What Is It Like When You Get A Divorce

[Ganjababy]

How are you treated by the in-laws? Friends? Afterwards...

 

[caribeandiva]

This belongs in the divorce sub-forum.

 

[Kim0105]

How are you treated by the in-laws? Friends? Afterwards...

Let's see. I'm going through one right now and I found out who my true friends are. I came away with a handful and I'm OK with that. No sense having a crowd that doesn't have your back.

My in-laws were mostly fake nice. His mom never liked me because I'm Jamaican and his sister has her own iussues. Only the Lord knows what he's told them as the sister and mom will walk pass me in public like I don't exist. To them I say good riddance! His dad is the only person in his family I still speak with. He's always been kind to me and still is. Note we do not have deep conversations.

All in all I spend my time with people I know love and care for me. I really don't miss the rest. They never added anything of substance to my life anyways.

 

[Lymegreen]

One of my ex-husbands friends made a play for me after the divorce

in-laws were cordial they understood but kept their distance.

 

[kandake]

We didn't have children so I don't interact with his family. Although his grandmother called me for quite a while to check on me and encourage us to get back together. We had mutual friends but they were really his friends so I didn't/don't keep in contact with them.

 

[OneShinyface]

I divorced a narcissist. I cut ties with everyone - and we were married for 26 years - together for 31. So I grew up with his mom and sisters, but narcs aren't normal so you can't have a regular relationship with them or anyone related to them.

Our children are adults and they're much closer to me.

 

[Daughter]

Still early days, so time will tell. Cordial so far.

 

[onyxdreams]

I divorced a narcissist. I cut ties with everyone - and we were married for 26 years - together for 31. So I grew up with his mom and sisters, but narcs aren't normal so you can't have a regular relationship with them or anyone related to them.

Our children are adults and they're much closer to me.

This is where I am right now, he hasn't asked for a divorce but if we don't get back on track we are headed towards ones.

 

[Froreal3]

Nice ppl, but we don't speak. Never were super incredibly close.

 

[mensa]

When my ex-husband narc got tired of chasing me, he moved on to a more willing supply. His folk treated me like I had the plague.

 

[Lady_NakoPenda]

Most of the former in-laws live in another country and I really didn't talk to them that often during the marriage but during/after the divorce we had no contact.

I cut ties with my sister and brother in law. So fake...esp. the SIL. Just wanted to find out what happened. Both of us (me and the ex) are very private so she tried to get information from me but I wouldn't give it. So then she fell off. Stop inviting me to things, tried to hook up her friends with the ex...not realizing the ex and I still communicate as friends so he told me about it. So I cut her off completely.

Friends-You realize who is who and will be there for what. Esp. if you have friends that have never gone through a divorce they may not realize that you need extra support. Even though I had people in my life, I often times felt very alone but God provides because he sent comfort through books (The Breaking up Bible and others) and through a trusted co-worker.

 

[sunnieb]

I divorced a narcissist. I cut ties with everyone - and we were married for 26 years - together for 31. So I grew up with his mom and sisters, but narcs aren't normal so you can't have a regular relationship with them or anyone related to them.

Our children are adults and they're much closer to me.

I'm currently divorcing my narcissistic evil husband.

This post could've been written by me. I'm 50 now. We've been together since I was 17. You'd think I'd be a lot closer to his family, but I wasn't.

Especially his mom. She knew he was crazy all along. I haven't talked to any of them since I left. Don't miss them either. He had become such an evil man that he doesn't have any friends left at this point. I went on all social media and blocked/unfriended anybody associated with the ex.

No regrets whatsoever and much happier.

 

[Ganjababy]

Thanks for sharing everyone. I just stumbled on this thread and decided to give an update.

I don’t remember starting this thread but I remember 2016 being the hardest and most painful year in my adult life. All the unresolved issues from childhood and early adulthood and a close family member dying a few years previously culminated in me not treating myself or DH that great and being hospitalized for depression then being diagnosed with other multiple mental disorders. I had so much shame. No friends I could turn to or family because my problems were too numerous and no one understood. Most just did not understand mental illness and trauma.

Moving to Canada literally saved my life because I would never have gotten the care I received here, had I stayed in the UK. I was so alone. DH was the only person I had. I was preparing myself to be divorced. He did not understand what I was going through, but neither did I. He was developing PTSD from my problems and he had to get support too.

I was put on about 20 medications. Psychotropic and meds for some of their side effects. I am no longer on them except for one and I recently requested that I restart on another, more as a prophylactic as it helps with several issues without all the side effects of some of the older antidepressants. I am also going back to therapy to continue to deal with self esteem and impostor syndrome issues, past issues and as a prophylactic measure now that I will be in a high stress job and I want to be my best so that I can give my best.