What is it like to be in a relationship?

[grow_N_Him09]

This may really belong in the relationship forum. But I am wanted to hear replies from a Christian POV...
So I'm listening to an archive message from Dr. Charles Stanley (LOVE his preaching ) and I'm starting to think the reason I haven't had a relationship is because "I'm not ready," so to speak...
To find out exactly what I'm not ready for, I thought I would try to find out how it is being in a relationship. I figure if I could develop those sort of character traits, I will be "ready"....maybe I'm overanalyzing it all but I'll be 24 in a couple weeks and I've never been in a relationship so it's time to start asking some questions erplexed
TIA!

 

[Shimmie]

This may really belong in the relationship forum. But I am wanted to hear replies from a Christian POV...
So I'm listening to an archive message from Dr. Charles Stanley (LOVE his preaching ) and I'm starting to think the reason I haven't had a relationship is because "I'm not ready," so to speak...
To find out exactly what I'm not ready for, I thought I would try to find out how it is being in a relationship. I figure if I could develop those sort of character traits, I will be "ready"....maybe I'm overanalyzing it all but I'll be 24 in a couple weeks and I've never been in a relationship so it's time to start asking some questions erplexed
TIA!

Hi Angel... Your Screen Name, is the answer. Yes........... it is.

You see, no one, and I mean NO One is ever 'Ready' until they are truly in a relationship and that's when the two of you will 'grow with and in one another and as Christians you will grow together in Him, God our Father.

This is why we must be so careful in how far we allow ourselves to become involved in a person's life, for we form a bond, as we grow in one another.

The only thing that is the same with relationships with that as the same with other couples, you are man and woman. After that, no two couples are the same. Each relationship has it's own unique 'Beauty' and Softness in love.

I can tell you that you will feel 'connected' to the one you love. You will spend hours and hours thinking of one another. More hours on the phone, even more hours texting and emailing each other. You'll find yourself, wanting to please one another and yet while you are your own 'individual' selves, as a couple, you want to do certain things, just for him and him just for you.

You're going to have highs, and lows. You will have storms and whirlwinds, you will have agreements, disagreements, and you will have tears and laughs and all that life has you in postion with, the two of you will share.

The closer you become, the further you will be 'apart', for the two of you are still growing individually and that yields to having something 'new' to learn about one another and something new to adjust or not adjust to. In a relationship, you will have 'Life' and Life you will live with all of it's ups, downs and turn arounds.

The bottomline is that he's a real living breathing human being: he is a man and there is so much love and beauty of him that you will want to explore. He'll feel even more of an 'explorer' about you. And you will have to be on guard at times. to temper your passions and allow your spirit to grow in what you know what not to do and not do it.

My prayer for you is that God will bring the Real Man into your life, barring all counterfeits and that you will know that you know that you know, that God is with this man, and that this man will also know that God is with you and will not waste time with your heart; but instead pursue you and court you and marry you and allow your life as 'One' to begin with Jesus... and together the two of you will continue to Grow as 'One' in Him. :Rose:

God bless you,

 

[Ije4eva]

Shimmie that was beautiful. That's been my experience so far when I entered into a godly (but not to be mistaken for "perfect") relationship. You just described it so well. Its a journey, it's exploration, it's growing in intimacy. Learning more and more about yourself as you learn more and more about this real live person that you're walking through a journey of commitment with. Its truly life changing. And it can also be very tricky and dangerous if you're heart isn't submitted to the Lord.

Grow_N_Him, I believe that one of the best ways to know if your ready (because as Shimmie mentioned, no matter how much you prepare, the real test starts when you actually get in there!) is when you've made a decision in your heart to seek God with all your heart and do His will. Understanding that you need His help every step of the way, but you've made that TOTAL commitment to Him first and foremost. He'll see you through and send you such a wonderful man that He's shaping to be your husband.

