Zeal
Well-Known Member
Hello All:
I need to vent.
Not all of you know, but some of you know that I am going through. Or at least I see it that way. I have personal battles (regrets, feelings of not being good enough, feelings of not being smart enough, feelings of rejection, feelings of under achievement, feelings like I will never have a mate.)
I am very much grown and feel like there is no hope or time. I feel like I have wasted so much time in my life. I admit, I envy those and admire at the same time who are success stories and achievers. I say why wasn't I given that chance. Why didn't I have that opportunity? Where would I be now if I had? Why was I treated unfairly. I look at myself and wonder how I went wrong, or why I went wrong.
I have all that on my mind and now on top of that I have issues on my job, and financial issues.
My issue is mainly financial right now. I am in Debt and owe everyone it seems like. My credit is jacked up. I got paid today and it is gone already.
I am looking for a new job. I don't know which way to go or what to do. Don't know if I should go back to school or get certified. What to study in my field, or change my field all together. Pursue my dream to make sops and natural products.
All that is on my mind… I am going at home looking though bills and thinking about all of this. I have been thinking about this for a while. But as I am thinking my sister calls me and breaks my last nerve.
One thing that I cannot stand is people playing games. If I have something to say, I say it. Well I kind of slack it down if I don't want to offend. But I don't play games. With all of these things on my mind. I can't remember all events that are going on.
I have an older sister who likes to play word games. I guess she does not realize that I am not one her 4th graders. She has a bad habit of talking to me like that at times. Most of th times I don't say tnyting but sometimes I do.
I said all of that to say this. My sister just really upset me. My sister just called me as soon as I say hello, she says, "Mom is getting ready!" So in my head I am like O…K. It is Friday night ..where is she going? So I said, For?????? She says the Messiah, it is tomorrow and I say.. and. I knew as soon my sister said that. That it meant I was "supposed" to go with my mother because, "she" is not going. So I say …and.
She says, and Mom is going and it is tomorrow and it is at the same time every year (sarcasm). So I respond angrily I have a lot of things on my mind and that concert is the last thing on my mind. I spoke with Mom earlier today and she did not mention it. Then she says again. Why are you getting smart? I asked her why are you getting smart? You got smart saying, "it is the same time every year" then she said. Well it is the same time every year and no one should have to mention it I told her, "well I told you that I had things on my mind. She says Well I remember and so should you. I said. I am not you! I don't think like you. She says, you don't have to think like me. You need to think of the things that Mom likes to do. As if I have no choice like I "have" to do it. You know we do this every year. No, actually you all I don't. That is something that she and my mother do. I have only been twice, the past 2 years.
I had talked with my mother earlier this week about going to breakfast with friends this Saturday and she actually "in a way" encouraged me to go.
My sister has always attempted to make me feel bad about decisions that I have made.
I was about to start speaking in an unknown tongue so I just said BYE and hung up. Now I am about to go for a drive or possibly order something to eat.
Please keep me in prayer.
I need to vent.
Not all of you know, but some of you know that I am going through. Or at least I see it that way. I have personal battles (regrets, feelings of not being good enough, feelings of not being smart enough, feelings of rejection, feelings of under achievement, feelings like I will never have a mate.)
I am very much grown and feel like there is no hope or time. I feel like I have wasted so much time in my life. I admit, I envy those and admire at the same time who are success stories and achievers. I say why wasn't I given that chance. Why didn't I have that opportunity? Where would I be now if I had? Why was I treated unfairly. I look at myself and wonder how I went wrong, or why I went wrong.
I have all that on my mind and now on top of that I have issues on my job, and financial issues.
My issue is mainly financial right now. I am in Debt and owe everyone it seems like. My credit is jacked up. I got paid today and it is gone already.
I am looking for a new job. I don't know which way to go or what to do. Don't know if I should go back to school or get certified. What to study in my field, or change my field all together. Pursue my dream to make sops and natural products.
All that is on my mind… I am going at home looking though bills and thinking about all of this. I have been thinking about this for a while. But as I am thinking my sister calls me and breaks my last nerve.
One thing that I cannot stand is people playing games. If I have something to say, I say it. Well I kind of slack it down if I don't want to offend. But I don't play games. With all of these things on my mind. I can't remember all events that are going on.
I have an older sister who likes to play word games. I guess she does not realize that I am not one her 4th graders. She has a bad habit of talking to me like that at times. Most of th times I don't say tnyting but sometimes I do.
I said all of that to say this. My sister just really upset me. My sister just called me as soon as I say hello, she says, "Mom is getting ready!" So in my head I am like O…K. It is Friday night ..where is she going? So I said, For?????? She says the Messiah, it is tomorrow and I say.. and. I knew as soon my sister said that. That it meant I was "supposed" to go with my mother because, "she" is not going. So I say …and.
She says, and Mom is going and it is tomorrow and it is at the same time every year (sarcasm). So I respond angrily I have a lot of things on my mind and that concert is the last thing on my mind. I spoke with Mom earlier today and she did not mention it. Then she says again. Why are you getting smart? I asked her why are you getting smart? You got smart saying, "it is the same time every year" then she said. Well it is the same time every year and no one should have to mention it I told her, "well I told you that I had things on my mind. She says Well I remember and so should you. I said. I am not you! I don't think like you. She says, you don't have to think like me. You need to think of the things that Mom likes to do. As if I have no choice like I "have" to do it. You know we do this every year. No, actually you all I don't. That is something that she and my mother do. I have only been twice, the past 2 years.
I had talked with my mother earlier this week about going to breakfast with friends this Saturday and she actually "in a way" encouraged me to go.
My sister has always attempted to make me feel bad about decisions that I have made.
I was about to start speaking in an unknown tongue so I just said BYE and hung up. Now I am about to go for a drive or possibly order something to eat.
Please keep me in prayer.
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