What's Holding You Back from Going Natural?

[Carlie]

If your brain has been feed goodhair, long hair, n*gger hair, and relaxer for 20+ years it's gonna be hard to erase that.

So true!

 

[Carlie]

well i have napps and i think my hair is beautiful. all my friends are natural ( i feel like its mostly napps or weaves in NYC). all our hair is different, but ya gotta just go with it. im never going back. let me repeat that. I AM NEVER GOING BACK. My hair is what it is and I love it. i think when you get to that place, instead of going into it thinking you might perm again, its better. If you give yourself the opportunity it dislike your hair, becoming natural won't be any easier.

Very well said!

 

[meia]

I want to go natural. I actually said i would a few months back but then I changed my mind. why? VANITY in HIGH SCHOOL... and i want looonng hair for prom and i also want long hair for college but i'd be more willing to chop all my hair off in college anyway.

I don't know how to stretch long enough yet, honestly. I find it pretty hard, and if i was transitioning to natural, i'd want to transition for a year or so, so when I chop it off, I'd have a good amount of natural hair. Why? I have no idea how i'd look with such short hair. I haven't had hair this short since I was a baby. I have a roundish face, so boy... i'm not sure how that'd look. I saw this BEAUTIFUL woman on TV today, and her hair must have been just 3" long... but gosh, if I had a face like hers, I wouldn't be so afraid.

Then again, I have PLENTY of time. i'm only 17. I want that, when I have my babies, that they can pull on mommy's curly hair too. and i want to have babies when i'm 27-28. So maybe, my third year of college, I'll go natural, so that I'll be close to midback or past that, by the time i'm preggers... b/c i dont want chemicals affecting the baby or anything.

Oh i'm also worried about how i'd style my hair for work... i want to be a doctor

carlita...in my opinion, if i really took two seconds to think about it, i wouldve done it when i was 17 too..just do it when you go on summer break after senior year..itll be easier to gain some ground (and some hair) before college you know? You can defeat feeling self-conscious inside during the summer months...

i think youre beautiful anyways..your features are strong enough to carry off shorter hair and since youre so young, by the time you get to my age (im 20) youre hair will have grown out quite nicely and you can free yourself from the perm instead of doing it later in life (which other obligations, men, other self conscious issues) are staring you in the face and you might be more reluctant to do it then...

You can accentuate your hair with flowers, shells, flat twists, cornrows, even maybe do weaves until you feel comfortable enough with the shorter hair..plus itll give your hair a break to regenerate...and your mental enough time to get really used to it..

Then again, I have PLENTY of time. i'm only 17. I want that, when I have my babies, that they can pull on mommy's curly hair too. and i want to have babies when i'm 27-28. So maybe, my third year of college, I'll go natural, so that I'll be close to midback or past that, by the time i'm preggers... b/c i dont want chemicals affecting the baby or anything.

im so feelin' you on this..thats how i feel...i'd love to feel so natural and so earthy and so glowing...id love those coils..i wont use chemicals either...id love to have them tug on my hair with their little hands...hmmm i think youre best off doing it early, maybe even using mtg to grow the hair out a bit more..but i think either way earlier is better than later... you know?

 

[Country gal]

Presently its the fact that the kind of hair I hope for doesn't grow out of my head. Until I can get past that desire to have the cute waves, I won't do that to myself. At 6 months post, I was looking for spirals and they weren't there. Ironically since I relaxed again, my hair won't go bone straight.

Very healthy outlook. Your hair is what it is. I think some people go natural only to be dissappointed because their hair didn't coil or curl. There is this lady in my building with natural hair. She always whines why can't my hair be like hers pointing to me. Her hair is cute just needs more TLC because it appears to be dry.

 

[Country gal]

I am natural. I love it. I do have my moments of self doubt where I want to wear it pressed. Especially being in an area where I am usually the only natural with 4a hair in the spot. I wanted to go natural because my relaxed hair was so thin from braids, weaves and relaxers. Being on this board helped me to rethink what being natural looks like. I was so surprised seeing Miss Brown and Neferti at DC meetings with thick, long natural hair. I decided to give it a try. It was challenging dealing with two textures. In hindsight, I should have did the Big Chop.

My stylist taught me a very valuable lesson. She said "it is what it is". Just except your hair for what it can do. Once I accepted my natural hair everyone else accepted it. The girls hating at work now are like your hair is so nice, or you have perfected natural hair.

I definitely still get very interested men. I learned there is more to me than just my hair. I love India Arie's song "more than my hair".

