What would you do...Divorce Related (long)

[angaliquew]

Some one close to me is in the process of going through a divorce with a guy that she has a 4yr. daughter with. Basically they are divorcing because of financial issues due to her husband making some really bad choices. They have property together that has been on the market for quite a while but just won't sale. They both are still living in the house but he comes and goes as he chooses sometimes not coming home until the next day.

Recently he decided to open a personal bank account and have his checks directly deposited into it as opposed to using their joint account.
The problem is that he refuses to give her any money for the household expenses including their mortgage and their child's' daycare. Basically he feels like all she has ever cared about is money and this is his way of getting back at her.

She is really stressed out because she can not cover all the expenses by herself and is afraid that their home will be foreclosed. She can go and stay with her parents but she wants to avoid having a foreclosure on her credit due to the fact that pretty soon she will be a single mother and feels like she can't afford for her credit to get jacked up now. All the while her husband is going out trying to get his motorcycle fixed that he just crashed at the track recently (him spending the household money on his motorcycle has been one of the major issues in their relationship also). I just don't know what advice to give her at this point.

I really want to tell her to *** the house and just leave and go stay with her parents but on the other hand I understand that her having a foreclosure could lead to even bigger issues.

What would you due in this situation?

 

[janiebaby]

I think that she should seek legal counsel.

 

[angaliquew]

I think that she should seek legal counsel.

I know...that's what I told her but is there anything she could really do if he has a separate account in his name?

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

his dumb triflin butt is going to owe her for back payment. he is just screwing himself. Please explain why she don't take his old pay stub, and his SSN# down to the courthouse or online and file for child support?? why is she trying to be nice? Or i would at least change the locks so he dont think he can stay there for free... that way you dont have to worry about asking. Or she can do something devious like draw a few thousand from one of his credit cards. Or taking his debit card and withdrawing his entire paycheck. i would seriously do it... dont mess wit my money...

 

[firecracker]

That fool would be sleeping with one eye open. She needs to rent out a room or two to cover her expenses along with filing for child support NOW!

 

[angaliquew]

his dumb triflin butt is going to owe her for back payment. he is just screwing himself. Please explain why she don't take his old pay stub, and his SSN# down to the courthouse or online and file for child support?? why is she trying to be nice? Or i would at least change the locks so he dont think he can stay there for free... that way you dont have to worry about asking. Or she can do something devious like draw a few thousand from one of his credit cards. Or taking his debit card and withdrawing his entire paycheck. i would seriously do it... dont mess wit my money...

LOL...wow you don't be playing...I feel you though.
The crazy things is she doesn't even want to go after him for child support because she feels like that will cause even more drama. This fool even put a fraud alert on his credit cards so she can't use them.
I like the suggestion of withdrawing the money from his debit cards though..good one. :angeldevi

 

[janiebaby]

his dumb triflin butt is going to owe her for back payment. he is just screwing himself. Please explain why she don't take his old pay stub, and his SSN# down to the courthouse or online and file for child support?? why is she trying to be nice? Or i would at least change the locks so he dont think he can stay there for free... that way you dont have to worry about asking. Or she can do something devious like draw a few thousand from one of his credit cards. Or taking his debit card and withdrawing his entire paycheck. i would seriously do it... dont mess wit my money...

Heck yeah....This dude is being smart and she's too busy trying to play nice.

Here are some quick tips for people going through divorce...http://www.divorcecentral.com/legal/strategies.html

If she doesn't want to get a lawyer or stop playing nice then I doubt any suggestions will help her because he's not going to get a change of heart so I hope she's not counting on that....

ETA: In the event that he quits his job or plays the "I can't pay" card I would go back and steal his pay stubs and hire a forensic accountant.

 

[janiebaby]

Came back to add this from another website:

1) Make sure that you have all of your important paperwork together; your lawyer will want them. The papers that you should gather are just about everything you have regarding you and your soon to be ex. Get the information all joint bank accounts, credit cards, mortgage details and any investments that you might have gone into together.

2) Another very good point is to make sure that you know what your financial situation is, all too many woman make this mistake and it ends up coming back to bite them so to speak. Prepare yourself; familiarize yourself with any investments and savings that you might have gotten while you were married.

3) Even if you are just in the beginning of considering the D word, it is an excellent idea to find the right lawyer as soon as possible. If you have a good family attorney, he or she will most likely represent you if he or she is not already representing your ex. A good lawyer will explain everything to you in detail and let you know your options; he won’t let you get surprised.

4) Make sure that you have issued a new beneficiary on any life or accident insurance that you might have. Many people forget this little issue and in the end, the wrong people will be getting the money that you meant for someone else. Also, make sure that your tax returns are in the proper order.

 

[angaliquew]

Heck yeah....This dude is being smart and she's too busy trying to play nice.

Here are some quick tips for people going through divorce...http://www.divorcecentral.com/legal/strategies.html

If she doesn't want to get a lawyer or stop playing nice then I doubt any suggestions will help her because he's not going to get a change of heart so I hope she's not counting on that....

ETA: In the event that he quits his job or plays the "I can't pay" card I would go back and steal his pay stubs and hire a forensic accountant.

Thanks Janiebaby, I will send this link to her!
Right before I got married this lady I used to work with gave me the best advice ever and that was to always keep some side money just in case the he wants to act a fool and you need to leave. At the time I didn't really understand why she would tell me something like that right before my wedding, but now from looking at other peoples' situation I am grateful that she shared that with me.

 

[lexi08]

She needs to see a lawyer ASAP and go to court and file for child support. The husband is just making it worse for himself in the end.

 

[MizaniLocs]

Wow. I guess I'm on some other but I would have been had the locks changed on him.

I also like the Mrs' advice about stealing his check stub and getting him for child support.

She ain't playing nice, she's playing STUPID.

 

[Farida]

She needs to get lawyered up. Enough said.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Tell her to rent it out ASAP; even if it's for a lower cost than the actual mortgage. She can stay with her parents and save some money if needed.