When left to your own devices, what do you assume the problem was?

I think it was probably because...

  • My looks/weight weren't right

    Votes: 14 19.7%

  • He didn't like something about my personality

    Votes: 36 50.7%

  • I have deeper/other emotional issues

    Votes: 20 28.2%

  • I chose not to compromise on something he wanted

    Votes: 17 23.9%

  • He has more status than me/could do better

    Votes: 6 8.5%

  • He is playing the field

    Votes: 27 38.0%

  • I was not accommodating enough

    Votes: 10 14.1%

  • He could not accept my child

    Votes: 2 2.8%

  • I had strict standards I was not willing to bend on

    Votes: 19 26.8%

  • Entirely no fault of my own, period.

    Votes: 27 38.0%
  • Total voters
    71
  • Poll closed .
mischka

mischka

shrinkage.
I understand this is a sensitive issue and a lot of people aren't comfortable discussing or examining their insecurities, so I went with a poll. Multiple choice. If you are dating a guy and things don't work out and you don't really have a good idea why, what do you chalk it up to?

I usually assume it's because I'm not pretty enough. I think I'm pretty but I guess I'm a little hung up on looks. I like good looking guys, and I have a soft spot for thinking that they want a prettier trophy girlfriend who is more perfect than I am. Like, you look good, so I must not be as good looking maybe :look: Maybe if I were cuter....
 
They met someone else/got back with an ex. Every time I've had things going really well in the dating stage and the guy suddenly lose interest it's because he got back with an ex.
 
They all end for different reasons so its hard to pinpoint. I leave most of them but when I am in love, I think the common thing is I give my power to quickly. Emotions, sex, good treatment, etc....They pretty much take advantage, took my kindness for weakness and tried placed me in positions to share them with someone else until they sabotage them other relationships to be with me again. I am no one's fall back girl.

The first time it happened, he just lied about everything, made me feel bad for him and when I found out the truth I dropped him like a bad habit. The second time, I asked myself...PFANB are you really gonna do this too yourself again? It didn't take me long to see...when you're kind to men, they take it for weakness and think you're naive and desperate for them. He got dropped quickly.

I am sooo glad I learn this lesson early in life. I will no longer give myself up so fast. Its true men love and marry b1tches. I'm not doing nothing until you commit to me, period, and I am be sooooo sweet about it too.
 
prettyfaceANB said:
They all end for different reasons so its hard to pinpoint. I leave most of them but when I am in love, I think the common thing is I give my power to quickly. Emotions, sex, good treatment, etc....They pretty much take advantage, took my kindness for weakness and tried placed me in positions to share them with someone else until they sabotage them other relationships to be with me again. I am no one's fall back girl.

The first time it happened, he just lied about everything, made me feel bad for him and when I found out the truth I dropped him like a bad habit. The second time, I asked myself...PFANB are you really gonna do this too yourself again? It didn't take me long to see...when you're kind to men, they take it for weakness and think you're naive and desperate for them. He got dropped quickly.

I am sooo glad I learn this lesson early in life. I will no longer give myself up so fast. Its true men love and marry b1tches. I'm not doing nothing until you commit to me, period, and I am be sooooo sweet about it too.
Click to expand...


This my story with like 3/4 exes. I'm always nice and accommodating, they take it for granted. I snap. They try to get back with me, but once I reach my breaking point I'm done.

I'm not going to change though. One day I will find someone who can appreciate being treated well and wont play "how much can I do/say before she leaves my a$$?"
 
I think most people don't want people that come easily to them period. In situations i've been the aggressor and I guess since women don't normally do that, men think I'm enamored with them simply by showing interest. Then the reverse happens, they prove themselves too available and clingy. I tend to turn away from men that are too enthusiastic about me I guess. The only time I've been left for someone else was when I was submissive.
 
I think when I was younger I'd say I was too accomodating. Now that I'm older, I've made sure to not be so nice so to speak and just be myself. I'm still nice but what I mean is that if you ask me out at the last minute, no. If you say you're going to call at 9 but I'm busy (unless there's an important reason) I'm not going to drop everything and wait for you to call. This isn't playing games basically what I'm doing is living my life and I allow someone else in it, instead of allowing myself to become everything they want me to be and twisting myself inside out for a guy, I'm just my full self.

Also things like if a guy says, "I love women who blah" and if "blah" isn't me then I'll joke that they need to "go find her" because that's not me. It's my way of letting someone know exactly where I stand so that there is no confusion because they aren't getting a person that they can change over and make into what they want. Because I've found that when you become "blah" then they ask what happened to you lol! I mean they think they want "blah" but if they did why are they there with you? It's either to 1) change you or 2) just because of preconceptions they've had about women. And either way I also find that I want someone to know and love me completely for me just as I decided to love and accept the person I want in my life for who they are quirks and all. So if a guy has a problem with me, he needs to keep moving.