Two resources I would recommend that have really blesssed me are:

The book "What to do until love finds you" - Michelle McKinney Hammond is a really good one, and I looooooooooove Pastor Chip Ingram, he's very down to earth and speaks to young people and the challenges we go through. On his website you can find mp3s on his series "Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships" that really breaks a lot of things down.

All the best!

 

[Shimmie]

Shimmie that was beautiful. That's been my experience so far when I entered into a godly (but not to be mistaken for "perfect") relationship. You just described it so well. Its a journey, it's exploration, it's growing in intimacy. Learning more and more about yourself as you learn more and more about this real live person that you're walking through a journey of commitment with. Its truly life changing. And it can also be very tricky and dangerous if you're heart isn't submitted to the Lord.

Grow_N_Him, I believe that one of the best ways to know if your ready (because as Shimmie mentioned, no matter how much you prepare, the real test starts when you actually get in there!) is when you've made a decision in your heart to seek God with all your heart and do His will. Understanding that you need His help every step of the way, but you've made that TOTAL commitment to Him first and foremost. He'll see you through and send you such a wonderful man that He's shaping to be your husband.

Two resources I would recommend that have really blesssed me are:

The book "What to do until love finds you" - Michelle McKinney Hammond is a really good one, and I looooooooooove Pastor Chip Ingram, he's very down to earth and speaks to young people and the challenges we go through. On His website you can find mp3s on his series "Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships" that really breaks a lot of things down.

All the best!

Thank you... I wish you 'everything' and more of what you have been praying for in Love and in your life, being a happily wedded wife. :Rose:

 

[Ije4eva]

Oh I forgot to leave the web address! Its http://www.lote.org. Enjoy! He's actually running relationship series now...

 

[inthepink]

Oh I forgot to leave the web address! Its http://www.lote.org. Enjoy! He's actually running relationship series now...

Thanks for this link. Need it right now.

 

[Bunny77]

You see, no one, and I mean NO One is ever 'Ready' until they are truly in a relationship and that's when the two of you will 'grow with and in one another and as Christians you will grow together in Him, God our Father.

I pretty much agree with everything Shimmie just said.


I just wanted to add that I'm not in agreement with the idea of "readiness" for a relationship the way I hear most preachers use it. As Shimmie said, there's no way to be "ready" for a relationship until you are actually in one... and from then on, it's a continual process.

While I don't know why you haven't had any relationships before now, I'm sure that it's actually no statement on your "readiness" or lack thereof. Unfortunately, we live in a culture in which Godly relationships do not flourish easily, as it can be hard sometimes to sift through a mass of folks to find the ones who are interested in finding a wife or husband, and who are looking to pursue relationships that way. There are many Godly women out there who are waiting, but their lack of a relationship has nothing to do with not being "ready."

People used to marry in their teens and early 20s, and I doubt that those folks were somehow any more "ready" than you are. I caution women about getting caught up in worry about "readiness," because I think it's a distraction from the real issue as to why Christian relationships aren't happening as much as they should.

Here is a great article from one of my favorite Christian writers on the relationship issue that addresses the idea of "readiness."

http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0001736.cfm

 

[Shimmie]

I pretty much agree with everything Shimmie just said.


I just wanted to add that I'm not in agreement with the idea of "readiness" for a relationship the way I hear most preachers use it. As Shimmie said, there's no way to be "ready" for a relationship until you are actually in one... and from then on, it's a continual process.

While I don't know why you haven't had any relationships before now, I'm sure that it's actually no statement on your "readiness" or lack thereof. Unfortunately, we live in a culture in which Godly relationships do not flourish easily, as it can be hard sometimes to sift through a mass of folks to find the ones who are interested in finding a wife or husband, and who are looking to pursue relationships that way. There are many Godly women out there who are waiting, but their lack of a relationship has nothing to do with not being "ready."

