[virtual Couple's Retreat] Need Help Thinking Of Questions To Ask For The Anonymous Q&a

ThePerfectScore

ThePerfectScore

Well-Known Member
Boyfriend and I are about to celebrate our 2 year dating anniversary, and we just RSVP'ed for this Virtual Couple's Retreat. I'm not endorsing it because I just randomly came across it on EventBrite, but it seemed perfect because my boyfriend said he wants me to cook for him more, and he loves getting a back massage.

Check out the itinerary:
Calling all couples to log on and join us for a virtual couples retreat. Enjoy hours of best practices, massage, love questions and cooking.
Calling all Committed, Engaged and Married Couples to this half-day of love immersion. The Virtual Couples Retreat is here. Hours designed to strengthen your union. Finally, the virtual couples retreat you deserve from the comfort of your home.


Date: Saturday, June 6th, 2020
Location: Online Home, Virtual

Virtual Couples Retreat Includes:
Couples Coaching session (healthy coupling tools)
Couples Massage session (rub & relax together)
Couples Cooking session (cook & then eat together)
Couples Questions Answered

Investment: $49.99 per couple


This Couples Retreat was designed with you 2 in mind because you 2 deserve it. Join these Retreat guides in this unforgettable experience:
Cullen & Elitia, Relationship Coaches at When Love Works
Shirley G, Massage Therapist and Esthetician at Spa Boutique 2Go
Shaw-nae, Personal Chef and Coach at I Love Cooking

https://wlwcouplesretreat.splashthat.com/

One of the asks to customize the event is to submit anonymous questions for the Q&A segment, so I would love to crowdsource things to ask. I'll be sure to report back after the event.​
 
Our Background:

We dated in undergrad over 10 years ago. Broke up on some childish stuff. Didn't talk for 6 years. Reconnected on Facebook when I unblocked him and reached out. [He tried to reconnect with me earlier after our breakup, and I know this because of our mutual friends, but I didn't want anything to do with him because at that stage of my life I was quick to cut people off.] When we reconnected, I was living in California, and he was still in Georgia. We talked long-distance for a little more than half a year, and the later half of 2018 we were in a committed long-distance relationship. At the beginning of 2019 I moved back to Atlanta (the decision was independent of him but the timing of us reconnecting aligned with other events in my family and professional life).

Even though I moved back to Georgia, my boyfriend was finishing up his degree and living in Macon (about 2 hours south of where I live in the Atlanta metro area), so it still felt like a long distance relationship. Once he graduated he landed an amazing job... in Macon. While I landed an amazing job... in Atlanta, so the plan for us to find employment in the same city never panned out. And just when things were moving in the right direction for him to make a career pivot to the Atlanta area corna hit. And while I am super thankful we both still have jobs and are NOT negatively impacted by the pandemic, we both think it's best to hold on to that job security and stay put. For his role, he was an essential worker as an engineer. My job was purely work from home, so we haven't seen each other since Valentine's Day because we're overly cautious about social distancing.

Two hours in Atlanta traffic doesn't allow for much every day interaction, so we'd ideally want to live in the same metro area because we both have super busy lives professionally, so it's hard to even find that balance without adding a 2 hour one-way drive time on top of the mix.

The Next Step:

My boyfriend and I really want to jump into pre-engagement counseling, but given the economic uncertainties of the times we don't want to invest in the per-session costs of seeing local couple's counselors and therapists. Technically there's a way to finagle "marriage counseling" through my health insurance, but the kicker is that benefit is only for legally married couples. Neither one of us has solidified a church home, despite having certain ones we'll visit regularly, so we're not even sure of what churches would provide such a service.
 
My friends and I came up with these questions:

  • How do couples get on the same page as far as a timeline for moving in, marriage, finances?
  • What happens when one partner does not put in as much effort as the other?
  • How do I get my partner to tell me how they feel at the moment as opposed to later down the road?
  • What are the best methods for maintaining communication while living apart?
  • What are some methods for holding your partner accountable without it being seen as nagging?
  • How should couples address parenting differences?
  • What are good checkpoints to have with a partner & how often?
 
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I'll go find my pre-marital counseling workbook (Our 10 year wedding anniversary is a month from now and I still look at the workbook sometimes). It was several weeks of group counseling and three weeks of individual counseling with a pastor and it was invaluable. I'll see if I can find some of the questions.

So is this Q&A a session where the experts answer the questions? For us, it was more about us having questions, and then answering them individually, then talking through our answers as a couple. And our answers were different from the other people in our group, and that was fine. Like one of the big things for people is finances. Some people would never have joint bank accounts, some people don't believe you're in a marriage if you can't trust your partner enough to share money. What works for my family, might not work for your family. We all have different experiences that cause us to think certain ways.

Anyway, when I get a moment, I'll get the workbook.
 
MamaBear2012 said:
I'll go find my pre-marital counseling workbook (Our 10 year wedding anniversary is a month from now and I still look at the workbook sometimes). It was several weeks of group counseling and three weeks of individual counseling with a pastor and it was invaluable. I'll see if I can find some of the questions.

So is this Q&A a session where the experts answer the questions? For us, it was more about us having questions, and then answering them individually, then talking through our answers as a couple. And our answers were different from the other people in our group, and that was fine. Like one of the big things for people is finances. Some people would never have joint bank accounts, some people don't believe you're in a marriage if you can't trust your partner enough to share money. What works for my family, might not work for your family. We all have different experiences that cause us to think certain ways.

Anyway, when I get a moment, I'll get the workbook.
Click to expand...

  • Congratulations on 10 years! I applaud anyone that can put in the work and investment for a relationship for it to last that long!
  • Once we're in the same city, we definitely want to find a church home whose message and ministry resonates with us both. I do think all marriages need a support community in addition to family and friends.
  • Yes, this Q&A session is where couple's anonymously submit their relationship questions, and the experts answer. I'd imagine there's some room for group conversation, but I think to not single out any one couple there is a host that's moderating the questions on behalf of the attendees.
  • I agree about the importance of finances. My man is cheap as heck, but he's not necessarily as financially astute as I am, but I have a bit of a shopping problem, so we have plans to work with a financial planner when we merge homes. We do believe in transparency and having separate bank accounts, but I do need to really talk about the logistics of a household or joint bank account. Thanks for bringing up the finances part because honestly, we are both independent and have separate houses. It will be interesting going from sole decision maker to having to confer with him.
 
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