our marriage agreement) whereas my mother would have to kill my child for me to stop loving her.

Although, I can't see my life without either one around. This is why I want to go before the both of them. Let them feel the pain

 

[FlowerHair]

I put my SO above everyone else.

 

[Syrah]

My husband....he's my partner in life, the father of my children, etc.

And my parents should understand (and expect) this...

 

[carcajada]

Bible says your spouse is suppose to be. Hmph. I vote for myself.

 

[hothair]

Depends on the day but generally speaking DH, if someone is ill or something is up with one of them then the family until they're back on their feet.

 

[lesedi]

I think it should be your DH/SO. I know a lot of problems come in when a man loves his mum more than he loves you.

 

[Everything Zen]

Damn! What about Pops?!

I love my mom no doubt, but my dad and I have a closer relationship on a lot of levels. He's more real than mom.

Either way hubby is at the top of the list.

 

[lesedi]

Damn! What about Pops?!

I love my mom no doubt, but my dad and I have a closer relationship on a lot of levels. He's more real than mom.

Either way hubby is at the top of the list.

 

[diadall]

If I were married, I would put my husband over anyone else.

 

[metro_qt]

My mother is now remarried, and now that me and my siblings are older, Her attention is focused on her husband.

We can take care of ourselves, I guess.

I would say the same thing. My attention would be on my husband and kids, my mother is now taken care of

 

[ambergirl]

There's no need to choose. They are different types of love with different needs. No need to compare them because they are incomparable.

 

[hopeful]

^^^Sometimes you do have to choose though. Mom wants you to do xyz for the holidays, dh prefers to do abc. If mom is healthy & happy though, and has appropriate boundaries you shouldn't have to choose, unfortunately that is not always the case. Jumping the Broom is a good example.

 

[snillohsss]

You love them both in very different ways, so that is a hard comparison/question to make.

Once you are married though, I believe your husband should be the top priority/deepest intimacy.

If I had to choose, my husband would be first. My mother has my father when she needs something, so in reality, her husband comes first too.

 

[spelmanlocks]

DH comes first.

 

[ambergirl]

^^^Sometimes you do have to choose though. Mom wants you to do xyz for the holidays, dh prefers to do abc. If mom is healthy & happy though, and has appropriate boundaries you shouldn't have to choose, unfortunately that is not always the case. Jumping the Broom is a good example.

Then what you do is sit them both down, talk about the conflict, and come up with a resolution.

If one of them tries to force you to choose one over the other then you need to sit down and have a more deep discussion with them about how you won't allow them to put you in that position and as adults you can work this out.

My mother would never put me in that position and I can't imagine being with a man who would either.

 

[MizAvalon]

You love them both in very different ways, so that is a hard comparison/question to make.

Once you are married though, I believe your husband should be the top priority/deepest intimacy.

Agreed. It's an unfair question since both have very different roles in your life.

When I get married my husband will be my priority though, that is the way it should be.

 

[HauteHippie]

My husband....he's my partner in life, the father of my children, etc.

I agree, I LOVE my family, but they'll understand and do the same. If they still get upset, we'll Scripture fight (works everytime) and I'll back myself up.

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[hopeful]

Then what you do is sit them both down, talk about the conflict, and come up with a resolution.

If one of them tries to force you to choose one over the other then you need to sit down and have a more deep discussion with them about how you won't allow them to put you in that position and as adults you can work this out.

My mother would never put me in that position and I can't imagine being with a man who would either.

Nope. Dh and I plan together as a team. No sitting mom down and involving her in our final decisions. We consider her wishes but in the end make decisions that work best for us and our daughters. It's been working pretty good for 24 years. Everyone has to figure out what works best for them, their marriage and their family. You sound like you have a sweet mother.

 

[Zaynab]

I'm surprised at the people saying their mothers take priority over a DH. You are missing the basic tenet of marriage.

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[Zaynab]

Bible says your spouse is suppose to be. Hmph. I vote for myself.

You are pregnant, you get a pass.

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[ChristmasCarol]

Def DH. If my mother was married, I'd expect her husband to be her top priority, too.

 

[ambergirl]

Nope. Dh and I plan together as a team. No sitting mom down and involving her in our final decisions. We consider her wishes but in the end make decisions that work best for us and our daughters. It's been working pretty good for 24 years. Everyone has to figure out what works best for them, their marriage and their family. You sound like you have a sweet mother.

I think we're talking about different things. To me it's about how you frame it. I just reject this notion that you have to decide which one you love more. It's an unnecessary devil's bargin.

As for everyday decisions, of course you don't bring your mother into that. But you mentioned situations when one or both of them is creating some conflict. If someone's mother (or spouse for that matter) is putting you in a position where they are trying to get you to choose one over the other I've found it's typically because one or both of them is feeling insecure, controlling, or competitive, which is exactly what was going on in Jumping the Broom. To me I want to address that rather then play into that game

I wouldn't allow my mom or anyone else to try and dictate what happens in my life and relationship and I wouldn't trust a man who was felt he was in competition for my love with my mother.

 

[naturalTAN]

*playing devil's advocate because i agree with those who rank dh first, but recognize that the relationships are incomparable*

what about when (read: if) he leaves you? will you feel bad for making him a priority over family when he made you an option?

my aunt's friend got "brand new" when she got married and basically alienated everyone that had ever supported her before she met her dh. when he left her for someone else, she broke down and couldn't support herself. luckily she had people who loved her unconditionally and stepped in with help but even still it took a lot of work to rebuild those relationships that she had let go for the sake of a man.

but i guess if he's a good, god-fearing man then there would be no harm in placing him first.