What Are The Traits Of A Serial Cheater ?
- Thread starter Kindheart
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Glamorous_chic
Well-Known Member
I think they also tend to be pathological liars, like the two go hand in hand, you have to be really good at lying to keep several women on rotation
probably a bit of a narcissist too, they feel they are too "fine" to be chained down to 1 woman
possibly nymphomaniac tendencies also, sexual addict?
thrill seeking, probably isn't cheating b/c they want to cheat, but its the thrill of cheating.
probably a womanizer, although he has several "female" friends
I know a few female serial cheaters. they usually attract men anywhere they go and are very attractive. are not maliciously cheating, as in not like f these dudes. they really just didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal. and aren't technically bad people. they were usually people that were very charismatic and draw people in b/c they seemed so sweat and nice.
these are just my personal observations.
probably a bit of a narcissist too, they feel they are too "fine" to be chained down to 1 woman
possibly nymphomaniac tendencies also, sexual addict?
thrill seeking, probably isn't cheating b/c they want to cheat, but its the thrill of cheating.
probably a womanizer, although he has several "female" friends
I know a few female serial cheaters. they usually attract men anywhere they go and are very attractive. are not maliciously cheating, as in not like f these dudes. they really just didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal. and aren't technically bad people. they were usually people that were very charismatic and draw people in b/c they seemed so sweat and nice.
these are just my personal observations.
CoilyFields
Well-Known Member
Serial cheaters are narcissistic. They require attention and validation in the form of amorous attachments.
They are also charming.
Their cognitive dissonance causes them to blame others for their actions.
I think a lot of serial cheaters are undiagnosed sex addicts as well.
They are also charming.
Their cognitive dissonance causes them to blame others for their actions.
I think a lot of serial cheaters are undiagnosed sex addicts as well.
Lying for absolutely no reason.
Pretty much all of the friends or family I know that have been with serial cheaters report this to me. They don't just lie about stuff they cover up. They lie about things that don't even need to be lied about
I remember one of my bffs said her SO would make up stories say if you asked him where he got a necktie and he would say something like it was from a little drummer boy that he met on the streets in Egypt. In reality he might have bought it from TKMaxx
I find the worst serial philanderers tend to have a very arrogant nature and smug nature. I spot it as soon as I meet them. Oh and they are always "switched on". Always sniffing fo ass. Whether on a picnic with the family, at the cinema and putting the bins out lol.
Pretty much all of the friends or family I know that have been with serial cheaters report this to me. They don't just lie about stuff they cover up. They lie about things that don't even need to be lied about
I remember one of my bffs said her SO would make up stories say if you asked him where he got a necktie and he would say something like it was from a little drummer boy that he met on the streets in Egypt. In reality he might have bought it from TKMaxx
I find the worst serial philanderers tend to have a very arrogant nature and smug nature. I spot it as soon as I meet them. Oh and they are always "switched on". Always sniffing fo ass. Whether on a picnic with the family, at the cinema and putting the bins out lol.
Dee-Licious
Well-Known Member
Lying and cheating.
Never fails.
Never fails.
Mai Tai
Miss Nigeria-America
Yes...serial cheaters come in all shapes and sizes but I do think they give off plenty of red flags that their partner choose to ignore. Characteristics like:
- Gaslighting: Making you seem crazy for your reaction to their dysfunction. People who gaslight try to warp your perception of their actions by invalidating your experience or flat out lying about it even though you have proof. E.g. Getting caught texting another girl but denying that those texts even exist to begin with or making statements like "It's not what you think it is..."
- Lack of personal accountability: A serial cheater will refuse to see the error in their ways. They will blame you for your pain, blame you for their lies and deceit, etc.
- Active on social media: This is just my opinion but I have yet to meet a man that is extremely active on social media but isn't a serial cheater.
- Gaslighting: Making you seem crazy for your reaction to their dysfunction. People who gaslight try to warp your perception of their actions by invalidating your experience or flat out lying about it even though you have proof. E.g. Getting caught texting another girl but denying that those texts even exist to begin with or making statements like "It's not what you think it is..."
