Unequally Yoked?

[empressaja]

Blessings Ladies,

I am aware that the fact that I am posing this question about this issue is very telling, but with a multitude of counselors plans are established

I have been seeing a Brother in Lord and have some concerns and would like objective feedback. We disagree on some very important life choices and tend deal with life issues and decision making in very different ways. I have been guarding my heart very carefully with the BIL. The most recent issue is this:

He has accepted employment that requires living abroad it appears to be an awesome opportunity... so as time get closer to his departure date I asked if he was ready and had he heard from God on this specific decision. Well in the conversation he gets upset and states things like, " you don't have to get deep like that with everything" "i have made my mind up and since the Lord will never leave me He will be with me, I am taking Him with me, and some other things of that nature. My response to him was one of concern first because this BIL wants to lead my family in the future and i feel very uncomfortable with someone who lives by their own agenda. Also his reaction didn't seem to fit the question. I mean I know that I cannot control how a person responds but if he hadn't heard what was wrong with saying no not yet but I have a peace about it and have left my plan open to His direction. I dunno I may a bit unrealistic. But the conversation has rubbed me the wrong way.

There are also other things that "concern" me. I feel uncomfortable when I focus in on these things because I feel like I am Judging this mans walk. I do know that he is saved and he states that he has a relationship with the Lord

The things that are of a concern are:

• acceptance and enjoys of the nightlife

• Although he talks about God he does not actually speaks God's Word from his mouth in conversations
• Professes following his heart
• Will lie when pressure is on (He states that this is something he is working on)
• Doesn't appear to be concerned with sexual purity
• Has arrogance about experiences he has not yet experienced ( i.e. parenting)

I guess my issue is not so much making a decision. But where I base my decision from. How do I justify what seems like judging this man. These concerns of mine are Big deals if I were to go forth courting this BIL but as a human being with faults as well can I look at his shortcomings and ...... I am rambling now.

Is this an issue of spiritual maturity? I do feel unequally yoked with this BIL, but I do know feel at this point that I can be objective in my observations.

I am ready. Advice please! Be gentle

 

[Prudent1]

Well here goes....
First of I applaud you for having the ggod sense to seek counsel from the multitude. That is wisdom. I didn't have any of that when I made my decision on who I was going to get involved with. The passage in the bible to not be unequally yoked is not one to be taken lightly. God put boundaries in place not to Lord his authority over us but to protect our very lovely, unique, womanly hearts. If a believer chooses to go forth in an unequally yoked situation, then they will be along for a very unpleasant ride in which their SO may or may not ever change. It's just not good.
You said, you have misgivings about this man. That's your soul. Don't discount your soul. That's the real you talking. The old ppl used to call it your first mind. Don't ignore that. Don't feel like everything has to make sense either from a logical perspective. Logically a bumble bee cannot fly due to it's poor (as defined by man's intellect) design. We see them fly every spring and summer. They don't realize they are flawed and cannot fly on paper. So it is with your mind and your soul. One knows you way better than the other.
The things that are of a concern are:

•acceptance and enjoys of the nightlife- might change/ might not change. Is that a process/ risk you are willing to take?
•Although he talks about God he does not actually speaks God's Word from his mouth in conversations- Satan talks about God. Demons talk about God. They even quote scripture from time to time. A potential husband needs to have priestly/ pastorial tendencies. He will be the priest of your home. He will be the spiritual head for you and your offspring. it will be his task to go before God for instructions, guidance, covering, and the like. All who know this man need to clearly be able to see these characteristics.
•Professes following his heart- Jeremiah 17:99 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.
Who can understand it? It just wants what it wants and is fickle. A lasting relationship cannot be built under such circumstances. What if his heart tells him one day that he is just not inlove anymore? Tells him you put on a little weight and he just not feelin' you anymore? He realized he is just not daddy material. Kids don't understand that.

•Will lie when pressure is on (He states that this is something he is working on)- Um that's good to be working on it but this too is a red flag. What if he lies about paying the mortgage? Where he was last night? That strange woman you saw looking a little too long at your man? See, when the pressure is on, I'm pulling out the popcorn. That's when you find out what you working with. I like to see a man under pressure. Anybody can front when life is going good.
•Doesn't appear to be concerned with sexual purity-((Sigh)) Only God can change a heart but that heart has to be willing to change. Another big flag.
•Has arrogance about experiences he has not yet experienced ( i.e. parenting)- That's not too bad. I mean we were all idealistic about relationships, parenting, and the like before we actually experienced those things personally. I chuckle and at some of the idealistic stuff in the OT forum right here b/c I know they have been told what to think by someone and not actually experienced those things in many cases. Not a deal breaker but you have some things you really need to consider.

A husband must be 4 things according to the word of God. If you choose to compromise on these four, be prepared for the fallout. It will effect your entire family.
A priest/prophet- we discussed above.
A provider- Sorry, yes even in 2010. A real man is a provider. Those who pick weaker men usually find themselves tired of making vital decisions alone. Women like security. We like not being worried about being homeless while Mr. Sensitive watches the sunset.
A protector- Yes ma'am. When it comes down to it, he needs to be able and willing to protect you and the kids. Somebody following his heart and not 100% on board with following God may not feel the need to do this.
In the end, you need to do the very thing you have encouraged him to do. Get before God and ask him if this is the man for you. We know we are to pray and include God in all things. That's not being 'deep'. That's keeping it trill. I pray you have God's peace for whatever you decide.

 

[empressaja]

Thank you so much!!!! You have imparted some very valuable points to consider. I was really struggling with what to based my decisions on.