People used to marry in their teens and early 20s, and I doubt that those folks were somehow any more "ready" than you are. I caution women about getting caught up in worry about "readiness," because I think it's a distraction from the real issue as to why Christian relationships aren't happening as much as they should.

Here is a great article from one of my favorite Christian writers on the relationship issue that addresses the idea of "readiness."

http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0001736.cfm

Thanks Bunny. I was a teen (a teenie teen ) when I was married; the only thing I knew about a relationship was 'Nothing'.

I have to say that you always have a wealth of information to share and the resources are always 'there' with the answers to things I still wonder about. You're an excellent teacher and an exhorter to the Body of Christ.

 

[Shimmie]

Oh I forgot to leave the web address! Its http://www.lote.org. Enjoy! He's actually running relationship series now...

You and Bunny are a blessing with so much to share. This is a really good resource. Thank you. :Rose:

 

[CarolinaGal]

Grow_N_Him09, thank you so much for starting this topic! I am a little bit older than you and sometimes the people around me treat me like and old maid. It's okay though, because I am trusting God to send my husband to find me So, like you, I have really been analyzing relationships lately. I just wanted to offer that two wonderful women in my life (a dear Sisterfriend and my Mom to be exact) have shared two books with me. One is called "Boundaries" by Herny Cloud and John Townsend and the other is called "Before You Do" by T.D. Jakes. I have not started reading them yet, but they come highly recommended and Amazon has nice descriptions.

I hope this helps.

Be blessed!

 

[Child0fGod]

This may really belong in the relationship forum. But I am wanted to hear replies from a Christian POV...
So I'm listening to an archive message from Dr. Charles Stanley (LOVE his preaching ) and I'm starting to think the reason I haven't had a relationship is because "I'm not ready," so to speak...
To find out exactly what I'm not ready for, I thought I would try to find out how it is being in a relationship. I figure if I could develop those sort of character traits, I will be "ready"....maybe I'm overanalyzing it all but I'll be 24 in a couple weeks and I've never been in a relationship so it's time to start asking some questions erplexed
TIA!

nope, definitely not over-analyzing, i'd say you're preparing. this is very responsible of you, and not only will God BLESS you with a good and godly man (if being married is His will for your life), but YOU will be a blessing to your future-husband by having equipped yourself with necessary knowledge of homemaking-prep/marriage-prep early on.

but, not sure it's such a great idea to "inquire" regularly about being in a relationship, ie; asking others how it is... because that's when the dwelling begins, lust, etc begins (goodness we've all been there ). yet, considering we're in a Christian forum (which i'm very happy you posted here ), i trust that the ladies here can offer some valuable advice .

in the meantime,
i recommend the book (lol, i'm about to be known on this forum for book recommendations, LOL) "Choosing God's Best" by Don Raunikar (you should read the reviews on amazon.com too).

i've read this book and have highlighted nearly every page. it's a great Christian guide to spiritually preparing oneself for "God's best," a very select husband for you. not sure if you've already read it, but definitely add it to your book list/wish list! it's fun to indulge every now and then by re-reading it

God keep you darlin,

 

[inthepink]

in the meantime,
i recommend the book (lol, i'm about to be known on this forum for book recommendations, LOL) "Choosing God's Best" by Don Raunikar (you should read the reviews on amazon.com too).

i've read this book and have highlighted nearly every page. it's a great Christian guide to spiritually preparing oneself for "God's best," a very select husband for you. not sure if you've already read it, but definitely add it to your book list/wish list! it's fun to indulge every now and then by re-reading it

God keep you darlin,

I agree - this is a really great book. I've highlighted and tabbed so many pages.