- Lack of personal accountability: A serial cheater will refuse to see the error in their ways. They will blame you for your pain, blame you for their lies and deceit, etc.
- Active on social media: This is just my opinion but I have yet to meet a man that is extremely active on social media but isn't a serial cheater.
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movingforward13
I do what I want...
According to the infidelity boards- this is all apart of it ESPECIALLY social media use.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Emotional unavailability.
Something is a little off about them and your relationship, but you can't put your finger on it.
Trying new things sexually out of the blue.
Lack of intimacy.
You don't feel safe with them, but you can't quit put your finger on why.
Every issue or problem you point out is your fault, you making stuff up in your head, you looking for problems, you not being appreciative of all of the wonderful things they do for you -- deflection and gaslighting!
Something is a little off about them and your relationship, but you can't put your finger on it.
Trying new things sexually out of the blue.
Lack of intimacy.
You don't feel safe with them, but you can't quit put your finger on why.
Every issue or problem you point out is your fault, you making stuff up in your head, you looking for problems, you not being appreciative of all of the wonderful things they do for you -- deflection and gaslighting!
LoveLiLi
Well-Known Member
Has a permanent alibi so they can be away on a regular basis or on short notice with very little questions (sometimes multiple alibis).
Very talkative about any and everything that doesn't matter. You feel like the person is open and giving lots of information - but ask a serious question and watch them clam up. Can't be transparent when there's so much to keep hidden.
Has an unhealthy attachment to female friends.
Is overly protective of their phone. Which is usually on silent. Or face down. Or seemingly non-existent. Sometimes has multiple phones but tries to keep the other ones secret.
Claims to hardly use social media but if you pay attention, they are always posting. Most of their friends on FB are women.
They lie for sport. To their boss, friends, family.... you.
They play the victim (especially when they feel cornered and are trying to find a way out of giving a straight answer for suspicious behavior or a discrepancy in a story) - typically acting as if they're afraid of being used or hurt by you. Listen closely - the things they are so afraid of are the things they are already doing to you.
They can't resist telling heaux tales. Of course, these are supposedly from years ago when they were young and immature.
Very talkative about any and everything that doesn't matter. You feel like the person is open and giving lots of information - but ask a serious question and watch them clam up. Can't be transparent when there's so much to keep hidden.
Has an unhealthy attachment to female friends.
Is overly protective of their phone. Which is usually on silent. Or face down. Or seemingly non-existent. Sometimes has multiple phones but tries to keep the other ones secret.
Claims to hardly use social media but if you pay attention, they are always posting. Most of their friends on FB are women.
They lie for sport. To their boss, friends, family.... you.
They play the victim (especially when they feel cornered and are trying to find a way out of giving a straight answer for suspicious behavior or a discrepancy in a story) - typically acting as if they're afraid of being used or hurt by you. Listen closely - the things they are so afraid of are the things they are already doing to you.
They can't resist telling heaux tales. Of course, these are supposedly from years ago when they were young and immature.
Hairsnob
Deep Thinker
They usually have a woman family member they can use to cover for their lies.
E.g., my sister cooked that for me or that's my daughter's shower cap.
They only see you on a particular schedule. That's how they keep their lies straight.
Woman A: He tells her he works weird hours (VERY early graveyard shift) so he only sees her on weekends. She thinks he's going to bed at 7pm and he'll call her yawning and pretending he's going to bed just to make sure he checked in before Woman B comes over so that she won't be calling during that time.
Woman B: He can see during the week but never on weekends. He tells her that's the time he spends with his daughter.
You'll find out what's up if you ever try to change up the schedule because that throws that lying arsehole completely off. Whoops, sorry, got caught up in flashbacks LOL.
E.g., my sister cooked that for me or that's my daughter's shower cap.
They only see you on a particular schedule. That's how they keep their lies straight.
Woman A: He tells her he works weird hours (VERY early graveyard shift) so he only sees her on weekends. She thinks he's going to bed at 7pm and he'll call her yawning and pretending he's going to bed just to make sure he checked in before Woman B comes over so that she won't be calling during that time.
