WHERE are the MIGHTY MEN of GOD? (Related to the "Gift of Singleness" thread)

[PaperClip]

So this has been bothering me since Thanksgiving Day....

We're at the family dinner. I'm grateful for my family. There were 8 males there and slightly more women. The ages of the males included one teenager, 3 in their 20s. 2 in their 40s, and 2 in their 60s. It was time to pray for the meal. My mom prayed. Nothing wrong with my mom praying. But it was disturbing to see these men around the room and for whatever reason, none of them either 1) wanted to pray or 2) felt confident/anointed/led to pray. Is it just me or is there something VERY, VERY wrong with that?

Now one of the two older men has attended church for many years but has not been the strong spiritual head of the family. The younger ones proabably haven't stepped inside a church in several years.

I don't know how this has come to be: is it a combination of domineering women and not necessarily weak but unmotivated men? There was more than one generation of men in the room, and it's like the younger ones are watching the older ones and are basically doing what they saw?

How this connects to the singleness thread: if this continues, where will the men be who can step up and marry the women and be the spiritual and natural head of the household? I don't know if this is happening in your homes and families.... This situation has reached epidemic proportions and may be a significant cause for UNINTENDED extended singleness for many Black (Christian) women....

I'm thinking out loud here, venting a bit, and expressing my concern.... My prayer is that my husband is equipped and willing and able to be the spiritual and natural head of our household. One who takes the lead in prayer and so on and so forth....

I appreciate your thoughts....

 

[Shimmie]

The Lord is my Sheperd, I shall not want; He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He restoreth my soul. He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His namesake.

Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the 'shadow' of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.

Thou annointeth my head with oil. My cup runneth over.

Surely Goodness and Mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

In Jesus's name, Amen and Amen.

Relaxer...when I read your post and saw your questions, I asked the Lord to give me what I should answer you. I saw your siggy and immediately the words from the 23rd Psalm flowed from my heart. It was not a copy and paste; I typed what came forth without hesitation.

Relaxer, within the lines of Psalm 23, line upon line, precept upon precept is your answer and your husband. Read through the lines and see what the Lord reveals to you.

I'll be back tomorrow to share what He revealed to me as I was writing. My hand was the pen of a 'ready writer'.

With all my heart, precious RR, my little sister...

 

[SEMO]

That's an interesting issue you bring up. When my family had Thanksgiving dinner together my older brother (27) said the prayer over the meal. I have noticed him growing in this area since he's been married. And I could tell that he often leads the prayers at his own house b/c there was no hesitance to do so.

But I think this has to do with expectations. My parents are still married and so my brother grew up hearing from my dad what he was supposed to do as a man (but my dad isn't saved so there was no spiritual side of this). And my sister in law grew up with a mom and dad so she has expectations from how she grew up as to what a man/husband should be (and I think this pushes my brother to try to be an even better man for her).

When talking on the phone with my brother in the evenings I've often heard him telling his kids to get ready for bed and that he'll be there in a minute to say their nighttime prayers with them (so sweet ).

So I think that women can help a man take up his godly responsibility by simply refusing to do his job for him, and making your expectations known. I have high expectations for my future husband, but I believe he will be able to meet them .

 

[PaperClip]

The Lord is my Sheperd, I shall not want; He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He restoreth my soul. He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His namesake.

Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the 'shadow' of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.

Thou annointeth my head with oil. My cup runneth over.

Surely Goodness and Mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

In Jesus's name, Amen and Amen.

Relaxer...when I read your post and saw your questions, I asked the Lord to give me what I should answer you. I saw your siggy and immediately the words from the 23rd Psalm flowed from my heart. It was not a copy and paste; I typed what came forth without hesitation.

Relaxer, within the lines of Psalm 23, line upon line, precept upon precept is your answer and your husband. Read through the lines and see what the Lord reveals to you.

I'll be back tomorrow to share what He revealed to me as I was writing. My hand was the pen of a 'ready writer'.

With all my heart, precious RR, my little sister...

Yes and Amen.... Thank you, Shimmie!!!!

 

[Aveena]

I was in Chipotle once with my sisters. One is married and her husband was with us. We ate inside and the line was wraped around the dining area. Anyway, he led us in prayer over this fast food we all held hand and bowed our heads.. about two minutes later as the line caught up a man interrupted us and told us how encouraged he was to see us praying together as a family with the man as head. He said he hadn't seen it often.

My BIL leads ahead of my father... but my step dad will led if he is in the presence of all of us even BIL.