 

[zora]

Let me just say that I can feel most of you all----I used to think some of those thoughts too so I understand. What use to hold me back in a nutshell was FEAR. I was AFRAID OF BEING ME. One day I asked myself why I'm I so afraid to love what GOD gave me....and that sent me on a journey back to my roots. Going natural was something that *I* actually had to pray about I had to come to terms with some deep issues within. I had to face myself...and look at the why behind the what. *I* got TIRED of being a SLAVE to the perm. Trust me prior to my journey I was the LAST person to even think about going natural. If you even mentioned natural to me I woulda' thought you were CRAZY! I used to speak so negatively about my "new growth" I HATED my naps. I JUST KNEW I was going to be permed for LIFE! LOL----thats interesting/sad when you think about it.

I said all that to say that there IS hope. My first step was educating myself regarding the history of our hair....my next step was personal evaluation (by then my solution to not relax had been made),.......my third step was the BC......my final step was/is acceptance (this is on-going as one must continously be realistic in their expectations for their natural hair). For instance I won't get bent out of shape if my fro keeps shrinking up on me-as this is a common characteristic of nappy hair. I think *some people fail at being natural (after they BCed) because *some of them have unrealistic goals of what their natural hair can achieve...i.e. they are expecting their hair to coil up...they BC only to find that there are left with FUZZ. Having not fully transistioned mentally...they go back to what they really want/know which is what they are use to "straighter/more manageable/Less Kinky/GOOD" hair. They have found a "solution" to a "problem"...or so they think. In order to really succed at this thing you really have to change your MIND imo.

Looking back I wish I would've never got a relaxer to begin with and for *me* I do NOT crave going back to that never ending cycle. I think mentally I was just in a different place then I am now....I feel more alive and less like a carbon copy.....

God really knew what he was doing when he gave me my hair....and its amazing how it fits me perfectly.

Remember this*

"When you get tired of running.....you'll stand still.....when you stand still you'll be forced to think.....when you think you'll be challenged to CHANGE." -Netta1

Keep your heads up!

peace.

Thank you Netta. My hair is very similiar to yours. It's nice to visualize and see what my hair can potentially look like short, long, styled and unstyled.

 

[kitchen_tician]

I'm currently 6 months post on the natural journey and so far so good.
My reasons for not transitioning sooner were:
1. Length of my hair.
2. Fear of the unknown. I didn't know what my natural hair was like and I didn't think I could handle it.
3. I liked my hair straight, silky and bouncy. (still do)

 

[Arcadian]

Thanks to all who have welcomed me

The natural ladies in this thread have made some really valid points. I've peeked(STALKED ) their albums and they all have really beautiful hair. I work in Boston in the hospital district and can tell you that there's plenty of men/women around there sporting their natural hair.

I do ask myself (when I'm not driving myself crazy trying to meet deadlines) where I'm going with this, but I really don't know yet! Last week I was like, "ok I need to relax", and I was even resisting that thought! Needless to day, I didn't relax.

I really like my natural hair ALOT, and so does my boyfriend. He's very supportive if I go around that corner. We're both in awe of it actually.. He likes watching the "hair process" and I usually rope him right in to try things with me (he hated the MTG experiment though... )

There's that oily than normal scalp has me perplexed which I'm guessing that its maybe my scalp is just being really happy right now and just doing a bit of overproducing oil but I also massage my scalp 4 times a day because if I don't it hurts enough to drive me batty! And I don't have dandruff ,moisterize the ends daily, and I use giovanni shampoo/conditioner every other day. oh and the MTG, that was a one night stand...lol

I LOVE how heavy my hair feels now. I LOVE how soft the N/G it is and how THICK it is (its really crazy thick!) I love it with big puffy sparkly purple hearts!


When I had to cut it off 5 years ago for health reasons I don't recall it feeling like this when it came back in so this is really something special and different for me.

My hair has always grown at a nice rate but would break at the drop of a hat, my sister however, had w/l hair, as did my mother. I think maybe it was a combination of my mother not really knowing how to deal with the texture of my hair and my health problems at a very young age.

Now that I've sprouted a book I do have to say that I don't see my hair as being nappy. I used to when I was younger, but now? not at all. Its springy, poofy and little alien to me but I love it. I don't think I would have stretched or even tried to if I hated it.

But, I also find the longer I stretch, the less inclined I feel to relax. So I dunno, I may turn the corner

-A

 

[Ayeshia]

I want to go natural. I actually said i would a few months back but then I changed my mind. why? VANITY in HIGH SCHOOL... and i want looonng hair for prom and i also want long hair for college but i'd be more willing to chop all my hair off in college anyway.

