Vent: Very discouraged!!

[caltron]

I've been relaxed for over six months now and my hair had been growing nicely...or so I thought. A stylist said my hair is damaged and is probably going to break off!

I was going to a wedding this weekend and so I went to get a shampoo and style at a salon I used to go to when I was natural. They had great conditioning treatments and concentrated on the health of the hair, so I decided to go there even though I'm no longer natural.

I'm almost 3 months post relaxer, so I had a great deal of new growth. I was happy to see that when she flat ironed my hair, it was grazing APL. My hair has not been this length since I was a kid.

But then the stylist busted my bubble and said that my hair is not in good health. She said that even though my hair would look shiny and silky after she was done, that my hair would probably break off in a few weeks.

My hair is not breaking off at all right now and I have almost no split ends. In my head I am thinking she is just BSing me because she was pushing me to transition to natural, which won't work for me now because I work out regularly. Also, she didn't deep condition my hair or anything--she just put in a leave in and then blow dryed and flat ironed my hair. If my hair was so damaged, why didn't she do a more intensive treatment??

But still, what she said was very discouraging and I'm wondering if there was any truth to it. I mean, I know my hair could be in much better condition if I did more protective styling and laid off the heat, but now I'm wondering if I will wake up one day and find a whole bunch of broken off strands...So how do you tell your hair is damaged when it's not breaking or anything?

 

[Shananyganz]

I'm not a stylist, but what she said does not have to be law. Did she just TELL you your hair was damaged or did she take the time to SHOW you exactly what she was talking about and then EXPLAIN the specific damage (type, area, and severity) and what you can do, a proactive plan to nurse your hair back to health?? Just saying something *is* just isn't enough for me.

I think go with your thought of easing up off heat a bit and incorporating a few more protective styles in your routine--- also regular DC's. More importantly just pay attention to your hair and trust yourself to know that you know what your hair needs.

To answer your question, for me, I can't tell per se, it's all in the way my hair acts and what it doesn't do. Like obvious things such as split ends and broken hairs give me a clue, but outside of that, I cannot truly detect damage. I really just try to focus on doing what I feel is right for my hair. Real talk though...from what you described as the state of your hair, that does not sound like damaged hair.

I won't discount your stylist, but I side-eye proclamation without explanation.

~S~

ETA: No intensive treatment??? Even BIGGER side-eye WITH a lip smack. Try not to let what she said get to you...ESPECIALLY if her actions don't coincide with how she treats your hair.

Side note:: YAY for making APL!!

 

[faithVA]

Can you send us a pic of your ends?

I haven't been relaxed in a while but if you are ends are so busted then I would think you would have seen something in the blow dry or flat ironing process. And if you are relaxed you probably would have felt something at some point or see it now.

The relaxed ladies will come in and give you some good advice. It doesn't sound viable that your hair is that damaged. Something doesn't sound right.

 

[Aveena]

My stylist is a great... the only person I would trust to cut my hair (although she uses too much heat!).

But she hates that I henna my hair and is always telling me how damaged my hair is due to henna when I KNOW that henna is the ONLY thing saving my extremely fine strands.

I think sometimes what we do just does.not.compute to some stylist and they think they are offering sound advice but there are times when they don't know what they are talking about.

I started limiting my interaction with this stylist because I began to fear that she would do something to my hair to prove her point.

 

[cinnespice]

I would have asked to show me exactly whats' wrong with my hair and what i can do to make it better. I just want "see" what she will say. In my head if she said your is not in good health and she cared she would not have put the flat iron in your hair. She would have also put a treatment in your hair. None of this makes sense. I had a hairdresser not want to put a full weave in my hair cause she wanted to perm the top of it. Really?? you do what i pay you to do.....if you can't then let me go else where. I have learned not all hairdressers care about your hair. Sometimes i hate to put it out there but jealousy plays a part also.

 

[empressri]

She sounds like she's full of it. You're on here especially, I think you'd know damaged hair that will break if you breathe on it by now.
I had my own stylist try to give me a song and dance too. HAH! My hair thrived once she stopped doing it.

 

[NaturalEnigma]

Yeah that doesn't make any sense, how is someone going to predict your hair is going to fall out. She sounds like she's jealous, or wants to scare you into thinking that you're not doing a good job, and that you need her services to prevent your hair from falling out. I would stop going to her, she might try to "trim" your hair and the next thing you know you're leaving the salon with shoulder length hair.

 

[caltron]

Thanks ladies. Your words are definitely helping me feel much better. I would post a pic but by the time I get around to doing that this post will probably be on page 500.

It just sucks that I went from being happy about my hair's progress to being worried sick and discouraged just in a few minutes. She didn't even tell me any specifics about why my hair was damaged or what I could do to make the "damage" better. All she said was that if I were natural, my hair would be in a healthy condition.

She also asked me a lot of questions about whether I noticed a difference between my hair when it was natural and now. I told her I couldn't really compare because I wore my hair in treebraids before relaxing. I had also told her that I had tried styling my own natural hair before that, but I am a clutz and could never perfect a quick, go to style and gave up.

I was tempted to go further and tell her that when I used to get my hair pressed a few years back, it was actually in worse condition because of all the heat I had to use to maintain it. It never even got to be neck length back then. When it is relaxed, I can use the lowest heat setting to maintain it and my hair does much better. My spirits were so crushed at that point I didn't even want to engage her in any conversation.