Woman B: He can see during the week but never on weekends. He tells her that's the time he spends with his daughter.
You'll find out what's up if you ever try to change up the schedule because that throws that lying arsehole completely off. Whoops, sorry, got caught up in flashbacks LOL.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
This is true for the cheater that I know (a woman). Her relationships all start out very intense and passionate. She also feels (which she told me once), that if she meets someone that she wants to have sex with and that person wants the same thing, she can't see why they shouldn't. I honestly think some people create their own moral values that clash with the rest of us...
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
I don't personally know any cheaters but DH knows a few married men who cheat. What they have in common is they prefer to see their wives as homemakers and taking care of the kids while they try all sorts of kinky sex with the other women.
DH asked his serial cheating colleague why he keeps cheating on his wife and he said it's the sex. His wife doesn't do some things he likes. DH said that should be a simple conversation rather than cheating since it seems he never asked his wife, he just presumes she won't do certain things. DH didn't ask for specifics. This guy also thinks his wife won't ever leave (he's cheated more than once) and he fully intends to blame her if she catches him since she let the woman move in with them temporarily when he was against it.
Another guy who is cheating on his wife admitted to using hookers. One other cheater is a totally different person with his side chicks, including using cocaine during sex. He's come home with scratches on his back but his wife hasn't left him. They've been married since around age 18.
I think most people could cheat under the right circumstances; however, they choose not to based on the perceived consequences. There are no specific traits for cheaters.
This reminds me of that Chris Rock skit:
DH asked his serial cheating colleague why he keeps cheating on his wife and he said it's the sex. His wife doesn't do some things he likes. DH said that should be a simple conversation rather than cheating since it seems he never asked his wife, he just presumes she won't do certain things. DH didn't ask for specifics. This guy also thinks his wife won't ever leave (he's cheated more than once) and he fully intends to blame her if she catches him since she let the woman move in with them temporarily when he was against it.
Another guy who is cheating on his wife admitted to using hookers. One other cheater is a totally different person with his side chicks, including using cocaine during sex. He's come home with scratches on his back but his wife hasn't left him. They've been married since around age 18.
I think most people could cheat under the right circumstances; however, they choose not to based on the perceived consequences. There are no specific traits for cheaters.
This reminds me of that Chris Rock skit:
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UniquelyDivine
Well-Known Member
Making excuses for everything they do, stubbed their toe? It's the fault of the city engineers that designed the curb, not his for failing to pay attention.
Needing constant validation & attention.
Making you feel like you're not doing enough for them or in the relationship.
Constant lies & using scapegoats. "My boy's phone died & he used my phone to text ol girl".
Starting arguments over DUMB stuff to piss you off so you won't talk to him for a few days...total freedom for him.
Charming & charismatic.
I could go on and on....ol stanking bastard
Needing constant validation & attention.
Making you feel like you're not doing enough for them or in the relationship.
Constant lies & using scapegoats. "My boy's phone died & he used my phone to text ol girl".
Starting arguments over DUMB stuff to piss you off so you won't talk to him for a few days...total freedom for him.
Charming & charismatic.
I could go on and on....ol stanking bastard
MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
Another co-sign on the lying. My boyfriend in high school was one of the most magnificent liars I have ever come across, even to this day. Not only would he lie but he would have an entire backstory to support the lie. I mean it was truly remarkable how easily he could spend 10 or 15 minutes telling you a completely false story that he made up right then, ON THE SPOT and have you believing it. Usually when guys are lying their excuses are preposterous so of course you don't believe them. But him? The lies combined with the calm, sincere demeanor and the super detailed backstory about something he couldn't have possibly known beforehand that he was going to be asked about? It was mind blowing. Remember Kevin Spacey in The Usual Suspects and the big reveal at the end? Yeah, that was totally him.
Years later I found out that he is in the military now with some kind of top secret job. Makes perfect sense and I bet he is excellent at whatever it is that he does. He was an amazing liar when he was a teenager so I bet he's a world class Olympian liar now that he has years of experience under his belt.