I don't know how to stretch long enough yet, honestly. I find it pretty hard, and if i was transitioning to natural, i'd want to transition for a year or so, so when I chop it off, I'd have a good amount of natural hair. Why? I have no idea how i'd look with such short hair. I haven't had hair this short since I was a baby. I have a roundish face, so boy... i'm not sure how that'd look. I saw this BEAUTIFUL woman on TV today, and her hair must have been just 3" long... but gosh, if I had a face like hers, I wouldn't be so afraid.

Then again, I have PLENTY of time. i'm only 17. I want that, when I have my babies, that they can pull on mommy's curly hair too. and i want to have babies when i'm 27-28. So maybe, my third year of college, I'll go natural, so that I'll be close to midback or past that, by the time i'm preggers... b/c i dont want chemicals affecting the baby or anything.

Oh i'm also worried about how i'd style my hair for work... i want to be a doctor

Beware 27 will creep on up you...like it's doing me

 

[Porsche19]

Most black folk think that it is.
If your brain has been feed goodhair, long hair, n*gger hair, and relaxer for 20+ years it's gonna be hard to erase that.

I know, but I really didn't suspect to see that HERE

 

[Maestradiva77]

Great post, Netta!!

 

[angellazette]

There are plenty o naturals in medicine. I think 2 strand twists, twist outs, puffs, flat twists, buns, etc are appropriate hairstyles for work. So basically, ther are lots of options! (I personally wouldn't do a big afro at work, though. )

Yeah my old derm is a natural...she wears two strand twists.

 

[mscounselor]

Some people have said they just thought about who they were and trying to embrace their real self. Well frankly I agree....but right now I am dealing with some emotional scars that I need to heal before I can worry about my hair. Having it the way it is (not texturized but not relaxed either<---sounds weird I know) helps me not have to worry about what Im going to do with my hair. If I had a bad night emotionally I wont have to wake up with another worry.
I also dont want an afro....sounds weird yes I know . I am going to post a picture of what my hair looked like at 6 months post so you can see some of the waves. I enjoyed it when it grew out of my head, but not when it broke my hair off in big clumps.
Overall I think once the inside falls in place, the hair wont be such a big issue. Who knows....maybe the reason my hair wont relax straight anymore is its way of saying its about time.

 

[hotshot]

Most black folk think that it is.
If your brain has been feed goodhair, long hair, n*gger hair, and relaxer for 20+ years it's gonna be hard to erase that.

ditto.

and the shrinkage only seems unreal or horrible because you aren't used to it yet. shrinkage can be avoided, you know.

 

[senimoni]

Honestly just don't feel like dealing with the hassle of it. In addition I'd just be fighting with it all the time in an effort to get it straight. AND my hair has mostly 4a, alota 3c, and some 4b.....I'd look hot mess.

 

[Jewell]

Nothing is holding me back. This is my second attempt...I slipped up and relaxed last time because my hair was locing up and I got super frustrated with it...I am just going to deal with it this time. I have better methods since I have been stretching longer and longer between relaxers (over 14 weeks). I should be okay with the transition.

 

[MeccaMedinah]

Most black folk think that it is.
If your brain has been feed goodhair, long hair, n*gger hair, and relaxer for 20+ years it's gonna be hard to erase that.

Yeah, it is really obvious that they can't erase it. Even being surrounded by so many naturals they still hate nappy hair. It's sickening.

 

[Porsche19]

ditto.

and the shrinkage only seems unreal or horrible because you aren't used to it yet. shrinkage can be avoided, you know.

When you have some length it's less of a hassle... I don't like ultra short hair. My hair shrinks to death, and even though there are things that you can do to help it, you can't do THAT much to avoid it. Curly hair shrinks, it's the nature of it. I have worn my naural hair very short... twice in my life. I KNOW how it behaves, and exactly what the texture is. I would wear my twa, then straighten it and people would be astonished at the difference in length. It's like... no matter how long my hair gets, I look like I have an inch of hair

However, I'll go natural soon... as soon as I hit even shoulder length all around (in my unstraightened texturized length), I'm going to trim a good inch or two off, then I'm going natural. I even have a specific transition style and everything I've been planning!

At the rate I'm going, that should be in about a year.

And if I EVER needed inspiration, this thread would be it...

 

[Babygurl]

I like the manageability of my relaxed hair, my new growth although I LOVE the texture is very hard to manage and would take more patience than I have to deal with it.

 

[Sassygoddess]

I'm sure this has been talked about before...but we bout to talk about it again! So ladies, I know I'm not the only one here that is seriously considering making that transition from relaxed to natural. I think about it a lot, especially when I see albums like MissMarie's, Peachtree, Raehlilsynth and MAAAAAANY more...with beautiful, thick, natural hair. It makes me wonder...why am I holding back from going natural? What's stopping me? Anyone else where I'm at and want to share what holds you back from transitioning to
natural?

your Avater is funny. i saw that show. i think it was their most talked about show ever. anywoo back to subject.

