What Is Your Missing 20% ?

hunnychile

hunnychile

Well-Known Member
We've read/heard it before, the 80/20 rule, law, theory, whatever it is.

I'm curious to know, what's the 20% that you don't have in your relationship currently? I'm seriously considering getting back with my ex and I'm curious to know if my "missing" 20% is similar to others.
 
Perhaps mine are a series of things that add to 20% like he plays the role of father even though has no biological child (I'd prefer no child at all), is balding (not his fault but I do like a healthy head of thick hair), is younger, too generous with money gives to anyone, at first made little money but with one job change makes as much as me so that issue fell off.
However, he's super loving and affectionate and kind and loves his family. There isn't much that I can say is part of the 20% other than the quasi child....everything else is workable.
 
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My ex was clinger.... He was always on me or wanted to be around me. My SO isn't... I miss the clingy stuff. Don't miss the ex.
 
Neatness
he will keep every scrap of paper, old books, packages that things came in, newspapers, magazines... I throw them out in bulk when he leaves the house.
Productivity
Don't get me wrong, the man is a type A on work, but come Saturday be is a bump on a log. Im up, rearranging things, cleaning, working on projects, he is imprinting himself of the couch.
Mr Fix It... Nope. He is a firm believer in hiring out.


Great father, hilarious, kind hearted, cute, excellent earner, good gift giver, he has my 85% for sure. Awww... Let me go hook him up...
 
My 80-
Smart. Very attractive. Tall 6'4 so my babies have a chance of actually being tall lol. Very considerate. Will drop everything to take care of his family. Works a 9-5 and on track to make 6 figures next year.

The 20-
Neatness- Mama cleaned after him. He doesn't know how or under why it's important

Passive- He leads with a quiet foot. If I'm too loud/combustible I won't hear his leadership. I have to be deliberate with my listening.

Private- If he has a problem no one knows even if he know I or someone else can help.
 
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my missing 20% is pure physical sexual attraction. I had it for a guy I was seeing last year REALLY BAD, but for other guys to a lesser extent. I am generally interested in sex and have good sex but the odds of me dating a guy where I look at him and think "I just want the d" are usually low.

also have had to learn that just because I am might have a pleasurable intellectual connection with a man. that doesnt mean we are romantically compatible, and vice versa.
 
CaraWalker said:
my missing 20% is pure physical sexual attraction. I had it for a guy I was seeing last year REALLY BAD, but for other guys to a lesser extent. I am generally interested in sex and have good sex but the odds of me dating a guy where I look at him and think "I just want the d" are usually low.

also have had to learn that just because I am might have a pleasurable intellectual connection with a man. that doesnt mean we are romantically compatible, and vice versa.
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Is that a 20% you can live without having?
 
I'm on vaca (I'm in my hotel room looking at tv lol) and I'm seeing these old, wrinkly couples all over and I'm thinking to myself, I want that and I want a man who I can have that with. Suddenly the 20 that annoys me to no end doesn't seem to matter. I want the long term relationship I can only seem to have with these boring, corny dudes lol
 
you know what i think is funny, i see a lot of emphasis here (more, i think, than i would have expected to see amongst a group of women) about wanting a sexual spark with their partner. and its funny because over time it seems like most women lose interest in having sex with their husband or partner, especially after having a child :lachen: i hope chicks aint out here looking for a man like "he gotta blow my back out" then 5 years later she cant pull the proverbial rabbit out of the hat anymore. then now the dude, whose relationship with you was partially predicated on its sexual nature in the first place, is just left out to dry :lachen:
 
CaraWalker said:
you know what i think is funny, i see a lot of emphasis here (more, i think, than i would have expected to see amongst a group of women) about wanting a sexual spark with their partner. and its funny because over time it seems like most women lose interest in having sex with their husband or partner, especially after having a child :lachen: i hope chicks aint out here looking for a man like "he gotta blow my back out" then 5 years later she cant pull the proverbial rabbit out of the hat anymore. then now the dude, whose relationship with you was partially predicated on its sexual nature in the first place, is just left out to dry :lachen:
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I hope ppl come in with a variety of 20 percents but these are interesting to me, as someone with a naturally lower drive. It was hard for me to interpret whether my body was saying no to him or to the sex. It's a bit encouraging though bc I believe you can cultivate good sex with someone who is eager and more than willing to learn how to please you so that lack of desire seems slightly less pathological when I hear a lot of ladies feel like this with time. Part of the reason I'm considering him again is bc I won't have to disappoint anyone else :look: , he already kinda knows what's up with me.
 
CaraWalker said:
you know what i think is funny, i see a lot of emphasis here (more, i think, than i would have expected to see amongst a group of women) about wanting a sexual spark with their partner. and its funny because over time it seems like most women lose interest in having sex with their husband or partner, especially after having a child :lachen: i hope chicks aint out here looking for a man like "he gotta blow my back out" then 5 years later she cant pull the proverbial rabbit out of the hat anymore. then now the dude, whose relationship with you was partially predicated on its sexual nature in the first place, is just left out to dry :lachen:
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I don't want my back blown out it happened once and I was ready to commit high treason for him I was dicmatized. I just want to feel the peen like me and the pencil peen that hits not one wall will not work i will cheat. so i just won't go there plus he thinks it's ok go go on lunch with other women even if he is married because he just wants interesting conversation. he did it to his last wife.
 
