When is it over?

[audacious1]

How and when do you know the relationship is over?


I really don't want to get into too many details about the situation, but something happened where I don't have the same dreams for my SO as I did 2 days ago. I don't see myself marrying him. I don't want kids with him. I could seriously walk away from our relationship because all my hopes and dreams were snatched away.

The only thing is, I still love him. I'm still in love with him. And I'm a hopeless romantic. So that's why I here, or rather why he's sitting next to me right now.

I don't even have the same fight anymore.

Is it over for us, based on the limited info I gave?

 

[winterinatl]

For me it was over when I could no longer feel good about myself for forgiving things he had done.

In addition: I decided that if he asked me to marry him right then and there, I would have to say no, and that there would be no "getting better" because I had already been in it for 8 years collectively. I couldn't see marrying him, so it was time to stop. And yes, I still love him and was at the time very much in love with him, that will never change, and for me that is what made it so hard.

 

[frizzy]

It's over when you say it is over. It's over when you want it to be over. It sounds like it really is over, you just don't want to do the hard part of telling him and adjusting your life. What are you waiting for?

ETA-- Did he do something unforgivable to the relationship or did he do something so weak you don't see him as your man anymore? You don't have to give details, but what type of offense happened?

 

[mrselle]

Based off the information you gave its hard to know if your relationship is really over or if you are just going through a dry spell. You say you've developed these feelings over the course of just two days...usually the demise of a relationship, a solid relationship, doesn't happen so fast. However, you also say that you don't have the same dreams for him and you don't want kids with him. Maybe it really is over. If it is over you shouldn't beat yourself up for continuing to love him. Love doesn't just disappear.

 

[foxxymami]

i agree with what the others have said. it's over when you say it is over. but i have to say, 2 days is not a long time at all. in another 2 days you might feel a complete 180. but like mrselle mentioned, it's hard to tell based on the limited info listed.

if you ever wanna go into detail, just know I'm listening and you can PM if u need to

 

[audacious1]

It's over when you say it is over. It's over when you want it to be over. It sounds like it really is over, you just don't want to do the hard part of telling him and adjusting your life. What are you waiting for?

I'm just waiting to see if it's really over, although I do have a feeling it is.

ETA-- Did he do something unforgivable to the relationship or did he do something so weak you don't see him as your man anymore? You don't have to give details, but what type of offense happened?

Something happened over a year ago (summer '06). We broke up. I forgave him for it. We got back together. This past weekend, I find out about something that developed as a result of the time we were apart. Every dream I had of us was instantaneously snatched away from my mind.

I don't know if it fits as something unforgivable or weak. Probably an equal amount of both.

I should probably tell the story, but I'd cry again.

 

[frizzy]

Wow, I think I know what it is. Yea, that would definitely change a lot of things.

Do you guys live together??

Be true to yourself and your feelings. So sorry for the hurt and disappointment you must feel.

 

[Much2much41]

Wow, I think I know what it is. Yea, that would definitely change a lot of things.

Do you guys live together??

Be true to yourself and your feelings. So sorry for the hurt and disappointment you must feel.

I think I do, too. If it is, that is definitely a decision that only you can make, because you have to live w/it. Two days is pretty quick to make a decision like that. You're not in a marriage yet, though, so you haven't made any vows for better or worse, but you have to be sure you can be there for the "worse" if you decide to stay. I'm very sorry for you, and I hope you can work it out in a way that's best for you.

 

[audacious1]

Wow, I think I know what it is. Yea, that would definitely change a lot of things.

Do you guys live together??

Be true to yourself and your feelings. So sorry for the hurt and disappointment you must feel.

Yep, my wording was kinda obvious

We don't live together, but he always stays with me. I mean we have our separate domiciles, but he's always here with me.

I dunno. Maybe we just need to go our separate ways.

 

[audacious1]

I think I do, too. If it is, that is definitely a decision that only you can make, because you have to live w/it. Two days is pretty quick to make a decision like that. You're not in a marriage yet, though, so you haven't made any vows for better or worse, but you have to be sure you can be there for the "worse" if you decide to stay. I'm very sorry for you, and I hope you can work it out in a way that's best for you.

That's what I thought, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to marry him anymore or have his kids. Of course there's a possibility that that's just my hurt talking, but maybe not.

I don't believe I could let this one go.ever.