 

[*KP*]

A lot of stylists just love to talk. If it was damaged, she should have done an intensive treatment. Even if it is damaged, ff it's not breaking YET, you can still save it. Do your own intensive treatments at home using the great resources we have here.

Do you have a pic of your hair?

 

[FearfullyMade]

Are you abled to inspect your hair throughout ? Nurse hair in the mean time and if you notice split ends and breakage, go from there.

 

[bajandoc86]

Chile.....she sounds very suspect. I wouldn't go back. She made all of these claims about how DAMAGED you hair is, but she made no effort to combat the damage by suggesting any treatments etc. Hmmph.

 

[caltron]

This pic is from the wedding two days after it was done. It's not the best pic but you can get a general idea of what I'm working with from it.

 

[Misseyl]

I wouldn't go back to her. Yep, they are famous for saying your hair is damaged and needs cutting but they don't do anything to encourage healthy growth. I have a belief that some of these beauticians don't want black women to go around with nice hair because it would rob them of some of the shine.

 

[TeeMBL]

Is she a psychic?..I'm confused how someone would know that your hair will be splitting in a few weeks, yet you have seen no sign of damage/splitting. Trust yourself, you deal with your hair on a daily basis, and you probably know more about your hair than she does. I had to cut my stylist loose several months ago for so many reasons, you may need to do the same.

Like others have said she doesn't sound knowledgeable/professional if she insists your hair is damage, proceeded to flat iron, without any treatment, no DC, etc. Be careful with that one.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

She sounds shady. I think she may be saying this to scare you into going to her more often. You should and would know if your hair is damaged like she was describing.

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

First and foremost, as a professional stylist I would never tell anyone that their hair is going to fall out soon. WTH!

I am sure your hair will be fine. Stretching relaxers is actually very healthy as long as you keep the two textures moisturized. As far as the ends are concerned, uneven ends does not always mean splits and breakage. Hair grows at different rates on each part of our heads. They eventually catch up to one another if you don't cut off all of the progress. She probably just wanted to trim it even. If you don't see any splits then there probably are none.

Wishing your well on your hair care journey!!
-Tamika

 

[Shinka]

Sounds like she wants you to be natural again...maybe she is anti relaxers.

 

[havilland]

Take strand of hair from your comb or brush and wet it. Then pull it.

Damaged hair will either stretch like a rubber band (solution: protein treatments)

OR it will snap and break right away like a twig (solution: moisture treatments)

If the hair doesn't stretch indefinitely or snap right away, it isn't damaged.

Deep condition regularly and dust your ends and quit that wack *** stylist.


Sent from my iPhone while out living my best life!

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

Sounds like she wants you to be natural again...maybe she is anti relaxers.

That's what I was thinking

 

[caltron]

Update: My hair has not broken off and I got some nice growth after my relaxer. I got a trim after my touchup, but I still netted at least an inch in growth.

I just had to update because I am still pi***d over what that woman told me.

 

[SimJam]

please child, I think she either wants you to go back natural or expects that because you have so much new growth your hair is gonna break off because you dont know how to care for the two textures.

many mainstream stream stylists think that practices such as stretreching cowashing and texlaxing are damaging.

 

[Klearli]

Hmph. I hope you found a new stylist

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2

 

[ylinspired]

It's called DIY-do it yourself. There is a thread on here with a with a lady showing step by step how to wash, deep condition, rollerset, and flat iron. in her y tube video. I'm starting to do my hair myself. I usd to do my hair myself when I had a relaxer, and it would turn out gorgeous. It's a little harder with being natural, but in time I will master this too. I just can't seem to find the right sytlist anyway.

 

[Sunshine_One]

Sounds like she wants you to be natural again...maybe she is anti relaxers.

^^^This was my exact thought also. It sounds like she was great for your natural hair but not on board now that you are relaxing again. Some stylists are good and handling both textures some are not, or don't want to be. I think your current stylist is the ladder. She prefers clients with natural hair period. That's her choice, but it's also your choice to find a new stylist that works well with both. At least that is my suggestion to you.

I think your hair nice and healthy from what i can see from your pic. Be ENCOURAGED and keep taking care of your hair.

 

[fatimablush]

you should go see her so she can see how good your hair looks.

and give her the toss of the hair.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

Update: My hair has not broken off and I got some nice growth after my relaxer. I got a trim after my touchup, but I still netted at least an inch in growth.

I just had to update because I am still pi***d over what that woman told me.

I hope you dropped her like a bad habit!

don't waste your time with people who know nothing..... especially stylists who know nothing....

 

[napbella]

So happy your hair is thriving. Never accept negative predictions over any area of your life.

 

[Bnster]

Thanks for the update. Yep she messed with your mind. Mind you and your hair will be alright, continue with DCing and your regimen. Determine whether your hair is healthy and don't rely on others like her to tell you. HHJ!

 

[caltron]

Thanks so much y'all. I definitely will not be going to this woman again because she really did mess with my head. The only reason I went there in the first place was because the shop is a little more convenient than my regular stylist who does my relaxers.

Today I went to work and someone complimented me on how much my hair had grown and how healthy it looked. That is the first time I have *ever* had someone given me a compliment like that since I got a relaxer at age 13. I am really happy I found this board.

.

 

[Misseyl]

Don't believe her. If you have a healthy regime, continue doing what you are doing and you'll see progress. Stretch, condition, protein treatments and little heat and you will be okay. Can't stand them; always have something negative to say.