Wanting to BC but....

[msjones]

So after stretching for about 2 months I REALLY don't want to relax b/c my NG is sooo soft and alot more manageable than my relaxed hair. I really want to BC!

The thing is...my boyfriend really really does not want me to cut my hair as he "hates" short hair. I KNOW if I cut my hair he wont love me less (of course) but I'd hate if the situation was switched around and he did something that I didn't like (like shave off all his facial hair...he looks like a baby when he does that )...for anyone who's fully transitioned....how hard is it? Is is a HUGE pain when dealing w/ breakage/tangling?

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

Its great that you are taking your SO's thoughts into consideration. I know that I did and when my DH gave me the okay to cut I did. He complains about it often but he will just have to live with it. Part of me wants to say, its your hair do what you want but then there is that part of me that understands. So for transitioning. I would try styles that you are going to rock as a natural woman. I did the twist outs, braid outs, 1/2 wigs, etc. Right now, even though I am 100% natural I am about to get braids, just for something new and so I can keep my hands out of my hair. As for breaking, I didn't notice a lot of breaking but I did protein reconstructors and DC's religiously every week. However, right before I BC'ed due to stress or whatever I got a lot of breaking....so that is when I decided to let it all go...

Good luck on your journey!

 

[hopeful]

Why don't you just take it one month at a time? I've heard that lots of people don't encounter too many problems with stretching until they reach around the 7th month. You may be able to stretch longer than you think you can. Remember if and when you bc, you can get braids like Blackoutzangel05 or you can wear wigs and baby your natural hair underneath while it grows out. I think wigs are great because you can really get to your hair and keep it super moisturized and conditioned. Maybe once your bf sees how badly you want to bc he will be more understanding. When I told my dh I wanted to bc he just said you gotta do what you gotta do. He didn't love my short hair but he loves my natural hair now that it's longer.

 

[msjones]

Thanks for all your input guys! It may also be a cultural issue too as he's light-skinned Puerto Rican and has never dated a Black girl before. So I think I'm worried about the curliness AND the shortness.

When we first met, my hair was long (damaged but long) and straight when I joined LHCF i decided to cut it chin length to cut off damaged ends and he HATED it! I'm worried he'll hate my short and natural hair.

 

[hopeful]

Well you know, if that is the case, you will really have to do some soul-searching. And girl you know it's not just puerto rican guys, lots of men can be like that. The thing is (IMHO) if a man is really hooked and crazy about you and wants you to be happy, he can deal with the change, it's not like you are changing everything about yourself, you know? Just your hair. And as it grows out it will just get prettier and prettier. If he has a real deep-seated problem with curly or kinky hair, well I don't really know what to say, well I do know what to say, but I dare not.

 

[glamazon386]

It depends on your hair. I didn't have any problems with tangling or anything during my transition. I was just doing my usual relaxer stretch and decided to chop it all off one day. As long as you're wearing low manipulation styles and keeping your hair moisturized (especially at the line of demarcation), you should be fine.

 

[Country gal]

What about wearing individuals during your transitition?> I transition my hair for a while. I wore braids and twists until I was ready to do shake and gos. Always wear your hair for you only. It's fine to get his feedback but ultimately it is up to you.

 

[SunnyDelight]

I see that you are a Gemini Msjones so I know that means a lot of back and forth and soul searching regarding your hair - (fellow Gemini here). Before making a change (perm/bc) put some braids in your hair and enjoy them for a few weeks. As they grow you can have fun playing with your soft n/g and your man can enjoy the length.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Thanks for all your input guys! It may also be a cultural issue too as he's light-skinned Puerto Rican and has never dated a Black girl before. So I think I'm worried about the curliness AND the shortness.

When we first met, my hair was long (damaged but long) and straight when I joined LHCF i decided to cut it chin length to cut off damaged ends and he HATED it! I'm worried he'll hate my short and natural hair.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You can transition slowly and keep your length, but I'm sure he'll love you no matter what.

I'm in the opposite situation, my boyfriend is a country born and bred white boy and he has even agreed to help me cut it! He says I'll be beautiful no matter what, and he says he can't wait to see me "fro it out". So with that being said, just know that there are men out there who will find you beautiful in all phases, I hope that deep down inside your boyfriend is one of them. It's your inner beauty that counts.

Search within for the answer, but do it for YOU.

Good Luck with whatever you choose.

 

[kittenz]

Maybe you could cut it now but keep it braided and twisted with extension until it grows out a little more just to keep the lenght for your SO. I don't know about natural hair or transitioning but this seems good to me as long as it safe for your hair.

 

[msjones]

I see that you are a Gemini Msjones so I know that means a lot of back and forth and soul searching regarding your hair - (fellow Gemini here). Before making a change (perm/bc) put some braids in your hair and enjoy them for a few weeks. As they grow you can have fun playing with your soft n/g and your man can enjoy the length.

Hahaha yes being a Gemini I often flip flop about my hair!!! How did you know?? haha. I actually had braids once before and totally missed doing my hair every day...silly I know. I think I'm going to stretch as long as possible and see if I can take it.

 

[gabulldawg]

UMMMM are you planning on marrying this guy?? LOL!I see where you are coming from. I also try to take my BFs feelings about my hair into consideration. BUT we have been together for about 4 years now and are talking about marriage. Is this how you and your BF are? If not, I say go with what YOU want to do! It's your hair!! Who knows where he will be tomorrow! But if you guys are long term or are really trying to be, you should definitely take his feelings into consideration. HTH!

 

[meia]

So after stretching for about 2 months I REALLY don't want to relax b/c my NG is sooo soft and alot more manageable than my relaxed hair. I really want to BC!

The thing is...my boyfriend really really does not want me to cut my hair as he "hates" short hair. I KNOW if I cut my hair he wont love me less (of course) but I'd hate if the situation was switched around and he did something that I didn't like (like shave off all his facial hair...he looks like a baby when he does that )...for anyone who's fully transitioned....how hard is it? Is is a HUGE pain when dealing w/ breakage/tangling?

Hi Ms. Jones!

I felt the same way. I knew my boyfriend wouldn't like it and actually said he thought i'd look TERRIBLE with my hair that way. So I took that into consideration. I didn't chop until after prom for him out of respect. After prom it took me a couple months to work up the nerve to even chop one strand. Best thing I could've ever done and now, since its a bit longer than APL he couldn't be happier and girl do I GET compliments! My hair is funny in the respect that it coils into big chunks (think curly hair when you go to bed and wake-up with curls you can just shake and go) and I like to make my hair look like a sculpture. I love it!

The thing about it is to each his own. Imagine how good YOU would feel about your hair once it grows out? it doesn't really become a TERRIBLE pain until you get 3-5'' of new growth...then you're looking at a tangled mess and it becomes THREE times as harder to manage because some products work on the new growth that, for instance, make the relaxed hair greasy. Its quite a slippery slope it is so its just something to consider but once you finally do transition and get at least 5 inches when you chop it isn't BC'ing at all...its more like a large trim! lol so don't be afraid just be patient and your hair will tell you when its time to cut....and when that comb doesn't glide through for that last time, not even one bit, its time!