When is it time to just give up and get a relaxer?

[LadyPaniolo]

Cuz I'm really not feeling my natural hair. Even when I try to flat iron it's just frizzy and nappy.

I've been natural (this time) for 2.5 years. I've tried every protective style under the sun. I don't feel feminine or beautiful with my natural hair. I can't deal with the hours to comb my hair. It's so thick and huge that I can't fit it under most hats esp. if I don't have it cornrowed. Now as it's getting longer I have to fold the cornrows up and it's all bulky and lumpy.

I'm just so frustrated and tired of the whole thing. I keep having to talk myself out of relaxing, and now I'm wondering what for.

Sorry to ramble... I'm just kinda losing my ish over here.

 

[msa]

I don't think giving up is ever appropriate. I just think it's time to reevaluate your hair so you can move to the next level.

What types of styles have you tried? Have you tried braidouts or twistouts? Rollersetting? Those are great ways to show length and since you're BSL will look great even with shrinkage. Have you tried bantu knot outs? I love the curls I get from those. You should check the fotki of the member HISdaughter...her hair is BEAUTIFUL and she's a 4ab natural who straightens.

Have you checked out the naturals who straighten thread? Pinkskates details her method in there. Lots of naturals find success straightening but it's all in the details...products and methods.

I know you wear wigs a lot so give your hair some time to be free. Experiment with different styles and methods. I'm sure you will find a style that makes you feel beautiful, it just might take a little bit of time.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Thank you msa.... I keep telling myself I should try everything before relaxing... but I don't have much time to dedicate to doing my hair, especially since I'm going back to school for nursing and I have 2 toddlers....

I just bought the Healthy Textures rollersetting DVD, maybe that will help... I just have to stay away from the BSS till it gets here, or I may end up coming home with a box of relaxer.

 

[natural2008]

ter a texturize so you have the option to wear ur hairl curly or straight.

 

[natural2008]

i meant to type try a texturizer above.

 

[msa]

Thank you msa.... I keep telling myself I should try everything before relaxing... but I don't have much time to dedicate to doing my hair, especially since I'm going back to school for nursing and I have 2 toddlers....

I just bought the Healthy Textures rollersetting DVD, maybe that will help... I just have to stay away from the BSS till it gets here, or I may end up coming home with a box of relaxer.

I don't have children but, I do understand the time issue. Right now you're obviously washing and cornrowing your hair. Well for a braid/twist out you would spend the same amount of time. In the evening you can just do several big twists or braids and put your bonnet on and then undo them in the morning.

I do bantu knot outs daily. The first time (right after a wash) I do about 12-15 tight ones in order to set the curl. Afterward, each night I do about 5-7 until my next wash. At night it only takes about 10 mins, at the most. It takes about 3 mins to unravel in the morning.

In general, I don't believe that relaxers save time. You still have to do something to your hair, whether it be a rollerset or just a bun. And with BSL natural hair you can probably bun with absolutely no problem. I know Naturalgurl rinses and buns everyday and she says it doesn't take much time at all. You should check her fotki out as well. I think buns are beautiful and can be super elegant without even trying. As a nurse you'll want to keep your hair out of your face anyway...and I'm sure your kids will have less chance to tug on it if it's up and away.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

................................

 

[RedVelvet310]

Just remember, natural hair doesn't have to be a PERMANENT thing, neither does relaxer. I've done a lot of growing this year, and one thing I have learned (that LHCF taught me) is that OUR hair DOES grow! If you wanna relax/texturize go ahead and do it (think long and hard though ). If you ever want to go back natural, stop relaxing and start transition! Shoot, hair is not a permanent thing, PLAY WITH IT! Be what YOU want it to be may it be easier styled, straighter, curlier, kinkier etc etc. Have fun girl... you have LHCF right here to make sure your hair doesn't drop out
!

 

[Solitude]

Just remember, natural hair doesn't have to be a PERMANENT thing, neither does relaxer. I've done a lot of growing this year, and one thing I have learned (that LHCF taught me) is that OUR hair DOES grow! If you wanna relax/texturize go ahead and do it (think long and hard though ). If you ever want to go back natural, stop relaxing and start transition! Shoot, hair is not a permanent thing, PLAY WITH IT! Be what YOU want it to be may it be easier styled, straighter, curlier, kinkier etc etc. Have fun girl... you have LHCF right here to make sure your hair doesn't drop out
!

ITA with the above. However, I think you should just give yourself a break from your hair by bunning for a while.

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

ITA with the ladies above also, but I would try to texturize before a relaxer........you keep curls and you can straigthen your hair out like one of the ladies stated above.....girl I know I'm not ready to be natural, but I would pick a texturized over a relaxer anyday.....but relaxers is all I know.....and I'm not really for a change yet!!! But don't get discouraged.....

