What's Up With People Trying To Steal Your Joy?

H

Harina

Well-Known Member
I had an extremely happy, carefree childhood and because of this foundation in my formative years, I am till this day just a naturally good-natured, happy person. I am not delusional and think that there is absolutely nothing wrong in the world nor have I had absolutely no problems in my life but this is just my nature. Like I'm sorry I was raised well?

People try so hard to break you down, smiling/smirking when they think you are miserable. Like in an "awwww, you're miserable like me!" way. Like no I'm not miserable. I'm actually good. It's constant and gets worse the older you get. Why the constant need to beat people down? I feel like I've brought this up before but it's becoming a serious issue. It's a lot of passive aggressive behavior all around, especially from strangers and acquaintances, which I will never in my life get...

Is this an issue in non-Western countries or is this just a particular type of American/Western schadenfreude? How do you deal with this?
 
Some people are just bitter/miserable and need the constant reassurance that they are not going through misfortune alone.

I deal with it by continuing to live my best life and keeping a distance from them as much as possible. I remember I had some
really awful things going on and those that were going through great times kept me encouraged just by their presence.

Ground yourself before interacting with them.
 
I will tell you what I tell my family : "that's not for you". Sometimes understanding foolishness and negativity is the first step to inviting it into your life. Avoid that trap. All you need to do is be grateful that you don't have a basis to attach that type of understanding to and enjoy your peace of mind. It's a gift.
 
Lylddlebit said:
I will tell you what I tell my family : "that's not for you". Sometimes understanding foolishness and negativity is the first step to inviting it into your life. Avoid that trap. All you need to do is be grateful that you don't have a basis to attach that type of understanding to and enjoy your peace of mind. It's a gift.
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whosthatcurl said:
Absolutely. Sometimes people are jealous of your light.
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It's getting harder to deal with. Like I find myself getting more and more mum as I get older, like purposefully making sure I don't have any light, and just not even showing emotion lest I start getting attacked again. Literally every time it is clear that I am happy and doing well, I get attacked and beaten down and people trying to force me in my place. The only time people are truly kind to me is when they think that I am in my place. I actually cut off all my hair recently because it started getting long and thick again and the attention was already working my nerves. Is this weird that I feel compelled to do this? It's almost like I self sabotage myself because I can't deal with people otherwise. Their viciousness. Like I'm not supposed to have any. thing. It's crazy!
 
Harina said:
It's getting harder to deal with. Like I find myself getting more and more mum as I get older, like purposefully making sure I don't have any light, and just not even showing emotion lest I start getting attacked again. Literally every time it is clear that I am happy and doing well, I get attacked and beaten down and people trying to force me in my place. The only time people are truly kind to me is when they think that I am in my place. I actually cut off all my hair recently because it started getting long and thick again and the attention was already working my nerves. Is this weird that I feel compelled to do this? It's almost like I self sabotage myself because I can't deal with people otherwise. Their viciousness. Like I'm not supposed to have any. thing. It's crazy!
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Who are these people and why do they have access to you emotionally?
 
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please don't let people make you change the way you are. They should rise to your level, because this is their issue. Not yours.

I promise you that though they may not tell you, there are others who see you and are inspired by you. Whenever I see someone who is always happy and good natured, I'm inspired, because I try to be that way. When I see them I think "Yes, everyone has problems, and I'm sure this person does too. Yet they choose to be happy and positive." It's a reminder to me that happiness is a choice.
 
I think the solution is one that I have trouble exploiting: Associate only with like-minded people.

If I did that, I wouldn't be able to talk to many of my relatives. When I did not live near them, life was like sunshine for me in the same way you are describing: I know that not all is perfect, but I've chosen my battles and my happy place and I'm making the most of everything and living in gratitude.

Now daily I am bombarded with people who repeatedly explain the same, terrible problems to me over and over and over . . . It makes everything seem sooooooo ugly. Like life is really crappy 92% of the time.

I know I am in the minority, and I apologize in advance for saying this, but a certain level of "black people get treated very badly all the time and are suffering and poorer and sicker and _______er" is very, very psychologically damaging for me to hear alllllllllll the time. Sometimes I wish we could designate time to operate in a different space. Like, maybe on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday we could take a breather and try to just be. :lachen: I'm being facetious, but it wears on my personality type.

I thrive when I'm hopeful and conflict-free.

Lylddlebit said:
I will tell you what I tell my family : "that's not for you". Sometimes understanding foolishness and negativity is the first step to inviting it into your life. Avoid that trap. All you need to do is be grateful that you don't have a basis to attach that type of understanding to and enjoy your peace of mind. It's a gift.
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VERY HELPFUL. Thank you!
 
Harina said:
It's getting harder to deal with. Like I find myself getting more and more mum as I get older, like purposefully making sure I don't have any light, and just not even showing emotion lest I start getting attacked again. Literally every time it is clear that I am happy and doing well, I get attacked and beaten down and people trying to force me in my place. The only time people are truly kind to me is when they think that I am in my place. I actually cut off all my hair recently because it started getting long and thick again and the attention was already working my nerves. Is this weird that I feel compelled to do this? It's almost like I self sabotage myself because I can't deal with people otherwise. Their viciousness. Like I'm not supposed to have any. thing. It's crazy!
Click to expand...

So that you don't feel completely alone, I want to share the "crazy" that I engage in as I attempt to manage this in my life.