 

[neenzmj]

I’d like to chime in on the question of readiness for marriage. You’re never really “READY” for marriage. First of all, as long as we’re in this flesh we are a continual work in progress. And what I have found is this: the marriage relationship is one that will probably do THE most to uncover what may be some hidden areas that need to be dealt with. It challenges you in the area of selfishness, pride, the need to be in control, submission, and more importantly, in the area of love. You see, though we do so much professing of our love, many times, we are clueless of what love really is. We enter relationships with a form of love – love that based on our feelings, which isn’t how love is defined at all. If you’ll take a look at how God defined love, you’ll soon see that there isn’t one warm and fuzzy feeling in the description. Basing our relationship on our feelings is like building a castle on sand – it’s an unstable foundation that’s subject to crumble in the slightest storm.

But back to the topic of readiness, I’ve been married for 13 years and my husband and I are determined and committed to be together until the Lord takes one of us, but let me tell you this: this 13 years has been a process of God ridding me of a lot of junk in my life – a lot of baggage, a lot of hurts and a lot of “stank” attitudes (and to be perfectly honest, God is STILL and will continually be working some stuff out of me.) Certainly, my husband and I could have avoided some challenges had I been “baggage and issue free,” but some of them I didn’t even know about my darned self (which is why I always say that marriage can dredge up some stuff in you that you didn’t even know was there.) At the same time, it’s been those challenges that has drawn us closer and made our love, trust and commitment to one another that much stronger. So if I waited until I was “ready”, I’d never be married.

Here’s my response to your statement: I figure if I could develop those sort of character traits, I will be "ready". This is what I tell the young ladies at my church: while you’re waiting, work on becoming who God wants you to be for HIM, not because you’re trying to prepare for marriage. Develop the traits of a Godly woman for Him, not for readiness sake. If you do this, you’ll have those traits, but you will have attained them for the best reason of all – being a true woman of God.

Hope that helps.

 

[Shimmie]

I’d like to chime in on the question of readiness for marriage.

You’re never really “READY” for marriage. First of all, as long as we’re in this flesh we are a continual work in progress.

And what I have found is this: the marriage relationship is one that will probably do THE most to uncover what may be some hidden areas that need to be dealt with.

It challenges you in the area of selfishness, pride, the need to be in control, submission, and more importantly, in the area of love.

You see, though we do so much professing of our love, many times, we are clueless of what love really is. We enter relationships with a form of love – love that based on our feelings, which isn’t how love is defined at all. If you’ll take a look at how God defined love, you’ll soon see that there isn’t one warm and fuzzy feeling in the description.

Basing our relationship on our feelings is like building a castle on sand – it’s an unstable foundation that’s subject to crumble in the slightest storm.

But back to the topic of readiness, I’ve been married for 13 years and my husband and I are determined and committed to be together until the Lord takes one of us, but let me tell you this: this 13 years has been a process of God ridding me of a lot of junk in my life – a lot of baggage, a lot of hurts and a lot of “stank” attitudes (and to be perfectly honest, God is STILL and will continually be working some stuff out of me.)

Certainly, my husband and I could have avoided some challenges had I been “baggage and issue free,” but some of them I didn’t even know about my darned self (which is why I always say that marriage can dredge up some stuff in you that you didn’t even know was there.) At the same time, it’s been those challenges that has drawn us closer and made our love, trust and commitment to one another that much stronger. So if I waited until I was “ready”, I’d never be married.

Here’s my response to your statement: I figure if I could develop those sort of character traits, I will be "ready". This is what I tell the young ladies at my church: while you’re waiting, work on becoming who God wants you to be for HIM, not because you’re trying to prepare for marriage.

Develop the traits of a Godly woman for Him, not for readiness sake. If you do this, you’ll have those traits, but you will have attained them for the best reason of all – being a true woman of God.

Hope that helps.

You are speaking the TRUTH !

 

[grow_N_Him09]

Thanks girl! it's always a comfort for believers to know we aren't alone in this thing! But like you said people can get us questioning some times...and I'm going to look up those books...Bishop Jakes is truly gifted!