Those two men jumped out at me.. but otherwise I really don't see it.

 

[Southernbella.]

I see it often. Be encouraged, RR!

I agree that it depends on expectations. Unfortuantely, we as women have gotten into a situation where we have to make a point to say and do nothing sometimes, just so that our men can feel safe to lead.

It may take everybody standing around quiet for 5 minutes, but our men have to get the message that it's on them to step up.

ETA: The church I came out of very much encouraged men to be leaders. I know several men, young men like my dh, who lead homes and families. They are definitely out there!

 

[Glib Gurl]

I am very appreciative of this thread. I have wondered the same thing RR (I am the one to lead family prayers at holiday meals). Hearing stories from others is quite encouraging.

(((hugs to all)))

 

[Shimmie]

The Lord is my Sheperd, I shall not want; He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He restoreth my soul. He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His namesake.

Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the 'shadow' of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.

Thou annointeth my head with oil. My cup runneth over.

Surely Goodness and Mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

In Jesus's name, Amen and Amen.

Relaxer...when I read your post and saw your questions, I asked the Lord to give me what I should answer you. I saw your siggy and immediately the words from the 23rd Psalm flowed from my heart. It was not a copy and paste; I typed what came forth without hesitation.

Relaxer, within the lines of Psalm 23, line upon line, precept upon precept is your answer and your husband. Read through the lines and see what the Lord reveals to you.

I'll be back tomorrow to share what He revealed to me as I was writing. My hand was the pen of a 'ready writer'.

With all my heart, precious RR, my little sister...

Relaxer...don't fret over the sights you see; neither allow disappointments to be upon your brow. For God is bringing all into perfect balance. (Joel 2).

I have a lot more to share regarding your topic, yet my heart is more geared to what lies beneath; more geared to the heart of you.

The man God is bringing you is so ready that all God has to do is 'trim' him back a little. That's how 'green' and flourished he is in within his pastures.

The two of you are being lead of the Lord and not the way of the world; neither the path of destruction nor deceit.

For you there will be no shame, for what God has prepared for you, you will retain and it will be kept as the apple of God's eye. Surely Goodness and Mercy is upon you, before you, and shall follow you all the days of your life.

You've been faithful, RR...you've been faithful and the lack of 'doing' among others will have no effect upon the promises which God has made to you.

Remember Abraham? Did he lack due to the limitations of Lot? No God kept His covenant with Abraham. God called him out from among his brethren and parents so that He could bless him.

Did Joseph lack due to the limitations of his brothers? No Joseph became 'ruler' over Egypt; he even governed the ruler Pharoah.

God's Covenant with you has nothing to do with those whom you see who lack in spiritual growth or participation. It's not your lot in this life to receive the same. God's blessings over you are far above and beyond what you see and will CONTINUE to see for as long as you live, even in your husband's family and associations.

For just as God singled out the Virgin Mary to carry His 'Promise' to us, so is God doing the same for you. No longer are you labeled 'single'...instead you are 'singled out'. No longer single, RR...no longer 'unpromised'. God has not forsaked His promise to you, nor will He ever.

Blessings Sweet Angel...Blessings abound and surround you with the desires of your heart.

No longer single.... :heart2:

------------------- Note: I had to 'quote' my post for clarity. Just wanted to clear that up. Didn't want you to think I was crazy...

 

[fuchsiastar]

RR, it has been bothering me also! Shimmie kind of shut down the thread by shutting the devil down with that prayer but it is something that I do notice and is a real issue in church. The only men who are not elders are ministers, bishops, or musicians. What happened to men who are just excited to hear the WORD. Thats what I go to church for, and I know there must be men out there who enjoy the word of God also.....where are they though? It seems like a man will not go to church unless he is already in a leadership position or is in the family of the pastor.

sorry if that came off like a rant, but I was at revival last night and just looked around disapointed in the attendance of the men of God. Where are they?! I have the same question.

Dont worry about me though, Shimmie....I am believing that I will get a mighty man of God who loves the word 10X's MORE than I do

 

[PaperClip]

Relaxer...don't fret over the sights you see; neither allow disappointments to be upon your brow. For God is bringing all into perfect balance. (Joel 2).

I have a lot more to share regarding your topic, yet my heart is more geared to what lies beneath; more geared to the heart of you.

The man God is bringing you is so ready that all God has to do is 'trim' him back a little. That's how 'green' and flourished he is in within his pastures.