 

[frostydoll]

I just wanted to give you a cyber *hug*

I hope things work out for the best.

 

[audacious1]

I just wanted to give you a cyber *hug*

I hope things work out for the best.

Thanks for the hug.

 

[tyrablu]

I was just asking myself this very same question. After three years I was faced with this very decision tonight...It didn't turn out the way I wanted or expected it to, but I guess you live and you learn.

I'm sorry that you are experiencing this...((((((hugs))))) for you...

Cause Lord knows I need a whole lot of that right now

Tyrablu

 

[audacious1]

I was just asking myself this very same question. After three years I was faced with this very decision tonight...It didn't turn out the way I wanted or expected it to, but I guess you live and you learn.

I'm sorry that you are experiencing this...((((((hugs))))) for you...

Cause Lord knows I need a whole lot of that right now

Tyrablu

Thanks for the hug. You need one too.

May I ask, how did your night turn out?

Right now I feel like a pretender because I don't want to say or do anything crazy while I feel the way that I do.

 

[tyrablu]

Thanks for the hug. You need one too.

May I ask, how did your night turn out?

Right now I feel like a pretender because I don't want to say or do anything crazy while I feel the way that I do.

Thanks for the hug.. right back at cha.

Well my night turned out like crap... I'm sitting here listening to Ushers Let it Burn and really the words to the song explain exactly what went down tonight.

Think about what it is that you are feeling...Did something happen? Or do you honestly feel like you should really let it burn (no pun intended) and let it go...Remember sometimes when you let it go, it does not come back... However, that should should not be a reason to stay together...And relationships are not the easiest things in the world to hold together. At the end of the day you have to be true to yourself... And I am rambling now so I'm going to take my heartbroken ass into the shower, and then try to get some sleep.

 

[Mocha5]

Hey, Sugah! Hugs to you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. These, however, are the experiences that make us grow into full woman hood. We come face to face with our stengths and weaknesses and we realize just what we're willing to put up with and what we're not willing to put up with.

You know you better than anyone. Give yourself some time. You don't have to make a decision right away. Breathe, relax, and stop crying. You're still beautiful, intelligent and have a great future ahead of you. Nothing that he has done can or will change any of that.

 

[Demi27]

I'm sorry.
I don't really have any advice to give. I just know how it feels because I've been there.

Well, I guess I do have some advice. It was over for me when I couldn't stand to be touched by him in any way (not just sexual). I just couldn't take it.

But I will say this much, only YOU know when you're ready to go. No matter what anyone tells you. Only you know when enough is enough, and when you're ready to leave..you'll do it.

(((Hugs)))

 

[Caramela]

Based on what you said, I can't tell if it's over (because honestly it's only over when you are ready to let go) but I what I can tell is that it doesn't look like it's going anywhere. So the decision you have to make is not really whether or not it's over, but whether or not you want to waste anymore of your time... See, if this is a man that you don't have the same dreams for as you did 2 days ago, don't see yourself marrying, don't want kids with, and could seriously walk away from, I have to ask myself, why are you staying?

 

[winterinatl]

I'm just waiting to see if it's really over, although I do have a feeling it is.



Something happened over a year ago (summer '06). We broke up. I forgave him for it. We got back together. This past weekend, I find out about something that developed as a result of the time we were apart. Every dream I had of us was instantaneously snatched away from my mind.

I don't know if it fits as something unforgivable or weak. Probably an equal amount of both.

I should probably tell the story, but I'd cry again.

I am truly sorry. I know just how that feels, really I do. (((Audacious1)))

ETA: the something that developed as a result of us being apart, was a child. He waited until we were solidly back together and all in love to break the news to me. So shady .

 

[BAP28]

to me its over when you dont see yourself having a future with the person

and i will say is if a child was create i n the time you guys were apart that is so majorrrr on so many levels...like wow..YOU HAVE A CHILD ON THE WAY AND THEN THERE IS US...

IDK BUT ITS ALOT TO SETTLE FOR....MOVE ON AND BE STRONG..LIFE WILL GO ON WITHOUT HIM...

 

[FunkyDiva]

OH NO!

Well knowing you personally, I would have to say that its over. You love him but I don't see you getting past this at this early stage in your life. Its just too much to handle and there is always going to be resentment. You said it yourself, you don't see a future with him anymore so there is absolutely no point of sticking it out with him.