So anyways I've never gone over why a relationship isn't working after that, I think it's not for me and I kept moving till I found the one for me, my fiance (we're marrying next year). Because I don't operate from a standpoint that I have flaws that constantly need fixing. If you have big flaws, sure (like neediness, etc), but things like I'm not pretty enough, or tall enough, or skinny enough (nah!). My fiance has seen me smaller and overweight (my thyroid causes problems after I was given radioactive iodine) and still loves me. I can't apologize for who I am, nor would I want someone who isn't proud of who they are and believe they have a lot to give to a relationship. So I approach a relationship from the standpoint that I have a lot to give, and basically are you a match for me? If not oh well. KIM lol. I haven't had men break up with me since I was a teenager (probably because of this approach)...it is what it is. Usually I'm the one cutting it off (and they keep trying to come back into my life)..and that's hard to do too because I never want to hurt anyone's feelings. But I still have to do what's right for me. And it's not because I'm the most beautiful person either, I think that it's because I have an inner light that shines out because I'm confident and comfortable with myself, very joyous mostof the time, but won't take ish or be pushed over. I think that quality, even if men don't think they want it, is attractive. I'm definitely not a ****...I'm just not a pushover either.:yep:
 
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i've never had "real'' relationship, i just talk to guys.

whenever it ends i just assume they lost interest for one reason or another. it's surprising how well i take it.:lol: however, i'm the one more likely to drop off the face of the planet and i usually don't have a good reason for it. i just do.:ohwell:
 
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OP don't think that, men aren't as focused on looks as we think, if they really like you they look past what we think of as flaws, the concentrate more on personality and how you are as a person, I'm learning to check myself here I have learned sometimes I want things my way too much.
 
^^^ Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. And though I hear men talk alot about looks, the good ones always follow with "but confidence is more important." :yep:
 
Usually guys will say what they want and if it falls in line with what I want, cool, then all of a sudden they can't handle it. I have come to the conclusion that many men honestly don't know what they want. BUT there are quite a few that do know, I just have to find one of those.
 
ThickHair said:
Usually guys will say what they want and if it falls in line with what I want, cool, then all of a sudden they can't handle it. I have come to the conclusion that many men honestly don't know what they want. BUT there are quite a few that do know, I just have to find one of those.
Click to expand...

Offtopic: I KNOW!!!!! Its like they say that want this kind of women and that kind of women, I'm like ok...I can get with that but they marry the complete opposite. Thats the most frustrating thing. So I've given up on changing anything about myself to impress a man. I'm impressive just the way I am.
 
In most cases, I'm the one that breaks it off or eases away because our expectations don't line up.
 
prettyfaceANB said:
They all end for different reasons so its hard to pinpoint. I leave most of them but when I am in love, I think the common thing is I give my power to quickly. Emotions, sex, good treatment, etc....They pretty much take advantage, took my kindness for weakness and tried placed me in positions to share them with someone else until they sabotage them other relationships to be with me again. I am no one's fall back girl.

The first time it happened, he just lied about everything, made me feel bad for him and when I found out the truth I dropped him like a bad habit. The second time, I asked myself...PFANB are you really gonna do this too yourself again? It didn't take me long to see...when you're kind to men, they take it for weakness and think you're naive and desperate for them. He got dropped quickly.

I am sooo glad I learn this lesson early in life. I will no longer give myself up so fast. Its true men love and marry b1tches. I'm not doing nothing until you commit to me, period, and I am be sooooo sweet about it too.
Click to expand...

OMG the bolded is so true! You would think they would appreciate a girl being nice to them but no these men are gluttons for punishment.
 
I usually sabatoge it because I don't know how to end things early on when i know im not feeling it. I think I keep comparing every guy to my ex, because thats what I like and am used to. But when i have found a guy thats acting right, it's usually i feel more like a friend vibe with them than a relationship one. I know what I like and what I don't like and I tried to broaden my horizons and date outside the box but I need to go back to my gut, because its just a waste of time. You can date a good guy but he's just not that guy for you and theres nothing you can do about it. But i've never seriously dated a guy except for maybe once that if I really wanted a relationship with him then it wouldn't have happened.

WIth my ex, we ended because both of us were immature and he took my kindness for weakness and then I snapped. Im a better person because of it though lol.
 
They just weren't a fit for me. In the past, I've just went along, trying to fit into the ideal of what THEY wanted in many ways. Assuming that well, what I want is unreasonable, so I will just settle and try to make this what I have work, bc they are a "good guy" thats looks good on paper. Disaster.

Also, I quiet my opinion and back down too much (doormat). Acting from fear-Fear of losing the person so I put up with things I don't like, don't say anything, leading to resentment and just unhappiness for both parties. I need to learn to speak up and/or end things when I see its not working/what I really want.