I don't even LIKE to talk about sad things and problems. I'm SUPER silly and corny and childlike. But, because the people surrounding me all like to sit around and talk about how terrible everything is, I feel like my spirit/behavior has been trained: I plan what negative things I will bring up FIRST and use to DOMINATE THE CONVERSATION so that I don't have to hear about the negative, downer, soul-killing stuff they WOULD have moaned about had I not.

That's CRAZY! What that means is that I think up negative conversations on purpose that I otherwise never would have! It's affecting me. I already knew about all of this, and that's why I moved away from them for a spell. And life was so amazing and beautiful and light and fun and open and hopeful and blissful.

I had to move back due to circumstances. Beforehand, I told them all about how badly their talk affected me. It was really hard for me to do that with my elders. They said they understood, PROMISED things were different now, and explained all the reasons why. So I'm back, and every morning before I even get started thinking about how BLESSED life is, I get the dump that colors the whole rest of my day UGLY and anxiety-ridden.

I'm handling it better than I did last time around, but because I've tasted that light and blissful living, it gets me a bit. It's just so RELENTLESS. And I'm a morning person who wakes up just happy in that annoying chipper way that drives people crazy. :lol: But I only get to experience about 5 seconds of it before the negativity starts. It's like: "Oh, wait. Yeah, YOU RIGHT! I forget: We're not happy. Because . . . " Deeeeeeeeep sigh. I feel I'll end up moving again. :smile:
 
Harina said:
It's getting harder to deal with. Like I find myself getting more and more mum as I get older, like purposefully making sure I don't have any light, and just not even showing emotion lest I start getting attacked again. Literally every time it is clear that I am happy and doing well, I get attacked and beaten down and people trying to force me in my place. The only time people are truly kind to me is when they think that I am in my place. I actually cut off all my hair recently because it started getting long and thick again and the attention was already working my nerves. Is this weird that I feel compelled to do this? It's almost like I self sabotage myself because I can't deal with people otherwise. Their viciousness. Like I'm not supposed to have any. thing. It's crazy!
Click to expand...

I've been where you are. I didn't have a great childhood, but nonetheless, my personality is naturally upbeat, light, and happy. I have a lot of light in me. That is a gift. What I had to learn to do was adapt to reality and become a stronger person. You have to accept that a portion of the world is cruel, unhappy, and dark, and let them be. Sometimes you have to be prepared to fight and win too. That's the part us "light" people hate. But it's part of living in the real world. Much of our life is spent learning how to protect who we are and get what we deserve. It is no easy feat. In order to be happy and safe you have to change.

Not let go of your light, but develop the parts of you that are weaker. You likely need to establish better boundaries and become more well-rounded. Being light, hopeful, and kind, is not enough to survive in this world. You need a bigger toolkit. What you will find is that the world is filled with people like you. I now attract them everywhere I go. It's like we can't find each other without going through a storm. My world is now mostly light, support, love, and kindness, but it took a lot of inner work to get here. You deserve peace, love, and support. Take on the challenge. You will find your way and one day will laugh when you see the negative people coming. Now when someone tries to douse my flame, they get burned:).
 
Not to recommend a ton of books or anything . . . but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention just this one more:

"The Voice of Knowledge" by Miguel Ruiz. It explains very deeply yet simply and convincingly WHY people's ways of thinking get into our heads (it's part of being human and unavoidable at FIRST) and how to free ourselves of it and live more objectively and critically. It feels ever so slightly "new agey" but if you can get past it and hear what he's saying about how all this negativity is just passed down and is opinion, and then employ his EASY thought processes for remaining freer than ever before of it, it lightens the SOUL!
 
If you can, cut them off. Don't let the status quo, cultural norms or anything like that keep you in a perpetual state of gloom to accept toxic energy from anyone. There are miserable people out there, but you don't have to entertain them. Relatives, long-term friends, none of them have to be entertained. Sometimes you have to prune yourself away from people like that.

I had to do the same last year. Yes, my phone rings less, I have received less invites, but my peace of mind and overall spirit is just blessed. I encourage you to do what will be best for you and your mental health.
 
hopeful said:
I've been where you are. I didn't have a great childhood, but nonetheless, my personality is naturally upbeat, light, and happy. I have a lot of light in me. That is a gift. What I had to learn to do was adapt to reality and become a stronger person. You have to accept that a portion of the world is cruel, unhappy, and dark, and let them be. Sometimes you have to be prepared to fight and win too. That's the part us "light" people hate. But it's part of living in the real world. Much of our life is spent learning how to protect who we are and get what we deserve. It is no easy feat. In order to be happy and safe you have to change.

Not let go of your light, but develop the parts of you that are weaker. You likely need to establish better boundaries and become more well-rounded. Being light, hopeful, and kind, is not enough to survive in this world. You need a bigger toolkit. What you will find is that the world is filled with people like you. I now attract them everywhere I go. It's like we can't find each other without going through a storm. My world is now mostly light, support, love, and kindness, but it took a lot of inner work to get here. You deserve peace, love, and support. Take on the challenge. You will find your way and one day will laugh when you see the negative people coming. Now when someone tries to douse my flame, they get burned:).
Click to expand...
You really nailed it for me. I agree with this 200%. It is definitely a journey..... As the plaque on my bedroom wall reads..."The journey is the reward." @Harina this is something you must go through... You are developing strength & character. I actually love that I have gone through this very same journey. Now... That I am wiser and stronger, no one can or will extinguish my light. It may take years for you to get there but it is definitely a worthwhile journey. @hopeful :bighug:
 
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