I am so sorry this happened, I know you loved him dearly. No one can make the final decision for you so but I/we (lhcf) are behind you 100%

 

[FlowerHair]

I'm sorry.
I don't really have any advice to give. I just know how it feels because I've been there.

Well, I guess I do have some advice. It was over for me when I couldn't stand to be touched by him in any way (not just sexual). I just couldn't take it.

But I will say this much, only YOU know when you're ready to go. No matter what anyone tells you. Only you know when enough is enough, and when you're ready to leave..you'll do it.

(((Hugs)))

ITA.
When you can't bear to have sex with him it's over!
When you don't see a future together it's over!

 

[fuchsiastar]

I am truly sorry. I know just how that feels, really I do. (((Audacious1)))

ETA: the something that developed as a result of us being apart, was a child. He waited until we were solidly back together and all in love to break the news to me. So shady .

OH NO!!! I am so sorry that happened to you!!! That is sooo super shady

 

[fuchsiastar]

How and when do you know the relationship is over?


I really don't want to get into too many details about the situation, but something happened where I don't have the same dreams for my SO as I did 2 days ago. I don't see myself marrying him. I don't want kids with him. I could seriously walk away from our relationship because all my hopes and dreams were snatched away.

The only thing is, I still love him. I'm still in love with him. And I'm a hopeless romantic. So that's why I here, or rather why he's sitting next to me right now.

I don't even have the same fight anymore.

Is it over for us, based on the limited info I gave?

Oh, honey!! I'm so sorry this is happening If I were working from home, I'd bring you some cookies to cheer you up. Everyone has given you great advice, please just allow your head to clear. You are a great young woman with a drive for success and a blazing future....always remember your worth, and do not settle for less. I'm not going to tell you what you *should* do, because no one can make your decisions and live with them but you. However, please do not get stuck into the "sacrifice for my man/relationship" game that too many women play. All that does is tear away at your soul, I know from personal experience.

 

[aja1121]

I agree with pretty much everyone else. It's over right now for you guys. When you don't see a future anymore, it's over. There will be too much resentment. This situation happened with my mom and dad, but they were together for 5 years. When they broke up, he went back with his ex before my mom and that woman has barely spoken a word to me for 23 years. She just doesn't want to be apart of my life. I guess that was her way of dealing with the situation, and they have no kids together.

 

[audacious1]

OH NO!

Well knowing you personally, I would have to say that its over. You love him but I don't see you getting past this at this early stage in your life. Its just too much to handle and there is always going to be resentment. You said it yourself, you don't see a future with him anymore so there is absolutely no point of sticking it out with him.

I am so sorry this happened, I know you loved him dearly. No one can make the final decision for you so but I/we (lhcf) are behind you 100%

Yep, I was going to PM you back, but I didn't get a chance yet. It was gonna be hella long and I dont have that much time to write it. I'm sneaking in a minute btwn obligations!

 

[audacious1]

Oh, honey!! I'm so sorry this is happening If I were working from home, I'd bring you some cookies to cheer you up. Everyone has given you great advice, please just allow your head to clear. You are a great young woman with a drive for success and a blazing future....always remember your worth, and do not settle for less. I'm not going to tell you what you *should* do, because no one can make your decisions and live with them but you. However, please do not get stuck into the "sacrifice for my man/relationship" game that too many women play. All that does is tear away at your soul, I know from personal experience.

Thanks so much for the warm words, fushia!

Thank you all for the warm words. I know I have a decision to make. It's pretty easy, but difficult at the same time. I just want my happy ending.

 

[audacious1]

Hey, Sugah! Hugs to you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. These, however, are the experiences that make us grow into full woman hood. We come face to face with our stengths and weaknesses and we realize just what we're willing to put up with and what we're not willing to put up with.

You know you better than anyone. Give yourself some time. You don't have to make a decision right away. Breathe, relax, and stop crying. You're still beautiful, intelligent and have a great future ahead of you. Nothing that he has done can or will change any of that.

Thanks Mocha5. I knew you'd have something sweet to say and some good advice.

I do realize that this was one of those womanhood experiences. I could have dealt without it, but what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.

I really didn't know how important it was for my first child to be his first child. Now I know. **shrug**

Hey yall, don't think I be crying all day. My life is going on! I got too much school work to be bothered with this.