JaneBond007
New Member
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;337 views, no advice? No one has dated/courted after widowhood, divorce as a christian?
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What Are You Supposed to Feel the Second Time Around?
- Thread starter JaneBond007
- Start date
Hey sis! I have been divorced for 22 peaceful years. I have only dated three guys since then. They believed in God. One was extremely whorish and interested in shallow relationships. The second was a liar. He told me to meet him at church and never showed up. The third was initially kind and.considerate. He was just not someone to settle down with. I have not met many saved men. I have not met any single guys.from my church. I don't go to meet somebody. We had prayer service. This brother was praying so well, he.edified the whole church. I didn't know his name. I just wanted to tell.him how I had enjoyed him. I thought that he would run from me and say he was married. The average brother there is functionally illiterate. I like guys that speak English. Nevertheless I have had little success with men since I divorced. It seems like if you even speak to someone in passing, you are intentionally trying to break up their marriage. Hi,good morning, and praise the Lord are entry.clues to someone being the church jezebel. I went to a church across town for a special service and the people spoke and were polite. I am not sure whether they believe that casual conversation leads to fornication. I think fear was instilled in folks to be wary of the intentions of members of the opposite sex. This may not have been the response you wanted. This has just been my experience.
JaneBond007
New Member
So sorry for all those bad experiences. I'm more wondering if you do fall in love the same way as the first time.
I don't think so. When I first fell in love I.was.naive. I do not have all of.those idealizations anymore. I may think that a person has good points, and find undesirable characteristics. What I had initially or with d ex h, will not occur again. I hope to be with someone fun who likes to solve problems.
PinkPebbles
Well-Known Member
A previous coworker who was in her 50s at the time was a widow and remarried. God blessed her with new love and it's all over her countenance
.My neighbor's pastor was a widow and he remarried in his 60s.
I believe that God can heal, restore, mend broken hearts, and give something new. The Almighty God did it for Job (the book of Job).
JaneBond007
New Member
Ladies, thanks for your posts. Some sparks with common sense this time around 
JaneBond007
New Member
Well, you'd think this should be second nature, but it's not always. Nothing wrong with good counseling. Here's one for any time around. Omit the part about sex (before marriage) as it should be applied after-the-fact (for faithful). You know, at any stage, this is what you need to be looking for in a relationship. Think ahead, plan ahead, see far in advance. That's my advice. But anyhoo, here it is:
http://video.about.com/marriage/Tips-for-Knowing-if-You-re-Marrying-the-Right-Person.htm
She has a short video as well.
Transcript:Tips for Knowing if You're Marrying the Right Person
Hi, this is Jane Fendelman for About.com. Today we're talking about how to know if you're marrying the right person.
Feeling Deeply, Profoundly Connected
I ask people to look at past present and future. Let's start with present first. You need to know that you feel deeply, profoundly connected with your beloved in the present. That means, do you feel that undercurrent of love no matter what you're doing, and even if there is a difficulty you still feel loved and respected if you're not agreeing.
Feeling Physical Attraction
You do need to have a physical attraction to your beloved, otherwise it's not a romance, it's a friendship. So, you want to feel like you want to make love to each other. Hopefully your libidos are similar in intensity, and also it's important that you feel supported, respected, nurtured, loved sexually, and not disrespected or overwhelmed.
It's okay when beloveds have a little bit different level of libido, just make sure that you're each sensitive to each other's needs.
Willingness to Forgive and Heal Old Wounds
Now, let's talk about the past for a moment. Everybody has baggage, everybody has old wounds. Everybody has a tendency to bring them into the present moment. We look through those glasses. Is your beloved willing to work on and clean up and clear out old wounds so that they don't effect your present relationship. Also, if you've been going together for a while, there's bound to be a wound between the two of you.
Is your partner willing to heal old wounds between the two of you. Is your partner willing to apologize, do an active amends because that's what it takes to bring a wound full circle so that you're able to let it go.
Wanting the Same Things Out of Life, Compatibility
Future. You need to have a partner that wants the same things out of life that you do. Do they have similar values? You need to talk about children, spiritual path, you need to talk about where you want to live, city or country. How many children you want to have. How you deal with each other's families and in-laws. These are all important things you have to discuss before you make a permanent commitment.
Sometimes people think they have to look for a partner that's the same as them, and some people say opposites attract. Well, both are true. What you really need to look at is compatibility. You don't have to be the same. But, if you want the same things out of life it's going to work better than if one person wants to live in the city and one person wants to live in the country. Now, you may be a couple that compromises and you live part of the year in the city, and part of the year in the country. Anything can work if the willingness is there.
The right person is respectful, a good calm communicator, and you're still in love with them even after the infatuation period has worn off.
Thanks for watching. If you'd like to learn more, please visit us on the web at About.com.
http://video.about.com/marriage/Tips-for-Knowing-if-You-re-Marrying-the-Right-Person.htm
She has a short video as well.
Transcript:Tips for Knowing if You're Marrying the Right Person
Hi, this is Jane Fendelman for About.com. Today we're talking about how to know if you're marrying the right person.
Feeling Deeply, Profoundly Connected
I ask people to look at past present and future. Let's start with present first. You need to know that you feel deeply, profoundly connected with your beloved in the present. That means, do you feel that undercurrent of love no matter what you're doing, and even if there is a difficulty you still feel loved and respected if you're not agreeing.
Feeling Physical Attraction
You do need to have a physical attraction to your beloved, otherwise it's not a romance, it's a friendship. So, you want to feel like you want to make love to each other. Hopefully your libidos are similar in intensity, and also it's important that you feel supported, respected, nurtured, loved sexually, and not disrespected or overwhelmed.
It's okay when beloveds have a little bit different level of libido, just make sure that you're each sensitive to each other's needs.
Willingness to Forgive and Heal Old Wounds
Now, let's talk about the past for a moment. Everybody has baggage, everybody has old wounds. Everybody has a tendency to bring them into the present moment. We look through those glasses. Is your beloved willing to work on and clean up and clear out old wounds so that they don't effect your present relationship. Also, if you've been going together for a while, there's bound to be a wound between the two of you.
Is your partner willing to heal old wounds between the two of you. Is your partner willing to apologize, do an active amends because that's what it takes to bring a wound full circle so that you're able to let it go.
Wanting the Same Things Out of Life, Compatibility
Future. You need to have a partner that wants the same things out of life that you do. Do they have similar values? You need to talk about children, spiritual path, you need to talk about where you want to live, city or country. How many children you want to have. How you deal with each other's families and in-laws. These are all important things you have to discuss before you make a permanent commitment.
Sometimes people think they have to look for a partner that's the same as them, and some people say opposites attract. Well, both are true. What you really need to look at is compatibility. You don't have to be the same. But, if you want the same things out of life it's going to work better than if one person wants to live in the city and one person wants to live in the country. Now, you may be a couple that compromises and you live part of the year in the city, and part of the year in the country. Anything can work if the willingness is there.
The right person is respectful, a good calm communicator, and you're still in love with them even after the infatuation period has worn off.
Thanks for watching. If you'd like to learn more, please visit us on the web at About.com.
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stephluv
Well-Known Member
Thank you for that JaneBond007 Maybe you should post the above in the Proverbs31 or Single womens thread.... A lot of us singles would appreciate the advice!
