What do you do?

[beyondcute]

What do you do when some one is spreading lies about you to your family members?

What do you do when someone comes in betwen you and your family?

Where do you draw the line?

What if that person was your sister?

Yall Im having a really hard time with some stuff on my heart. My sister has been lying on me and spreading rumors and doing alot of stuff that hurt me. I put all that other stuff aside and just kept tellling myself that she was my sister and that I should ignore it. She was trying to save face on her behalf by lying. But when she sent a random man to my house looking for someone she knew was not there JUST TO PROVE HER LIE, she crossed the line. Ill continue to pray for her because she has alot of stuff going on with her.

Im just at a loss. Everytime I try to extend an olive branch to her or try to help her I get everything thrown up in my face. Over and over again. I do not want to cut her off because she IS my sister. I love her to death but for some reason I feel as though she will not appreciate me as a sister and all the things I do for her until she falls flat on her face and it would kill me to see that happen to her. I just dont know what to do.... Even my mother says to just treat her like any other person, but she is not eny other person. She is my sister!

How can I let her go?!?? Ironically (well not realyy God just knows what I need to hear) I went to church today and my pastor talked about relationships and different levels of relationships. We are incompatible. Her style is black and white and my style is high definition. She is elementary and Im secondary. She takes takes and takes and doesnt expect that she has to give. I give give give and dont expect anythign in return but get hurt in the process. Its all about making herself look good regardless of what other people she hurts in the process. Im just at a loss.....

 

[WomanlyCharm]

I'm sorry you're going through all this...God grant you the love and patience to deal with that mess, because honestly, I couldn't do it.

I know she's your sister...but from what you've written she sounds like a jealous lying troublemaker who's angry at you.
Have you talked to her about this? That would be the first thing you must do.

If that doesn't work, you may have to ask God to give you the strenght to let her go.
If this was a friend, or a co-worker, what would you do? You'd withdraw and not let them into your life.
I'm sorry to have to say this, but sometimes you have to do that with family.
Otherwise, you're the one that's going to end up sad and upset all the time, with an ulcer, being lied about and lied to.
And you do not deserve that, nobody does.

 

[cocoberry10]

What do you do when some one is spreading lies about you to your family members?

What do you do when someone comes in betwen you and your family?

Where do you draw the line?

What if that person was your sister?

Yall Im having a really hard time with some stuff on my heart. My sister has been lying on me and spreading rumors and doing alot of stuff that hurt me. I put all that other stuff aside and just kept tellling myself that she was my sister and that I should ignore it. She was trying to save face on her behalf by lying. But when she sent a random man to my house looking for someone she knew was not there JUST TO PROVE HER LIE, she crossed the line. Ill continue to pray for her because she has alot of stuff going on with her.

Im just at a loss. Everytime I try to extend an olive branch to her or try to help her I get everything thrown up in my face. Over and over again. I do not want to cut her off because she IS my sister. I love her to death but for some reason I feel as though she will not appreciate me as a sister and all the things I do for her until she falls flat on her face and it would kill me to see that happen to her. I just dont know what to do.... Even my mother says to just treat her like any other person, but she is not eny other person. She is my sister!

How can I let her go?!?? Ironically (well not realyy God just knows what I need to hear) I went to church today and my pastor talked about relationships and different levels of relationships. We are incompatible. Her style is black and white and my style is high definition. She is elementary and Im secondary. She takes takes and takes and doesnt expect that she has to give. I give give give and dont expect anythign in return but get hurt in the process. Its all about making herself look good regardless of what other people she hurts in the process. Im just at a loss.....

Dear Beyondcute:

Your family is in my prayers. Siblings relationships are among the closest and most complicated relationships we will ever have. No one (except maybe a spouse) will ever be closer, but more distant all at the same time. And in some ways, because a spouse probably didn't see you grow up, a sibling is almost closer to you.

With that said, I think you have to realize that your sister's behavior is not about you, but about her. Sometimes that is the hardest thing, because we love our family so much, we internalize their behavior. But that's not good.

If your sister is lying to the degree it seems, then she has a serious lack of self-knowledge. What I mean is that people who lie usually do it to protect themselves, or to make themselves look better. Recently Oprah had that author James Frey on because he lied about several details of his book. Even though a person who lies hurts others, the person hurting the most is them. I didn't see that Oprah episode, but I looked online for the highlights, and most of the show dealt with his lying and how that affected people.

I think that was important, because he deceived people. However, I think there could have been more emphasis on why people lie. So many people lie, and unfortunately, I believe it's increasingly becoming an American value. Look at the people at Enron and WorldCom, look at President's lying to citizens (both Clinton and Bush). Look at how parents tell their children/teenagers to tell people they are not home, when they know good and well, they are sitting right there. Lying has almost become an American trait. Obviously, it's not good, but behind the lying is shame--and that's what your sister is dealing with.

