What do you do with a man who wants to do nothing?

"Don't Complain About What You Permit" Was he always a home-body when you met him? Or was this all of a sudden? If you knew he was ALWAYS like this and was never really the type to go out and about then you can't complain. You can't change a man. The sex part? Well, unless you do something to spice it up, it won't change either.

Either have a convo w/ him about seperating for about 30 days so yall can figure out if you really want to be together or just leave him. Plain and simple.
 
I found out later that my husband was more of a homebody than I was aware of. At first I became agitated with him and I would just not do stuff and stay home with him. Soon I became tired of that and started doing stuff without him. I will get up early on Saturday fix breakfast, and get the kids ready for a fun-filled planned day. I didn't ask him if he wanted to go, because I did not feel like becoming upset and getting into it with him.

Eventually he got tired of us having a ball without him. :lachen:
 
I dump him. there are so many couple out there that have a great time together when they go out. why should i appear as a single woman to others when i in fact have a man. why should i have to constantly explain that my boyfriend is home when men (who are also enjoying themselves) approach me. if he is that comfortable with me enjoying myself without him and attracting others, then he i can do without.

it is one thing to have different hobbies. it is another to have nothing in common.
 
The sex thing would worry me more than his laziness/idleness.
I think I would have to sit down for a long talk...
 
Sometimes I feel I cannot talk to him. He is always on the defensive and any conversation ends up in an argument. He can be a very social person but only when his friends are around. He asked if I want to go to the movies tonight...BUT that is the same thing as sitting at home and watching tv...just you have to pay for the entertainment (imo).
He was not always this way....he credits it with that he is getting older and just not so into the social scene.
 
bimbabe said:
I need some help ladies. My SO is quite comfortable to sit at home and watch tv 24-7 7 days a week. I would like him to do something with me everyonce in a while. I make suggestions and he may either flat out refuse them or do the activities begrudgingly. What can I do? It has gotten so bad now that even sex seems like a stretch of the imagination for him and he only initiates when he has not seen me for a long time or when I jump him.:perplexed
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Is it possible he might be struggling with depression? Depression doesn't always present itself to others as obvious sadness (though the person may be feeling it and just masking it well). It takes many forms.

"Don't Complain About What You Permit" Was he always a home-body when you met him? Or was this all of a sudden? If you knew he was ALWAYS like this and was never really the type to go out and about then you can't complain. You can't change a man.
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:yep: ^^This too.
 
I think he may be depressed about work...BUT he puts up a front and acts social when friends are around.
 
Just dump him and then come back on the board and tell us what he said.

Tell him just like this: "I've noticed you may be going through some personal issues that I can't seem to help you out with and when I try, you still push me away so I've decided to leave the relationship and let us each have some time apart to refresh our minds and re-evaluate our relationship. In 30 days, we can talk and see how things are going"

Quit hemming and hawwing and just break up with him. I do it to my EX all the time. He acts up, I take a break, don't need someone negative around me for no reason.
 
MizzBrown said:
Just dump him and then come back on the board and tell us what he said.

Tell him just like this: "I've noticed you may be going through some personal issues that I can't seem to help you out with and when I try, you still push me away so I've decided to leave the relationship and let us each have some time apart to refresh our minds and re-evaluate our relationship. In 30 days, we can talk and see how things are going"

Quit hemming and hawwing and just break up with him. I do it to my EX all the time. He acts up, I take a break, don't need someone negative around me for no reason.
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:lachen: Why are you so GANSTA?!!
 
bimbabe said:
I need some help ladies. My SO is quite comfortable to sit at home and watch tv 24-7 7 days a week. I would like him to do something with me everyonce in a while. I make suggestions and he may either flat out refuse them or do the activities begrudgingly. What can I do? It has gotten so bad now that even sex seems like a stretch of the imagination for him and he only initiates when he has not seen me for a long time or when I jump him.:perplexed
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missfadu said:
Is he depressed? Was he always like that? If not then it may be a sign.
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I agree with Missfadu. It definitely seems like he could be depressed. I think if that's the case, you may want to encourage counseling. But if he won't go that route (a lot of men won't), then I would start by going for walks. If he increases his exercise level, his endorphins will increase, and the you can get him to the point where he may be open to couples or individual counseling. I don't think you should dump him, at least until you know what it is.

I am currently kind of talking to a guy and the situation is similar. He never goes out, he never seems happy. I know that we can't be a couple right now, b/c I know he's depressed. His mother and brother have both died over the last 2 years and he himself was very sick for a while with a terminal illness, but he's better. He needs to heal before he can be in a relationship, but I still talk to him b/c he doesn't really talk to too many other people.

Good luck to you, and definitely get him to exercise, since this is a natural antidepressant!
 
bimbabe said:
Sometimes I feel I cannot talk to him. He is always on the defensive and any conversation ends up in an argument. He can be a very social person but only when his friends are around. He asked if I want to go to the movies tonight...BUT that is the same thing as sitting at home and watching tv...just you have to pay for the entertainment (imo).
He was not always this way....he credits it with that he is getting older and just not so into the social scene.
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serious question...why are you with him? what is honestly keeping you in the relationship? i'm not saying leave but i'm just trying to understand what is keep you attached to a man you have a bad sex life with, who does not share the same interests, you cannot successful communicate with, you feel is defensive etc. his reasons for wanting to say at home may well be valid but it clashes with your own mindset though so this is a problem. there are quite a few issues here and none of them are trivial, either.

btw, personally i think of going to the cinema as "going out". but then i'm a huge film lover and it is a legitimate evening or afternoon out with friends (we will usually go to dinner or lunch after/before though). but once again, the fact that he sees this as a social event and you do not highlight your differences yet again.

some have suggested depression. or maybe he's just got real comfortable around you and thus that "spark" is now gone. it seems like you both are just coasting through this relationship, imo. but at least you are seemingly trying to keep it alive whilst the effort on his end is apparently non-existent or half-hearted at best.
 