 

[Sassygoddess]

i've tried to go natural and it was not a pretty site. i think because i don't know how to care natural hair, okay i'm lying i'm just too damn lazy to do natural. with relaxed hair i wrap and go.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Cincy, I thought you were already natural?

 

[senimoni]

Cincy, I thought you were already natural?

Are you thinking of Cincybrownsugar?

 

[mkstar826]

ITA w/ Netta1.

IMO, the mental part of the transition is overlooked by too many women. A lot of women go natural and want a loose hair texture (aka "good" hair) that doesn't shrink a lot and in REALITY everyone is not going to have that. If you don't change how you THINK, you will never succeed. If you don't learn to ACCEPT your transitioning/natural hair for what it is, then you will never succeed. It all starts in the mind.

I see so many people treat shrinkage likes it's the devil and it baffles me. Natural hair is not relaxed hair. Natural hair is not texturized hair. It's natural and it shrinks up...my hair is 9-9.5 inches long and shrinks up to 2 inches when i wash it and I love it! It's versatile. I can do so much with it because I work with it, not againt it. I'm not saying you have to love shrinkage and do a kumbaya dance about it but if you want natural hair you have to learn to accept it or you'll just be right back where you started a few months down the road.

Going and staying natural is as easy or as hard as YOU make it.

Good luck to anyone who is thinking about it or transitioning!

 

[Cincysweetie]

your Avater is funny. i saw that show. i think it was their most talked about show ever. anywoo back to subject.

It makes me laugh every time I look at it, ha ha.

Bubln, I think you probably are thinking of Cincybrownsugar, she is natural and has BEAUTIFUL hair.

 

[esoterica]

my natural hair grows into a fro, and i dont want to wear a fro. maybe thats bad of me, but up and out isnt my kind of thing.

 

[caligirl]

I really like my hair to lie smooth on my head. The pony tail can be bushy as all get out, but I don't want a permanent "poof" everytime I try to wear my hair back. I also like the feel of silky hair. I don't care how tightly curled it is.

 

[sylver2]

I like the manageability of my relaxed hair, my new growth although I LOVE the texture is very hard to manage and would take more patience than I have to deal with it.

Ditto!!!
and another reason thats holding me back from going natural is..I just don't want to..lol

 

[Southernbella.]

I'm transitioning right now. I went into it hoping I would have some curls and waves, but I've changed my attitude a bit. I have been tempted to relax several times, especially after seeing some of the healthy relaxed heads, but I've kept going.

Right now, I'm taking it one day at a time. I keep telling my self that nothing is forever. If I don't like dealing with my natural hair, I can go back to relaxed.
But something in me really wants to know what my God-given hair looks like. That's what's keeping me going. I can't keep my hands out of my new growth. I have 2 different textures going on; waves and napps. And it's fine. I'm not even fully natural yet, but I already feel freer.

I think the one thought nagging me in the back of my mind is that I don't really want to wear a fro. It's just not me. I think they can look good on some ladies, but not me. I don't really like braids on me either. So I'm a little concerned that I won't have many styling options and will end up getting blow-outs. But, we'll see. I'm looking forward to discovering what my hair can do.

Anyway, good luck to all those who are still trying to decide. Just remember that you can change your mind at any time, and that it's a journey.

 

[blazingthru]

I decided to make the change after reading the sites on LHCF. It really opened my eyes to a lot of things. For one I don't know what the long term affect would be to my scalp after adding all these different types of perms I have had over the years. I was tired of dooling out 100s of dollars for relaxers and deep conditioning and color and all that stuff. I am just tired of it Yeah I want to swing my hair and I will now that I know when I feel the need to straighten it I can, I also love big hair I have always loved big hair I fell in love with Angie stone and jill scott's hair. But I figure they were entertainers that had someone to help style their hair, Who is going to help me with my hair. Now I know I can do it. I am terrified of breakage and just looking terrible like i do now. I look a mess. I have two textures in my hair right now. The MTG after a week grew out 1/4 of inch of hair and plus I was growing out hair with washing and condition it more anyway so now its a mess its two short to do anything with it and I will have to resort to braids thats a problem, I can't find any one in Philly that will braid it for cheap. Like 30 bucks every four weeks, nope no one. They all want 60 please not this chick can't afford it don't know where to find the highschool girls anymore. But that is what I am going to have to do because It stand outs now especially in the back where it was tapered down to my scalp now its a bush with thin hair hanging around. Yeah I want to go Natural I am excited about doing something right for myself