The two of you are being lead of the Lord and not the way of the world; neither the path of destruction nor deceit.

For you there will be no shame, for what God has prepared for you, you will retain and it will be kept as the apple of God's eye. Surely Goodness and Mercy is upon you, before you, and shall follow you all the days of your life.

You've been faithful, RR...you've been faithful and the lack of 'doing' among others will have no effect upon the promises which God has made to you.

Remember Abraham? Did he lack due to the limitations of Lot? No God kept His covenant with Abraham. God called him out from among his brethren and parents so that He could bless him.

Did Joseph lack due to the limitations of his brothers? No Joseph became 'ruler' over Egypt; he even governed the ruler Pharoah.

God's Covenant with you has nothing to do with those whom you see who lack in spiritual growth or participation. It's not your lot in this life to receive the same. God's blessings over you are far above and beyond what you see and will CONTINUE to see for as long as you live, even in your husband's family and associations.

For just as God singled out the Virgin Mary to carry His 'Promise' to us, so is God doing the same for you. No longer are you labeled 'single'...instead you are 'singled out'. No longer single, RR...no longer 'unpromised'. God has not forsaked His promise to you, nor will He ever.

Blessings Sweet Angel...Blessings abound and surround you with the desires of your heart.

No longer single.... :heart2:

------------------- Note: I had to 'quote' my post for clarity. Just wanted to clear that up. Didn't want you to think I was crazy...

You know I need time to process and allow the word to minister to me.... This is ministering to me...more than I can articulate right now....

 

[kbragg]

So I think that women can help a man take up his godly responsibility by simply refusing to do his job for him, and making your expectations known. I have high expectations for my future husband, but I believe he will be able to meet them .

@ the bolded: This IMO is so key. We as women, especially as black women, have a tendency to "take over"and "do things right" because we beliee we'll do a better job. Believe it or not men have never been "take charge" types with their wives. Adam and Abraham are perfect examples of this. Men connot be men until we submit ourselves and allow them to be. Allow them to make mistakes without us commenting. This is HARD for us because God gave us a women greatr wisdom, but with wisdom comes responsibilty. We need to learn to be wise with our husbands. The devil has lied to so many women. "If I don't work outside the home we'll be homeless, I can't count on my husband to provide for us completely!" "If I let him handle the finances, we'll go into bankruptcy! (Now if he's working 60 hours a week and asks you to take over this responsibility that's different)." We as black women have atendency to be so take charge and dominant, that it robs us of or femininity and our role as the weaker vessel, and our men of their masculinity and role as the leader. This is satan's plan. It was his plan from the beginning. To confuse the roles of man and woman. With the woman as the head she was easily decieved, much like women in marriage are deceived today.

I've been reading an AWESOME book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called "Lies Women Believe & The Truth That Sets Them Free" and I truly believe this book should be required reading for ALL Christian women! It's given me a LOT of insight to say the least.

 

[star]

So this has been bothering me since Thanksgiving Day....

We're at the family dinner. I'm grateful for my family. There were 8 males there and slightly more women. The ages of the males included one teenager, 3 in their 20s. 2 in their 40s, and 2 in their 60s. It was time to pray for the meal. My mom prayed. Nothing wrong with my mom praying. But it was disturbing to see these men around the room and for whatever reason, none of them either 1) wanted to pray or 2) felt confident/anointed/led to pray. Is it just me or is there something VERY, VERY wrong with that?

Now one of the two older men has attended church for many years but has not been the strong spiritual head of the family. The younger ones proabably haven't stepped inside a church in several years.

I don't know how this has come to be: is it a combination of domineering women and not necessarily weak but unmotivated men? There was more than one generation of men in the room, and it's like the younger ones are watching the older ones and are basically doing what they saw?

How this connects to the singleness thread: if this continues, where will the men be who can step up and marry the women and be the spiritual and natural head of the household? I don't know if this is happening in your homes and families.... This situation has reached epidemic proportions and may be a significant cause for UNINTENDED extended singleness for many Black (Christian) women....

I'm thinking out loud here, venting a bit, and expressing my concern.... My prayer is that my husband is equipped and willing and able to be the spiritual and natural head of our household. One who takes the lead in prayer and so on and so forth....

I appreciate your thoughts....