Grow_N_Him09, thank you so much for starting this topic! I am a little bit older than you and sometimes the people around me treat me like and old maid. It's okay though, because I am trusting God to send my husband to find me So, like you, I have really been analyzing relationships lately. I just wanted to offer that two wonderful women in my life (a dear Sisterfriend and my Mom to be exact) have shared two books with me. One is called "Boundaries" by Herny Cloud and John Townsend and the other is called "Before You Do" by T.D. Jakes. I have not started reading them yet, but they come highly recommended and Amazon has nice descriptions.

I hope this helps.

Be blessed!

 

[grow_N_Him09]

Speak it...I receive that word

nope, definitely not over-analyzing, i'd say you're preparing. this is very responsible of you, and not only will God BLESS you with a good and godly man (if being married is His will for your life), but YOU will be a blessing to your future-husband by having equipped yourself with necessary knowledge of homemaking-prep/marriage-prep early on.

And you're so right....there's a temptation for this to become a preoccupation....it's just I feel a little "handicapped," or "impaired," so to speak. I have absolutely no experience of a relationship with a man, no bf in high school, college, nothing...so sometimes I wonder if this is how it is supposed to be for me. But His ways aren't our ways...
Anyway, there's a Lifeway in town so I'll hit that up for the book....I'm going to have me a nice lil library by the time God brings me through all this

 

[grow_N_Him09]

Thanks sis!
Guess it's easy to become that little kid at Christmas...wanting the present without looking at the big picture...I just know it's such a special gift and I can't help but want 'one' of my own
Up until last August I haven't been on a date and I remember months earlier before it all happened, I asked God specifically for "just a date, God." and He made it happen for me
I'm just saying, dates, intimate conversations, the thoughtfulness, kindness, deep spiritual connections...it's all "foreign," to me and it seems I'm so "behind"....
but I did have an old co worker tell me something to effect 'Well, if you've never been in love, that means you've never had your heart broken." And I guess that's true and I should count it a blessing, sorta
Anyway I said awhile ago I'm done with feeling sorry for myself about something so trival. I think what happened is I had one of my new coworkers get married a couple weeks ago and hearing the talk of a new bride just kind of got in my spirit. And don't get me wrong it's beautiful. I'm truly happy for her and her new chapter in life. she really deserves it. But it all just makes me wonder sometimes

Hi Angel... Your Screen Name, is the answer. Yes........... it is.

You see, no one, and I mean NO One is ever 'Ready' until they are truly in a relationship and that's when the two of you will 'grow with and in one another and as Christians you will grow together in Him, God our Father.

This is why we must be so careful in how far we allow ourselves to become involved in a person's life, for we form a bond, as we grow in one another.

The only thing that is the same with relationships with that as the same with other couples, you are man and woman. After that, no two couples are the same. Each relationship has it's own unique 'Beauty' and Softness in love.

I can tell you that you will feel 'connected' to the one you love. You will spend hours and hours thinking of one another. More hours on the phone, even more hours texting and emailing each other. You'll find yourself, wanting to please one another and yet while you are your own 'individual' selves, as a couple, you want to do certain things, just for him and him just for you.

You're going to have highs, and lows. You will have storms and whirlwinds, you will have agreements, disagreements, and you will have tears and laughs and all that life has you in postion with, the two of you will share.

The closer you become, the further you will be 'apart', for the two of you are still growing individually and that yields to having something 'new' to learn about one another and something new to adjust or not adjust to. In a relationship, you will have 'Life' and Life you will live with all of it's ups, downs and turn arounds.

The bottomline is that he's a real living breathing human being: he is a man and there is so much love and beauty of him that you will want to explore. He'll feel even more of an 'explorer' about you. And you will have to be on guard at times. to temper your passions and allow your spirit to grow in what you know what not to do and not do it.