I remember near the end of my last relationship (ex was very critical, always putting me down, playing mind games, everything was my fault etc.) I started not giving a f***; he came at me sideways about some foolishness(and then in the same breath this ninja had the nerve to make a snide comment about my family:nono:), I went OFF. Later, he was like he was mad I talked to him that way but strangely happy that I was taking up for myself.:perplexed

So now my approach is totally different. Its about what I want. No more trying to fit into someone else's box. If you don't like it, oh well, DUECES. Not wasting my time, bc trust there is somebody else who will.
 
He didn't like me. He was just attracted to me. Personality differences became too much...
 
luckiestdestiny said:
I think when I was younger I'd say I was too accomodating. Now that I'm older, I've made sure to not be so nice so to speak and just be myself. I'm still nice but what I mean is that if you ask me out at the last minute, no. If you say you're going to call at 9 but I'm busy (unless there's an important reason) I'm not going to drop everything and wait for you to call. This isn't playing games basically what I'm doing is living my life and I allow someone else in it, instead of allowing myself to become everything they want me to be and twisting myself inside out for a guy, I'm just my full self.

Also things like if a guy says, "I love women who blah" and if "blah" isn't me then I'll joke that they need to "go find her" because that's not me. It's my way of letting someone know exactly where I stand so that there is no confusion because they aren't getting a person that they can change over and make into what they want. Because I've found that when you become "blah" then they ask what happened to you lol! I mean they think they want "blah" but if they did why are they there with you? It's either to 1) change you or 2) just because of preconceptions they've had about women. And either way I also find that I want someone to know and love me completely for me just as I decided to love and accept the person I want in my life for who they are quirks and all. So if a guy has a problem with me, he needs to keep moving.

So anyways I've never gone over why a relationship isn't working after that, I think it's not for me and I kept moving till I found the one for me, my fiance (we're marrying next year). Because I don't operate from a standpoint that I have flaws that constantly need fixing. If you have big flaws, sure (like neediness, etc), but things like I'm not pretty enough, or tall enough, or skinny enough (nah!). My fiance has seen me smaller and overweight (my thyroid causes problems after I was given radioactive iodine) and still loves me. I can't apologize for who I am, nor would I want someone who isn't proud of who they are and believe they have a lot to give to a relationship. So I approach a relationship from the standpoint that I have a lot to give, and basically are you a match for me? If not oh well. KIM lol. I haven't had men break up with me since I was a teenager (probably because of this approach)...it is what it is. Usually I'm the one cutting it off (and they keep trying to come back into my life)..and that's hard to do too because I never want to hurt anyone's feelings. But I still have to do what's right for me. And it's not because I'm the most beautiful person either, I think that it's because I have an inner light that shines out because I'm confident and comfortable with myself, very joyous mostof the time, but won't take ish or be pushed over. I think that quality, even if men don't think they want it, is attractive. I'm definitely not a ****...I'm just not a pushover either.:yep:
Click to expand...


I find this to be my issue and when I am myself, "take no crap" "live my life on my terms" life is more enjoyable and I attract men and positive people like a magnet.
 
The only time a guy has broken up with me was not a real relationship. We weren't at the committed step and I assume he wanted to play the field (as I knew going in) so no harm, no foul.
 
When I was a lot younger I used to think it had to do with me or my looks, as I got older I just realised when a relationship didn't work we were just wrong for each other.
 
hothair said:
When I was a lot younger I used to think it had to do with me or my looks, as I got older I just realised when a relationship didn't work we were just wrong for each other.
Click to expand...

Cosign. I just got out of a five year relationship, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about why it ended, and why it ended so badly. The simple fact is that my ex and I were just too different. He considered himself "old-fashioned," while I'm totally progressive and independent (not to mention that I'm 22 and go to college in NY). I wanted a life outside of him, to start working on my career and meeting new people, and he tried to make me his life instead of getting one of his own. He also had a couple of years on me, so he wanted a wife, but I wasn't ready for that.

Sometimes it just happens. People grow apart or they both want different things, and neither wants to compromise. I'm a Scorpio, so I damn sure wasn't giving up anymore of my freedom to accommodate his insecurities! :lol:
 
Still trying to figure out where it went wrong. We had so much in common, were planning our future together, but I felt like I was the only one truely making an effort to keep the relationship going. I think in the end he wasn't really my type, nor I his. But we had what I thought was a connection and I truly did care for him.

Perhaps relationships just run their course. But to be honest, I put in more work to maintain my friendships with my girlfriends and even some male friends than I do with a man I am romantically interested in. And with my schedule and annoyance with my friends it's a hell of a lot of work sometimes.
 
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