I agree with you on this every year when we are together my brother automatically prays. I would suggest and I will join you on this to say a special pray for men in our families and our community to rise up and become the men God want them to be. I believe we have to cry out to God so he can turn them from the things that have distracted them from Him and the Church. Maybe also asked your mom in private next year or the next holiday to volunteer one of the men in the family to say the pray and see what happens. I have done this in the past with my young nephews and it has paid off they really pray from there spirits now.

 

[janiebaby]

@ the bolded: This IMO is so key. We as women, especially as black women, have a tendency to "take over"and "do things right" because we beliee we'll do a better job. Believe it or not men have never been "take charge" types with their wives. Adam and Abraham are perfect examples of this. Men connot be men until we submit ourselves and allow them to be. Allow them to make mistakes without us commenting. This is HARD for us because God gave us a women greatr wisdom, but with wisdom comes responsibilty. We need to learn to be wise with our husbands. The devil has lied to so many women. "If I don't work outside the home we'll be homeless, I can't count on my husband to provide for us completely!" "If I let him handle the finances, we'll go into bankruptcy! (Now if he's working 60 hours a week and asks you to take over this responsibility that's different)." We as black women have atendency to be so take charge and dominant, that it robs us of or femininity and our role as the weaker vessel, and our men of their masculinity and role as the leader. This is satan's plan. It was his plan from the beginning. To confuse the roles of man and woman. With the woman as the head she was easily decieved, much like women in marriage are deceived today.

I've been reading an AWESOME book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called "Lies Women Believe & The Truth That Sets Them Free" and I truly believe this book should be required reading for ALL Christian women! It's given me a LOT of insight to say the least.

Hey K! I agree with most of what you have to say. Often though, I find that men want their women to work outside of the home and the reason that some women feel the need to work outside of the home is because they do not want to have something to fall back on (which can be selfish or realistic, however anyone wants to take it). I know very few women myself (well none but I'll say few to be diplomatic) who'd rather work outside of the home than spend time with their families. Some men view this as a golddiggin woman. Not every problem lies with women. Men are our natural leaders so the problem always comes back to how we've been led (or misled). The book you mentioned sounds pretty good and I will read it if I have the chance but I'm tired of taking the responsibility for why men have fallen off when I'm was never the leader to begin with. I feel like the cashier getting cussed out with the manager in the back watchin. (The last sentence wasn't directed at you, just venting general frustration)

 

[SEMO]

Hey K! I agree with most of what you have to say. Often though, I find that men want their women to work outside of the home and the reason that some women feel the need to work outside of the home is because they do not want to have something to fall back on (which can be selfish or realistic, however anyone wants to take it). I know very few women myself (well none but I'll say few to be diplomatic) who'd rather work outside of the home than spend time with their families. Some men view this as a golddiggin woman. Not every problem lies with women. Men are our natural leaders so the problem always comes back to how we've been led (or misled). The book you mentioned sounds pretty good and I will read it if I have the chance but I'm tired of taking the responsibility for why men have fallen off when I'm was never the leader to begin with. I feel like the cashier getting cussed out with the manager in the back watchin. (The last sentence wasn't directed at you, just venting general frustration)

I understand what you're saying. I feel that as far as working outside the home goes, the discussion changes depending on whether or not the couple has kids. I want a husband who won't mind me working outside the home after we get married (and will support me in my dreams/goals), but who will also support me if I want to stay home after having kids. Cause you're right, some men will resent a woman who wants to stay home with her kids and will view that as her not "pulling her share."

Personally, I am getting my Master's degree right now and I am getting that degree as an investment in my future career. But I don't want my job to come before my family. It's a complex issue in today's culture.

 

[AfroKink]

I see this problem in church too. There are very few 20 something year old men (my age group) in church Sunday morning, in bible study, in adult Sunday school... I see young men here and there, but I see 2 or 3 times as many young women. It's sad because I think about how we are suppose to marry other Christians, but there just doesn't seem to be enough men to go around. But then I think about how many 20 something year old men I've invited to church 3 I believe. Maybe I could play a bigger role in helping to bring young black males to Christ?

And how exactly does one submit to her husband? What does it mean to let a man be a man (in a Christian sense)? Maybe I'll start a new thread about this. I'm a very independent, opinionated person. I'm only 21 so I'm not trying to get married yet, but I need to get myself prepared.