 

[Cichelle]

It's time when you want it to be. What's holding you back from relaxing your hair? I'm not meaning for you to answer that in a post, but rather think about it and decide if your reasons for being natural take precedence over the reasons you'd choose to relax. 2.5 years is a respectable amount of time to hang in there. Maybe at this point in your life, it fits more with your lifestyle to do something else.

I'm not encouraging you to relax necessarily. (I'm natural and I love to see others stay natural.) I just think everyone has to make the decision about their own hair. You know what's up. So do what you think is right...for you. You can always big chop in the future and go natural again, as has been said already.

Whatever you decide, I hope you find a way to enjoy your hair, cause that's what it's all about, IMO.

 

[mamauv2]

Instead of "give up" let's call it "exploring other options" because you do have them. As previous posters have said, you can consider texlaxing to reduce volume and frizziness. Have you tried a yogurt treatment? I did one as a protein treatment and I had ZERO curls left...for at least a week. I think it really creates a "relaxing" effect. If it's not working for you, it's not working for you. You have to do what's best for you and suites your lifestyle.

 

[Gigi-07]

Just relax it, and relieve yourself of the stress and hassle you've been dealing with. Clearly the natural thing is not for everyone, and you know, it only gets more difficult from here (at least it did for me). You say as it gets longer, the cornrows are bulkier...we can safely assume they won't get any flatter unless you alter it's state. You can texlax, or relax... your life, time, and happiness are more precious than any type of hair you can have. So do what you feel will make you feel better. After all, hair is supposed to be fun!

 

[ImaBoss]

It's time when you want it to be. What's holding you back from relaxing your hair? I'm not meaning for you to answer that in a post, but rather think about it and decide if your reasons for being natural take precedence over the reasons you'd choose to relax. 2.5 years is a respectable amount of time to hang in there. Maybe at this point in your life, it fits more with your lifestyle to do something else.

I'm not encouraging you to relax necessarily. (I'm natural and I love to see others stay natural.) I just think everyone has to make the decision about their own hair. You know what's up. So do what you think is right...for you. You can always big chop in the future and go natural again, as has been said already.

Whatever you decide, I hope you find a way to enjoy your hair, cause that's what it's all about, IMO.

Thanks Good advice, I feel the same way about me hair and its has not been even a year without a relaxer, but if my texture was like yours or the many other lovely curly natural members on this board I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be natural and curly, but thats just not the case at all>

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I don't really have a clue how to style my own hair... I mean it takes 2 hours just to comb it so that doesn't really leave much left over for anything else.

I tried bunning my hair, and I bought oodles of hairsticks and Hairdinis and Hairagami's and bun covers.... but I just feel ugly with my hair like that.

I really would like to try that yogurt treatment, maybe that would help.... or I may texturize cuz I do like my curls... but dealing with this amount of curls is hard!

 

[prospurr4]

It sounds like you have given this a lot of thought, and I know what it's like to have to balance your time with small children. So if YOU really want a relaxer, just do it. I was natural for 20 years before relaxing, then later texlaxing. More importantly, I am finally enjoying my hair, and I certainly didn't view my decision as "giving up"...it's just not that serious to me. I wish you success with your decision.

 

[blue_flower]

I know exactly how you feel. Last year I thought about transitioning to natural again, but then I realized I would just have the same problems. I texturize my hair now.

 

[justsimply]

It's HAIR, an accessory, something to be enjoyed. No one could make me wear shoes I hated ...at least not too many times . There is no wrong or right way to wear your hair...(okay there is when the look is a hot mess..lol) but to relax or be natural is a preference. Do what you feel is right for you. As mamauv2 stated, it's not giving up but exploring other options.

 

[Tybi]

Cuz I'm really not feeling my natural hair. Even when I try to flat iron it's just frizzy and nappy.

I've been natural (this time) for 2.5 years. I've tried every protective style under the sun. I don't feel feminine or beautiful with my natural hair. I can't deal with the hours to comb my hair. It's so thick and huge that I can't fit it under most hats esp. if I don't have it cornrowed. Now as it's getting longer I have to fold the cornrows up and it's all bulky and lumpy.

I'm just so frustrated and tired of the whole thing. I keep having to talk myself out of relaxing, and now I'm wondering what for.

Sorry to ramble... I'm just kinda losing my ish over here.

There must be something about that 2.5 years because that's exactly how long I was natural before I decided to texturize. I thought that I would NEVER go back to chemicals, but as my hair got longer and thicker it was beginning to become absolutely unmanageable.
The length of time that it took to detangle every day, the shrinkage which was almost painful, and the end result that just did not match me...my hair did not match my personality. I did not feel pretty I guess.
Life is too short not to experiment and not to feel good about yourself. People perform better when they feel positive about their looks, that is a fact.
So I suggest you go for it joyusnerd, I texturized so I still have my curls, but do whatever feels good for you. And just know that your hair will continue to grow, so if in a year you decide you want to be natural again, then hey go nautral again!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

It's so hard... I think about how my natural hair would look when it gets longer (like Flowerhair's length) and the weight pulls the curls looser... and I think I'd like that. But my god it's killing me taking HOURS to detangle, and the single strand knots... ugh.