PretteePlease said:
my 20% is sexual attraction. I have a guy that loves my dirty drawls he would marry me tomorrow I just don't wanna vuck him. We get along well, he is attractive. his money is right, he likes to fly me out to where he is working, he helps me financially and I just don't wanna vuck him.
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This is what I have right now . He loves my eyeballs, but I am not sexually attracted to him and don't want to sleep with him. Whenever I am around him I wonder if I am being stupid.
 
thatscuteright said:
This is what I have right now . He loves my eyeballs, but I am not sexually attracted to him and don't want to sleep with him. Whenever I am around him I wonder if I am being stupid.
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He just put some money in my account and that made me a lil moist but I still don't wanna vuck him. I wanna sleep and cuddle but not have sex. Can people be married and platonic? :lachen:
 
thatscuteright said:
This is what I have right now . He loves my eyeballs, but I am not sexually attracted to him and don't want to sleep with him. Whenever I am around him I wonder if I am being stupid.
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PretteePlease said:
He just put some money in my account and that made me a lil moist but I still don't wanna vuck him. I wanna sleep and cuddle but not have sex. Can people be married and platonic? :lachen:
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Do you think you would be able to "get it up" , if you couch it in different terms? He's generous, handsome, kind, takes care of you, etc etc etc. would you be able to do it as a "I love him and he does so much for me everyday, so I'll do this for him"? Tbh, I'm a little scared of venturing in to that territory bc charity that often seems like it would make me resent sex with him. Then again, I keep reading that the more you do it, the more you'll want to do it.

Is his sex bad? Why don't you want to? Is he unattractive? Bad breath? Small?
 
hunnychile said:
Do you think you would be able to "get it up" , if you couch it in different terms? He's generous, handsome, kind, takes care of you, etc etc etc. would you be able to do it as a "I love him and he does so much for me everyday, so I'll do this for him"? Tbh, I'm a little scared of venturing in to that territory bc charity that often seems like it would make me resent sex with him. Then again, I keep reading that the more you do it, the more you'll want to do it.

Is his sex bad? Why don't you want to? Is he unattractive? Bad breath? Small?
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........
 
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My 80: Fantastic husband, excellent father (cares for our 3 yr old by himself while I travel out of town every single week), cooks, cleans, very very very easy on the eyes, would take a bullet for me, only has eyes for me, intelligent, very strong, 6 ft 2, my biggest cheerleader, and the best partner on the planet.

The 20: We started as best friends since 16 yrs old, and officially started dating at 21. Sexual attraction is a work in progress since I still kind of look at him as my brother.. lol... He can stand to lose a little weight (easy fix), is losing hair (doesn't bother me), doesn't make a lot of money, and is not a natural hustler (9-5 kind of guy).
 
i think repulsed is a bit different from not wanting to have sex :lol: when i used to talk about what id want out of a relationship i would literally say "as long as i am not repulsed by him" :lol:

my last boyfriend, i wasnt particularly sexually attracted to him, physically, but i would still finish some of the time when we had sex. i think i probably have a somewhat high sex drive, but what i would be missing is like, really good sexy sex. i can have ok sex just due to my own presence. dreamworld fantasy sex is whats usually missing.
 
JudithO said:
My 80: Fantastic husband, excellent father (cares for our 3 yr old by himself while I travel out of town every single week), cooks, cleans, very very very easy on the eyes, would take a bullet for me, only has eyes for me, intelligent, very strong, 6 ft 2, my biggest cheerleader, and the best partner on the planet.

The 20: We started as best friends since 16 yrs old, and officially started dating at 21. Sexual attraction is a work in progress since I still kind of look at him as my brother.. lol... He can stand to lose a little weight (easy fix), is losing hair (doesn't bother me), doesn't make a lot of money, and is not a natural hustler (9-5 kind of guy).
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this is a really good example of 80/20
 
hunnychile said:
Do you think you would be able to "get it up" , if you couch it in different terms? He's generous, handsome, kind, takes care of you, etc etc etc. would you be able to do it as a "I love him and he does so much for me everyday, so I'll do this for him"? Tbh, I'm a little scared of venturing in to that territory bc charity that often seems like it would make me resent sex with him. Then again, I keep reading that the more you do it, the more you'll want to do it.

Is his sex bad? Why don't you want to? Is he unattractive? Bad breath? Small?
Click to expand...

I made my whole 20% Sex it should have been 10%sex and 10% I think he will cheat on me because of past actions and current messed up thinking
he thinks meeting strangers on the net for the purpose of going to lunch where he pays and only talks is ok
he thinks if you are married and wont suck a peen he should be able to find someone to suck the peen (cheated on his ex)
he thinks if a man cheats the woman that is his wife not the woman he cheated with should share some of the blame.
he is always making excuses for cheaters
he acts like cheating is a cultural thing and is ok with his father having a life outside of his mother (he is from west africa)

TMI TO FOLLOW


Breff is fresh, attractive, the peen is skinny. Like he will eat the fur off the cat put in major hand work :look: but the put down is not being put down. I need actual sharpie action. my whoo haa dries up the moment he comes up for air and tries to put it in. he says he doesn't care that I told him we are never having sex again he likes me for other reasons yadda yadda yadda. He wants to fly me out this weekend but I'm not spending valentines with you cause I don't want to lead you on.

so why is :kiss3: a lady like myself entertaining him. I want to see if my moisture level rises, I'm bored, I like attention, I'm lonely. He knows I go on dates and even said I could move in with him and still date. Something about a doormat isn't attractive. I think he thinks over time I would choose him.
 
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