My prayer for you is that God will bring the Real Man into your life, barring all counterfeits and that you will know that you know that you know, that God is with this man, and that this man will also know that God is with you and will not waste time with your heart; but instead pursue you and court you and marry you and allow your life as 'One' to begin with Jesus... and together the two of you will continue to Grow as 'One' in Him. :Rose:

God bless you,

 

[grow_N_Him09]

It's always great to hear from veterans....congrats on making it 13 years
God's idea of marriage really does work, no matter what the "critics" say....
and I think working on myself isn't a bad idea...I've definitely hit some benchmark progress (glory to God!) but I can think of at least a couple things I can focus my energies on...my dang finances for one and after writing through these responses I can't help but feel I sound sort of selfish. It's all about my feelings and my happiness and poor ole me and me, me, me....so you're right...there's more work to be done

I’d like to chime in on the question of readiness for marriage. You’re never really “READY” for marriage. First of all, as long as we’re in this flesh we are a continual work in progress. And what I have found is this: the marriage relationship is one that will probably do THE most to uncover what may be some hidden areas that need to be dealt with. It challenges you in the area of selfishness, pride, the need to be in control, submission, and more importantly, in the area of love. You see, though we do so much professing of our love, many times, we are clueless of what love really is. We enter relationships with a form of love – love that based on our feelings, which isn’t how love is defined at all. If you’ll take a look at how God defined love, you’ll soon see that there isn’t one warm and fuzzy feeling in the description. Basing our relationship on our feelings is like building a castle on sand – it’s an unstable foundation that’s subject to crumble in the slightest storm.

But back to the topic of readiness, I’ve been married for 13 years and my husband and I are determined and committed to be together until the Lord takes one of us, but let me tell you this: this 13 years has been a process of God ridding me of a lot of junk in my life – a lot of baggage, a lot of hurts and a lot of “stank” attitudes (and to be perfectly honest, God is STILL and will continually be working some stuff out of me.) Certainly, my husband and I could have avoided some challenges had I been “baggage and issue free,” but some of them I didn’t even know about my darned self (which is why I always say that marriage can dredge up some stuff in you that you didn’t even know was there.) At the same time, it’s been those challenges that has drawn us closer and made our love, trust and commitment to one another that much stronger. So if I waited until I was “ready”, I’d never be married.

Here’s my response to your statement: I figure if I could develop those sort of character traits, I will be "ready". This is what I tell the young ladies at my church: while you’re waiting, work on becoming who God wants you to be for HIM, not because you’re trying to prepare for marriage. Develop the traits of a Godly woman for Him, not for readiness sake. If you do this, you’ll have those traits, but you will have attained them for the best reason of all – being a true woman of God.

Hope that helps.

 

[Shimmie]

Thanks sis!
Guess it's easy to become that little kid at Christmas...wanting the present without looking at the big picture...I just know it's such a special gift and I can't help but want 'one' of my own

Up until last August I haven't been on a date and I remember months earlier before it all happened, I asked God specifically for "just a date, God." and He made it happen for me

I'm just saying, dates, intimate conversations, the thoughtfulness, kindness, deep spiritual connections...it's all "foreign," to me and it seems

I'm so "behind"....

but I did have an old co worker tell me something to effect 'Well, if you've never been in love, that means you've never had your heart broken." And I guess that's true and I should count it a blessing, sorta

Anyway I said awhile ago I'm done with feeling sorry for myself about something so trival. I think what happened is I had one of my new coworkers get married a couple weeks ago and hearing the talk of a new bride just kind of got in my spirit. And don't get me wrong it's beautiful. I'm truly happy for her and her new chapter in life. she really deserves it. But it all just makes me wonder sometimes

You are human and a woman. A real woman with real feelings; real feelings waiting to be shared with someone who has feelings for you.

You were created to be wth a man and there's a man whom God has created to be with and FOR you. You have every right to wonder and inquire; ;you are alive and in living you seek wisdom and guidance for life.

So all that you are feeling is how God created and designed you to feel and it's wonderful, because it's a wonderful gift that you will someday share with a man of God who feels the very same way for you, if not more.

:Rose: Love blessings...