I agree with the suggestions that he may possibly be depressed. Most relationships that I've seen where one party was so much of a homebody that they never liked going *anywhere*, have not lasted.

I hope you can talk to him.
 
Keep yourself busy with or without a man. I don't care if he is your boyfriend, he should always be waiting to be fit in your schedule. Depression? I personally doubt it. If I were you I wouldn't even talk to him about it. Stop bringing it up. If I were you I'd start going out with my friends more or start taking a yoga or dance class. Or something. It doesn't matter what it is just start doing something else with your time that you enjoy. If you have spare time to want to go out with him, that means you have spare time to do things that will make you happy with or without your SO. When we get into relationships we get so caught up in our SO that we stop doing our own thing to be with them. Do these things, and I'll bet you he'll come around. Always keep them wanting more. Always. And don't always be available to him. Stay the weekends with friends or family once a month. And do it randomly. When you go to the store or when you're out with friends, stay out a little longer then usual. Girl please..... I'll go on and on. But just consider some of the things I've said.....
 
My husband is a homebody and I love it because I'm a homebody too!

I can see how this could be a problem for people that are opposite though. I wouldn't advise you to leave the relationship, but if it's too much for you to handle, I wouldn't object.

Communicating would be a start!

Good Luck!
 
Bunk that depressed mess. He just doesn't want to do anything. Sometimes it is not as complicated as we woman make. Either stay with him or roll.
 
MizzBrown said:
"Don't Complain About What You Permit" Was he always a home-body when you met him? Or was this all of a sudden? If you knew he was ALWAYS like this and was never really the type to go out and about then you can't complain. You can't change a man. The sex part? Well, unless you do something to spice it up, it won't change either.

Either have a convo w/ him about seperating for about 30 days so yall can figure out if you really want to be together or just leave him. Plain and simple.
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MizzBrown said:
Just dump him and then come back on the board and tell us what he said.

Tell him just like this: "I've noticed you may be going through some personal issues that I can't seem to help you out with and when I try, you still push me away so I've decided to leave the relationship and let us each have some time apart to refresh our minds and re-evaluate our relationship. In 30 days, we can talk and see how things are going"

Quit hemming and hawwing and just break up with him. I do it to my EX all the time. He acts up, I take a break, don't need someone negative around me for no reason.
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Just like that, huh?
:lachen::lachen:

You are crazy with this advice you gave LOL.
 
Bim, I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you get to the bottom of SO's change in attitude and find the best solution that makes you happy :kiss:
 
Thanks ladies
I have just been doing what I feel like doing and hopefully he will fall in line. If not I have determined that this is the year I will not take any BS and he may be given a pinkslip.
 
Surprise said:
I found out later that my husband was more of a homebody than I was aware of. At first I became agitated with him and I would just not do stuff and stay home with him. Soon I became tired of that and started doing stuff without him. I will get up early on Saturday fix breakfast, and get the kids ready for a fun-filled planned day. I didn't ask him if he wanted to go, because I did not feel like becoming upset and getting into it with him.

Eventually he got tired of us having a ball without him. :lachen:
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Actually you just demonstrated a wonderful point and a point I read in a book called "why men love *****es".

Men don't listen to nags. Nagging won't do a thing. All you manage to do is frustrate yourself and nothing changes.

LADIES.....ACTION IS THE ONLY WAY you will change the behavior you find displeasing.

S/O won't go out with you on a Friday/Saturday night. Get gussied up and go out for a night on the town without him. Make plans with friends or a good guy friend and hang out. Have the time of your life without him and soon enough he will get the picture. GET A LIFE OF YOUR OWN! Women make the mistake of giving up the things they love to do when they get coupled up.

You can attend seminars to start your own business, take dance classes, etc.

I would also recommend "Why Men Love *****es" for some tips. Read the book in B&N while you are out enjoying yourself, take notes and apply the ones you think would work.

Report back okay!
 
ThickHair said:
Bunk that depressed mess. He just doesn't want to do anything. Sometimes it is not as complicated as we woman make. Either stay with him or roll.
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i agree. i didn't get depressed from all of this. you can't really get a psychological analysis of a person, especially based on what little OP has said, imo. if he is truly depressed, he is only going to get help when he wants to anyway and there are other signs aside from not wanting to go out and lack of sex drive to depression. none of which we know OP's man even has. but say she's even equipped with the knowledge her man is actually depressed...um, what then if he doesn't want to get better? there is nothing she can really do. except either stay in the relationship or exit.
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IMO, if you've told him how you feel and he hasn't even tried to better the situation for you in some way, there is a serious problem with that. Doesn't he care anymore about your feelings? Even if he said okay, what about this week Friday, we can do whatever you want, then I'd think that he gave a damn and was willing to try but right now, it just seems to me that he's not doing anything else so why can't/won't he spend more time with you and give you some more attention? It's not that he's too busy. I wouldn't take too kindly to this but then again I'm not too patient with that sort of stuff.
 
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