I'm not sure what you and your sister's upbringing was like, but I do feel that something in her past or present is leading her to behave like this. Maybe she is envious of you. From your pic, you look like an attractive girl, and maybe your sister thinks she is ugly next to you (I'm not sure). Maybe she thinks you have somehow had an easier road than she has, and she is taking it out on you. Maybe she is angry with you for something you did earlier. Maybe she looks at your life, and in some way (at no fault of your own) it causes her pain.

However, the most important thing for you to do is to continue loving your sister, even if you must love her from afar. Sometimes the people we love the most, we cannot have in such close proximity to us, because they hurt us and themselves so much.

Go to God, and trust what He tells you about this situation.

 

[firecracker]

Sorry that your sister is doing this to you. I feel like your mom does. If someone repeatly does troublesome things you should leave them alone an feed them with a long handled spoon. Why would you continue to subject yourself to bad behavior? I feel your pain my closet cousin tried for years to come between my mom and I out of jealousy and spite. She kept up trouble in the family all the time. She out right lied on me two years ago. I had no choice but to let her go as I had forgiven her many times. It wasn't an easy choic but I don't allow others to abuse me so why would I continue to allow her to? I wasn't the only family member that left her alone. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[beyondcute]

(quote)
However, the most important thing for you to do is to continue loving your sister, even if you must love her from afar. Sometimes the people we love the most, we cannot have in such close proximity to us, because they hurt us and themselves so much.

Go to God, and trust what He tells you about this situation. (quote)

This really hit home!

Wow, these words mean so much to me ladies and I thank you for your thoughts and prayers. You ladies are so right. Its not about me and Im always the one to cave in. Its time I stand strong! I do forgive her and I will ALWAYS love my sister. But agian this isnt the first tiem or the second time or sadly to say the third time she has done things like this to me. But I will always be there for her. I really wanted the sisterly relationship that I see others have and I always thought that for the greater good and being the big sister I would always fold and allow her to have her way. My mom is an only child so she doesnt understand where Im coming from but she is right. Just because we are sisters doesnt mean we have to be best friends. But it feels like I lost my best friend. Im beyond heart broken... But I will continue to pray for strength and for her. Once again ladies I do thank you fromt he bottom of my heart for responding. Reading these comments has really lifted my spirit

 

[star]

Just know that we all have people in our family who are "users". I have a similar problem with my brother who goes through everyone to get what he wants but when he has money you cannot find him. I found myself bitter againist him but I knew that was right. I recently completly gave him over to God. God showed me how depressed he was and why he is lies to everyone and keeps problems in the family going because he himself is broken and under the power of satan. God also showed me the only way people like this will get heal is through LOVE and sometimes love and prayer from a distance. I found myself having to pull away from him for a long minute otherwise I know I will lose my cool. God is working in me to giving stength and patience with people like that. God does everything well and life is 100% percent about lessons and how we respond. Nothing happens by accident. There is something for everyone to learn here. If you need time and feel drained step away from sister and build yourself up more with God. Doing this is OK Jesus often came apart from everyone to Rest from the drama. Also, do not take this personally what your sister is doing to you your sister has a problem and God is exposing it in her actions so that everyone can see. Stay strong and know that lies and other false witness God will fix. This is your time to really put into practice what you have learned about God. Hold your head up and ignore lies. God is preparing you for something you cannot see now and this test is apart of the journey.

What do you do when some one is spreading lies about you to your family members?

What do you do when someone comes in betwen you and your family?

Where do you draw the line?

What if that person was your sister?

Yall Im having a really hard time with some stuff on my heart. My sister has been lying on me and spreading rumors and doing alot of stuff that hurt me. I put all that other stuff aside and just kept tellling myself that she was my sister and that I should ignore it. She was trying to save face on her behalf by lying. But when she sent a random man to my house looking for someone she knew was not there JUST TO PROVE HER LIE, she crossed the line. Ill continue to pray for her because she has alot of stuff going on with her.

Im just at a loss. Everytime I try to extend an olive branch to her or try to help her I get everything thrown up in my face. Over and over again. I do not want to cut her off because she IS my sister. I love her to death but for some reason I feel as though she will not appreciate me as a sister and all the things I do for her until she falls flat on her face and it would kill me to see that happen to her. I just dont know what to do.... Even my mother says to just treat her like any other person, but she is not eny other person. She is my sister!

How can I let her go?!?? Ironically (well not realyy God just knows what I need to hear) I went to church today and my pastor talked about relationships and different levels of relationships. We are incompatible. Her style is black and white and my style is high definition. She is elementary and Im secondary. She takes takes and takes and doesnt expect that she has to give. I give give give and dont expect anythign in return but get hurt in the process. Its all about making herself look good regardless of what other people she hurts in the process. Im just at a loss.....

 

[beyondcute]

Thank you! That was a beautiful response (and so were all the others!) I have to see this as a test! It is a trial and I will be victorious in the end. I hope it will help to open her eyes to show her ALOT of things that she doesnt want to see. It has opened my eyes to some stuff also. I knew that when we talked she was saying some things just to hurt me and I guess its because she is hurting. I will continue to pray over this and turn it over 100% to God.