 

[Evolving78]

The answers are in the Word.
But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. (John 16:13)

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. (vs.15-16)

my SIL, it has already been laid out for you on the decision that you need to make. don't allow confusion to set in. it is what is it.

 

[Shimmie]

Blessings Ladies,

I am aware that the fact that I am posing this question about this issue is very telling, but with a multitude of counselors plans are established

I have seeing a Brother in Lord and have some concerns and would like objective information. We disagree on some very important life choices and tend deal with life issues and decision making in very different ways. I have been guarding my heart very carefully with the BIL. The most recent issue is this:

He has accepted employment that requires living abroad it appears to be an awesome opportunity so as time get closer to his departure date I asked if he was ready and had he heard from God on this specific decision. Well in the conversation he gets upset and states things like, " you don't have to get deep like that with everything" "i have made my mind up and since the Lord will never leave me He will be with me, I am taking Him with me, and some other things of that nature. My response to him was one of concern first because this BIL wants to lead my family in the future and i feel very uncomfortable with someone who lives by their own agenda. Also his reaction didn't seem to fit the question. I mean I know that I cannot control how a person responds but if he hadn't heard what was wrong with saying no not yet but I have a peace about it and have left my plan open to His direction. I dunno I may a bit unrealistic. But the conversation has rubbed me the wrong way.

There are also other things that "concern" me. I feel uncomfortble when I focus in on these things because I feel like I am Judging this mans walk. I do know that he is saved and he states that he has a relationship with the Lord

The things that are of a concern are:

• acceptance and enjoys of the nightlife

• Although he talks about God he does not actually speaks God's Word from his mouth in conversations
• Professes following his heart
• Will lie when pressure is on (He states that this is something he is working on)
• Doesn't appear to be concerned with sexual purity
• Has arrogance about experiences he has not yet experienced ( i.e. parenting)

I guess my issue is not so much making a decision. But where I base my decision from. How do I justify what seems like judging this man. These concerns of mine are Big deals if I were to go forth courting this BIL but as a human being with faults as well can I look at his shortcomings and ...... I am rambling now.

Is this an issue of spiritual maturity? I do feel unequally yoked with this BIL but I do know feel at this point that I can be objective in my observations.

I am ready. Advice please! Be gentle

Hi Precious One...

'Your' Heart already knows the answer. Baby girl, stop trying to 'swim up stream'... when God has already charted your course in another direction. Remember Jonah who went in God's opposite direction and ended up ........... in the belly of the whale?

God doesn't want you wasting your time trying to make sure if this man is the one when deep down in your heart, you have God's answer, he is not. ..the one.

God has 'the one', God has better for you and it is better that you deserve, and there will be absolutely no doubt that you are meant to be together forever. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

You're not judging this man, it's God speaking to your heart. :Rose:

 

[empressaja]

bumpity bump, bump.....

 

[empressaja]

Hi Precious One...

'Your' Heart already knows the answer. Baby girl, stop trying to 'swim up stream'... when God has already charted your course in another direction. Remember Jonah who went in God's opposite direction and ended up ........... in the belly of the whale?

God doesn't want you wasting your time trying to make sure if this man is the one when deep down in your heart, you have God's answer, he is not. ..the one.

God has 'the one', God has better for you and it is better that you deserve, and there will be absolutely no doubt that you are meant to be together forever. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

You're not judging this man, it's God speaking to your heart. :Rose:

Thank you Shimmie, I am but a babe and the journey of learning when it is God speaking has been so difficult partly because I don't want to miss Him and at the same time I want to be open to what He has set before me and not my not really moving forward because what I know is safe.

Thank you Ladies

 

[empressaja]

The answers are in the Word.
But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. (John 16:13)

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. (vs.15-16)

my SIL, it has already been laid out for you on the decision that you need to make. don't allow confusion to set in. it is what is it.

Can you expound a bit on how this relates? Thanks

 

[topsyturvy86]

Pray on it Shortdub78 ... Tell God the situation and your concerns and ask Him where to go from here. I believe He will give you direction and certainty. Also, continue to pray for this man. I say this because God's way's are not our ways and perhaps you are in this man's life for a reason to help him on his journey ... in this case, you don't want to just close the door now. Then again, he could always be just not what you need in your pursuit of a Christian life and one that glorifies God; in this case closing the door will be appropriate.

Sorry I can't offer any major advice.

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

From personal experience when we pray to God to reveal the heart of the person he will do just that. It seems to me that you have asked and what you have presented before us has been what God wants you to receive. God will make it plain before us and all the women who have chimed in are just more confirmation of what God has already told you.

I understand about not wanting to judge another man's walk but you know what you need in your future husband's walk to be a good head of household. I agree with what Prudent1 stated in her post (what was the 4th thing? btw). When a man asked me what I considered a Man of God and I truly had to search my heart for what I needed and what the Lord had revealed to me what I didn't know I needed it became clear what I would and wouldn't accept in a potential suitor. If the man doesn't live up to these needs then he simply is the man for you and that's okay because you are following the path the Lord has for you.

Stay in prayer about the situation and for the BIL that he continues to pursue God and deepen his intimacy with Him. HTH. I understand the confusion that comes from courtship and I appreciate you asking because the information given has been a blessing even to me.

 

[Prudent1]

^^^@Vonnieluvs08
He must be a prophet, priest, provider, and protector who knows how to prioritize and put YOU first. I'm telling you ladies.... I wish I'd known to look for those qualities in my 20s.

There is a book, one that I highly recommend for both sexes to consider before marriage called "What He Must Be... If He Wants To Marry My Daughter" by Voddie Baucham jr. It's on point.
What He Must Be . . . If He Wants to Marry My Daughter: Voddie Baucham Jr.: 9781581349306: Christianbook.com