Years later I found out that he is in the military now with some kind of top secret job. Makes perfect sense and I bet he is excellent at whatever it is that he does. He was an amazing liar when he was a teenager so I bet he's a world class Olympian liar now that he has years of experience under his belt.
lesedi
All is well with me
He might be lying about that too, he's probably working in HR somewhere
MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
I'm going to base it on the biggest cheater I know:
1. Thrill seeker (You can watch them creating lies, working in high risk jobs maybe in high positions)
2. Needing attention and validation
3. Low self esteem
More than 2 serial cheaters I know are NOT on social media because there's usually some connection and someone will see something, post something etc. So they avoid social media at all cost.
On another hand, those sniffing around, are actively seeking on social media especially IG.
Point is, it can go either way.
I agree with people who say there are no fundamental characteristics that differentiate a cheater from a non-cheater.
1. Thrill seeker (You can watch them creating lies, working in high risk jobs maybe in high positions)
2. Needing attention and validation
3. Low self esteem
More than 2 serial cheaters I know are NOT on social media because there's usually some connection and someone will see something, post something etc. So they avoid social media at all cost.
On another hand, those sniffing around, are actively seeking on social media especially IG.
Point is, it can go either way.
I agree with people who say there are no fundamental characteristics that differentiate a cheater from a non-cheater.
melahnee
Well-Known Member
Kindheart
Well-Known Member
The big serial cheaters I know have no social media either cuz they don't want any connection made between lovers or anything compromising (like claiming but one but not the other)
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
Copying and pasting from MSN home page:
4 LITTLE THINGS COMPULSIVE CHEATERS HAVE IN COMMON
Life is messy, and infidelity can touch even the strongest of relationships—after all, we’re human, and we all make mistakes (though that doesn’t make it any less hurtful when it happens). Cheating doesn’t make someone a bad person. But an isolated, one-time betrayal by a partner who feels terrible about it is very different than a years-long affair or decades of habitual cheating by a partner who’s simply addicted to the thrill. Some people, it seems, might just be incapable of monogamy, and if those folks are also stuck on the high of betrayal, chronic cheating is the name of their game.
SO HOW DO YOU SPOT A COMPULSIVE CHEATER BEFORE GETTING CAUGHT IN THEIR WEB?
If there were a foolproof answer to that question, whoever came up with it would be a millionaire by now, but there are some common characteristics that many compulsive cheaters share. “There are psychological characteristics that are more prevalent and revealing about the personality traits of people who cheat,” said psychologist Dr. Ildiko Tabori. Here’s what to watch for…
1. THEY’RE HOOKED ON DRAMA.
If your partner seems bored by happy, stable relationships, run the other way. “People who cheat prefer to ride an emotional roller coaster rather than find joy in emotional stability. They get an adrenaline rush from the figurative bumps and bruises that cause strife and turmoil with their significant other and their second significant other because it leads to the intoxication of making up again and again,” says Dr. Tabori.
2. THEY’RE UNHAPPY.
Most people who are highly satisfied with their relationship and whose needs are being met don’t want to cheat, says Dr. Tabori. Both physical and emotional needs are important in relationships, so if either gets lost in the shuffle, trouble can arise—though of course, a more responsible course of action when a person is unhappy is often to be honest about it or to end the relationship if they can’t get their needs met, instead of having an affair and lying to a person who loves them.
3. THEY’RE AFRAID OF BEING ALONE.
According to Dr. Tabori, cheaters often deeply fear abandonment and seek out their second relationship as something of a security blanket against physical or emotional loneliness. This often ends up being a counterintuitive move, because if and when the affair explodes, they’re a lot more likely to be left behind by partners they’ve betrayed.
4. AND THEY CAN BE VERY OPPORTUNISTIC.
Joshua Forman, partner and matrimonial attorney at Chemtob Moss & Forman, has seen his fair share of brutal divorces over affairs, and he’s seen some sobering realities among the couples he’s worked with. “Some people do change, but as a whole, if someone cheated on you before you got married, a leopard doesn’t change their spots,” he says about compulsive philanderers. “They might get good for a couple months, but it’s not the kind of thing that changes. The personality traits of someone who is dishonest in work or in other areas spills over into personal life.”
