When Should The Guilty Not To Ask For Forgiveness?

[CoilyFields]

So I've been thinking about how we know the Bible teaches us to reconcile with one another and ask for forgiveness, and it doesn't mention hurting the person as a reason not to confess.

BUT...

I recently went to a woman's retreat (about 50 people) on sisterhood. The topic lead to one person saying she needed to apologize to me.

She apologized for not defending me or shutting down slander about me when she heard it and wanted to assure me (as she had assured the pastors) that she wasn't a part of it but she should have spoken up and she was sorry. When I asked what she was talking about she realized I was completely unaware of the incident and she retreated to generalizations and minimizing it.

I walked away totally confused. This tainted the rest of my day at the retreat because I had no clue what had happened or who had done it. I was hurt and paranoid. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to know the particulars because I'm very much an introvert and don't gossip or hang out with anyone at church so assumed we were all on good terms.

So now I'm questioning...

Should she have apologized to me, when that meant shattering my peace with something that had already apparently been resolved?
In trying to do the right thing, she caused me hurt that did not get resolved and suspicion that lasted for weeks.

What would you have done?

If the person didn't know about the incident (lets leave adultery or crimes out of it), would you still apologize or let it rest since they're oblivious?

 

[kanozas]

She didn't know you were unaware of it. I'm sure she wouldn't have said a thing if she's sensitive enough to apologize for not defending your integrity.

 

[janiebaby]

This is tricky. I don't think I would've mentioned it. If she thought that you were suspicious of her then she should've waited for you to bring it up. I've been wrestling with something minute and decided not to bring it up because I don't think the person would care it's just my own guilt....so ultimately even though I said that lol....I will bring it up just in a roundabout way because the topic is minute.

Maybe she should've brought it up to the people doing the talking and not you. Sinning against your conscience is big so I don't think not addressing it is good but wisdom and discernment are necessary because it's not all about you (the guilty party).