Lys

 

[kbragg]

Hey K! I agree with most of what you have to say. Often though, I find that men want their women to work outside of the home and the reason that some women feel the need to work outside of the home is because they do not want to have something to fall back on (which can be selfish or realistic, however anyone wants to take it). I know very few women myself (well none but I'll say few to be diplomatic) who'd rather work outside of the home than spend time with their families. Some men view this as a golddiggin woman. Not every problem lies with women. Men are our natural leaders so the problem always comes back to how we've been led (or misled). The book you mentioned sounds pretty good and I will read it if I have the chance but I'm tired of taking the responsibility for why men have fallen off when I'm was never the leader to begin with. I feel like the cashier getting cussed out with the manager in the back watchin. (The last sentence wasn't directed at you, just venting general frustration)

I totally feel your frustration girl! I'm not saying any of this is anyone's fault bu the deceiver's! Don't allow him to twist it any other way. This is "his plan" for our families. What I was sharing (since there's really no men to minister to, nor am I of the authority to do that with a man) was with us as women how we can better be the "helper" God designed us to be.

Do you have kids? Well even if you don't, you can probably relate. When I give my daughter a chore to do, I know that I could get it done WAY better and faster. I used to just do it, but then God spoke to my heart that they can never grow if I don't step aside and let them learn on their own.

While our men are certainly not children, we do have tendency to treat them that way subconsciously, especially with 70% of our homes being Biblically broken (no father figure). Black women are more independent, smarter, better educated, and more cultured than our men. We "know" so much that sometimes it's easier for us to just do the job than to let him screw it up you know? That's all I meant by that. Not that it's our fault they are they way they are. One could easily say that it's THEIR fault WE are the way we are. We had to step up and fill a gap our men weren't fulfilling. But now it's time to step back, and let them mess up and leave the consequences with God.

 

[kbragg]

And how exactly does one submit to her husband? What does it mean to let a man be a man (in a Christian sense)? Maybe I'll start a new thread about this. I'm a very independent, opinionated person. I'm only 21 so I'm not trying to get married yet, but I need to get myself prepared.

Lys

In the book I mentioned she explains it much deeper, but to break it down to the simplest common denominator. It's giving your authority over to someone else i.e. letting them be in charge/the boss. You can still be you, but you still need to operate within a roll. Like on your job for example. You may have opinions on an issue, but the WAY you express them to the Big Boss is much different than if it ws just a coworker KWIM? There's a certain level of respect. In a Biblical marrriage submission isn't a probalem because the husband is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Oue husbands are called to sacrifice their lives to us, and we are called to submit to and respect his authority - whether he's right or wrong. If he's led of God, believe me, God will handle up on that lol.

Well that's my long supposed to be short definition lol!

 

[janiebaby]

I totally feel your frustration girl! I'm not saying any of this is anyone's fault bu the deceiver's! Don't allow him to twist it any other way. This is "his plan" for our families. What I was sharing (since there's really no men to minister to, nor am I of the authority to do that with a man) was with us as women how we can better be the "helper" God designed us to be.

Do you have kids? Well even if you don't, you can probably relate. When I give my daughter a chore to do, I know that I could get it done WAY better and faster. I used to just do it, but then God spoke to my heart that they can never grow if I don't step aside and let them learn on their own.

While our men are certainly not children, we do have tendency to treat them that way subconsciously, especially with 70% of our homes being Biblically broken (no father figure). Black women are more independent, smarter, better educated, and more cultured than our men. We "know" so much that sometimes it's easier for us to just do the job than to let him screw it up you know? That's all I meant by that. Not that it's our fault they are they way they are. One could easily say that it's THEIR fault WE are the way we are. We had to step up and fill a gap our men weren't fulfilling. But now it's time to step back, and let them mess up and leave the consequences with God.

You're completely right. I don't have children yet but I do notice that women tend to be controlling. I used to recognize this in myself a long time ago and I don't have a problem with stepping back and out of things now. You have given many women on here some very useful advice and I respect your viewpoints. Thanks K!

 

[AfroKink]

In the book I mentioned she explains it much deeper, but to break it down to the simplest common denominator. It's giving your authority over to someone else i.e. letting them be in charge/the boss. You can still be you, but you still need to operate within a roll. Like on your job for example. You may have opinions on an issue, but the WAY you express them to the Big Boss is much different than if it ws just a coworker KWIM? There's a certain level of respect. In a Biblical marrriage submission isn't a probalem because the husband is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Oue husbands are called to sacrifice their lives to us, and we are called to submit to and respect his authority - whether he's right or wrong. If he's led of God, believe me, God will handle up on that lol.

Well that's my long supposed to be short definition lol!

thanks, that makes sense
Lys