According to Dr. Tabori, compulsive cheaters are often in positions of power, and can be very calculating about when they decide to strike. “One is more likely to cheat when opportunity arises, not simply when they are away from their significant other, but when the opportunity to prey upon a potential mate presents itself. People who cheat will look for opportunities where the potential mate may be in a vulnerable state, such as after a break-up or divorce. When the preyed-upon is in a more vulnerable state, they are more likely to be open to and engage in the cheating behavior because they miss the feeling of being loved and are not emotionally grounded enough yet to set secure boundaries.” Unsettling, right?
4 LITTLE THINGS COMPULSIVE CHEATERS HAVE IN COMMON
Life is messy, and infidelity can touch even the strongest of relationships—after all, we’re human, and we all make mistakes (though that doesn’t make it any less hurtful when it happens). Cheating doesn’t make someone a bad person. But an isolated, one-time betrayal by a partner who feels terrible about it is very different than a years-long affair or decades of habitual cheating by a partner who’s simply addicted to the thrill. Some people, it seems, might just be incapable of monogamy, and if those folks are also stuck on the high of betrayal, chronic cheating is the name of their game.
SO HOW DO YOU SPOT A COMPULSIVE CHEATER BEFORE GETTING CAUGHT IN THEIR WEB?
If there were a foolproof answer to that question, whoever came up with it would be a millionaire by now, but there are some common characteristics that many compulsive cheaters share. “There are psychological characteristics that are more prevalent and revealing about the personality traits of people who cheat,” said psychologist Dr. Ildiko Tabori. Here’s what to watch for…
1. THEY’RE HOOKED ON DRAMA.
If your partner seems bored by happy, stable relationships, run the other way. “People who cheat prefer to ride an emotional roller coaster rather than find joy in emotional stability. They get an adrenaline rush from the figurative bumps and bruises that cause strife and turmoil with their significant other and their second significant other because it leads to the intoxication of making up again and again,” says Dr. Tabori.
2. THEY’RE UNHAPPY.
Most people who are highly satisfied with their relationship and whose needs are being met don’t want to cheat, says Dr. Tabori. Both physical and emotional needs are important in relationships, so if either gets lost in the shuffle, trouble can arise—though of course, a more responsible course of action when a person is unhappy is often to be honest about it or to end the relationship if they can’t get their needs met, instead of having an affair and lying to a person who loves them.
3. THEY’RE AFRAID OF BEING ALONE.
According to Dr. Tabori, cheaters often deeply fear abandonment and seek out their second relationship as something of a security blanket against physical or emotional loneliness. This often ends up being a counterintuitive move, because if and when the affair explodes, they’re a lot more likely to be left behind by partners they’ve betrayed.
4. AND THEY CAN BE VERY OPPORTUNISTIC.
Joshua Forman, partner and matrimonial attorney at Chemtob Moss & Forman, has seen his fair share of brutal divorces over affairs, and he’s seen some sobering realities among the couples he’s worked with. “Some people do change, but as a whole, if someone cheated on you before you got married, a leopard doesn’t change their spots,” he says about compulsive philanderers. “They might get good for a couple months, but it’s not the kind of thing that changes. The personality traits of someone who is dishonest in work or in other areas spills over into personal life.”
According to Dr. Tabori, compulsive cheaters are often in positions of power, and can be very calculating about when they decide to strike. “One is more likely to cheat when opportunity arises, not simply when they are away from their significant other, but when the opportunity to prey upon a potential mate presents itself. People who cheat will look for opportunities where the potential mate may be in a vulnerable state, such as after a break-up or divorce. When the preyed-upon is in a more vulnerable state, they are more likely to be open to and engage in the cheating behavior because they miss the feeling of being loved and are not emotionally grounded enough yet to set secure boundaries.” Unsettling, right?
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