I'm gonna try rollersetting and bantus though before I put any chemicals on my hair... I pray that it makes a differance. But even putting it into bantus will take forever because of the tangling. I miss being able to run a comb all the way through my hair in 2 minutes instead of 2 hours.

 

[gorgeous86]

Just relax it, and relieve yourself of the stress and hassle you've been dealing with. Clearly the natural thing is not for everyone, and you know, it only gets more difficult from here (at least it did for me). You say as it gets longer, the cornrows are bulkier...we can safely assume they won't get any flatter unless you alter it's state. You can texlax, or relax... your life, time, and happiness are more precious than any type of hair you can have. So do what you feel will make you feel better. After all, hair is supposed to be fun!

I agree with the bolded. Life is too short to walk around not feeling feminine and not liking the way your hair looks

 

[hillytmj]

[/b]

I agree with the bolded. Life is too short to walk around not feeling feminine and not liking the way your hair looks

I totally agree!!!

 

[SignatureBeauty]

I am sorry you are going thru this, but alot of us have, I have been natural & relaxed for the past 5 years, Do what you want to do with your hair, Natural ain't for everybody that is why we have Options, every race of women have options, If I don't wanna deal with my natural hair, I will Relax in a Minute and keep on stepping,My life is not worth the Hassle or Stress. Either way you have to do something with your hair, whether straight,curly,natural, relaxed etc.

Make it easier for you, once you have tried all your Non Chemical options and they don't workout for you, then do what you want to do, If they workout for you that is even better. Good Luck To You!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I can't wait to have BSL length natural hair; however, if it was causing me stress to deal with it for 2 hours a day, I'd probably texturize.

 

[msa]

It's so hard... I think about how my natural hair would look when it gets longer (like Flowerhair's length) and the weight pulls the curls looser... and I think I'd like that. But my god it's killing me taking HOURS to detangle, and the single strand knots... ugh.

I'm gonna try rollersetting and bantus though before I put any chemicals on my hair... I pray that it makes a differance. But even putting it into bantus will take forever because of the tangling. I miss being able to run a comb all the way through my hair in 2 minutes instead of 2 hours.

What's your regimen like? What products are you using? Maybe we can figure out why it's taking such a long time for you to detangle and style your hair. Some of that may be due to inexperience styling, but maybe there's a way to cut down on it.

And, what is the ideal style for you? I mean, what style would make you feel beautiful? If we can find a way for you to achieve that style with your natural hair then you may not want to relax anymore.

 

[JessCNU]

I know how you feel. I transitioned from relaxed to natural two years ago and I HATED it. I tried so hard to work with it and like it but I just didn't. I really beat myself up about it and thought that maybe i wasn't ready for it mentally. I was looking on youtube every other day at other peoples natural hair journeys and thinking why doesn't my hair look all pretty and curly like that?????? well I had to face the face that my hair was mine and it wasn't going to morph into anything else. I thought I would be turning my back on my race and my blackness by relaxing again...mannnnn I was a mess! I finally had to realize that I was me...Jessica... with or without a perm and the hair on my head didn't not define my blackness or how I felt about myself. It was just hair(that grows back) and I was letting it get to me so bad. Before I went natural, It was my dream to have long, healthy relaxed hair and I went natural because I thought I couldn't have that. Then I found LHCF and and I was proven so wrong. I made it my mission to try and achieve my goal of healthy, long, RELAXED hair and I haven't looked back or made any apologies to anybody. People are going to have their opinions but at the end of the day, you have to do what you need to do for you. If you relax, you shouldn't feel bad about it. if somebody thinks it's wrong then oh well... its not on their head. If you stay natural bravo! find what works and stick it out until it gets better. One day I hope to be able to transition again but in the mean time i'm gonna enjoy growing my healthy relaxed hair.

ok... lol... had to vent

 

[Napp]

OP did it always take that long to detangle? sometimes long hair isnt practical due to life's circumstances and a shorter do will help.

 

[hopeful]

OP did it always take that long to detangle? sometimes long hair isnt practical due to life's circumstances and a shorter do will help.

Excellent point! I realized that my hair was super easy to manage in the twa and when I had about 18 months of growth. Past 18 months I believe is when I started being so frustrated with the tangles and how long it took for me to do my hair.

 

[getta]

Try just for me hair softener.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

For a non chemical hair softner u can mix coconut milk (I prefer cream) with some yogurt. I added salt to my last mix and loved it until my ears started to feel tender. My next mix will be coconut cream, yogurt, and honey. It made my hair soft for 2 weeks so far. I love it!